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Let's hear about your on-course fights and near fights!


markb

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I'm finishing a very peaceful, zen front nine this morning playing alone on a near empty course.   No wind, perfect fall conditions, firm fairways, smooth greens, around 60 degrees.   I'm even par hitting two balls per hole after 8.  Nine is a 525 yard par 5 and I put one second shot in a greenside bunker and the other about 15 feet from the pin.   I'm feeling wonderful.

 

So I get to my bunker ball, take the ol' wide stance, and then some knucklehead from a threesome waiting on the first tee grabs three balls out of his bag, trots to my green and starts chipping at my flag.  

 

I let him know I'm there, "Excuse me, I have a shot here."   He looks up startled, and says, "Oh you have a bunker shot."  So he backs off.  Should have been the end of it, right?

 

I get out decently to about 10 feet, but before I can finish raking, he has hit three balls at my flag, and scooped them up and crossed to the other side of the green where he prepares to hit three more as I eyeball my putt.   He hits his fourth chip as I am crouched behind my ball looking at the pin 10 feet away. 

 

Now I'm hot.  I yell, "Can I at least finish my round before you start practicing?"   Now he gets hot, and he draws a sweeping circle with his wedge around the flag.   "You see this?  This is my area."  He's actually claiming turf for his practicing!

 

I approach to remove the flag and he thinks I'm confronting him.   I yell, "What are you doing, you know you're on the 9th f$@%ing green, don't you?!"

 

"Whoa, potty mouth!" he replies.   "I asked you twice to back off!" I shoot back.   "You need to watch your language!"  "You need to learn golf etiquette!" I reply  Then his buddies chime in, "You need to calm down!"   I fire back, "You need to stay on the right hole!" 

 

Now it's turned into a dispute about me swearing, not about their buddy practicing on my green.  This is after all, Utah, and to the overtly religious majority, a swear word is worse than any offense the buddy may have committed.

 

It doesn't escalate beyond more barking back and fourth.   The reason it doesn't escalate is because: a) no one was drinking,  b ) we were all in our late fifties and I had about five inches and 50 pounds on the biggest of them, and c) the offending knucklehead eventually realized that he was practicing on the 9th green and so he retreated. 

 

He thought he was on some practice green, even though we were about 100 yards away from the clubhouse and the 7 foot tall blue flag and solitary cup on the putting surface might have tipped him off.   Turns out they were newbies who had never played the course before.  Of course the trespasser never admitted he was on the wrong hole or apologized.  That never happens. 

 

Anyway I missed the 15 foot eagle, but made the 10 foot birdie sandy.

 

So that's my fight story of the day.   Let's hear yours.   I have a theory that all golf course fights involve one of two things:  booze and newbies.    Sometimes both.

bag - SunMountain Synch with Ogio Synergy X4 cart
driver - :callaway-small: Optiforce 440, Paderson Kevlar Green stiff 46.5"
fwoods - :taylormade-small: Jetspeed, 3HL regular
irons - :taylormade-small:  Speedblades 3-8, 85g stiff steel, 2 up
wedges - :edilon-small: Scor 40, 45, 50, 54, 58
putter - :ping-small: Ketsch 35" slight arc, SuperStroke 2.0 mid-slim
ball - :titelist-small: ProV1x

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I have never gotten into a fight on course, but something really weird happened not too long ago.  I was playing with my high school team in the preseason just before school, and one of the kids in the group bombs a drive right down the middle.  As soon as his ball stops rolling, a guy playing the hole running in the opposite direction comes speeding down in his cart, picks up the ball, and keeps playing, and we are sitting there on the tee box watching all of this happen.  When we walk down to the landing area where our balls are, my friend walks to the other hole where the guy is, and before he can say anything, the guy gives him his ball and says, "I picked up your ball" and gives him it back.

 

He didn't go put it back himself, and if I remember correctly, they guy even marked the ball with something after he took it.

It was really strange.

Driver:  Taylormade 2017 M2 9.5 degree head played at 8 degrees.  Fujikura speeder evolution tour spec x flex shaft tipped 1/4 inch.  

 

3-Wood: 15 degree M2 tour.  Fujikura pro 73 tour spec X flex shaft.  

 

Mizuno H5 2 iron.

 

4 iron: mizuno mp h4 4 iron dynamic gold s300

 

5-pw iron: mizuno mp 54 dynamic gold s300

 

52, 56, 60 wedges: cleveland 588 rotex cavity

 

putter: 34 inch nike method 00 half circle mallet putter

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That is really strange.   And the strange part is he admitted he took it and gave it back.   That NEVER happens.  

 

I get wrong ball snookered all the time, and an old duffer grabbed another of mine on a parallel fairway again today!   To prevent this I draw orange circles all the way around the equator and obscure the number with an orange dot.   So what did this old guy leave me about 15 yards closer to his hole than the one he stole from me?  An old Titleist HP2 Tour with an orange circle and dot!

 

Won't he be surprised on the next hole when he tees up a Wilson Staff and wonders where it came from.

 

My kid who doesn't play golf heard me carp about losing too many balls this way and he suggested I write "NOT YOUR BALL" on my balls.   I might just do this.

bag - SunMountain Synch with Ogio Synergy X4 cart
driver - :callaway-small: Optiforce 440, Paderson Kevlar Green stiff 46.5"
fwoods - :taylormade-small: Jetspeed, 3HL regular
irons - :taylormade-small:  Speedblades 3-8, 85g stiff steel, 2 up
wedges - :edilon-small: Scor 40, 45, 50, 54, 58
putter - :ping-small: Ketsch 35" slight arc, SuperStroke 2.0 mid-slim
ball - :titelist-small: ProV1x

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We have one old guy, 70's, on my practice course that has a terrible swing and hits it ALL over the place. He also hits multiple balls, sometimes 3-4. You have to watch him if he gets near your ball in your fairway if he hit any nearby. But he's nice and will return it, because he doesn't know if it's his or not!

 

I have had one altercation with old grandpa riding in a cart with flags all over it; you know the one, every course has one. He was also a vet with a prosthetic leg and a member of a course in the area that I was playing. Here's what happened:

 

Hole #4 par 4, last 150 yards uphill to a plateau green. We had a foursome putting on the green when a ball lands on the green from the group behind us. It's not a blind shot so they could see that we were still putting. I hate being hit down on, so I pick up the ball and toss it off the green into some trees (shame on me). Well, grandpa comes racing up to the next tee where we are, and starts yelling at me; it's not even his ball! His grandson who is in high school hit it. (I lied and told him it was a nice shot and it could have gone in the hole if we weren't there). Fortunately, he left and went back to his group. Before we finished teeing off on #5, the dad showed up and apologized. That was nice, but the kid never did show up. He should have been the one to apologize, not the dad. They quit and we never saw them again.

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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I've had one incident that came close to blows, because the other guy had been drinking. My dad and I were playing on Fathers Day and he hit his Titleist 3 DT Solo down the center. We get there and there are two balls about 5yds apart, my dad looks at the first a Titleist 3, so he plays it. About a minute later this guy comes screaming up towards the green "hey a$$hole, you took my expensive ball and left your piece of sh!t in the fairway", my dad said it was a Titleist 3, which also happened to be the same type and number. He calls my dad some more names, before I took the ball out of my dads hand and asked the guy if he had our ball and he tossed it to me. I liked at his ball and that "expensive" ball was a NXT. I tossed it in the pond and as he started marching towards me fist clinched, I kindly told him that if he took one more step towards me, I'd shove my putter up his a$$ (I'm a bit of a hot head myself). He turned and started walking away and I had to give him a parting gift....."hey d!ckhead, you should be playing Top Flites, because YOU SUCK.......you're 150yds from your fairway". My dad and I still laugh about it.

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