TEQUILA AND GOLF

[Johan Rens]

Thought I share the below trip with you guys…

 

We were 8 guys who went to Ireland for a week to celebrate my 50^th and played 5 courses.  Normal fines were the order of the day like:

 

1 Tequila: on-course swearing | club throwing | 2 shots getting out of bunker | late for breakfast

 

2 Tequilas:  go to bed before 2am | more than 2 shots out of the bunker (there were more)

 

The results

 

Day 1:   93 Tequilas

Day 2:   2 Tequilas

Day 3:   18 Tequilas (1 guy had 11 – only took 5 and the rest the next morning before breakfast)

Day 4:   33 Tequilas

Day 5:   All fines were cancelled – could not handle anymore!

 

What's the lesson we learned?

 

1. The fines-master is your best and only friend, treat him with respect.
2. Don't get too friendly with the gay barman after a round of golf and lock your door of your hotel room when you go to bed. The barman will use your toilet while you are sleeping, get undressed and jump into bed with you!
3. Never visit a local pub after your golf round and try drinking Guinness Beer with the locals. Do not mix Guinness with Tequila. Your “new friend” will take you to his home and you will miss the next day's golf. Can you image how your friends will look for you in the morning, especially when they have no idea how they got to their hotel?
4. Don't be surprised if most the caddies at some courses are over 60 years of age and carry two bags.
5. If you go to bed at 4am, take 6 tequilas before breakfast and tee up at 8am, you will not break 120 even if you are a 7 handicap.  It is also not a good idea to play skins worth $10 per skin.
6. When you can't run fast (very fast), I will not advise you to start a conversation with a father of a lovely lady.  To approach a total unfamiliar person, just because you saw him chatting to a girl, you can certainly not tell the guy how much you like the lady at the bar, how well she is build and have the courage to explain in detail what you will do with her. Yes, the guy will also “chip in” with some thoughts of his own, but once he realized that you two are talking about two different girls and the one you like is his 22 year old daughter – then you run and rely on your friends to apologize on your behalf. 
7. Not a regular alcohol consumer: It's not a good idea to play golf with 7 buddies if it's your 50^th birthday and don't win the competition - not even if you are thousand miles away from home and your family (yes, including your wife).  You will have 7 guys complaining about your mom giving birth 50 years ago, question why you are not a girl (just because they will have more “fun” with you) and please do not try playing 18 holes the next day.  You might just look down the first fairway after you're first shot and find the ball is still on the tee. 

Keep golfing ......