Golf Is My Mental Health Break

Thank you for sharing this Jamie! I think the mental health benefits of playing golf are sometimes overlooked and under appreciated as we all tend to get focused on score and forget the fact we are all blessed to be able to get out and play this wonderful game. I know I do. 

Golf has always been a place where I can forget the troubles of life and it all started when I lost my stepdad. A friend of mine decided to take me out to the course and ease my mind by playing and for those four hours, stress melted away. 

I have since played a round after losing my friend, my brother, Mom, Nanny, Dad, and my mother-in-law. 

Man, I never thought I would have tears in my eyes sitting in my car before work. 

I hope everything with your current situation gets sorted and it all works out for you. 

I appreciate you sharing this. 

 

Thanks for sharing Jamie.  I have been dealing with quite a bit lately and it has been my release as well.  The wife knows it and reminds me to get out there and play. 

 

Thanks for sharing.   It's never easy to share the trials and tribulations of life.   I feel exactly same way about the game, It's my refuge from the demands, expectations, and pressures of life. Taking that little mini vacation of a walk through a park while playing a game keeps me sane.  The range helps too. Sometimes I pour out my frustration about things outside of my control into my swing -- effectively treating a golf ball like a punching bag. I'll mow through a bucket, but I always feel better after I do.   I hope everything smoothes out for you, but until then definitely feel like the game and this forum are a safe space for you to find relief.

Thanks Jamie! The forum has been a great safe place for me as well, and I have made a lot of friends and supporters. I appreciate that there's no judgement, and usually no angry words spoken. When my wife was diagnosed with cancer, MGS was there, and was there for Zoey's concussion. MGS is a place for me to be me. As far as golf, it is also my ZEN. I need the game way more than it needs me, but it and MGS have given me opportunities to share and research things about the game. I love writing about it. Thank you for sharing.

Jamie awesome blog and I truly look forward to reading more. 

Reading it I recalled a funny in retrospect incident from when I'd first started golf and was still working at a stressful job I wasn't too crazy about - at the end of one day I hustled over to the golf course and the practice green .. was just focusing on my putting, letting everything else fall away .. interrupted by one of the course marshals calling me over .. turns out someone had gone into the pro shop and complained that I was wearing hard soled shoes on the practice green... Had not at all realized I still had my bad work shoes on!

 

Oh fearless leader, we all ride thar roller coaster of life. Just when you think you are making headway on the track you get thrown into a loop de loop or a curve and sometimes you feel like you were further behind from where you started. We all go through it and sometimes we feel we will never get out-of it. Thats life!

Golf is also my retreat from life's challenges. I'm in Sales, I'm around people all the time. The party face is my job and it gets old when you add in all the travel. Yes sometimes there is golf involved to which I am gratefull, but it's still work because you are with clients. It is partially why a majority of my rounds are solo. I refuse to answer my phone or text messages while I play. Me, nature, and the course. No distractions except for the occasional mower. 

Thanks for sharing and know that you are not alone. 

It is a surprise but also no surprise, relief in fact that the things you wrote about are the same things that are true in my life.  When things seem to go the right way and success is in the midst, some amazingly difficult challenge is close at hand to swirl in and whip up the minutia tearing apart the order and what was once thought to be everything finally making sense and being right.

Sometimes that happens in a few days, or a few hours, and occasionally in the next few minutes.  Getting older has not helped one iota except in learning patience and that all things have a beginning, a middle, and an end, the good and the not so good, all of it is just what is happening now and it will not last forever.

Earlier in life golf was not part of my experience.  Despite my interest, it was always considered someone else's game, too expensive, an unknown with nobody to guide my want, and to some degree a humorous reminder that I cannot have everything I want.  That changed at the beginning of my 6th decade when the fates converged and blessed me with the elements combined to bestow golf as the next thing to learn and do.

Events in the 4th and 5th decades had provided tools, things like Richard Carlson's book "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (And It's All Small Stuff)" contain invaluable retrospective exercises to not consider self as center of the universe, and learn to find the value in others and what they can teach us even the least person we meet.  Things like patience and persistence, dedication and perseverance, selflessness and sacrifice because someone else needs what nobody else can give.

What I do know is one door closes before another door opens, sometimes at the same time but in a way that ensures one cannot remain in two places at once, moving on is not losing something but just changing what is now.  I know that if I hold true to my convictions, my character, and my deepest held beliefs that blessings and protections will be bestowed in volumes and if not paying enough attention will be missed completely.

When I drive I am persistently concerned about something in my path, especially at night that could end this existence in a moment, I have never fallen asleep or lost attention at the wheel.  I have run over very few animals and all were small, the bigger ones have never been in my lane, one within the last year appeared as my headlights reflected off its dark fur when it was about to pass my driver side in the next lane over at 65 mph.  I was driving through a deserted city street in a military vehicle under streetlights after dusk when a roadside bomb erupted sending ejectorate through mine and the vehicle behind mine but we continued moving and reached a safe place.  Rockets, mortars and bullets passed by close enough to hear them before they exploded and for some reason I am here writing this in this response.

Everything happens for a reason but we really don't know why, sometimes it is for us to learn from and sometimes it is for others benefit, we never know which.  All we can do is what we believe is the right thing, always the right thing, everything matters including not doing something and taking a nap.  Sometimes it is to not be somewhere when it was better to be somewhere else.

And then there is golf.  The place aside from everything else in life, everything before, everything current, and everything to come.  Like stepping onto the Holodeck of Star Trek's Next Generation Starship Enterprise, it is other worldly and a splendid place I refer to as my serenity, where peace is found and nothing is allowed to interfere.  Ego is checked at the parking lot, as well as worries and pressures of the day, all that goes into the hallowed grounds of golf is myself clothed ready to play with shoes, golf bag and equipment brought with me like tools of the Devine for spending the time there focused on a small ball and how to make it travel through amazing places.  A very real experience aside from everything else that happened since the last time on the course.

The best part of golf was discovering people there are just like me.  This week I have played twice on Monday and Wednesday, on both days I was paired with someone never before met, on both days that man was someone who had a similar outlook on golf and life, someone who listened and told stories that were just like mine but different in details, men who were experiencing their own time apart, enjoying the absence of stresses and pressures of life.  I knew that because of how they moved, how they responded not only to me and our surroundings but also to shots that did not go quite so well.  

A long response perhaps, I've never been good with surface level discussions preferring to go deep, so Jamie please continue going deeper than surface topics because I agree that the Forum is a safe place without selfish rude behaviors that affront those who intend to be candid and authentic.  I believe that is what we are all called to be and the MGS Forum is also a place of serenity where golf is the reason for good people to meet, share and live as we are intended to live.

Thank you for creating this blog as it bares plainly what to me is part of our Forum identity we have difficulty defining.

Edited October 24 by EasyPutter

First of all, welcome to golf club!  The first rule of ... wait , sorry, different movie...

Seriously though,  thanks for sharing your stresses and reliefs. I have read and re-read your post a bunch before deciding to post a reply. I feel it's appropriate to gain an understanding and insight.  Bluntly putting it, it takes big balls to open up to, what are virtually strangers here. Not all are of course, but 99% who read this, including myself.

I'm sure on some level,  although not of the same issues,  everyone here can relate to most of it in some fashion.

I hope that the lawyers and the government can reach an amicable resolution. I pray your pupper heals up well. You may not realize it now, but for your kids,  they will remember and relish in the times you got to spend together. Those here who have adult children will tell you, one day you will miss those moments, and wonder how you can develop new ones that matter to them as well.  So keep being with them.

And before I post a book below, and as someone who can't promise good advice,  I am almost always available if ANYONE here ever needs an ear to twist. Sometimes it can be just the thing to make a difference.  

Now onto how golf saved me.

Without going too deep, golf for me started out as a work de-stressor. It was a particularly bad week (for Leo's it was one that can break them)

It allowed me to release my frustrations, hang out with work friends,  and cut loose a little, yet maintain a balance. The most important thing was I was able to unload that stress in a way that wouldn't hurt my family or career.

Every career has its challenges, sometimes that stress can build up to the point, where it is between choosing to start losing it and letting it take control, or you choose to start taking control over it.

At my age, and my  specific job experience,  I don't have alot of options to move on to if I had to change careers this late in the game,  and also stay afloat money wise. Life is not cheap!

Then something strange happened... I started to enjoy playing golf!

I wanted to learn more and get better at it!  In essence, I was bored with off duty shenanigans, mainly because it wasn't focused enough anymore for me.

Enter MGS! This place is amazing!

Sure, not all my posts are necessarily relevant, some do not even have cohesion at times. But what i read and absorb from here, is 100x more than what I post. Moreover,  I enjoy every bit of it.

In fact, I feel like something is missing if I miss a day. Somehow we have become intertwined in each other's lives, through golf!

So MGS has also become a place I can share, read others thoughts, learn, and hopefully bring some reciprocation to others, even a fraction of what I take away from this community each day.

 

Thanks for sharing Jaime. I really enjoyed the read and chance to get to know you a bit better. I’m reminded of a quote that the sentiment of the quote comes from my faith but that quote is “this too shall pass” 

I hope and pray your situation with your wife gets resolved without her having to leave you and the kids for any amount of time. I can’t even imagine. 

I whole-heartedly agree. During season, my family's favorite thing to do is drive 40 minutes up the mountain to Linville GC. While golf is my escape, the place just radiates with peace. When were halfway up the mountain climb, the air gets a little thinner and cooler and it's like all of the mundane day-to-day problems are gone. Her and the kiddo can sit out by the pool or visit the spa while I play a round surrounded by streams, trees, nature, and quietness. While I am sure everyone has a go-to club, this one is ours. We were engaged there, married there, and hope to give our daughter all the experiences of the community as she gets older. I hope she grows to enjoy the game as much as me, so we can share that peacefulness together. 

Thank you for sharing, Jamie, and as mentioned by many others the serenity of being out in nature without any distractions makes for a relaxing and calming effect.

For me personally, playing solo or with others doesn't matter, as I look at the time on the course as being an escape from the daily trials and tribulations life throws our way on a constant basis.

Also as mentioned, the trials and tribulations all pass, and how we deal with them makes us all stronger in one way or another, adds to our character traits.

The best experience in this past year, especially since I retired was going to Williamsburg. Meet and hangout with some great people, both on the course and off the course.

All there seemed to want to make the experience a memorable and enjoyable time of people interacting and learning and knowing one another on a more personal level. Helping one another by sharing life experiences and just having fun.

9 hours ago, rkj427 said:

The best experience in this past year, especially since I retired was going to Williamsburg. Meet and hangout with some great people, both on the course and off the course.

All there seemed to want to make the experience a memorable and enjoyable time of people interacting and learning and knowing one another on a more personal level. Helping one another by sharing life experiences and just having fun.

For so many reasons I wholeheartedly second and endorse those excellent sentiments!!

Jamie, hope all goes well for you & your family.

I've had my issues the past few years, self admitted to Hospital last year to "clear / reset the head", now improving, but slowly.

Congrats on actually having the guts to put this out there for all to see, but as the comments show, you / we are not alone.

Golf is a wonderful stressor at times, but all you need is for one planned shot to actually do what you were hoping for, let alone thought it would do.

I play 9 holes with a friend twice a week, 9 holes comp with a bunch of blokes (anywhere from 6 - 15, in different groups) Wednesday's, then 18 comp on a Saturday with the same 3 blokes.

The Wed blokes, 9 holes can take up to 2 1/2 hrs, then an hour in the clubhouse having a cuppa & biscuits chatting about god knows what, but time flies. We even have to pay $5 to one of the blokes who buys the biscuits for us, but the social side of being able to forget about everything for the 3 1/2 hrs Wed, 4 1/2 hrs Sat, 4 hrs the other two days, s***, IT CANT GET ANY BETTER!

As they say, golf & that little yellow ball for me, can ruin a good walk at times, but occasionally a brilliant show keeps up coming back.

It makes us have to turn our brains off for that time during the week, as we all know us blokes find it difficult to multi task.

Stay strong Jamie, we're all here for you mate.

Speaking from experience, Golf has been a massive help to me. Having suffered with some Mental Health issues last year, if it hadn't of been for golf I don't know what I would of done.

Obviously my family got me through the most difficult times but getting out onto the golf course, no matter how good or bad I played, was my release. Enjoying the fresh air along with the exercise is something I love. I also joined the DP World Tour as a volunteer which helped make new friends and I slowly got my confidence back again.

THANK YOU GOLF!!!!

Great blog piece. For me, my rounds are definitely a needed break from all the stressors in my life. I try to impress upon my family that if something happens while I'm golfing please think if is crucial that I know or act upon the situation immediately or can it wait. With a few necessary exceptions this has worked to help me mentally stay in my game. Golf for me is needed mental break for several reasons. I totally enjoy the camaraderie of being with a group of guys that share my sense of humor and laugh our way through 18 holes. Secondly, unlike most of life, my round presents with. a set of problems and opportunity that I can work through without depending on anyone else for help and successful or not see immediate results that I can enjoy or dismiss before moving on to the next shot. For a few hours while I'm playing all the other things in my life are put on hold. Often after the round I can bring a refreshed attitude and approach to the things that were temporarily suspended. The fresh air, the game, the fun, the serious/not serious decision making are all Priceless!!

I had been helping a younger friend jus starting out learn the game. He asked me..."Why do you love this game so much? I thought for just a second and said, "Because the world disappears when I'm playing".

 

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer. The another cancer. Then it spread to the lungs. It wasn't pretty and I went through 112 radiation treatments and chemo. While battling this, you look for inspiration (beyond your family of course) and distractions. I had lost 40 pounds and was very weak. So I thought if I survived I would go to Ireland on a golf trip. I incessantly watched videos of course in Northwest Ireland. I planned the trip mentally. Researched logistics, pricing, courses, lodging. I played those courses in my head during treatments. I shared this dream with my wife (who I am sure must have thought "that's what your dream is....golf again? But she is a saint and fully supportive.

 

Three years later and against bad odds, I have had clean scans but the future is always murky but I am in the bonus round for everything now and extremely grateful. The plan is to go over to Ireland next summer. I am back to playing again, not at the same level, but the enjoyment is now even greater. I have played for almost 60 years. The game never stops frustrating you but at the same time, never fails to intrigue and replenish.

 

6 minutes ago, overthehill said:

I had been helping a younger friend jus starting out learn the game. He asked me..."Why do you love this game so much? I thought for just a second and said, "Because the world disappears when I'm playing".

 

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer. The another cancer. Then it spread to the lungs. It wasn't pretty and I went through 112 radiation treatments and chemo. While battling this, you look for inspiration (beyond your family of course) and distractions. I had lost 40 pounds and was very weak. So I thought if I survived I would go to Ireland on a golf trip. I incessantly watched videos of course in Northwest Ireland. I planned the trip mentally. Researched logistics, pricing, courses, lodging. I played those courses in my head during treatments. I shared this dream with my wife (who I am sure must have thought "that's what your dream is....golf again? But she is a saint and fully supportive.

 

Three years later and against bad odds, I have had clean scans but the future is always murky but I am in the bonus round for everything now and extremely grateful. The plan is to go over to Ireland next summer. I am back to playing again, not at the same level, but the enjoyment is now even greater. I have played for almost 60 years. The game never stops frustrating you but at the same time, never fails to intrigue and replenish.

 

Thank you for sharing your story.  It's one to be definitely grateful for and i hope you experience everything you hope the trip to be!

20 minutes ago, overthehill said:

I had been helping a younger friend jus starting out learn the game. He asked me..."Why do you love this game so much? I thought for just a second and said, "Because the world disappears when I'm playing".

 

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer. The another cancer. Then it spread to the lungs. It wasn't pretty and I went through 112 radiation treatments and chemo. While battling this, you look for inspiration (beyond your family of course) and distractions. I had lost 40 pounds and was very weak. So I thought if I survived I would go to Ireland on a golf trip. I incessantly watched videos of course in Northwest Ireland. I planned the trip mentally. Researched logistics, pricing, courses, lodging. I played those courses in my head during treatments. I shared this dream with my wife (who I am sure must have thought "that's what your dream is....golf again? But she is a saint and fully supportive.

 

Three years later and against bad odds, I have had clean scans but the future is always murky but I am in the bonus round for everything now and extremely grateful. The plan is to go over to Ireland next summer. I am back to playing again, not at the same level, but the enjoyment is now even greater. I have played for almost 60 years. The game never stops frustrating you but at the same time, never fails to intrigue and replenish.

 

Wow.  What a story.  Thanks for sharing.  Go enjoy a game in Ireland

I missed this thread and just seeing it now…thank you for sharing @GolfSpy_APH…I really appreciate your openness on this.

Golf really is a get away for a bit (I question your 4 hours as it is typically longer here)!

Really hope Apollo continues to heal (dogs really are part of the family) and everything works out with Allyssa.

This just reminds me that you truly never know what people might be going through.

I see people get so upset/angry on the course…I consider myself lucky that I am blessed enough to be able to play this game!

2 hours ago, overthehill said:

I had been helping a younger friend jus starting out learn the game. He asked me..."Why do you love this game so much? I thought for just a second and said, "Because the world disappears when I'm playing".

 

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer. The another cancer. Then it spread to the lungs. It wasn't pretty and I went through 112 radiation treatments and chemo. While battling this, you look for inspiration (beyond your family of course) and distractions. I had lost 40 pounds and was very weak. So I thought if I survived I would go to Ireland on a golf trip. I incessantly watched videos of course in Northwest Ireland. I planned the trip mentally. Researched logistics, pricing, courses, lodging. I played those courses in my head during treatments. I shared this dream with my wife (who I am sure must have thought "that's what your dream is....golf again? But she is a saint and fully supportive.

 

Three years later and against bad odds, I have had clean scans but the future is always murky but I am in the bonus round for everything now and extremely grateful. The plan is to go over to Ireland next summer. I am back to playing again, not at the same level, but the enjoyment is now even greater. I have played for almost 60 years. The game never stops frustrating you but at the same time, never fails to intrigue and replenish.

 

Wow.... you're a true inspiration

I feel so guilty talking about my mental health issues when there's lots of people like yourself going through severe illneses. Great to hear that your back playing golf again.

Keep fighting!!!!

3 hours ago, Xtreme.Golfer said:

Wow.... you're a true inspiration

I feel so guilty talking about my mental health issues when there's lots of people like yourself going through severe illneses. Great to hear that your back playing golf again.

Keep fighting!!!!

NEVER feel guilty about talking about your thoughts, mental struggles, or feelings!  

I've experienced enough deadly silence in my career to say that !

Each person is just as important as each person!

********

Sorry for that , but I've recently had to deal with someone who chose to struggle in silence about their issues and will never get the chance to offer them that opportunity. 

 

Edited November 12 by Rob Person

6 hours ago, overthehill said:

I had been helping a younger friend jus starting out learn the game. He asked me..."Why do you love this game so much? I thought for just a second and said, "Because the world disappears when I'm playing".

 

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer. The another cancer. Then it spread to the lungs. It wasn't pretty and I went through 112 radiation treatments and chemo. While battling this, you look for inspiration (beyond your family of course) and distractions. I had lost 40 pounds and was very weak. So I thought if I survived I would go to Ireland on a golf trip. I incessantly watched videos of course in Northwest Ireland. I planned the trip mentally. Researched logistics, pricing, courses, lodging. I played those courses in my head during treatments. I shared this dream with my wife (who I am sure must have thought "that's what your dream is....golf again? But she is a saint and fully supportive.

 

Three years later and against bad odds, I have had clean scans but the future is always murky but I am in the bonus round for everything now and extremely grateful. The plan is to go over to Ireland next summer. I am back to playing again, not at the same level, but the enjoyment is now even greater. I have played for almost 60 years. The game never stops frustrating you but at the same time, never fails to intrigue and replenish.

 

Wow.. I really look forward to hearing about your trip to Ireland! 

9 hours ago, overthehill said:

I had been helping a younger friend jus starting out learn the game. He asked me..."Why do you love this game so much? I thought for just a second and said, "Because the world disappears when I'm playing".

 

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer. The another cancer. Then it spread to the lungs. It wasn't pretty and I went through 112 radiation treatments and chemo. While battling this, you look for inspiration (beyond your family of course) and distractions. I had lost 40 pounds and was very weak. So I thought if I survived I would go to Ireland on a golf trip. I incessantly watched videos of course in Northwest Ireland. I planned the trip mentally. Researched logistics, pricing, courses, lodging. I played those courses in my head during treatments. I shared this dream with my wife (who I am sure must have thought "that's what your dream is....golf again? But she is a saint and fully supportive.

 

Three years later and against bad odds, I have had clean scans but the future is always murky but I am in the bonus round for everything now and extremely grateful. The plan is to go over to Ireland next summer. I am back to playing again, not at the same level, but the enjoyment is now even greater. I have played for almost 60 years. The game never stops frustrating you but at the same time, never fails to intrigue and replenish.

 

Congratulations on beating cancer and breaking through the odds. Excited to hear about your trip! 

As for a little update since it has been a bit since the original post. 

Allyssa got her Visa and is all set. Unfortunately the whole thing cost a lot, and there was an admission of her being sent the letter in essence by mistake. At least now she will learn some german and be more integrated into the country. So doing our best to see the good with it all. 

Apollo has been back to his normal self, scars are big but he recovered successfully. 

Hiccups and forks in the road continue to come, but with a proper support system around me all is great. Life will never be straight forward or easy, just not the way it is. 

The winter season has arrived and while the course is open my excitement to play has lessened, so I have turned to lessons and training to find that peace. Working on a full gameplan today and looking forward to making impressive strides while the cool temperatures are here. 

5 hours ago, Rob Person said:

NEVER feel guilty about talking about your thoughts, mental struggles, or feelings!  

I've experienced enough deadly silence in my career to say that !

Each person is just as important as each person!

********

Sorry for that , but I've recently had to deal with someone who chose to struggle in silence about their issues and will never get the chance to offer them that opportunity. 

 

Thank you.....

I'm so sorry to hear that I'll be completely honest, I did sit in silence for a long time because I didn't want to worry my family. I'm normally the backbone of the family so didn't want to show a sign of weakness but in the end I had to talk about it and admit I was struggling and I'm so glad I did!!!

It's good to talk!!!!!

4 hours ago, GolfSpy_APH said:

Congratulations on beating cancer and breaking through the odds. Excited to hear about your trip! 

As for a little update since it has been a bit since the original post. 

Allyssa got her Visa and is all set. Unfortunately the whole thing cost a lot, and there was an admission of her being sent the letter in essence by mistake. At least now she will learn some german and be more integrated into the country. So doing our best to see the good with it all. 

Apollo has been back to his normal self, scars are big but he recovered successfully. 

Hiccups and forks in the road continue to come, but with a proper support system around me all is great. Life will never be straight forward or easy, just not the way it is. 

The winter season has arrived and while the course is open my excitement to play has lessened, so I have turned to lessons and training to find that peace. Working on a full gameplan today and looking forward to making impressive strides while the cool temperatures are here. 

I am really glad to hear that things worked out. I am sorry to hear that It was more than it had to be to get resolved. The burden of the unknown is really hard, sometimes and can be mentally taxing.

Also, glad to hear get the pupper is on his way to recovery!!!