I can truly say that my experience with private clubs is nothing like that of the OP. I have been a member of numerous private clubs since I was 26 years old. I am now 75. I live in a gated country club community where you must be at a minimum a social member to own/live here. I play about 65% of my rounds at this club. However, I belong to 2 traveling tournament leagues and we play between 15 to 20 different golf courses in the greater Houston area and between those 2 leagues I have played 70 rounds in the past year.
Even if I did not live where I do, the cost of golf would probably be prohibitive if I did not belong to a club. I have played 238 rounds in the past 12 months and 172 round just in 2021.
I am not a shy person. When I moved here, I only knew a couple of residents. My regular group that I play with came about because I walked up to the 3 of them on Sunday and said "Hey, do you mind if I play golf with you guys?" Even when I travel alone out of state, I try to get paired with someone. Sure, there are going to be politics to deal with but once you join a club, you have to realize you have a vested interest in it and you must get in there and become involved in the Men's Golf Association or the Senior Men's Golf Association, sign up for the tournaments or play days. Get involved. Then you realize the benefits of being a club member.