The Hat

Thank you mijo. I no understand people no like you, you fine fellow. A nice warm box, for me? Thank you Senor.

You pick me up on way mijo? I bring tequila.

I no like spam in my tacos. No funny pendejo. You have no friends mijo. You no laugh Senor, is cold down here.

Hola mijos! Gracias for thinking of me. Since that puta come back from Florida, I no leave the basement. I see you siesta in your chair pendejo...I always watch you now you wear those other floppy hats.

I am a senor, senor. You talk pendejo, with those pants.

I no care about him Mijo. I'm hanging on a wall in basement and no go outside anymore.

I know now pendejo. That other hat that talk like you told me. If I could get off this hook you put me on you'd be in trouble!

You're right pendejo. I had trouble getting off my hook in his basement and getting the computer working mijo.

Well mijo, you don't take me anywhere but the golf course!

You bring another hat home cabron and there'll be trouble.

I'm back mijos! Did you miss me? @MattFtook me to the golf course today and it was cold. He knows I grew up in Guatemala where it's warm! Sometimes I think he just hates me... Anyway, here I am just minding my own business, freezing my hat band off. I don't even know why he brought me out because there's no sun! He said something about shooting his wad early or something, I don't know, he talks funny. I saw that gringo @Yellow Ball family members all around today (they mustn't shower because they were all dirty). If I had hands I would have helped them but I don't, so they stayed stuck in the mud. Gotta go back to the basement to warm up.

Try being a hat. At least you get to fly and go swimming, I just sit there, on someone's sweaty baldy head, getting coated in sunscreen and bug repellent.

You were wearing the wrong one.

Thank you my friend. I have a brim, not a back.

I may have to speak to my friend @Yellow Ballto pay you several visits.