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DawgDaddy

 
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Everything posted by DawgDaddy

  1. I believe SeeMore is still making quality putters. https://cart.seemore.com/
  2. I've done it many times, our course is real short and on good days I can still get to the high 60s. I'm 76 so anytime I'm 4 over or less it counts, did it first when I was 70. Ole Gray will vouch for me on this as he's played this course hundreds maybe thousands of times. He almost shot his age on this course back when he was 64 or 65 in a tournament. Had he stayed here he would have done it a while back. Congrats again Bill, it is quite an accomplishment to have done it on your home course now. Very impressive.
  3. A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!" Being a kind-hearted Scotsman, he thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So, they walked past it again.
  4. Had not heard this particular performance but I'm enjoying it a lot.
  5. Thank you KB, as a now 76 year old retiree with a bad back, I only play on Mon, Wed & Fri so today I am resting up from a solid day in 20 mph winds on a wet course (1.5 inches of rain on Sun) Happy birthday to my fellow spys listed above!
  6. The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Ted had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Ted must have experienced. "Ted was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Ted's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Ted. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "Thank the Lord, Ted is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Ted Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
  7. Thanks for sharing, I'll be trying this next time out.
  8. A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays. And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?” Fiance:”19″ Father: “And where are you going to live?” Fiance: “God will provide.” Father: “And where are you going to get money?” Fiance: “God will provide.” Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?” Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”
  9. This one just needs listening to occasionally to remember how great AG actually was.
  10. A whole lot of truth in this one.
  11. There were two brothers who lived in the country. One day they decided they wanted to move to the big city and get jobs there. When they got there they went to the employment office to ask for jobs. The first brother went in for an interview and less than 10 minutes later he comes out of the office jumping for joy yelling “whoo wee! I got a job!” The second brother was so happy and excited for what he would get. He enters the office and the interviewer asks him what his skills are. “Well” he says, “I can cut and split wood like crazy” The interviewer looks at him and says “Hmm, well it’s going to be hard to find a job in this city with those skills. Everything in the city is steel and concrete, we don’t have much use for a wood cutter” Disheartened, the second brother says “but my brother was just in here and he got a job” The interviewer says, “yes but he says he can pilot, and that’s a valuable skill” The brother sits up in his chair and says, “that may be so, but he can’t pile it ’till I cut it”
  12. A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas… She opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior’s bed, the nun held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little…. Then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. “Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest, “please give us some wisdom before you die.” She raised herself up in bed and whispered, “Don’t sell that cow!”
  13. Great band, anyone who covers Otis this well gets my vote.
  14. A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care. The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.” Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.” The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?” The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”
  15. A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?” The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”
  16. An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor..."
  17. I switched to them too this year after finally trying one I had found instead of giving it away, I really like never having to spend any time at all balancing a ball on a damaged Epoch tee. Sometimes they still look great but have been slightly bent at the tines. That was my brand before the Martini Tee for about 10 years.
  18. Someone stole my neighbors garden gnomes. They've asked everyone to be on the lookout, but I'm not gonna help. I've decided to let Bye Gnomes be Bye Gnomes.
  19. A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can’t believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, “What are you doing here?” “I’m just waiting to get paid,” responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young fellow replies, “I make about $300 a week. Why?” The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now get out and don’t come back.” The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?” From across the room comes a voice, “Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200.”
  20. A man, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The man asked, “Do you have water?” The soldier replied, “There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5.” The man shouted, “You idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!” “OK,” said the soldier, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant’s Mess. It has all the ice-cold water you need. Cursing him, the man staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped: “They won’t let me in without a damn tie!”
  21. A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theater. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man. “Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?” The man groans, but remains seated. The usher becoming impatient with the man, “sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved” Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off to get the manager. In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success. It was at this point that the manager calls the police. Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, “alright buddy, what’s your name?” “Ole Gray” the man moans. “And where ya from Ole Gray?” With pain in his voice Ole Gray replied, “the balcony”.
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