DawgDaddy

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?”

The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

Still some pieces to be finalized, but hopefully we'll have an announcement before Christmas!

I had a Chemistry teacher ask me "What is barium?
I said hell Mam that's what ya do after you killum.  Needless to say, I had to look up the definition of barium and write it fifty times so I would answer correctly the next time. 

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million... and I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

A couple’s young daughter went to college. After 6 months she happily let them know she was engaged to a student who is studying to be a pastor, and is bringing him home for the holidays.

And after the introductions the father and the boy sat and the father asked: ” How old are you?”
Fiance:”19″

Father: “And where are you going to live?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Father: “And where are you going to get money?”

Fiance: “God will provide.”

Later that night the mother asked the father: “What do you think of him?”

Said the father: “He seems to be a nice guy, he thinks I am God.”

These are from one of my wife's 2nd Grade students ...
Why did the golfer bring a cage to the golf course?  ...he was hoping to catch some birdies!
Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of golf pants?  ... in case he had a hole in one!!
😄

A wealthy man is leaving his house to go to work. He sees a homeless man and feels sorry for him.
He says to the homeless man, “You look like you’re down on your luck buddy. Tell you what.  If you’d like to make some money, you can paint my porch and I’ll pay you $250. All of the paint, brushes, rollers, etc. are in my garage.  You can work on it all day, and I’ll pay you when I get home tonight.”  The homeless man accepts the offer.
That evening the man returns home.  He see the homeless man outside waiting, but the porch looks the same.  He says to the homeless man, “I thought you were going to paint my porch.” The homeless man says, “I did, but it’s not a porch.  It’s a Maserati.”

I apologize, but I think they are butt ugly.

Jamin' with my ladies tonight.
 
 
 
 

Been putting some compilations CDs together for the staff at the Flying Gang Brewery. It's been informative and entertaining to go through my extensive collection, a lot of which I'd forgotten I had!

An old favorite👍

A baby boy was born without any eyelids, so the doctor decided to use the skin from the circumcision to make him eyelids. After the surgery the doctor tells the parents everything went really well but the only side effect is he might walk a little cock-eyed.

👍