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Showing results for tags 'jokes'.
Doesn't even have to be golf related! After a round of golf... ...a guy heads back to the club house. There, he sees a beautiful, blonde, big breasted woman, and naturally, he heads over to flirt with her. They hit it off, and decide to play a round together. He is doing his best to impress, but she cleans his clock, winning by 9 strokes. Embarrassed, his manhood in question, she can tell he is hurt. But, she thinks he's sexy, so she suggests they go to the parking lot for a good ol' hummer in the backseat of his car. Needless to say, he enjoys himself and asks her to play golf tomorrow! She accepts, and every day that week, they play, she wins by a large amount, and afterwords he gets a BJ in his car. Though quite happy with the way things are going, he decides that he wants to seal the deal, and he invites her to his place for a romantic Saturday night dinner. She shows up dressed to the 9s, the candles are lit, the steak is ready. They sit down to eat and a moment before his first bite she abruptly drops her silverware and exclaims, "I can't do this anymore! I have to tell you something!" Trying to comfort her, he says "Of course, you can tell me anything! I'm sure it will be ok!" To which she replies, "I'm actually a MAN!" His anger burns hotter than the sun, and he screams back, "God damn you! You've been hitting off the women's tee all week!"
Tell them if you've got them! Golf abounds by the tall stories and jokes that are in-bounds or way into the deep rough! Like this one: One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Don, come here. I’ve got some real trouble down here.” Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What’s the matter, John? Is everything okay?” John shouts back in a nervous voice, “Throw me my 8-iron! Apparently, you can’t get out of here with a seven."
These are good! If you can think of any others ... add them to the list. It was my first time at the course. I didn't get a chance to warm up. I haven't had enough time to practice lately. It's impossible to score in this weather. It was too long of a wait between shots. I felt rushed My mind was elsewhere today. Those pins were unfair I just couldn't score My caddie was giving me bad reads all day. (Bones... you are outta here!) The water coolers were empty, felt like I was going to pass out. The guys I was playing with struggled, and it brought down my game. I didn't dress appropriately for this weather My shirt was too tight The greens weren't holding. I mentally checked out I was just worn out I drank too much I ate too much before the round I couldn't catch a break I was using borrowed equipment My distances were off all day My back was killing me (my personal favorite) I just had a lesson I had the yips I was nervous The greens were just aerated I was just trying to have fun I suck! Golf Digest article with some funny blurbs about each one. http://www.golfdigest.com/story/29-reasons-why-you-didnt-play-well-today?mbid=nl_070617_daily_hitlist&CNDID=39508987&spMailingID=11419471&spUserID=MTQ1MDI3NzgzMzg4S0&spJobID=1200519357&spReportId=MTIwMDUxOTM1NwS2