Jump to content

Best Golf Jokes


jbil8802

Recommended Posts

KennyB gave me the idea for this thread with an on point response in different thread. It may have been done here before, but I'm still new to the MGS forum. Anyway, its cold and snowing here in PA so I could use a few laughs. Post them here. For reference purposes his joke was in response to my confession that I'm 26 with a girlfriend of 7 years that supports my golfing addiction but I'm not yet married to. Here it is:

 

A guy and his new wife were sitting at breakfast one morning.

 

Wife: "Honey, I think you should cut back on the amount of time you spend at the golf course."

Guy: "You sound just like my ex-wife."

Wife: "You never told me that you had been married before!"

Guy: "I haven't."

;)

Driver -  :taylormade-small: M1 9.5* w/ Aldila Rogue Silver 70X

Fairway -   :taylormade-small: M1 5W 19* w/ Aldila Rogue Silver 70X

Hybrids -   :ping-small: G25 4H 23*

Irons -  :mizuno-small: JPX 850 Forged 4-PW w/ Nippon N.S. Pro 1150S

Wedges - :mizuno-small: S5 50*07, 54*12, 58*12 w/ Nippon N.S. Pro 1150S

Putter - Oddyssey Metal-X #7 w/ SuperStroke Pistol GT 2.0

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My swing at the moment...

Driver- Tmag 2017 M2 tour issue 8.5* actual loft 7.8* w/ HZRDS Green PVD 70TX"
Fairway Metal- Taylormade SLDR Mini Driver 12* w/ Fujikura Rombax TP95-X"

Utility- Mizuno MPH5 1 iron w/ Aldila RIP 85X (depending on course/ conditions)

Irons- Mizuno MP- FLI HI 2i w/ Aldila Proto ByYou 100X
          Mizuno MP59 4i-6I w/ PX 6.5

          Mizuno MP69 7i-PW w/ PX 6.5

Wedges- Scratch 8620 Driver/Slider set.  50*, 54* bent to 55* and 60*

Putter- Taylormade Spider Tour w/ flow neck
Ball- Bridgestone Tour B X

Bag- Sun Mountain C130 Supercharged

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tom and Phil are out playing a round when they get to a long par 4 with a road running down the left side.  Just as they get to the tee box a funeral procession starts down the road and Phil takes off his cap and bows his head in a moment of silence.  Tom said that was the nicest thing he has seen on the course in a long time.  Phil says it is the least I could do since I was married to her for 43 years.

WITB 2024

  :titleist-small: TSR3 10* HZRDUS RDX Smoke Blue 60g TX

  :titleist-small: TSR 2+ 14.5* HZRDUS Yellow HC 76g 6.5

  :taylormade-small: Sim Ti 19* HZRDUS Red 75g 6.5

  :callaway-small: Apex 19 21* Nippon G.O.S.T. X

  :callaway-small: X Forged CB 5 - PW MMT 105 TX 

  :callaway-small: Jaws Raw 50*, 54* & 58* TTDG "OG" Spinner

  :callaway-small: Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34.75"

  :srixon-small: Z Star Diamond

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oldie but a goodie...

 

Two guys Bob and Doug are playing golf when they catch up to the group ahead of them..two ladies.  The ladies are very slow and aren't letting the guys play through.  The guys play rock, paper, scissors to see who is going to say something to the ladies and ask to play through.  Bob loses so he starts walking towards the ladies and about half way there he stops and turns around.  When he gets back to Doug he says he can't go talk to them because one them is his wife and other is his mistress.  So Doug then starts walking towards the ladies, he also gets about half way there before turning around and coming back to Bob.  Doug just shakes his head and says "small world"

Driver: :taylormade-small: SLDR w/ Fujikura Ventus Black

3w: :taylormade-small:'16 M2 hl w/ Diamana D+ 82

5w: :cleveland-small: Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Yellow

Hybrid: :cleveland-small: 22 deg. Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Black

Irons: :cleveland-small: 5i - gap Launcher CBX w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Wedges: :cleveland-small: 54 CBX & 58 Zipcore w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Putter: :odyssey-small: Red 7s

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wife:  How was your round of golf?

 

Husband:  Just awful...Joe had a heart attack on the 3rd hole.

 

Wife:  That is terrible!!!

 

Husband:  You're telling me.  All day it was hit the ball and drag Joe.

 

 

Man steps onto the tee of a long par three over water and grabs a club.  He hears a voice from above say hit the new balls that you have in the bag.  The man obliges and tees it up and takes a practice swing.  Next the voice from above yells out "On second thought hit the range ball!"

 

Great thread, I can go on with these all day.

WITB 2024

  :titleist-small: TSR3 10* HZRDUS RDX Smoke Blue 60g TX

  :titleist-small: TSR 2+ 14.5* HZRDUS Yellow HC 76g 6.5

  :taylormade-small: Sim Ti 19* HZRDUS Red 75g 6.5

  :callaway-small: Apex 19 21* Nippon G.O.S.T. X

  :callaway-small: X Forged CB 5 - PW MMT 105 TX 

  :callaway-small: Jaws Raw 50*, 54* & 58* TTDG "OG" Spinner

  :callaway-small: Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34.75"

  :srixon-small: Z Star Diamond

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These are great. I like this one too.

 

A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

 

The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

 

The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot, approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: "We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies' tee box!"

 

To which the man turns around and yells: "And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!"

Driver -  :taylormade-small: M1 9.5* w/ Aldila Rogue Silver 70X

Fairway -   :taylormade-small: M1 5W 19* w/ Aldila Rogue Silver 70X

Hybrids -   :ping-small: G25 4H 23*

Irons -  :mizuno-small: JPX 850 Forged 4-PW w/ Nippon N.S. Pro 1150S

Wedges - :mizuno-small: S5 50*07, 54*12, 58*12 w/ Nippon N.S. Pro 1150S

Putter - Oddyssey Metal-X #7 w/ SuperStroke Pistol GT 2.0

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These are great. I like this one too.

 

A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

 

The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

 

The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot, approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: "We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies' tee box!"

 

To which the man turns around and yells: "And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!"

 

That is one of my favorites!

Driver - Tour Edge Exotics XCG 7 Beta w/ Paderson shaft 44"

Fairway Metal - :nike-small: Vapor Fly 15* w/ Mitsubishi Tensei CK Blue 65F 43"

Irons - :taylormade-small: SLDR 4i-pw w/ KBS Tour C-Taper 90S

Wedges - :edel-golf-1: 54* and 58* Digger grind

Putter - :scotty-cameron-1: 2015 GoLo 3 33"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Granddad, Dad, and son get paired with a beautiful blonde, they play the round, and get to the 18th, the woman needs a birdie to have the best round of here life, she has a 40 footer, she says to the guys, whoever helps me make the putt gets to take me home for the night and do whatever you want, Son steps in and says it's flogging to break a little to the left, Dad steps in and says no, it's going to break to the right, not to be left out, granddad steps in takes a look, and says "pick it up, it's a gimme"

Lefties are always in their Right Mind

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Perhaps not jokes but fun lines to use:

 

anytime someone goes to the bathroom: Just yell I think your under clubbed/ need to club up.

 

Prom Ball... a putt that gets all lip and no hole.

 

Junior prom ball: Missed the lip and couldn't find the hole if it tried.

 

One of my favorite lines is when your having a bad day: 

 

I knew it was going to be bad day... I went to take a pee and ended up 30 yards left of where I aimed.

 Driver:   :callaway-small:  Epic Flash 12 Degree

Wood: :callaway-small:  GBB 3 Wood
Hybrid: :callaway-small: Razr 4 hybriid stiff stock shaft.
Irons: :callaway-small: X2 Hot 4 iron (pro version) 5 iron - Gap Wedge (non pro version).  KBS 120g Shaft stiff cut 1/2  inch bent 1°upright
Wedges: :vokey-small: 52° 56° and 60°.
All grips are Golf pride grips midsized
Putter (lefty):  Odyssey Metal-X #8 34", stock shaft bent 2° Superstroke grip
Golf Balls:   :titelist-small: 2018-9 Pro-V1x and Prov1s
Shoes:  :footjoy-small:  Dryjoy tours

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Granddad, Dad, and son get paired with a beautiful blonde, they play the round, and get to the 18th, the woman needs a birdie to have the best round of here life, she has a 40 footer, she says to the guys, whoever helps me make the putt gets to take me home for the night and do whatever you want, Son steps in and says it's flogging to break a little to the left, Dad steps in and says no, it's going to break to the right, not to be left out, granddad steps in takes a look, and says "pick it up, it's a gimme"

Being old, I was rooting for grandad when I read the first line! :)

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tried to start this thread about two months ago and it died like a Jim Furyk final round.   Hopefully this one can finish.

 

So I'll repeat the same joke I used the last time and include the ONE reply that Duckwhooker gratiously added as well.   Think of it as a merge.

 

My joke:

 

A threesome of buddies is playing the front nine of their local course when they catch up to a slow group on about hole 5.   This group is really slow and oblivious to those behind them, so at the turn the threesome decides to take a break and have lunch.   Wouldn't you know it, the slow group in front of them is also in the restaurant doing the same thing.  The guys start cursing and complaining about the slow play of the other group when the waitress comes over and says, "Didn't you know that the other guys are a group of blind golfers."

 

The first buddy is chagrined and says, "Gee, I'm sorry I didn't know.  Now I feel awful.   Tell you what, I'll pick up the tab for their drinks."

 

Second buddy says, "Me too.   I'll pay for their meals."   Then they turn to look at the third buddy.

 

After few seconds, the third buddy looks up and says,  "Screw 'em, they should have teed off last night."

 

Duck Whooker's joke:

 

Stanley and his wife of 22 years are golfing together one day, Stanley hits a tee shot way right, he and the Mrs. go off the find the ball, ends up behind a huge pole barn that is blocking his approach shot to the green

 

His wife tells him to punch it back in play, but Stanley sees that barn doors are open and he has a clear line through the barn.  "Nope, honey, I'm going to hit a low one right through the barn."

 

Stanley grabs a mid-iron, lines up his shot through the barn doors and swings away, the ball ricochets off the side of the barn, comes screaming backwards at his wife, she can't duck in time, the ball hits her right between the eyes.  She drops like a rock.  Suffers a cracked skull, broken nose, severe concussion, loss of motor skills, and will be afflicted with blurred vision and headaches indefinitely.

 

Months later, Stanley is back on the course with a friend, playing the hole where the accident occurred, and again he flares his tee shot right, and is in practically the same spot behind the same barn.  Stanley mutters to his friend that he is going to take his medicine and punch the ball sideways back into the fairway.  His friend then interrupts "Hey, you got a shot, hit a low screamer through the barn, run it up on the green"

 

Stanley stops for a moment then says, "Nah, last time I tried that I double-bogeyed this hole."

bag - SunMountain Synch with Ogio Synergy X4 cart
driver - :callaway-small: Optiforce 440, Paderson Kevlar Green stiff 46.5"
fwoods - :taylormade-small: Jetspeed, 3HL regular
irons - :taylormade-small:  Speedblades 3-8, 85g stiff steel, 2 up
wedges - :edilon-small: Scor 40, 45, 50, 54, 58
putter - :ping-small: Ketsch 35" slight arc, SuperStroke 2.0 mid-slim
ball - :titelist-small: ProV1x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is similar to markb's joke but I'm posting it since it involves an engineer.

 

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.
The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.
The group is silent for a moment.
The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man and his wife are laying in bed one evening when the wife rolls over to ask: " Honey, if I ever died, do you think you would find another woman."

 

"Awwwwww. I don't know. I guess if I was ready and it looked like it might work out, then yeah."

 

"Well would you let her stay in this house, that we bought together?"

 

"Well I guess. It's a good house, and nothing's wrong with it. So sure, she could live here with me"

 

"Well would you let her sleep in this bed? I bought us this bed you know."

 

" Well hell sweetheart, you paid damn good money for this sleep number bed, so yeah I would keep it and she would sleep in it too."

 

"What about my clothes and my car?"

 

"Darling I have no earthly idea. If she was your size and liked the clothes, I guess. You have a great car and there is no reason to get rid of it, so yeah, I guess she could drive your car too"

 

Silent for a few minutes, the wife finally says,"Does she get my golf clubs too?"

 

The husband rolls over with a serious look on his face as he looks at his wife," Absolutely NOT!"

 

The wife's a little taken aback. "Huh? She can stay in my house, sleep in my bed, wear my clothes and drive my car. So why couldn't she use my golf clubs?"

 

The husband rolls his eyes and turns back over away from the wife, " Well she's a lefty."

Driver:  :nike-small:  Nike Covert 2.0 Tour KK 70g Stiff

Fairway Wood: :nike-small: Nike Covert 2.0 Tour KK 60g Stiff
Hybrids:   :nike-small: Nike Covert 2.0 Tour KK Stiff

Irons:    :taylormade-small: R-11s KBS Stiff. 

Wedges:  :cleveland-small:  Cleveland 588 Rotax  56*

               Some no name 60* I got at Goodwill for $5

Putter::  :ping-small: MGS Ketsch Special Edition   

Ball: :bridgestone-small: :e7, normally. If not, whatever I found while looking for mine in the Tall Grass
Bag :Birdies for the Brave Org.14 Desert Camo 

Shoes : Oakley Cipher 2

                 Addidas Adizero One Wd

                 Nike Lunar Control

                 6 other pair "just in case"

 

Founder: Texas BBQ Curtain (according to Jdiddyesquire)

 

Favorite #TOURSAUCE Move:  signing a ball and tossing it to a non existent fan as I walk back to cart. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOVE this thread!  Keep 'em coming ;)

What's In the Bag

Driver - :callaway-small: GBB 

Hybrids  :cleveland-small: Halo XL Halo 18* & :cobra-small: T-Rail 20*

Irons  :cobra-small: T-Rail 2.0

Wedges :ping-small: 60* TS / SCOR 48* 53* 58*

Putter     :scotty-small:

Ball :callaway-logo-1:

Bag Datrek DG Lite  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three proud fathers are bragging after a round about their families.   The Jewish guy pulls out his wallet and flips out the photo section and says, "Look at my four fine sons!  One more and I'll have a basketball team."   The Irish guy pulls out his wallet and says,  "That's nothing, look at my eight fine sons.  One more and I'll have a baseball team!"  The Mormon guy just smiles and points to his wallet.   "These are my 17 wives.   One more and I'll have a golf course."

bag - SunMountain Synch with Ogio Synergy X4 cart
driver - :callaway-small: Optiforce 440, Paderson Kevlar Green stiff 46.5"
fwoods - :taylormade-small: Jetspeed, 3HL regular
irons - :taylormade-small:  Speedblades 3-8, 85g stiff steel, 2 up
wedges - :edilon-small: Scor 40, 45, 50, 54, 58
putter - :ping-small: Ketsch 35" slight arc, SuperStroke 2.0 mid-slim
ball - :titelist-small: ProV1x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I was out having the best round of my life. I was only one over at the turn. I hadn't shanked one all day! Nothing fat or thin.

 

My playing buddies thought for sure that I was destined to be on the tour.

Coming up to the 17th tee, I was 8 under and only had to par the last two holes to tie the club record.

 

As I thought about the celebration that would await me in the clubhouse I took my tee shot and sliced it like I hadn't sliced it in years. My buddies of course split the fairway like I had been doing all day.

 

I told them I was determined to find my ball and wouldn't drop. They said they would meet me on the green.

 

So as I got off into the tree line I finally came across my ball. Right beside the ball was a huge toad.

I didn't think nothing of it and grabbed my rescue 4. As I addressed the ball the frog actually spoke and said:" that's not gonna work."

At first I looked around thinking my buddies had come to find me. Seeing no one I addressed my ball one more time.

 

"That's not gonna work."

Again the voice startled me and I jumped. As I looked around, the toad crawled over to my ball and turned towards me:" Yeah, I said it. It isn't gonna work"

 

I didn't know what to think

 

"No, this isn't a dream, no you aren't drunk, and no this isn't a hallucination."

 

Thinking my mind was cracking under the pressure , I decided to play along.

 

"What do you know? You're a damn frog!"

 

"Look I've been here a long time and seen thousands of golfers try to hit from that spot. That club and your target line are wrong!"

 

"So what's the right choice?" I asked.

 

"I'll make you a deal," said the frog, " if I tell you and your shot reaches the green, you have to kiss me. "

 

"What the hell," I thought .

 

So the frog told me to club down and really close my stance. Then I was told to take a really weak grip. I thought I was crazy anyway, so,I decided to take the shot. Like something out of the Matrix, my ball seemed to slide and curve around every tree it passed. It actually seemed to get faster once it cleared the tree line. It sailed like I was watching the masters. It finally touched down and ran out up onto the green and into the whole, shocking my buddies who were about to replace the flag after they putted out!

 

Once I got my wits back I finally looked down at the toad.

 

" a deals a deal" the frog reminded me.

Realizing that I had made the best shot of my life, I went ahead, picked he toad up and kissed it right on the mouth.

 

No sooner had I finished kissing it, I found a simply ravishing 18 year old butt naked in my arms!

 

 

And that's how the whole thing happened your Honor............

Driver:  :nike-small:  Nike Covert 2.0 Tour KK 70g Stiff

Fairway Wood: :nike-small: Nike Covert 2.0 Tour KK 60g Stiff
Hybrids:   :nike-small: Nike Covert 2.0 Tour KK Stiff

Irons:    :taylormade-small: R-11s KBS Stiff. 

Wedges:  :cleveland-small:  Cleveland 588 Rotax  56*

               Some no name 60* I got at Goodwill for $5

Putter::  :ping-small: MGS Ketsch Special Edition   

Ball: :bridgestone-small: :e7, normally. If not, whatever I found while looking for mine in the Tall Grass
Bag :Birdies for the Brave Org.14 Desert Camo 

Shoes : Oakley Cipher 2

                 Addidas Adizero One Wd

                 Nike Lunar Control

                 6 other pair "just in case"

 

Founder: Texas BBQ Curtain (according to Jdiddyesquire)

 

Favorite #TOURSAUCE Move:  signing a ball and tossing it to a non existent fan as I walk back to cart. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Best golf jokes....

 

1. "17 more yards"

 

2. "Less side spin (balls and woods)"

 

3. The modern instructor - I doubt many have heard of Harvey Pennick, let alone his little red book. How about Hogan's 5 lessons?

<p><strong>D:</strong>    :ping-small:   9* G400 Max w/Xcalibur TSL</p><p> </p><p><strong>F: </strong>  :callaway-small: 14* XR Pro 16 w/Hzrdous Red</p><p><strong>I:</strong>   :edel-golf-1: SLS-01 4-SW w/Paderson SL</p><p><strong>W:</strong>   :edel-golf-1: DGR 59 w/Dynamic Gold SL</p><p><strong>P:</strong> Artisan 0318 or Edel TB</p><p> 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Best golf jokes....

 

1. "17 more yards"

 

2. "Less side spin (balls and woods)"

 

3. The modern instructor - I doubt many have heard of Harvey Pennick, let alone his little red book. How about Hogan's 5 lessons?

 

The little red book is my most prized book second only to the Bible. Great read for anyone who hasn't.

Driver - Tour Edge Exotics XCG 7 Beta w/ Paderson shaft 44"

Fairway Metal - :nike-small: Vapor Fly 15* w/ Mitsubishi Tensei CK Blue 65F 43"

Irons - :taylormade-small: SLDR 4i-pw w/ KBS Tour C-Taper 90S

Wedges - :edel-golf-1: 54* and 58* Digger grind

Putter - :scotty-cameron-1: 2015 GoLo 3 33"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Best golf jokes....

 

1. "17 more yards"

 

 

Careful, that "17 more yards" didn't work out so well for one of our spies.

 

http://www.mygolfspy.com/rocketballz-haircut-challenge/

Driver: :taylormade-small: SLDR w/ Fujikura Ventus Black

3w: :taylormade-small:'16 M2 hl w/ Diamana D+ 82

5w: :cleveland-small: Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Yellow

Hybrid: :cleveland-small: 22 deg. Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Black

Irons: :cleveland-small: 5i - gap Launcher CBX w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Wedges: :cleveland-small: 54 CBX & 58 Zipcore w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Putter: :odyssey-small: Red 7s

Link to comment
Share on other sites

An American man goes to Japan on a business trip.

He has the evening free before his meeting in the morning. He decides to get a Geisha for the evening.

Things are going well, and eventually, they consumate the evening. It's dark, and the Geisha keeps yelling,

"Sahng Wha! Sahng Wha!" Being a confident type, he figures this means "Oh Yes, Oh Yes!" in Japanese.

 

The next day after their meeting, the American is to play golf with his business hosts. The round is going well, and on the par 3 15th, he hits the 7 iron of his life. Hits, hops twice, and "plunk" right in the hole.

Anxious to try out his newly learned Japanese skills, he exclaims, "Sahng Wha!" in celebration.

 

His Japanese counterparts turn to one another, "what does he mean, wrong hole?"

"Glute Activator"

 

*Please accept my contributions of participation and intellectual property sharing as substitute for monetary renumeration.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The little red book is my most prized book second only to the Bible. Great read for anyone who hasn't.

One of my favorites to add with Hogans 5 lessons.  Would also add Golf My Way by Jack.  You could pick up all three for less than a sleeve of balls and it would be a better investment!

WITB 2024

  :titleist-small: TSR3 10* HZRDUS RDX Smoke Blue 60g TX

  :titleist-small: TSR 2+ 14.5* HZRDUS Yellow HC 76g 6.5

  :taylormade-small: Sim Ti 19* HZRDUS Red 75g 6.5

  :callaway-small: Apex 19 21* Nippon G.O.S.T. X

  :callaway-small: X Forged CB 5 - PW MMT 105 TX 

  :callaway-small: Jaws Raw 50*, 54* & 58* TTDG "OG" Spinner

  :callaway-small: Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34.75"

  :srixon-small: Z Star Diamond

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of my favorites to add with Hogans 5 lessons. Would also add Golf My Way by Jack. You could pick up all three for less than a sleeve of balls and it would be a better investment!

No doubt. I need to dig out my copies of these and re-read them. It's about time for sure.

Driver - Tour Edge Exotics XCG 7 Beta w/ Paderson shaft 44"

Fairway Metal - :nike-small: Vapor Fly 15* w/ Mitsubishi Tensei CK Blue 65F 43"

Irons - :taylormade-small: SLDR 4i-pw w/ KBS Tour C-Taper 90S

Wedges - :edel-golf-1: 54* and 58* Digger grind

Putter - :scotty-cameron-1: 2015 GoLo 3 33"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Those are my three favorite books along with Bob Rotella's "Golf is not a Game of Perfect". I read them over and over and never get tired of them.

Driver -  :taylormade-small: M1 9.5* w/ Aldila Rogue Silver 70X

Fairway -   :taylormade-small: M1 5W 19* w/ Aldila Rogue Silver 70X

Hybrids -   :ping-small: G25 4H 23*

Irons -  :mizuno-small: JPX 850 Forged 4-PW w/ Nippon N.S. Pro 1150S

Wedges - :mizuno-small: S5 50*07, 54*12, 58*12 w/ Nippon N.S. Pro 1150S

Putter - Oddyssey Metal-X #7 w/ SuperStroke Pistol GT 2.0

Link to comment
Share on other sites

John and Bill emerged from the clubhouse to tee off at the first, but Bill looked annoyed.

"Anything the matter, mate.'" John asked. 

"Oh, it's just that I can't stand the club pro," Bill replied.

"He's just been trying to correct my stance." 

"He's only trying to help your game," 

"Yeah, but I was using the urinal at the time."

WITB 2024

  :titleist-small: TSR3 10* HZRDUS RDX Smoke Blue 60g TX

  :titleist-small: TSR 2+ 14.5* HZRDUS Yellow HC 76g 6.5

  :taylormade-small: Sim Ti 19* HZRDUS Red 75g 6.5

  :callaway-small: Apex 19 21* Nippon G.O.S.T. X

  :callaway-small: X Forged CB 5 - PW MMT 105 TX 

  :callaway-small: Jaws Raw 50*, 54* & 58* TTDG "OG" Spinner

  :callaway-small: Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34.75"

  :srixon-small: Z Star Diamond

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I don't know if this is more of a story or a joke, but it's good.

 

"An old teaching pro (think of Penick) stood before his class on the range and had some items in front of him. He picked up a large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The pro then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar and the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.  The Pro next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was finally full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.'  The Pro then produced two Beers and poured the entire contents into the jar filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed..

'Now,' said the pro, 'This jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff."

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.  Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.  Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.  Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The old pro just smiled and said, ‘The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers at the end of the day."

bag - SunMountain Synch with Ogio Synergy X4 cart
driver - :callaway-small: Optiforce 440, Paderson Kevlar Green stiff 46.5"
fwoods - :taylormade-small: Jetspeed, 3HL regular
irons - :taylormade-small:  Speedblades 3-8, 85g stiff steel, 2 up
wedges - :edilon-small: Scor 40, 45, 50, 54, 58
putter - :ping-small: Ketsch 35" slight arc, SuperStroke 2.0 mid-slim
ball - :titelist-small: ProV1x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if this is more of a story or a joke, but it's good.

 

"An old teaching pro (think of Penick) stood before his class on the range and had some items in front of him. He picked up a large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

 

The pro then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar and the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.  The Pro next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was finally full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.'  The Pro then produced two Beers and poured the entire contents into the jar filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed..

 

'Now,' said the pro, 'This jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff."

 

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.  Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.  Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.  Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

 

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The old pro just smiled and said, ‘The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers at the end of the day."

 

Double like!!!

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Double like!!!

Thats a good one.

Driver:  Taylormade 2017 M2 9.5 degree head played at 8 degrees.  Fujikura speeder evolution tour spec x flex shaft tipped 1/4 inch.  

 

3-Wood: 15 degree M2 tour.  Fujikura pro 73 tour spec X flex shaft.  

 

Mizuno H5 2 iron.

 

4 iron: mizuno mp h4 4 iron dynamic gold s300

 

5-pw iron: mizuno mp 54 dynamic gold s300

 

52, 56, 60 wedges: cleveland 588 rotex cavity

 

putter: 34 inch nike method 00 half circle mallet putter

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One day a man decided to retire...

 

ATT00001.jpeg

 

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

 

ATT00003.jpeg

 

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

 

ATT00006.jpeg

 

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

 

ATT00005.jpeg

 

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

 

ATT00008.jpeg

 

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, " I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs." No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months.You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

!

!

!

!

"You've built a Golf Course?"

 

ATT00007.gif

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses.

"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.

"I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband.

"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I played yesterday with the fellow who had it quite interesting ball. First hole he teed up and promptly rocked it deep into the rough, I thought to myself that ball is gone. We walked up the fairway and I heard this faint beeping noise as he started to walk into the rough, within five seconds he proclaimed I found it.

In amazement I asked how did he find it so quickly. He told me that the ball emitted a low level Beep whenever it sensed that it was in the rough. When you got closer the beeping increased in frequency and in loudness. It then stopped when it sensed you were within a foot.

So anyways he took a good rip at it and cooked it into the pond on the left side of the green. As we walked up the fairway I began looking for the point of entry so he could drop, but he told me it wound be fine as the skin of the ball actually repelled water so strongly that the ball would actually float back towards the shore with such force it would typically roll about three feet clear of the water. We walked up and sure as can be, there's his ball in a perfect lie.

He skulled his next shot, a short 30 yarder, but as the ball screamed over the green, it sensed the flagstick, and suddenly started back spinning and dropped down onto the green to within 6" of the cup, for a tap in par.

Amazed, I asked him where he got such a remarkable ball, he said he found it...

 

:titleist-small: TSr2 on tensi blue stiff

:cobra-small: Speedzone 3-wood on Tensi blue S

:callaway-logo-1: Epic Max 5 and 7 woods on HZRDUS  Reg flex

:callaway-logo-1: Paradym 9 wood on HZRDUS reg flex

:taylormade-small: P770 / P790 combo set on Ventus R-6 shafts 6-AW

:mizuno-small:  T22 Denim Copper 54°, 58° on Kinetic X Trajectory 

:EVNROLL: ER3 or,

:edel-golf-1: E.A.S. #4   (“Fang” or “Adele”)
 

:titelist-small: ProV1x, or, Maxfli Tour X

:callaway-small: .Org 14 cart bag

Adidas Tour 360 , or Sketcher shoes

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...