Whats your best joke?

[DarthGolfer 26]

Doesn't even have to be golf related!

 

 

 

After a round of golf...

...a guy heads back to the club house. There, he sees a beautiful, blonde, big breasted woman, and naturally, he heads over to flirt with her. They hit it off, and decide to play a round together.
He is doing his best to impress, but she cleans his clock, winning by 9 strokes. Embarrassed, his manhood in question, she can tell he is hurt. But, she thinks he's sexy, so she suggests they go to the parking lot for a good ol' hummer in the backseat of his car. Needless to say, he enjoys himself and asks her to play golf tomorrow!

She accepts, and every day that week, they play, she wins by a large amount, and afterwords he gets a BJ in his car. Though quite happy with the way things are going, he decides that he wants to seal the deal, and he invites her to his place for a romantic Saturday night dinner.
She shows up dressed to the 9s, the candles are lit, the steak is ready. They sit down to eat and a moment before his first bite she abruptly drops her silverware and exclaims, "I can't do this anymore! I have to tell you something!"
Trying to comfort her, he says "Of course, you can tell me anything! I'm sure it will be ok!" To which she replies, "I'm actually a MAN!"
His anger burns hotter than the sun, and he screams back, "God damn you! You've been hitting off the women's tee all week!"

[hckymeyer 5,852]

This thread was just golf jokes, but some pretty good ones in there...

 

http://forum.mygolfspy.com/topic/13045-best-golf-jokes/?hl=joke

 

A couple of my favs that aren't golf related.

 

- What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?  A Stick

 

- What do you call a fish with no eye's?  Fshhhhhhhh

 

- Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?  He was dead

[HighFade 1,157]

Did you hear about the guy with 5 legs?

 

He walks a little funny, but his pants fit him like a glove.

[MattF 5,771]

All mine involve foul language so I'll refrain.

[iLikeGolf 23]

Did you hear about the guy with 5 legs?

 

He walks a little funny, but his pants fit him like a glove.

You sir, just made my morning. That is fantastic lol.

[iLikeGolf 23]

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?

 

Matt

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a ditch?

 

Phil

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?

 

Screwed

[iLikeGolf 23]

I really like this one. I'm a fan of anti-jokes.

 

What do you call a deaf and blind dog? Doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway.

[DarthGolfer 26]

A Horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.

 

Keep the anti-jokes coming!

[Kenny B 15,179]

An Irishman walked out of a bar.   [Hey!  It could happen!]

[Jmikecpa 9,111]

An Irishman walked out of a bar.   [Hey!  It could happen!]

I resemble that joke.....

[iLikeGolf 23]

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was a registered six offender.

 

A duck walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What're you having?"

 

The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck.

[mcavoy 99]

Q: What did the zen buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

A: Make me one...........with everything

[NiftyNiblick 1,787]

Does my putting game count?

[Kenny B 15,179]

Very slow day today.  It almost warmed up to freezing, but dropping to low 20's tonight.  Thought I'd check out your posts, but not many people around tonight.  Where is everyone??

 

Sooooo,

 

Four engineers get in a car.  The car won't start.

 

The Mechanical Engineer says:

"It's a broken starter."

 

The Electrical Engineer says:

"Dead battery."

 

The Chemical Engineer says:

"Impurities in the gasoline."

 

The IT Engineer says:

"Hey guys, I have an idea.  How about we all get out of the car and get back in."

[NiftyNiblick 1,787]

This is more of a true story than a joke, but people have thought it funny.


My forty-two year old son never married, and my wife blames it on something that I told him when he was a kid.



I said, "Son, no other woman will ever treat you the way your mother treats you. More likely, she'll treat you the way your mother treats me."


Still, I wasn't lying.

[McaseyM 1,563]

A husband and his pregnant wife are at a group doctor's appointment for women who are in their 1st and 2nd trimesters. Throughout the session, the doctor is dispensing advice about sleep, nutrition and taking care of themselves. Toward the end of the appointment, the doctor says says,"ladies, it's very important for you and your growing baby for you to be active. Don't just sit and rest, you need to get your blood pumping a little bit, not too much, but get up on your feet. In fact most women are most comfortable walking, and I'd recommend about 3 miles per day. Any questions?

The husband raises his hand, "Would it too much of a strain if she carried my clubs too??"

[Dhuck Whooker 217]

The Lions are leading the Packers 23-20 with 23 seconds left....

[Kenny B 15,179]

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T DRINK

          
          The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I
          told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well,
          the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy.
          
          Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in
          the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up & cuckooed 3
          times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9
          times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
          quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a
          possible conflict with him.
          
          The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, & I told him
          12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
          
          Then he said,- "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he
          said,-"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said,
          "Oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed
          another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over
          the cat and f@rted.

[Dhuck Whooker 217]

I really like this one. I'm a fan of anti-jokes.

 

What do you call a deaf and blind dog? Doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway.

Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.

[silver & black 3,662]

What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic suffering from dyslexia?

 

A man that stays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.