Whats your best joke?

[GB13]

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

[Kenny B]

Big Stu's comment about a podcast on the Chinese buying Amer Sports (Wilson Staff) ...  they don't know Jack (pun intended), reminded me of this one:

 

Are you at a loss for a response when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt"??  Now, you can handle the situation.

Jack Schitt- A family history

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt the owner of knee-deep Schitt, Inc.  In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt.  After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced.

Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.  Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a cowardly son Chicken Schitt.  Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseperable during childhood and eventually married the Happens at a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.   Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He later returned married to Pisa Schitt.  Holie and Dip Schitt were totally worthless and were often referred to as the "worthless" Schitts or a Schitt "out of luck".

Now when someone says you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them

It is not hard to spot a member of the Schitt family.  They all have the distinguishing characteristic of being Schitt faced… except for the little Schitts who are noted more for their intelligence than their looks. The Irish branch of the family traces its roots to the O'Schitts---- Pyle and Peace.

The Schitt family derives its wealth from a national chain of trendy shoe stores called SCHITT HEELS. The family is also known for having founded the law firm of Eat, Schitt and Die.

Those who are older may remember an incident from the late 1960's when baseball's then-Iron man, Robert "Tough" Schitt punched out a heckler.  An AP photographer captured the attack and the wire photo of the incident was printed in newspapers across the country under the headline "Schitt Hits the Fan".

[Kenny B]

I remembered this after all the shoveling I had to do this week.  I really wanted to post this in the Weather in your neck of the woods? but probably better here...

Diary of a snow shoveler.

December 8: 6:00 PM. 2006
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: 2006
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: 2006
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14: 2006
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15: 2006
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. I bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16: 2006
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: 2006
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: 2006
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22: 2006
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white sh!t fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt ’til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the a--hole is lying.

December 23: 2006
Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to “0”. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24: 2006
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the SOB who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25: 2006
Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26: 2006
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27: 2006
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28: 2006
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The B!TCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 2006
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: 2006
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: 2006
I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: 2007
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

 

 

[GB13]

30 minutes ago, Kenny B said:

I remembered this after all the shoveling I had to do this week.  I really wanted to post this in the Weather in your neck of the woods? but probably better here...

Diary of a snow shoveler.

December 8: 6:00 PM. 2006
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: 2006
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: 2006
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14: 2006
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15: 2006
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. I bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16: 2006
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: 2006
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: 2006
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22: 2006
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white sh!t fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt ’til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the a--hole is lying.

December 23: 2006
Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to “0”. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24: 2006
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the SOB who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25: 2006
Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26: 2006
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27: 2006
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28: 2006
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The B!TCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 2006
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: 2006
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: 2006
I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: 2007
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

 

 

That is accurate.

[juspoole]

Certainly not my best or really even that good to be honest, but I've been looking at alot of dad jokes lately and still thought I'd share for some reason.

Why did the TP have so much trouble crossing the street?  It kept getting stuck in the crack..... ba dum tsh

Sorry, Poop jokes aren't my favorite, but they're a solid number 2.

BTW - I got these jokes from Bad Comedian Eli Manning

 

[tony@CIC]

Certainly not my best or really even that good to be honest, but I've been looking at alot of dad jokes lately and still thought I'd share for some reason.
Why did the TP have so much trouble crossing the street?  It kept getting stuck in the crack..... ba dum tsh
Sorry, Poop jokes aren't my favorite, but they're a solid number 2.
BTW - I got these jokes from Bad Comedian Eli Manning
 

Ugh


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[juspoole]

Ugh

 

 

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They can’t all be winners. And I prefaced it before reading. Lol

 

 

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[GB13]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."

[Kenny B]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,  “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old.  If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might not get another chance.”

To this, Esther replied, “Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal.  I’ll take both of you for a ride.  If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you!  But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.”

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.  The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.  He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell, but you didn’t.  I’m impressed.”

Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

[Wedgie]

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?

You gonna eat that?


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[GB13]

Just now, Wedgie said:

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?

You gonna eat that?


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Oh No...

[Wedgie]

Oh No...

Yeah, I know, sorry.


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[GB13]

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that ****** to death'.

[fozcycle]

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Michigan and the other to Texas.
They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those broads with big racks, tight shorts, and great legs.”
"You're on."

At age 42, they meet and play golf again.
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."

At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?”
"Wings are half price"
"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
“Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door."
"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
“Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"Okay."


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[PING Apologist #9]

Little Johnny and little Susie were sitting & playing together in the sandbox. Johnny lifted his butt to one side and let a big one rip. He stood and proudly pointed to the crater he'd created and said "See that? Cool huh?". Susie, unimpressed, closed her eyes and pushed real hard, grunted and then stood up, arms crossed and smiled. Her crater was twice as big as Johnny's and he was absolutely mystified. Finally he reached over and pulled her skirt up and peeked between her legs. He disgustedly let go of the the skirt, put his hands up in the air and blurted, "Well no wonder! You're double-barreled!"

[tony@CIC]

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. 


When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the USscientists for suggestions.


(You're gonna love this . . .)


NASA responded with a one-line memo --



"Defrost the chicken." (True Story)

[No3PuttLaLa]

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

 

Badum tsssss

[perseveringgolfer]

14 hours ago, No3PuttLaLa said:

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

 

Badum tsssss

That reminds me of a survey I conducted with 100 women at my local swimming pool about which shampoo they used in the showers.

 

The overall response was "what the f*** are you doing in here?"

 

similar ban, theres no pleasing some people! 

[DawgDaddy]

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

[GB13]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.

[perseveringgolfer]

When I die I want to go like my Uncle, peacefully in his sleep.

Not kicking screaming and crying like the passengers on his bus!

[perseveringgolfer]

I would like to be a millionaire just like my dad...

 

He always wanted to be a millionaire too!

 

/Da boom boom -tish! 

[tony@CIC]

Proverbs for the day:

1. A day without sunshine is like night. 
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have. 
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. 
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? 
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name? 
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'. 
22. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. 
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

 

 

[ole gray]

This is not a joke however I can't help but laugh every time I pull it up.   If someone has irritated you today, maybe cut you off in traffic, drove a golf ball up ya butt, or whatever just pop this up and it will relieve ya tension.  
 

 

[robertson153]

A country boy was out doing his chores. When he finished feeding the chickens he kicked one of them, after he slopped the hogs he kicked one of them, and after he milked the cow he kicked her. When he went in for breakfast all he had was dry cereal. He asked his mother where was his bacon and eggs? His mother said because he kicked the chicken you can’t have eggs for a week, because you kicked the hog you can’t have beacon for a week, and because you kicked the cow you have to eat dry cereal for a week. Then his father walked in and kicked the cat. The boy asked his mother if she wanted him to break the bad news.


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[perseveringgolfer]

I get really annoyed by people who mix up using the words "there, they're and their.

I think there all idiots!

 

 

 

 

 

[Reesedw]

I'm in an Elevator when an attractive Lg breasted lady get in. We smile at each other she say's please push one. I did and when I wake up she's is gone and I have one hell of a head ache.. 

[tony@CIC]

     The Awesome Power of a Wife's Love 

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

 

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

 

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

 

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

 

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
 

 

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral."
 

 
 

 
 

 

[PING Apologist #9]

I ran across some show on A&E the other day called "Free Solo". Was very disappointed that it had absolutely nothing to do with Star Wars...

[Kenny B]

22 hours ago, PING Apologist #9 said:

I ran across some show on A&E the other day called "Free Solo". Was very disappointed that it had absolutely nothing to do with Star Wars...

Did it have anything to do with the goalie for the USA Women's Soccer Team??