Whats your best joke?

[sixcat]

Not really a joke but something I find utterly amusing.  My home club installed a few of those gaming skills machines in the locker room a few years ago.  I am not a gambler so, I have never played one.  I watch day after day as guys put hundreds of dollars into those machines.  Inevitably after a considerable amount of time passes, they get overly excited, "Yeah, baby, just won me $300 bucks!" 

Yeah, I just watched you feed $900 into the machine.  Did you really "win" anything?

Whatever, it keeps my dues to a minimum! 

[DawgDaddy]

Golfing dilemma.  Take the penalty or not? 

 

[Tom D.]

2 hours ago, DawgDaddy said:

Golfing dilemma.  Take the penalty or not? 

 

Boy, that big sumb!tch hasn't missed any meals !!!

Discretion is definitely the better part of valor in this case. I'll just hit this provisional from WAY over here...

[Rickp]

10 minutes ago, Tom D. said:

Boy, that big sumb!tch hasn't missed any meals !!!

Discretion is definitely the better part of valor in this case. I'll just hit this provisional from WAY over here...

Take a drop, it’s too tough a stance and definitely can’t take a divot.

[CarlH]

5 hours ago, DawgDaddy said:

Golfing dilemma.  Take the penalty or not? 

 

Play it as it lies, dude!  

[rkj427]

Having just begun a round of golf, a man was approached by a stranger who asked whether he could join him. Although the first man preferred to play alone, he thought he would make an exception on this occasion and accepted the offer. After a couple of holes, the second guy said: ‘We seem pretty evenly matched. What do you say we play for five bucks a hole?’

Against his better judgement, the first man agreed to the bet, whereupon the stranger won the remaining sixteen holes and pocketed $80. As they walked off the 18th green, he confessed that he was really the professional at a neighboring course and that he liked to pick on suckers.

The first man then revealed that he was the priest at the local church, at which the professional felt hugely embarrassed and offered to return all of his winnings.

The priest said: ‘No, you won fair and square. I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.’
The pro said: ‘Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?’

The priest said: ‘You could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I’ll marry them for you.’
 

[DawgDaddy]

[DawgDaddy]

[DawgDaddy]

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.'

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was. Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man. Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course. Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. "How's the new wife??" asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, "Oh, she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Tom says, “She’s pregnant too. “

[PMookie]

 

[Crashtestdummy]

On 5/7/2021 at 6:59 AM, sixcat said:

Not really a joke but something I find utterly amusing.  My home club installed a few of those gaming skills machines in the locker room a few years ago.  I am not a gambler so, I have never played one.  I watch day after day as guys put hundreds of dollars into those machines.  Inevitably after a considerable amount of time passes, they get overly excited, "Yeah, baby, just won me $300 bucks!" 

Yeah, I just watched you feed $900 into the machine.  Did you really "win" anything?

Whatever, it keeps my dues to a minimum! 

What kind of golf skills machine is that? Never heard of that. 

[sixcat]

18 minutes ago, Crashtestdummy said:

What kind of golf skills machine is that? Never heard of that. 

Not a golf skills machine.  They are called gaming skills machines for some stupid reason.  Essentially, slot machines. 

 

[Jmikecpa]

54 minutes ago, sixcat said:

Not a golf skills machine.  They are called gaming skills machines for some stupid reason.  Essentially, slot machines. 

 

With a house hold of about 30% to 35% as compared to 7.5ish percent for a normal casino floor.  

[sixcat]

1 minute ago, Jmikecpa said:

With a house hold of about 30% to 35% as compared to 7.5ish percent for a normal casino floor.  

Maybe that helps explain my membership dues being less than a grand per year for a stock/equity club!

[Jmikecpa]

1 minute ago, sixcat said:

Maybe that helps explain my membership dues being less than a grand per year for a stock/equity club!

As someone that runs casinos for a living I would kill to have a slot floor that holds even 20%.  Only time I have been able to get above 7 or 8 percent was on the ships.  So yes, I would assume that your club is making a nice cut off of those machines.  They are typically run like a vending operation where the provider keeps 60% or 70% and the venue keeps the balance of the net win.

[CarlH]

Oldie, but goodie ---  

 

“I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge # 3.”

Here are the scorecards:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. 
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. 
Judge # 3 — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. 
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. 
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. 
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers. 
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. 
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. 
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. 
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. 
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. 
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. 
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. 
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. 
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. 
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili? 
Judge # 3 — No report.

[cksurfdude]

^^^ very literally LOLing!!!!!

 

[GolfSpy_SHARK]

1 hour ago, CarlH said:

Oldie, but goodie ---  

 

“I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge # 3.”

Here are the scorecards:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. 
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. 
Judge # 3 — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. 
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. 
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. 
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers. 
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. 
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. 
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. 
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. 
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. 
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. 
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. 
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. 
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. 
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili? 
Judge # 3 — No report.

I’m dying and my wife is looking at me like a loon. Good one.

[tommc23]

3 hours ago, CarlH said:

Oldie, but goodie ---  

 

“I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge # 3.”

Here are the scorecards:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. 
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. 
Judge # 3 — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. 
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. 
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. 
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers. 
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. 
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. 
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. 
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. 
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. 
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. 
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. 
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. 
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. 
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili? 
Judge # 3 — No report.

I had to stop reading from laughing a few times

[Kenny B]

4 hours ago, CarlH said:

Oldie, but goodie ---  

 

“I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge # 3.”

Here are the scorecards:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. 
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. 
Judge # 3 — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. 
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. 
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. 
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers. 
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. 
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. 
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. 
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. 
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. 
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. 
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. 
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. 
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. 
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili? 
Judge # 3 — No report.

I resembled that on my first few trips to New Mexico.  Traveled there a lot for work.  After a few visits I started getting used to the chilis.  When I would come home, I started missing the taste.  I still can't do the really hot stuff, but I do like to try!!

[ole gray]

[M. Parsons]

10 hours ago, Kenny B said:

I resembled that on my first few trips to New Mexico.  Traveled there a lot for work.  After a few visits I started getting used to the chilis.  When I would come home, I started missing the taste.  I still can't do the really hot stuff, but I do like to try!!

Come on back anytime...great food and great golf...Oh wait, we're not fully open yet!

[Kenny B]

15 minutes ago, M. Parsons said:

Come on back anytime...great food and great golf...Oh wait, we're not fully open yet!

I love ABQ; good golf, good food!

[DawgDaddy]

Y'all may groan at this one but it made me laugh.

 

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there.

He asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married.

The man replies, “Yes, I am.”

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife.

The guy says, “Sure,” and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”

The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

 

[ole gray]

7 minutes ago, DawgDaddy said:

Y'all may groan at this one but it made me laugh.

 

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there.

He asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married.

The man replies, “Yes, I am.”

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife.

The guy says, “Sure,” and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”

The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

 

 

Dayuuuuuum Dawg that's FUNNY!

[CarlH]

Couples therapy....

[cksurfdude]

1 hour ago, DawgDaddy said:

The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

HA!!!

Those amongst us .. of a certain age .. may remember one of the first Calypso (pre-Reggae) hits on the radio...

"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life .. got to make a pretty woman your wife.

But for my personal point of view .. get an ugly girl to marry you"

And it continues...

"Man I see your wife the other day .. man she UGLY!"

"Yeah baby, but she can COOOK!!!!"

[CarlH]

4 hours ago, cksurfdude said:

 

Those amongst us .. of a certain age ..

Politically correct way of saying OLD

[DawgDaddy]

A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane.

After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

"Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.

Finally the rabbi quietly observed, "Sure beats a bacon sandwich doesn't it?"

[DawgDaddy]

Did you hear about the Pirate that saw an enemy ship approaching and yelled to his first mate, "Bring me my red pants!"

Someone wanted to know why. He said "In case I am injured in battle the men will not see the blood and back down from the fight."

A few days later he saw five enemy ships approaching. He yelled out to his first mate, "Bring me my brown pants!"