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Whats your best joke?


DarthGolfer

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... This one is for Rick, Foz and Rev:


One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fresh fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked:' Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator!'

Driver:     :taylormade-small:  Qi10 10.5* ... Ventus Red Velocore 5R
Fairway:  :cobra-small: Aerojet 3/5 ... Kai'li Blue 60R
Hybrids:  :ping-small:      430 Hybrid 22*... Steelfiber 780Hy 
                  :taylormade-small:  DHy #4 ... Diamana LTD 65r 
Irons:       :titleist-small:         '23 T200 5-Pw ... Steelfiber i95r
Wedges:  :taylormade-small: Vokey 50*/54*/58* ... Steelfiber i95r
Putter:     :cobra-small:  Sport-60 33" 
Ball:           Maxfli     Maxfli Tour

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2 hours ago, chisag said:

... This one is for Rick, Foz and Rev:


One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fresh fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked:' Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator!'

Nice one...

I’m a hacker who loves nothing more than to change how I play, be that grips shafts and heads its all fair game lol…

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7 hours ago, chisag said:

... This one is for Rick, Foz and Rev:


One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fresh fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked:' Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator!'

That sounds about right 👍

Rick

 

 

Left Hand, 

Driver; PXG 0311XF Cypher 50 gr Senior  
5 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr       
7 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr      
5 hybrid; Cally Steelhead, Hazardous R2     
Irons; Mizuno JPX 923HM 7-GW Recoil 460 F2
Wedges; Titleist S9 54*, Mizuno SW 56*

Putter; Waaay too many to list

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... At the circus, the lion tamer strolls into the caged ring where there’s one huge lion. The brave tamer says to the audience, “Watch this.” He then walked up to the lion, opened its mouth and stuck his willy right in, then he slapped the lion on the head really hard and slowly removed his ‘boy bit’. Well the audience was very impressed, much applause and shouts of delight.

... “Now then, if there’s anyone out in the audience thinks they can do that, I’ll give them $500, any takers?” A little old man stood up and said, “Yes I’ll give it a go.” The audience went wild. “Okay,” says the lion tamer, come into the cage with me. You’re very brave to give that a go, are you afraid?” And the little old man said, “No not really, just as long as you don’t slap me as hard as you slapped that lion!”

Driver:     :taylormade-small:  Qi10 10.5* ... Ventus Red Velocore 5R
Fairway:  :cobra-small: Aerojet 3/5 ... Kai'li Blue 60R
Hybrids:  :ping-small:      430 Hybrid 22*... Steelfiber 780Hy 
                  :taylormade-small:  DHy #4 ... Diamana LTD 65r 
Irons:       :titleist-small:         '23 T200 5-Pw ... Steelfiber i95r
Wedges:  :taylormade-small: Vokey 50*/54*/58* ... Steelfiber i95r
Putter:     :cobra-small:  Sport-60 33" 
Ball:           Maxfli     Maxfli Tour

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828840C8-D501-4F9B-BADC-884DFA4867E2.jpeg

Rick

 

 

Left Hand, 

Driver; PXG 0311XF Cypher 50 gr Senior  
5 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr       
7 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr      
5 hybrid; Cally Steelhead, Hazardous R2     
Irons; Mizuno JPX 923HM 7-GW Recoil 460 F2
Wedges; Titleist S9 54*, Mizuno SW 56*

Putter; Waaay too many to list

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Whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

...

...

...

I'd never let a garbanzo bean on my face.

** Random days warrior. Walk the course. Play a minimum of 4 rounds per year w/o keeping score. Love the outdoors no matter the weather. **

  • Calaway Epic Speed 1w, 4w
  • Maltby DBM forged irons 4-PW & TSW DRM 50, 56
  • Maltby Pure-Track Tour Milled No.4 Putter
  • KBS and Project X
  • Lamkin Crossline+ and Skinny Pistol grips
  • Maxfli Tour, Vice Pro, Titleist Pro V1

 

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

Derek 🖌️ Verified Hack, ~21 handicap 🙂  Golf for exercise and peace of mind.  ⛳

|> Big Dogs: First Strike Rattlesnake (10)TeelessTM (13), Tommy Armour TA1 3h :1332069271_TommyArmour: (19)Ginty Trouble Club 1582792763_GintyLogo(4)35h.jpg.fc3c835085ee4b6630b4ac7543b068c3.jpg (29)

|> Blades: First StrikeTM DeliveranceTM 4(23) 5(26) 6(29) 7(33) 8(37) 9(41) P(45)  

|> Wedges: Worx 429668682_worx30.png.ecb184a97c8fb80112252b57c05f40c2.png (55)  Lovett 1857218720_LovetSandWedge2(2)30v.jpg.e22c477791c7dd1d962d07e9624df8cf.jpg (59) 

|> Flatstick: L.A.B. Golf DF2.1  ⛳ 2104071333_DrizzleStickLogo25.jpg.4a85e684857a33281ff6a12753532913.jpg  1935535164_ZeroFrictionLogo25.jpg.4af6ce349cb7b5117d2a8bb409c4b51f.jpg :OnCore: :footjoy-small:

⛳  :1590477705_SunMountain:C130 Supercharged 🌲  :Clicgear:3.5+  🌳  1197970276_COBALTicon15tall.jpg.92ebd5a63e6ab7d194096885e37eeb52.jpgQ6 Slope   🏌️‍♂️ SwingU2023logowhite30.jpg.238c607458394f36c7b0cd29738166fc.jpgPremium  

💻 1529843961_EPLogosm.jpg.3a2a74e3a5b6c64d4cdd1489a5d253b0.jpgMGS Logo  🌐 646255544_dghLogo30.jpg.9383a65e038b6a10ea92d0ada58bbc58.jpgBall mark   ⛳   IGBRC  International Golf Ball Rescue Commission / Founder

295785881_PGAHOPE_H_4Ch30.png.6317ecb613080e94b9fe996cd81462c1.png Graduate/Mentor     1698190715_StickHackLogo2021(3)20pixelstall.png.f28e1067b8bbf26fbd9d4c6c277f1a5d.png "The World's Greatest Golf Club Without The Course" Member #334 

2020 Official Tester - PuttUp mat logo_full_331d238c-3cab-4f84-ac72-d09e86f448c5_300x-12.png.8c8aee17ee565b3b96970802313957f9.png ⛳  2021 Official Tester - Inesis Waterproof Grip Golf Shoes :Inesis:

2022 Official Tester - L.A.B.Putters 1382751340_L.A.B.Golflogo30.jpg.c054d635e47d481685d732a542e111af.jpg  ⛳ 2023 Official Tester - Red Rooster Sussex Golf Glove  :redrooster:

2023 Official Tester - Lean Lock Putter LeanLockLogo.jpg.79bf29d6bf78b2208e2a58de63e92193.jpg

It's all lies I tell you, everywhere the golf ball comes to rest! ⛳

 

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21 minutes ago, EasyPutter said:

Little Johnny raised his hand

 

... That little basturd has been around since I was in grade school. I would love to meet his parents. 🤪

Driver:     :taylormade-small:  Qi10 10.5* ... Ventus Red Velocore 5R
Fairway:  :cobra-small: Aerojet 3/5 ... Kai'li Blue 60R
Hybrids:  :ping-small:      430 Hybrid 22*... Steelfiber 780Hy 
                  :taylormade-small:  DHy #4 ... Diamana LTD 65r 
Irons:       :titleist-small:         '23 T200 5-Pw ... Steelfiber i95r
Wedges:  :taylormade-small: Vokey 50*/54*/58* ... Steelfiber i95r
Putter:     :cobra-small:  Sport-60 33" 
Ball:           Maxfli     Maxfli Tour

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  • 2 weeks later...

Driver -     Rogue ST Max
Woods -   Rogue ST MaxRogue ST Max 3, 5 & 7 Wooda 
Irons -      Rogue ST MAX OS  5 - AW
Wedges -   Zipcore RTX 6 50°  CBX2   54* & 58*  

Putter -    ER2
Rangefinder -  NX9 Slope
Ball -  Vice Pro Soft Drip

Bag -  Xtreme Cart 7.0 Bag Heather/Red/White

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, DawgDaddy said:

.."flash in the pan trends like lessons and practice" 😂

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
Driver...Callaway Paradym (Aldila Ascent PL Blue 40/A)
5W...Callaway Great Big Bertha (MCA Kai'Li Red 50/R)
7W...Tour Edge Exotics EXS (Tensei CK Blue 50/R)

4H...Callaway Epic Super Hybrid (Recoil ZT9 F3)
5H...Callaway Big Bertha ('19) (Recoil 460 ESX F3)
6i-GW...Sub 70 699 V2 (Recoil 660 F3) 
54°, 60°...Cleveland CBX2, CBX 60 (Rotex graphite)
Putter...Ev
nRoll ER5 or MLA Tour XDream (P2 Reflex grip on both)
...all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart. Ball often, not always, MaxFli Tour.

Forum Member tester for the Paradym X driver (2023)
Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

followthrough.jpg

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funny.PNG.9fe27f1a8d0fb6212bb6c91e6e74ca98.PNG

Ping G425 Max 9° w/UST MP5 L-Flex

PXG Gen 5 0311XF 8° w/Grafalloy ProLaunch 45 A-Flex

Ping G425 3 wood 14.5° w/Ventus Velocore Blue-6R tipped 1"

Cleveland Halo Launcher 5 wood 18° with Project X Cypher R

Callaway Rogue 19° hybrid regular

PXG Gen 3 0311XF 5 - G steel regular

Corey Paul wedges bent to 53° and 58°

Scotty Cameron Phantom X 11.5 putter

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  • 2 weeks later...

From the very creative social media people at RockBottomGolf ...

https://www.instagram.com/p/CnhecCmsGyr/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

 

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
Driver...Callaway Paradym (Aldila Ascent PL Blue 40/A)
5W...Callaway Great Big Bertha (MCA Kai'Li Red 50/R)
7W...Tour Edge Exotics EXS (Tensei CK Blue 50/R)

4H...Callaway Epic Super Hybrid (Recoil ZT9 F3)
5H...Callaway Big Bertha ('19) (Recoil 460 ESX F3)
6i-GW...Sub 70 699 V2 (Recoil 660 F3) 
54°, 60°...Cleveland CBX2, CBX 60 (Rotex graphite)
Putter...Ev
nRoll ER5 or MLA Tour XDream (P2 Reflex grip on both)
...all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart. Ball often, not always, MaxFli Tour.

Forum Member tester for the Paradym X driver (2023)
Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

followthrough.jpg

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11 hours ago, DawgDaddy said:

 

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million... and I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

If it was me and my Secretary there worthless..:

I’m a hacker who loves nothing more than to change how I play, be that grips shafts and heads its all fair game lol…

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Nothing wrong with my hearing Sean Connery as 007...

Colleague said when asked when would be a good time to get together to process an action, "no problem, probably around 10ish."

The only logical response I could think of and sent was, "I have never been good at 10ish and that's probably why I golf"

 

Edit:  the 9:30 response came as, "ready sooner than expected, before tee time" 
I have no idea what I did right to deserve this coworker 🥲

Edited by EasyPutter
Update

Derek 🖌️ Verified Hack, ~21 handicap 🙂  Golf for exercise and peace of mind.  ⛳

|> Big Dogs: First Strike Rattlesnake (10)TeelessTM (13), Tommy Armour TA1 3h :1332069271_TommyArmour: (19)Ginty Trouble Club 1582792763_GintyLogo(4)35h.jpg.fc3c835085ee4b6630b4ac7543b068c3.jpg (29)

|> Blades: First StrikeTM DeliveranceTM 4(23) 5(26) 6(29) 7(33) 8(37) 9(41) P(45)  

|> Wedges: Worx 429668682_worx30.png.ecb184a97c8fb80112252b57c05f40c2.png (55)  Lovett 1857218720_LovetSandWedge2(2)30v.jpg.e22c477791c7dd1d962d07e9624df8cf.jpg (59) 

|> Flatstick: L.A.B. Golf DF2.1  ⛳ 2104071333_DrizzleStickLogo25.jpg.4a85e684857a33281ff6a12753532913.jpg  1935535164_ZeroFrictionLogo25.jpg.4af6ce349cb7b5117d2a8bb409c4b51f.jpg :OnCore: :footjoy-small:

⛳  :1590477705_SunMountain:C130 Supercharged 🌲  :Clicgear:3.5+  🌳  1197970276_COBALTicon15tall.jpg.92ebd5a63e6ab7d194096885e37eeb52.jpgQ6 Slope   🏌️‍♂️ SwingU2023logowhite30.jpg.238c607458394f36c7b0cd29738166fc.jpgPremium  

💻 1529843961_EPLogosm.jpg.3a2a74e3a5b6c64d4cdd1489a5d253b0.jpgMGS Logo  🌐 646255544_dghLogo30.jpg.9383a65e038b6a10ea92d0ada58bbc58.jpgBall mark   ⛳   IGBRC  International Golf Ball Rescue Commission / Founder

295785881_PGAHOPE_H_4Ch30.png.6317ecb613080e94b9fe996cd81462c1.png Graduate/Mentor     1698190715_StickHackLogo2021(3)20pixelstall.png.f28e1067b8bbf26fbd9d4c6c277f1a5d.png "The World's Greatest Golf Club Without The Course" Member #334 

2020 Official Tester - PuttUp mat logo_full_331d238c-3cab-4f84-ac72-d09e86f448c5_300x-12.png.8c8aee17ee565b3b96970802313957f9.png ⛳  2021 Official Tester - Inesis Waterproof Grip Golf Shoes :Inesis:

2022 Official Tester - L.A.B.Putters 1382751340_L.A.B.Golflogo30.jpg.c054d635e47d481685d732a542e111af.jpg  ⛳ 2023 Official Tester - Red Rooster Sussex Golf Glove  :redrooster:

2023 Official Tester - Lean Lock Putter LeanLockLogo.jpg.79bf29d6bf78b2208e2a58de63e92193.jpg

It's all lies I tell you, everywhere the golf ball comes to rest! ⛳

 

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Just in case you haven't seen this classic .. Robin Williams on the origins of golf 😂😂😂

** NSFW **

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnAeyNEAl4m/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

 

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
Driver...Callaway Paradym (Aldila Ascent PL Blue 40/A)
5W...Callaway Great Big Bertha (MCA Kai'Li Red 50/R)
7W...Tour Edge Exotics EXS (Tensei CK Blue 50/R)

4H...Callaway Epic Super Hybrid (Recoil ZT9 F3)
5H...Callaway Big Bertha ('19) (Recoil 460 ESX F3)
6i-GW...Sub 70 699 V2 (Recoil 660 F3) 
54°, 60°...Cleveland CBX2, CBX 60 (Rotex graphite)
Putter...Ev
nRoll ER5 or MLA Tour XDream (P2 Reflex grip on both)
...all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart. Ball often, not always, MaxFli Tour.

Forum Member tester for the Paradym X driver (2023)
Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

followthrough.jpg

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1 hour ago, cksurfdude said:

Just in case you haven't seen this classic .. Robin Williams on the origins of golf 😂😂😂

** NSFW **

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnAeyNEAl4m/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

 

Saw him do it live, he was a great talent.

Rick

 

 

Left Hand, 

Driver; PXG 0311XF Cypher 50 gr Senior  
5 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr       
7 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr      
5 hybrid; Cally Steelhead, Hazardous R2     
Irons; Mizuno JPX 923HM 7-GW Recoil 460 F2
Wedges; Titleist S9 54*, Mizuno SW 56*

Putter; Waaay too many to list

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On 11/18/2015 at 9:21 AM, iLikeGolf said:

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?

 

Matt

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a ditch?

 

Phil

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?

 

Screwed

I would call him BOB

 

SjW

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4 hours ago, BCases said:

 

image.png.72c9bf91313ac01c46665c6e1bfae3d5.png

Left Hand orientation

:taylormade-small:SIM 2 D Max with Fujikura Air Speeder Shaft 

Cobra  Radspeed 3W/RIptide Shaft
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter

:ShotScope: V3
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 

EZGO TXT 48v cart
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Vice Pro Plus 

2020 Official Teste:SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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Wanting to get a feel for the crowd prior to his speech, a Keynote Speaker at a recent Vegas 'Paranormal Encounters' convention, engaged the audience in a little Q&A. His first question was: "With a raise of hands, how many of you have heard a ghost?". Most of the crowd raised their hands.

His second question was: "OK then, how many of you have seen a ghost?". Only a few dozen attendees raised their hand.

Wanting to stretch the bounds, his third question was: "Alright then, so how many of you have had sex with a ghost?" One man slowly raised his hand.

Intrigued, the speaker asked the man: "Wow. You say you actually had sex with a ghost?"

The man replied: "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"

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A young man walks into a bar, sits down on a stool and asks for 12 shots of creme de menthe. While the bar tender is setting them up he can't help but ask "Why 12 shots of creme de menthe?". The young man replies "I just had my first blow job!". The bar tender says "Wow, well congratulations! Here, let me buy you another." The young man says "No thanks. If 12 won't get the taste out of my mouth, then one more won't help."

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