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Whats your best joke?


DarthGolfer

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The Lions are leading the Packers 23-20 with 23 seconds left.... :blink:

And that turned-out to be a cruel, cruel joke.

WITB:
Driver Ping Anser 8.5 deg Diamana 'ahina X
3 Wood Adams LS Stock S or TM 14 deg MiniDriver stock S
Irons Ben Hogan FW 15 KBS Tour V S
Wedges Ben Hogan TK 15 KBS Tour V S
Putter Nike Method Concept
Launch Monitor: SkyTrak

 

Play Right-handed

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University of Texas Football

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Right Handed

4.5 handicap

Driver: Nike Vapor Flex with Mitsubishi Rayon Fubuki ZT60x5ct S-flex shaft and stock grip.

3-Metal: Nike VRS 15 degree with Mitsubishi Rayon tour issue Diamana S73x5ct X-flex shaft and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grip.

Irons: Ben Hogan PTx 22, 26, 30, 34, 38, 42, 46 degrees standard length and lie with KBS Tour-V stiff shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Wedges: Ben Hogan TK15 54, 58 degrees with KBS Tour-V X-flex shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Putter: Nike Method Converge B1|01 with Superstroke Flatso 2.0 grip.

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GIGEM AGGIES!!!

  • Like 1

Right Handed

4.5 handicap

Driver: Nike Vapor Flex with Mitsubishi Rayon Fubuki ZT60x5ct S-flex shaft and stock grip.

3-Metal: Nike VRS 15 degree with Mitsubishi Rayon tour issue Diamana S73x5ct X-flex shaft and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grip.

Irons: Ben Hogan PTx 22, 26, 30, 34, 38, 42, 46 degrees standard length and lie with KBS Tour-V stiff shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Wedges: Ben Hogan TK15 54, 58 degrees with KBS Tour-V X-flex shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Putter: Nike Method Converge B1|01 with Superstroke Flatso 2.0 grip.

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  • 2 weeks later...

A husband and wife both love to golf, but are not playing very well and decide to take private lessons with the local pro.

 

The husband goes to his lesson first and takes a swing.  The pro watches and says "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way to hard!"

 

The man asks  "What can I do?"

 

The pro replies "Hold the club gently, like you would your wife's breast"

 

The mans hits another one and BOOM, it flies 250yds right down the middle.

 

The man then goes back to his wife and talks about how great the lesson was and how well he's hitting the ball now.  The wife can't wait for her lesson and goes the next day.

 

She takes a swing in front of the pro and he says "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way to hard!"

 

"What can I do?" the wife asks.

 

"Hold the club gently" he replied "Just like you would your husbands penis"

 

She lines up and takes another shot.  THUMP, right down the middle....15 feet.

 

The pro yells at her "Take that club out of your mouth and hit it like you're supposed to!"

  • Like 7

Driver: :taylormade-small: SLDR w/ Fujikura Ventus Black

3w: :taylormade-small:'16 M2 hl w/ Diamana D+ 82

5w: :cleveland-small: Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Yellow

Hybrid: :cleveland-small: 22 deg. Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Black

Irons: :cleveland-small: 5i - gap Launcher CBX w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Wedges: :cleveland-small: 54 CBX & 58 Zipcore w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Putter: :odyssey-small: Red 7s

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This is Doug's joke, but it works every time with the new cart girls.

 

Doug:

 

"Oh, did you hear about the actress that was stabbed last night?"

 

Cart girl:

 

"OMG, no!  Who?"

 

Doug:

 

"It was Reese, um, um, Reese, um..."

 

Cart girl:

 

"Witherspoon?"

 

Doug:

 

"Actually, no.  With a knife."

 

Drum roll

  • Like 2

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

In my Ogio Ozone XX Cart Stand Bag:

Ping G400 10.5 Deg Driver, stock Stiff shaft
TM Rocketballz 19 Deg 5 Wood, stock Matrix Osik Stiff shaft
TM Rocketballz Stage 2 21 Deg Tour 4 Hybrid, Rocketfuel 80h Stiff shaft 

Callaway Apex CF 16 Irons, 4-P, Stiff Shafts
 
Scor 48 and 55 degree wedges.  
Renegar 60 Deg Steel Shaft Lob Wedge

TM Ghost Spider Si 38" Counterbalanced Putter

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  • 11 months later...

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells: "You stay out of this! ......I'm talking to that little %$^& on your lap."

  • Like 8
  • Haha 1

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Mavrik with Reg. Flex UST Mamiya Helium Black 4 Graphite Shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball -  :taylormade-small: TP5-X  PIC

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.

Ray and John UGA, fans were sitting in the stands watching the game, when The bulldog reached back and licked his privates. Ray said, "Man, I'd like to be able to do that". John looked at him and "ThAt dog would biiiiite you!!"

 

Apologies to Dawg Daddy and Ole Gray.

  • Like 3

:titelist-small: TSi1 Aldila Ascent 40G shaft

:titelist-small: TSi2 18 FW with GD AD IZ 6 Shaft

:titelist-small: TSi1 20 and 23 degree hybrids Aldila Ascent Shafts R

:titelist-small: T300 5-P Tensei  R flex shaft 1/4 long 

:titelist-small: SM8 48F/54/58 D Grinds 

:ping-small: Tyne 4 

:titelist-small: ProV1X Play number 12

 

 

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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis”. The wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”

 

I work in IT so this was pretty funny when I heard it!

 

MDGolfHacker

  • Like 6

What's In This Lefty's Bag?

Driver: :cobra-small: F8 9.5° Project X Even Flow Blue 65g shaft 

Fairway Woods: :cobra-small: F8 3W Project X Even Flow Blue 75g shaft

Fairway Woods: :cobra-small: F8 5W Project X Even Flow Blue 75g shaft

Hybrid: :titelist-small: 816H2 19°

Irons: :titelist-small: 2021 T200's 4-GW AMT RED shafts Regular Flex

Wedge: :cleveland-small: Tour Satin RTX 4 Wedges in 52° and 56° 2 Dot

Putter: :nevercompromise-small: Gray Matter TDP 2.2 32.75"

Bag: :1590477705_SunMountain: Three 5

Ball:  :titelist-small:  PRO V1X

RangeFinder:918457628_PrecisionPro: NX7 Pro

Social Media:

Facebook:   md golfhacker
Twitter:        @mdgolfhacker
Instagram:   mdgolfhacker

 Currently Testing:  2021:titelist-small: T200's (https://forum.mygolfspy.com/tests/19-test-in-progress-titleist-t-series-irons/?do=findReview&review=38)

 

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One day Moses and Jesus were fishing, catching a ton of fish but they were getting a little bored.

Moses says to Jesus "Wanna make a bet?" Since Jesus is always down for a bet, he couldn't refuse.

Moses says, "Its been five thousand years since my last miracle but I bet you I can still pull it off."

So he walks to the front of the boat and spreads his arms.. just like the olden days, the ocean parts and the boat is high and dry between giant walls of water. "Yeah, five thousand years and I still got it!" Moses then lowers his arms and the water comes rushing back.

Jesus then says"Its only been two thousand years since my last miracle, but watch this!"

Jesus then begins to attempt walking on the water. He takes one foot and steps on the water, then he takes a second step and sinks straight to the bottom of the ocean.

He swims up and gets in the boat "Ok, two thousand years.. maybe i'm a little rusty, let me try it again."

He then proceeds to take one step onto the ocean surface then another step and once again starts to sink straight to the bottom of the ocean..

He swims back up, gets in the boat and says... "I figured out why I'm sinking; last time I did this... I didnt have holes in my feet!"

 

MDGolfHacker

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1

What's In This Lefty's Bag?

Driver: :cobra-small: F8 9.5° Project X Even Flow Blue 65g shaft 

Fairway Woods: :cobra-small: F8 3W Project X Even Flow Blue 75g shaft

Fairway Woods: :cobra-small: F8 5W Project X Even Flow Blue 75g shaft

Hybrid: :titelist-small: 816H2 19°

Irons: :titelist-small: 2021 T200's 4-GW AMT RED shafts Regular Flex

Wedge: :cleveland-small: Tour Satin RTX 4 Wedges in 52° and 56° 2 Dot

Putter: :nevercompromise-small: Gray Matter TDP 2.2 32.75"

Bag: :1590477705_SunMountain: Three 5

Ball:  :titelist-small:  PRO V1X

RangeFinder:918457628_PrecisionPro: NX7 Pro

Social Media:

Facebook:   md golfhacker
Twitter:        @mdgolfhacker
Instagram:   mdgolfhacker

 Currently Testing:  2021:titelist-small: T200's (https://forum.mygolfspy.com/tests/19-test-in-progress-titleist-t-series-irons/?do=findReview&review=38)

 

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Ray and John UGA, fans were sitting in the stands watching the game, when The bulldog reached back and licked his privates. Ray said, "Man, I'd like to be able to do that". John looked at him and "ThAt dog would biiiiite you!!"

 

Apologies to Dawg Daddy and Ole Gray.

No apologies needed, that is a Lewis Grizzard classic.  If you don't know who he is look him up, he was a Damn Good Dawg!

  • Like 2

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Mavrik with Reg. Flex UST Mamiya Helium Black 4 Graphite Shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball -  :taylormade-small: TP5-X  PIC

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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No apologies needed, that is a Lewis Grizzard classic. If you don't know who he is look him up, he was a Damn Good Dawg!

Yep. That's who it was. The name was escaping me. One of my favorites.

 

Sent from my LG-D850 using MyGolfSpy mobile app

  • Like 1

:titelist-small: TSi1 Aldila Ascent 40G shaft

:titelist-small: TSi2 18 FW with GD AD IZ 6 Shaft

:titelist-small: TSi1 20 and 23 degree hybrids Aldila Ascent Shafts R

:titelist-small: T300 5-P Tensei  R flex shaft 1/4 long 

:titelist-small: SM8 48F/54/58 D Grinds 

:ping-small: Tyne 4 

:titelist-small: ProV1X Play number 12

 

 

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I hit two great balls on the golf course—I stepped on a rake

  • Like 6

Callaway  Epic Flash 10.5 Driver
Callaway MAVRIK  3 hybrid 18 Degree
Callaway Big Bertha 2019  4 hybrid 
Callaway  Max 5 - PW Irons
Cleveland CBX 2 50 & 54 Degree Wedge
Cleveland CBX Full-Face Wedge 58 degree
Odyssey
White Hot OG 7 S

 

 



 

 

 

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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on
the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said "Look
man, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could
scare him so much.

The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day
as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years".

  • Like 9

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Mavrik with Reg. Flex UST Mamiya Helium Black 4 Graphite Shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball -  :taylormade-small: TP5-X  PIC

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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A man has a really bad day on the golf course and was mad as a hornet.   When he got home the wife asked--how did you play today.  Where upon he slaps her.   She said why did you do that, he replied-I have been hitting everything fat and ugly today, why stop now.

 

A man playing with his wife was teeing off and didn't see his wife up ahead on the ladies tee.   Hitting his drive, the ball caught his wife in the temple and unfortunately killed her.   The next day the coroner called saying there was a problem.  The man said it thought it was determined that the cause of death was blunt force trauma.  The coroner said yes, but then we found a Titleist up her butt.   To which the man replied, that must have been my mulligan.

 

Needless to say, the wife didn't see the same humor in these jokes as I. 

  • Like 4
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Super Bowl 2017 Tickets

 

A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfares, accommodation etc. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.

 

If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church, on 23rd street in Nashville TN, at 3 pm. Her name's Louise. She's 5'4", blonde hair, nice smile, and makes $130,000 a year!

 

PS -- She will be the one in the white dress.

  • Like 7

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Mavrik with Reg. Flex UST Mamiya Helium Black 4 Graphite Shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball -  :taylormade-small: TP5-X  PIC

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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Seeing some new members from Texas, I am reminded of the following story:

 

A Texan passed away and St. Peter was giving him a tour of heaven.   In downtown heaven the streets were paved with gold and Peter asked what do you think of them.   The Texan replied, they're really nice but we had better streets in Texas.   Peter took him in to one of heaven's neighborhoods where there was one mansion after another.  Peter said what do you think of them.   The Texan replied, they are really nice homes, but we had better ones in Texas.  Long story short, no matter what Peter showed the Texan he claimed it was better in Texas.   So finally,  Peter took him to the very edge of heaven and told him to look over the edge.  Well the Texan saw the flames of hell just a lapping.  So Peter says what do you think of that.   The Texan replied, I don't know, but we got a guy named Red that will put that darn fire out for ya.

  • Like 6
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