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DarthGolfer

Whats your best joke?

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In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. 

“Will I die?” she asks. 

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” 

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. 

She looks great! 

The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. 

Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains. 

“That’s true,” says God. 

“So what happened?” she asks. 

God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you...”
 
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A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

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Just in time for tax season! 

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to The President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:



Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

 

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Currently the "so you want to be a tester" thread. I know we agreed not to make fun of people but the lack of reading makes me laugh when you tell people to read the thread then apply the right place and people continue to post in it. 

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Currently the "so you want to be a tester" thread. I know we agreed not to make fun of people but the lack of reading makes me laugh when you tell people to read the thread then apply the right place and people continue to post in it. 

It is like the MGS blog posts. I enjoy reading all the comments as much as reading the article.
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2 hours ago, tommc23 said:

Currently the "so you want to be a tester" thread. I know we agreed not to make fun of people but the lack of reading makes me laugh when you tell people to read the thread then apply the right place and people continue to post in it. 

I sprayed coffee all over my dog yesterday reading the "How to Apply Thread".   Folks were applying for the Cobra testing in there faster than stud bull on a hawt heifer!

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1 hour ago, cnosil said:


It is like the MGS blog posts. I enjoy reading all the comments as much as reading the article.

 

1 hour ago, ole gray said:

I sprayed coffee all over my dog yesterday reading the "How to Apply Thread".   Folks were applying for the Cobra testing in there faster than stud bull on a hawt heifer!

I was literally laughing out loud when I read the posts in that thread.  I SOOO wanted to post something but I refrained.  HAHA!  🤣

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1 hour ago, ole gray said:

I sprayed coffee all over my dog yesterday reading the "How to Apply Thread".   Folks were applying for the Cobra testing in there faster than stud bull on a hawt heifer!

OG you MUST publish a book with your "sayings".  I get a laugh every time I read one! 

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4 hours ago, tommc23 said:

Currently the "so you want to be a tester" thread. I know we agreed not to make fun of people but the lack of reading makes me laugh when you tell people to read the thread then apply the right place and people continue to post in it. 

Maybe we can create a "private' thread for all of those posts and especially the 2018 Odyssey Putter contest! 

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OG you MUST publish a book with your "sayings".  I get a laugh every time I read one! 
I second that!

Try concentrating playing golf with him cracking jokes. Impossible! But yet a hell of a lot of fun. The man is awesome!

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

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4 hours ago, tony@CIC said:

OG you MUST publish a book with your "sayings".  I get a laugh every time I read one! 

Awww thanks cuz!  Laughter is good for the soul and we don't do it enough. 

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I was literally laughing out loud when I read the posts in that thread.  I SOOO wanted to post something but I refrained.  HAHA!  🤣

You guys know me I’m usually the first to jump on with both feet, it takes all I got not to call these people idiots.


Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy
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OG you MUST publish a book with your "sayings".  I get a laugh every time I read one! 

Where I’m from they’re not “sayings” it’s just how we talk. Especially older folks (not saying you’re old OG)


Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy
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2 minutes ago, robertson153 said:


Where I’m from they’re not “sayings” it’s just how we talk. Especially older folks (not saying you’re old OG)


Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

I can't wait to move south, I'll be happier than a hog in slop!

(Did I do it right OG?)

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34 minutes ago, robertson153 said:


Where I’m from they’re not “sayings” it’s just how we talk. Especially older folks (not saying you’re old OG)


Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

Now ya cooking with Crisco!  I concur with your definition of "sayings".   We talk funnier than a mocking bird on stump liquor. 😳🐦

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35 minutes ago, GB13 said:

I can't wait to move south, I'll be happier than a hog in slop!

(Did I do it right OG?)

Heck OG's got it so good right now he's sh**ing in tall cotton!

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35 minutes ago, GB13 said:

I can't wait to move south, I'll be happier than a hog in slop!

(Did I do it right OG?)

Yes sir boss man!   Back when I was a young whipper snapper, slopping the hogs was a step up from worming the goats.  My Dad use to make me wrestle the goats so he could slip a big ole worm pill down their throats.  Now I'm here to tell ya, them goats didn't particular like a pill the size of an elongated golf ball shoved down their throats.   They'd buck like a rodeo mule with a cow prod stuck up his booty.  All I could do was hold on for dear life and hope the goat didn't stomp me into oblivion.  I suppose it wasn't all bad because my football coach said I made one heck of a linebacker.  I told em, I owe it all to the goats coach.  He looked at me kind of funny and said whatever.   Anyways once I got promoted to the hog slopping job I felt like I had hit the jackpot! 

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4 minutes ago, ole gray said:

Yes sir boss man!   Back when I was a young whipper snapper, slopping the hogs was a step up from worming the goats.  My Dad use to make me wrestle the goats so he could slip a big ole worm pill down their throats.  Now I'm here to tell ya, them goats didn't particular like a pill the size of an elongated golf ball shoved down their throats.   They'd buck like a rodeo mule with a cow prod stuck up his booty.  All I could do was hold on for dear life and hope the goat didn't stomp me into oblivion.  I suppose it wasn't all bad because my football coach said I made one heck of a linebacker.  I told em, I owe it all to the goats coach.  He looked at me kind of funny and said whatever.   Anyways once I got promoted to the hog slopping job I felt like I had hit the jackpot! 

It'd be tougher than goat wrestling to find a better a better storyteller on this here forum. 

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