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Whats your best joke?


DarthGolfer

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So with all the political ads going around I was reminded of this old one.......

---

A state senator is out on the campaign trail and is with a Native American group. As he's going through his speech he hears an occasional "oom-galla" in the crowd. Thinking it must be like the spirited "Hallelujah!"s he'd heard at a revival church the day before, he starts laying it on a little thicker: "..and I'm going to get you more money for new schools!"

"Oom-galla!" from a few in the crowd at once.

"..and I'm going to bring in more social services and healthcare!!"

"OOM-GALLA!!!" from a number of people in the crowd.

..and the senator continues on with more campaign promises that he thinks the crowd is eating up with their increasingly loud chorus.

Later on while touring the rez he spots a prize stud bull .. a massive looking longhorn fella .. and asks the tribal chief if it's ok to go in for a closer look?

Chief says, "Of course, Senator, just don't walk up from directly behind him and don't stare him straight in the eyes for too long and don't step in the oom-galla!!!"

😜

  • Haha 5

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..Callaway Epic Speed 4W and Epic Max 7W (both Project X Cypher)
..Callaway Big Bertha 4H and 5H (both Recoil ZTR)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT) 
..Cleveland CBX-2 54 and CBX 60 (both Rotex graphite)
...Edel EAS 4.0 (stock shaft, zero offset hosel, round grip)
..all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

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251333088_10158256549291175_667517076169

  • Haha 7

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Mavrik with Reg. Flex UST Mamiya Helium Black 4 Graphite Shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball -  :taylormade-small: TP5-X  PIC

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends.

  • Haha 9

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Mavrik with Reg. Flex UST Mamiya Helium Black 4 Graphite Shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball -  :taylormade-small: TP5-X  PIC

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

... A man and his wife were at a Bull auction and the first Bull "did it" 150 times in the last year. The 2nd Bull "did it" 250 times the last year and the last Bull "did it" 365 times the last year. The wife turned to her husband and said "365 times? You could learn a little something from that Bull!" The husband said "You could too. Ask him if it was the same cow". 

  • Haha 6

Driver:     :taylormade-small: SIM2 Max 10.5* ... Diamana Ltd 60R
Fairway:  :taylormade-small: SIM2 Max 15/16.5/18* ... Tensei Raw Blue 65R
Utility:      :taylormade-small: UDi 18* ... Even Flow Black 85R
                 :taylormade-small: DHy 19* ... Diamana Ltd 65R
                  :taylormade-small: Sim Hybrid 22* ... Diamana Ltd 75R
Irons:        :cobra-small: 4-Pw King Tour MIM ... Steelfiber 95R
Wedges:   :taylormade-small: MG3 50* ... Steelfiber 95R
                  :taylormade-small: MG3 58* LB ... Steelfiber 95R
Putter:      :cleveland-small: Hunting Beach Soft 11S 33.5"
Ball:           :taylormade-small: Maxfli Tour/TP5x (2021)

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An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?

 

The husband says, Change the battery in your hearing aid.'

  • Like 1
  • Haha 6

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Mavrik with Reg. Flex UST Mamiya Helium Black 4 Graphite Shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball -  :taylormade-small: TP5-X  PIC

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I picked up my phone and asked Alexa a question.  She said, "Don't call me Shirley." 

 

So I tried again.  She said, "Don't call me Shirley."

 

Then it dawned on me, I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.  

  • Haha 4
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16 hours ago, alfriday101 said:

Then it dawned on me, I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.  

HAH!!!! Good one!

To this day if someone asks me how I like my coffee, I still say ... c'mon you know this one right? ...

"Hot, black and strong like my men"

🤪🤪🤣🤣

  • Haha 3

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..Callaway Epic Speed 4W and Epic Max 7W (both Project X Cypher)
..Callaway Big Bertha 4H and 5H (both Recoil ZTR)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT) 
..Cleveland CBX-2 54 and CBX 60 (both Rotex graphite)
...Edel EAS 4.0 (stock shaft, zero offset hosel, round grip)
..all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

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20 minutes ago, cksurfdude said:

HAH!!!! Good one!

To this day if someone asks me how I like my coffee, I still say ... c'mon you know this one right? ...

"Hot, black and strong like my men"

🤪🤪🤣🤣

Love Airplane!  So many good quotes.  When someone skulls a chip across the green... "It's running a little hot!"

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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3 minutes ago, Kenny B said:

Love Airplane!  So many good quotes.  When someone skulls a chip across the green... "It's running a little hot!"

Younger guys don’t know what we’re talking about!  

  • Like 2
  • Hmmm 1

Rick

 

 

Left Hand, 

Driver; Titleist TSi2, Kuro Kage 50 gr R2

5 Wood; Cally Steelhead 

5 Hybrid; Cally Steelhead, Hazardous Vista Pro R2

Irons; Ping G710 6-GW, Recoil 460 R2

Putter; Waaay too many to list

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1 hour ago, Kenny B said:

Love Airplane!  So many good quotes.  When someone skulls a chip across the green... "It's running a little hot!"

Yup, the sequel was pretty bad though. 

  • Sad 2

Left Hand orientation

:ping-small: G410 SFT driver 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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1 hour ago, Rickp said:

Younger guys don’t know what we’re talking about!  

We need to continue to celebrate the classics with them; Airplane & Animal House. Both of those are guaranteed to bring me out of a golf funk immediately. 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 2

Left Hand orientation

:ping-small: G410 SFT driver 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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4 hours ago, tony@CIC said:

Both of those are guaranteed to bring me out of a golf funk immediately. 

A general funk.

Add on: Blues Brothers.

"Mine if we dance with yo dates?"

Or...

"It's midnight. We're wearing sunglasses. Punch it!."

Or...

"Why, yes ... we have both types of music here - country _and_ western"

🤣

  • Haha 3

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..Callaway Epic Speed 4W and Epic Max 7W (both Project X Cypher)
..Callaway Big Bertha 4H and 5H (both Recoil ZTR)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT) 
..Cleveland CBX-2 54 and CBX 60 (both Rotex graphite)
...Edel EAS 4.0 (stock shaft, zero offset hosel, round grip)
..all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

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1 minute ago, cksurfdude said:

 

"Why, yes ... we have both types of music here - country _and_ western"

🤣

I'll bet most youngins won't recognize the theme from Rawhide Yup, I'm that old 🤪

  • Haha 3

Left Hand orientation

:ping-small: G410 SFT driver 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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12 minutes ago, tony@CIC said:

I'll bet most youngins won't recognize the theme from Rawhide Yup, I'm that old 🤪

Me too!  Never thought Clint would become such a big star!

  • Like 3

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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17 minutes ago, cksurfdude said:

A general funk.

Add on: Blues Brothers.

"Mine if we dance with yo dates?"

Or...

"It's midnight. We're wearing sunglasses. Punch it!."

Or...

"Why, yes ... we have both types of music here - country _and_ western"

🤣

Or...

"We are on a mission from God."

Or...

Women... How much for the women?"

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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46 minutes ago, tony@CIC said:

I'll bet most youngins won't recognize the theme from Rawhide Yup, I'm that old 🤪

Yes, we are THAT old!!

  • Haha 3

Rick

 

 

Left Hand, 

Driver; Titleist TSi2, Kuro Kage 50 gr R2

5 Wood; Cally Steelhead 

5 Hybrid; Cally Steelhead, Hazardous Vista Pro R2

Irons; Ping G710 6-GW, Recoil 460 R2

Putter; Waaay too many to list

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Milton Berle, Life of Riley

  • Like 5

Rick

 

 

Left Hand, 

Driver; Titleist TSi2, Kuro Kage 50 gr R2

5 Wood; Cally Steelhead 

5 Hybrid; Cally Steelhead, Hazardous Vista Pro R2

Irons; Ping G710 6-GW, Recoil 460 R2

Putter; Waaay too many to list

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2 hours ago, tony@CIC said:

I'll bet most youngins won't recognize the theme from Rawhide Yup, I'm that old 🤪

Well, now I'm waiting for the youngins to jump in and say "OK, that's enough... Boomers!"

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
  • Haha 3

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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