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Whats your best joke?


DarthGolfer

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On 7/30/2022 at 3:15 PM, chisag said:
  • 1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
  • 2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
  • 3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
  • 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
  • 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
  • 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
  • 7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
  • 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
  • 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
  • 10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
  • 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
  • 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
  • 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
  • 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
  • 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
  • 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
  • 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
  • 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

One from my line of work. Had a couple complain that our casino had too much sand ……the casino was on an island in the Bahamas. 

  • Haha 6

WITB

:titleist-small: TSR3 10* Project X HC Yellow 76g 6.5

:titleist-small: TSR2+ 13* Diamana Blueboard 83x

:callaway-small: Apex UW 17* UST Elements Wind 9f5

:titleist-small: TSI3 20* AD DI 95x

:PXG: 0311 ST 5 -PW KBS $Taper 130

:PXG: Sugar Daddy 50* KBS $Taper 130

:bettinardi-small: HLX 3.0 54* & 58* TTDG S400

:odyssey-small: Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34"

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14 hours ago, Jmikecpa said:

Had a couple complain that our casino had too much sand ……the casino was on an island in the Bahamas. 

omg.

It's stories like that, that make me fear for the future of humanity.... 😞

  • Like 2
  • Haha 2

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..PXG Gen5 0811XF (PX EvenFlow Riptide CB 50/5.0 or Grafalloy Prolaunch Blue 45/A)
..Callaway Bertha Mini 1.5 (UST ProForce V2-HL 5/F3)
..Callaway Rogue ST Max OS 4H (PX Cypher Black 50/5.0)
..Callaway Big Bertha 5H (Recoil ZT9 460/F3)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT 60/A) 
..Cleveland CBX2 54 and CBX 60 (Rotex graphite)
..EvnRoll ER5 or MLA XDream (..Edel EAS 4.0 on the bench)
..all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

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On a lighter note, this is copied from an actual email received from my golf club ...

---

Dear Members,

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the pool will be closed for the rest of the day. 

---

Now.. what's the *first* thing that pops into your head???

 

  • Haha 4

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..PXG Gen5 0811XF (PX EvenFlow Riptide CB 50/5.0 or Grafalloy Prolaunch Blue 45/A)
..Callaway Bertha Mini 1.5 (UST ProForce V2-HL 5/F3)
..Callaway Rogue ST Max OS 4H (PX Cypher Black 50/5.0)
..Callaway Big Bertha 5H (Recoil ZT9 460/F3)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT 60/A) 
..Cleveland CBX2 54 and CBX 60 (Rotex graphite)
..EvnRoll ER5 or MLA XDream (..Edel EAS 4.0 on the bench)
..all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

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A blonde goes to the ER and tells the doctor she hurts all over. The doc said, “please explain in a little more detail.” The blonde touches her forehead with her right index finger and yells “ouch!” The she touches her nose, left shoulder, each knee, each foot and her sternum and each time yells “ouch!” And said "see I hurt all over. " The doc said “your finger is broken.”

Edited by hohjoe
Spelling correction.
  • Like 2
  • Haha 5

Driver: PXG Gen5 0311 XF

Fairway Woods: PXG Gen 5 0311 XF 4 & 7

Hybrids: PXG Gen 5 0311 22 & 25

Irons: PXG 0211 DC 4-SW

Putter: SeeMore Si3

BatCaddy X8R

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A woman and her 13-year-old son were inside a Taxi.

It was raining and all the twilight girls were standing by the roadside.

The Boy asked, “Mommy, what are all those women doing?

His Mother replied, “They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work.”

The Taxi driver turned around and said, “Why don’t you tell him the truth?. Little boy, they are prostitutes, they sleep with men for money."

The Boy’s eyes got wide and asked, “Mommy, is that true?” His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied, “Yes.!!”

After a few minutes, the boy asked, “Mommy, what happens to the babies those women have?”

She replied, “Most of them become Taxi drivers."

  • Haha 5

Steve Smith

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5 hours ago, cksurfdude said:

omg.

It's stories like that, that make me fear for the future of humanity.... 😞

That fear passed quickly during the last generation.  We are now in  WTF?

  • Haha 4

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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Two guys grow-up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas.  They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf. 
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with big boobs, tight shorts, and gorgeous legs."
"You're on."

 At age 42, they meet and play golf again.
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."

 At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK." 

 At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"

 At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."

 At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"Okay, let’s give it a try."
 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 8

Driver & Fairway: Titleist TSi3 10 degree  - Ventus Black 5S & TS3 15 - Project X Hzrdus Smoke Black 6.0 

Hybrid: Titleist 818H2 - Hzrdus Smoke Black 6.0

Irons: Mizuno JPX921 Forged - Nippon Modus 120

Wedges: Vokey SM8 54, and 60

Putter: Cameron Phantom  X 5

Ball: Pro V1

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Fred came home to find his best friend and wife in bed. Fred pulled out a .45, shot both of 'em.

Next morning, his friend Paul went down to the jail to see him.

Paul, “Fred, don’t take it so hard, It could have been worse”

Fred, “What you mean, it could have been worse? Man, two people dead. I might get the electric chair. You tell me it could have been worse?”

Paul, “Yeah, baby. It could have been worse.”

Fred, “What you mean?”

Paul, “Hell, if you’d have came home Thursday instead of Friday, you’d have gotten me too.”

  • Like 1
  • Haha 6

Steve Smith

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Some quick ones and groaners:

What’s the oldest you can be to get a circumcision?

I need to know the cut-off date.


My friend told me, “You have a Bachelor’s, a Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”

That was a third degree burn.

Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck.

Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.

Americans are getting stronger: 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries.

Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!

There’s two types of people in the world -

Those who proofread their posts, and those who do.

I spotted my ex girlfriend at the other end of the museum hall,

but I was too self conscious to say hello.

There was just …too much history between us.


I nudged my wife in bed last night, and whispered

“Did you know it’s National Orgasm Day?”

“Oh, what a pity,” she yawned, turning away. "Right in the middle of National Headache Week!”


I was really happy when I opened four birthday cards and found a total of $200 in them.

I love being a mailman.

  • Haha 7

Steve Smith

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On 8/27/2022 at 3:50 PM, Kenny B said:

That fear passed quickly during the last generation.  We are now in  WTF?

After 15 years in the casino business I could write a book of all the dumb stuff I have seen and stupid complaints that I have received.

  • Like 5

WITB

:titleist-small: TSR3 10* Project X HC Yellow 76g 6.5

:titleist-small: TSR2+ 13* Diamana Blueboard 83x

:callaway-small: Apex UW 17* UST Elements Wind 9f5

:titleist-small: TSI3 20* AD DI 95x

:PXG: 0311 ST 5 -PW KBS $Taper 130

:PXG: Sugar Daddy 50* KBS $Taper 130

:bettinardi-small: HLX 3.0 54* & 58* TTDG S400

:odyssey-small: Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34"

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33 minutes ago, Jmikecpa said:

After 15 years in the casino business I could write a book of all the dumb stuff I have seen and stupid complaints that I have received.

You should! ..all the casino go-ers can read it and say to themselves, geez what morons *those* dopes are! 

  • Like 3
  • Haha 2

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..PXG Gen5 0811XF (PX EvenFlow Riptide CB 50/5.0 or Grafalloy Prolaunch Blue 45/A)
..Callaway Bertha Mini 1.5 (UST ProForce V2-HL 5/F3)
..Callaway Rogue ST Max OS 4H (PX Cypher Black 50/5.0)
..Callaway Big Bertha 5H (Recoil ZT9 460/F3)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT 60/A) 
..Cleveland CBX2 54 and CBX 60 (Rotex graphite)
..EvnRoll ER5 or MLA XDream (..Edel EAS 4.0 on the bench)
..all in a Datrek bag on an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator (2020)

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An old man goes to a sperm bank to offer a donation.
The receptionist tells him “Sorry, you’re too old” but the old guy insists.
“Give me your largest jar” he says “I’ll fill it to the top”

Eventually, the receptionist agrees.

So the old guy goes behind the curtain … the receptionist waits… and waits … and waits. Several hours go past.

Eventually, she goes to see what's wrong. She opens the curtain, and there she finds the old guy, red faced, out of breath.
“It's no good” he pants. "I can’t do it. I tried it with my left hand. I tried it with my right hand. I pulled it. I pushed it. I twisted it clockwise. I twisted it anticlockwise. I shook it. I turned it this way. I turned it that way. I even hit it against the wall a few times, but I just can’t do it…

I just can’t get this friggin jar open

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Steve Smith

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So that's what happened to my ball the other day...

https://www.golfdigest.com/story/golf-ball-hog-sketch-st-andre-golf

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

Left Hand orientation

:taylormade-small:SIM 2 D Max with Fujikura Air Speeder Shaft 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X  And Vice Pro Plus 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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2 hours ago, tony@CIC said:

So that's what happened to my ball the other day...

https://www.golfdigest.com/story/golf-ball-hog-sketch-st-andre-golf

Gil Professional Ball Hog…..😁. Just wait until the IRS finds out😱

  • Haha 5

Rick

 

 

Left Hand, 

Driver; Titleist TSi2, Kuro Kage 50 gr   
5 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr       
7 wood; Ping 425, Senior Shaft 55 gr      
5 hybrid; Cally Steelhead, Hazardous R2     
Irons; Mizuno JPX 923HM 7-GW Recoil 460 F2
Wedges; Titleist S9 54*, Mizuno SW 56*

Putter; Waaay too many to list

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image.jpeg.be741a416ec715dfbf0082c1c8fda88c.jpeg

  • Haha 9

Driver: :callaway-small: Rogue ST Max (10.5* set at -1 and neutral) -- Mitsubishi Tensai Blue 55g R shaft

Fairway: :callaway-small: Rogue ST Max 3 wood (16.5*) and Heaven Wood (20*)-- Tensai Blue 55g R shaft

Hybrids: :callaway-small: Rogue ST Max 5H (23*)--Tensai Blue 55g R shaft

Irons:  :callaway-small: Apex CF19 6-9, PW, AW -- KBS Tour Graphite  TGI 70 shafts R +1/2 inch 3* upright

Wedges: Edison 53* and  57* KBS PGI 80 Graphite +1/2 inch 2* upright

Putter: :odyssey-small: Stroke Lab 7S

Ball:  Maxfli TourX...Golf Bag: :ping-small: Pioneer...Shoes: :footjoy-small: Hyperflex... Glove: Red Rooster Feather

 

My Photography can be seen at Smugmug

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1 hour ago, CarlH said:

image.jpeg.be741a416ec715dfbf0082c1c8fda88c.jpeg

OK... who leaked this photo of me???    SWIDT?

  • Like 2
  • Haha 4

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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On 6/29/2022 at 1:12 PM, tony@CIC said:

For those of us married (and especially for a long time) we're pretty familiar with the "FINE!" or  "Whatever" responses. but I forgot about the bonus word. Any newly weds here might take all of these words into consideration when communicating with SWMBOs' . 

IMG_9068.jpg.f63e783faa60f5a5322e792616eb8df0.jpg

 

Note this was posted in the MEN's Locker room at Plum brook country club. 

This one deserves 3 laughing emojis 😄😄😄...😭

 

 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 2

   PXG 0311 Gen 5 9°/ Fujikura MotoreX F1 6X
:cobra-small:  F6 3 Wood 14* / Kuro Kage Silver 65X
:cobra-small: F8 6 wood 20* / Fujikura MotoreX F3 6S

:cobra-small: RADSpeed Hybrid 24*
post-76102-0-38507100-1525284411_thumb.jpg TS1 4-GW / FCM Precision 6.5 Rifle
post-76102-0-38507100-1525284411_thumb.jpg  TSW Wedge - 56/12
:edel-golf-1:  EAS 1.0 / Grip master 2.0 

MAXFLI  Tour CG

 

 

 

 

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