Mental health and suicide

[Shankster]

☝
 

I lost a very good friend of mine a while ago, I wish I was closer to him at the time.  The warning signs were plenty, but only talking to him sporadically make it difficult to catch.  Been  lot of it close to my wife and I over the years.  Many good friends are gone, that should have been caught and prevented/helped.

Keep being a role model!  There is absolutely zero shame in asking for help.  Anyone that says otherwise has no idea what they are talking about, I’ve seen it work first hand.

[GolfSpy_SHARK]

Can’t believe I missed this. Had a few folks in the military do this. It’s a tragedy and as others have said so difficult to catch in advance.

Several family members from some childhood trauma are always on my watch now, thank you to all those fields that work closely with these issues!

[MadMex]

For what is worth, here is my two pesos after 20 years in the USAF and 21 with DHS (retire AGAIN in 20 days)

I enlisted in 1980, back then ANYTHING related to mental health would give you the proverbial scarlet letter in your records. That meant many would just suck it up or drink their stress and anxiety away, back then it seemed to be OK since alcohol consumption in excessiveness was not frowned upon. This lead to alcohol abuse which meant you were sent to alcohol rehab if you did anything stupid while under the influence, back then , it took ALOT!. This meant you not only did not get any help for your mental disorder or problems, it added to it, which on many occasions took the person to the point of no return, which meant, they took their lives.

Closer to my retirement year (2000), asking for help regarding any mental issues was not looked down as much, but the stigma still prevailed,  asking for any help made you weak or less of a person, therefore many STILL withheld their demons inside rather than expressing them and be seen as weak. 

I speak with men and women who have spent 4-6 years in the military, the one common item I hear, is that Infantry (Marine and Army) takes these young men, strips them down and rebuilds them into a "fighting machine" or "trained killers", which are punished by the slightest infraction ( many times with a dishonorable discharge ) , so now , you have these "trained killers or fighting machines" out in the civilian world along with those who left the service voluntarily, now neither can adapt to a world were they are seen as social outcasts or some kind of mutants, hundreds unable to cope with their new life, take the only path they see to solve their inner demons, suicide. 

 

 

[bens197]

12 hours ago, MadMex said:

 

I speak with men and women who have spent 4-6 years in the military, the one common item I hear, is that Infantry (Marine and Army) takes these young men, strips them down and rebuilds them into a "fighting machine" or "trained killers", which are punished by the slightest infraction ( many times with a dishonorable discharge ) , so now , you have these "trained killers or fighting machines" out in the civilian world along with those who left the service voluntarily, now neither can adapt to a world were they are seen as social outcasts or some kind of mutants, hundreds unable to cope with their new life, take the only path they see to solve their inner demons, suicide. 

 

 

Since you brought it up, I will share this.

I dug into this part of Military enlistment and employment while presenting a behavioral health program.  Start with where they're from and who they are.

How many 18 year old members of the Military are poor kids from bad circumstances who have never left their tiny pocket of the USA.  You uproot a small-town kid and put them into a fast paced and high action environment where individualism is not only thwarted, its discouraged.  Your identity shifts and you may even combat your own values in an effort to fit in.  

Toss in outside stressors like missing your family, girlfriend, friends and even your dog.  

Now, consider that the adult brain is not completely developed until the age of 25...

...it's no wonder that service member suicide rates are so high. 

[revkev]

I’m glad this thread came alive again, it’s timely. As a pastor of 26 y ars I can tell you that mental well-being as at an all time low right now and not just among our treasures service men and women.

 

If you have that hopeless feeling please reach out to someone even if it’s me in a PM

[sixcat]

I’ve struggled mentally for the past few months. During a routine cleaning in April, my dentist found a jelly-bean sized lump in my neck. After visits to my PCP and a specialist, I received a needle aspiration biopsy. By the time we got to that point, the jelly-bean sized mass was now golf ball sized. The results showed the mass was not cancerous but was lymphatic matter. Which is unusual for adults considering the mass is halfway between my adams apple and chin, right in the center of my neck. Lymph nodes in adults should be more to the sides. 
 

The following weeks, I had a CT Scan, PET Scan, Echo, EKG, and finally, surgical biopsy to remove the lymph nodes. In mid August, I was tentatively diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma while awaiting dissection and pathology of the lymph nodes. A port-a-cath was installed August 27 with Chemo treatments scheduled to begin September 2nd. 
 

When I arrived Thursday for my initial chemo treatment, I learned that pathology had been done, including a second opinion. Further tissue has been sent to a world renowned Lymphoma specialist at UVA for yet another opinion. I also signed paperwork Thursday to have another tissue sample sent to the National Cancer Institute for further study. 
 

While still awaiting the opinion of the guy at UVA, I was tentatively reclassified Thursday as having Pediatric Follicular Lymphoma, which is exceedingly rare in people over the age of 17. I’m 46! Full blown Chemo was shelved and I received a 7-bag regimen of Rituximab. Rituxin is far less harmful to the body. No hair loss, mild nausea, but highly effective for passive forms of cancer. 
 

Working hard to stay positive. As long as UVA doesn’t find something different, my regimen will be 4 Rituximab IV treatments over 4-weeks followed by regular maintenance and check-ups. Prognosis is excellent but still a shock to the system. Plus, I’ve lost my golf season right at the beginning of my favorite time of year. Nothing better than fall golf in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 

[fixyurdivot]

1 hour ago, sixcat said:

I’ve struggled mentally for the past few months. During a routine cleaning in April, my dentist found a jelly-bean sized lump in my neck. After visits to my PCP and a specialist, I received a needle aspiration biopsy. By the time we got to that point, the jelly-bean sized mass was now golf ball sized. The results showed the mass was not cancerous but was lymphatic matter. Which is unusual for adults considering the mass is halfway between my adams apple and chin, right in the center of my neck. Lymph nodes in adults should be more to the sides. 
 

The following weeks, I had a CT Scan, PET Scan, Echo, EKG, and finally, surgical biopsy to remove the lymph nodes. In mid August, I was tentatively diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma while awaiting dissection and pathology of the lymph nodes. A port-a-cath was installed August 27 with Chemo treatments scheduled to begin September 2nd. 
 

When I arrived Thursday for my initial chemo treatment, I learned that pathology had been done, including a second opinion. Further tissue has been sent to a world renowned Lymphoma specialist at UVA for yet another opinion. I also signed paperwork Thursday to have another tissue sample sent to the National Cancer Institute for further study. 
 

While still awaiting the opinion of the guy at UVA, I was tentatively reclassified Thursday as having Pediatric Follicular Lymphoma, which is exceedingly rare in people over the age of 17. I’m 46! Full blown Chemo was shelved and I received a 7-bag regimen of Rituximab. Rituxin is far less harmful to the body. No hair loss, mild nausea, but highly effective for passive forms of cancer. 
 

Working hard to stay positive. As long as UVA doesn’t find something different, my regimen will be 4 Rituximab IV treatments over 4-weeks followed by regular maintenance and check-ups. Prognosis is excellent but still a shock to the system. Plus, I’ve lost my golf season right at the beginning of my favorite time of year. Nothing better than fall golf in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 

Wishing you all the best @sixcat.  I know saying "stay positive" is easy for someone reading about what you're dealing with (I'd be a wreck), but I hope you can do so.  Hopefully time on the forum provides some fun distraction.

[bens197]

1 hour ago, sixcat said:

I’ve struggled mentally for the past few months. During a routine cleaning in April, my dentist found a jelly-bean sized lump in my neck. After visits to my PCP and a specialist, I received a needle aspiration biopsy. By the time we got to that point, the jelly-bean sized mass was now golf ball sized. The results showed the mass was not cancerous but was lymphatic matter. Which is unusual for adults considering the mass is halfway between my adams apple and chin, right in the center of my neck. Lymph nodes in adults should be more to the sides. 
 

The following weeks, I had a CT Scan, PET Scan, Echo, EKG, and finally, surgical biopsy to remove the lymph nodes. In mid August, I was tentatively diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma while awaiting dissection and pathology of the lymph nodes. A port-a-cath was installed August 27 with Chemo treatments scheduled to begin September 2nd. 
 

When I arrived Thursday for my initial chemo treatment, I learned that pathology had been done, including a second opinion. Further tissue has been sent to a world renowned Lymphoma specialist at UVA for yet another opinion. I also signed paperwork Thursday to have another tissue sample sent to the National Cancer Institute for further study. 
 

While still awaiting the opinion of the guy at UVA, I was tentatively reclassified Thursday as having Pediatric Follicular Lymphoma, which is exceedingly rare in people over the age of 17. I’m 46! Full blown Chemo was shelved and I received a 7-bag regimen of Rituximab. Rituxin is far less harmful to the body. No hair loss, mild nausea, but highly effective for passive forms of cancer. 
 

Working hard to stay positive. As long as UVA doesn’t find something different, my regimen will be 4 Rituximab IV treatments over 4-weeks followed by regular maintenance and check-ups. Prognosis is excellent but still a shock to the system. Plus, I’ve lost my golf season right at the beginning of my favorite time of year. Nothing better than fall golf in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 

This is a bummer to read but it's pretty fantastic to see that you're being evaluated by a top tier Cancer institute.

Best of luck for a healthy and thorough recovery.

[sixcat]

It’s been hard to keep my energy levels up. I get tired often and very quickly. I played golf until I just couldn’t anymore. August 19 was the last time I played. I made it 5 holes and it took a half-hour sitting under a tree to get enough energy up to walk back to the clubhouse. Where it took another half-hour sitting on the front porch to regain enough energy to put my things away and drive home.

Lots of recommendations going forward from some of the leading lymphoma doctors in this region. Eliminate red meat, carbohydrates, carbonation, and concentrated sugars while pushing for a pescatarian diet. Nothing unrealistic but still something of a sacrifice.
 

Glad to finally be getting treatment but anxious to hear what the expert at UVA discovers.

 

[Shankster]

Good to hear from you @sixcat, sorry for the circumstances you have been enduring.  Hope the docs get you figured out soon, and they come back with good results and a plan forward for you. 

[tommc23]

9 hours ago, sixcat said:

I’ve struggled mentally for the past few months. During a routine cleaning in April, my dentist found a jelly-bean sized lump in my neck. After visits to my PCP and a specialist, I received a needle aspiration biopsy. By the time we got to that point, the jelly-bean sized mass was now golf ball sized. The results showed the mass was not cancerous but was lymphatic matter. Which is unusual for adults considering the mass is halfway between my adams apple and chin, right in the center of my neck. Lymph nodes in adults should be more to the sides. 
 

The following weeks, I had a CT Scan, PET Scan, Echo, EKG, and finally, surgical biopsy to remove the lymph nodes. In mid August, I was tentatively diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma while awaiting dissection and pathology of the lymph nodes. A port-a-cath was installed August 27 with Chemo treatments scheduled to begin September 2nd. 
 

When I arrived Thursday for my initial chemo treatment, I learned that pathology had been done, including a second opinion. Further tissue has been sent to a world renowned Lymphoma specialist at UVA for yet another opinion. I also signed paperwork Thursday to have another tissue sample sent to the National Cancer Institute for further study. 
 

While still awaiting the opinion of the guy at UVA, I was tentatively reclassified Thursday as having Pediatric Follicular Lymphoma, which is exceedingly rare in people over the age of 17. I’m 46! Full blown Chemo was shelved and I received a 7-bag regimen of Rituximab. Rituxin is far less harmful to the body. No hair loss, mild nausea, but highly effective for passive forms of cancer. 
 

Working hard to stay positive. As long as UVA doesn’t find something different, my regimen will be 4 Rituximab IV treatments over 4-weeks followed by regular maintenance and check-ups. Prognosis is excellent but still a shock to the system. Plus, I’ve lost my golf season right at the beginning of my favorite time of year. Nothing better than fall golf in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 

Six I’m sorry to like that post, but something a little less invasive than full chemo is why I did so. I promise I’m not sadistic at all. If you need anything reach out without hesitation!!!

[sixcat]

1 hour ago, tommc23 said:

Six I’m sorry to like that post, but something a little less invasive than full chemo is why I did so. I promise I’m not sadistic at all. If you need anything reach out without hesitation!!!

No worries, man. I understand. It could be a lot worse. 

[russtopherb]

I haven't come into this thread, even after seeing it pop up a lot in recent content, because I knew if I came in here I'd want to share my son's friend's story, and my brother's niece's story. And it's very, very hard to do. Not going to lie - I have to keep retyping because my hands are shaking right now just thinking about things.

Kids are under so much pressure nowadays, far more than what many of us dealt with when we were kids. Social media platforms & the internet have changed things drastically. Even pre-pandemic, there was so much going on for kids and it's been even worse this past year.

My son's friend, and daughter of his karate instructor, took her life at 13. She had experienced some issues, and had undergone therapy but insisted she was much better after a year or so. Things were not fine, and after she took her life, her parents discovered how much she was hiding from them. To try and help parents, they agreed to an article in their local paper to shed light on how much kids can be going through and not sharing with their parents. The link is here, if you want to read it.

My brother's niece dealt with a lot of the same things my son's friend did. She was 14 when she took her life just before Christmas 2 years ago. My brother was very close to her, and he will be haunted by her loss forever. It came on the heels of his father in law passing away, and it was just devastating for their entire family. 

We all need to be careful with our own mental health and well being, and we also need to let our kids know that they can talk to us without any worries or fears, or if they aren't comfortable talking with us, then we will do everything we can to get them to someone they *can* talk to. 

 

[PMookie]

Tough times these days for those suffering from mental health issues, yet we have more options for help than ever before. I lost my brother recently and all his life he would say that depression wasn’t real. When it hit him he went to many doctors and multiple rehab facilities, but he couldn’t shake it. I never thought I’d be one to lose a family member to it, yet here I am. We still have so much stigma attached to mental health issues, so once we can start to be open and more aware, maybe things will get better long term

[revkev]

Sixcat I'm just seeing this - I've added you to my prayers.  I was wondering why I hadn't seen you posting much lately.  Then again I haven't been on as much as normal either.

 

Hang in there buddy - sounds like your doctors are on top of what is an incredibly rare disease.  Thank God for that!

 

You'll be back at it next season and killing it because of that new diet. 

[Tom the Golf Nut]

Sixcat, Sorry to hear. I can tell you that keeping a positive attitude is the best medicine. 

Three years ago I had a kidney stone. After the CT scan they noticed a mass on my kidney the size of a golf ball and it was determined to be cancer. I was sent to a specialist and although the doctor was in network the hospital wasn't it took almost 7 months to get approval. During that time everyone was worried and asking me aren't you worried. But I always said no. The doctor said he would go in cut it out and I'll be fine. So I didn't worry one bit. Now after the 7 months of waiting it was the size of a baseball. I didn't want to change doctors earlier on because he was the best at partial nephrectomy. He went in did his job and everything worked out just fine. Chipping and putting after 3 weeks and full golf after 2 months. 

The key is to stay positive and let the specialist do their job. 

[bens197]

On 9/5/2021 at 8:04 PM, russtopherb said:

I haven't come into this thread, even after seeing it pop up a lot in recent content, because I knew if I came in here I'd want to share my son's friend's story, and my brother's niece's story. And it's very, very hard to do. Not going to lie - I have to keep retyping because my hands are shaking right now just thinking about things.

Kids are under so much pressure nowadays, far more than what many of us dealt with when we were kids. Social media platforms & the internet have changed things drastically. Even pre-pandemic, there was so much going on for kids and it's been even worse this past year.

My son's friend, and daughter of his karate instructor, took her life at 13. She had experienced some issues, and had undergone therapy but insisted she was much better after a year or so. Things were not fine, and after she took her life, her parents discovered how much she was hiding from them. To try and help parents, they agreed to an article in their local paper to shed light on how much kids can be going through and not sharing with their parents. The link is here, if you want to read it.

My brother's niece dealt with a lot of the same things my son's friend did. She was 14 when she took her life just before Christmas 2 years ago. My brother was very close to her, and he will be haunted by her loss forever. It came on the heels of his father in law passing away, and it was just devastating for their entire family. 

We all need to be careful with our own mental health and well being, and we also need to let our kids know that they can talk to us without any worries or fears, or if they aren't comfortable talking with us, then we will do everything we can to get them to someone they *can* talk to. 

 

I read that article and it’s just goosebumps.  So freaking sad.

This is my biggest fear as a father, finding my daughter dead from suicide.  I won’t even come close to saying this is an irrational fear.  It terrifies me, the idea of finding my daughter dead from hanging.

My wife runs the county SVU and has seen too many of these cases; hangings are the overwhelming majority of successful teenage deaths.

Like you said Russ…

“We all need to be careful with our own mental health and well being, and we also need to let our kids know that they can talk to us without any worries or fears, or if they aren't comfortable talking with us, then we will do everything we can to get them to someone they *can* talk to.”

[Berg Ryman]

So, I too have strayed from wading into this topic, but after what can only be described as a rough week, I felt the need. 

I think it's important to remember that like any type of health, we have reserves that can drain over time. Being honest, this week I've been running on emotional and empathy fumes for the most part. Working a highly stressful job, trying to find a place to live, worrying about a potential promotion, knowing that multiple big bills were coming this week, trying to plan a wedding, having a doctor's appointment, and other general stressors have stretched me so thin that I just didn't care to interact with my family in a meaningful way, caring about anything they were saying or trying to tell me, and even snapping a touch at my fiance last week was just... not me. I'm hoping this weekend can serve as a refresh or at least my potential vacation next week can because it's high time to replenish those reserves in a meaningful way.

The good news, I feel like my generation has been more upfront about these struggles and more open about these issues. Hell, it's why I think I'm posting about this on a forum full of real strangers hoping to just get it out, process it in a way other than self-interalization and dwelling.

I think our ability to empathize with others is one of humanity's great abilities that make us who we are as a species and to me, it's frightening when that goes away in my own life. Remember, there is always an ear to listen, always a shoulder to lean on.

[GolfSpy_SHARK]

So as of late (since August but the timeline is much longer) wont get into to much detail but feel like this place is really my escape sometimes to post some things that really I only talk to my wife and family about. Maybe because its somewhat anonymous or that there is some sort of comradery here to an extent.

Anyway 2 of my family members and myself had some trauma when we were younger. It has been very difficult for those 2, I have my own issues with it but I handle a little differently. Anyway some things are coming to a headway with our family in the next few weeks and these 2 family members and myself had a very lengthy discussion on Tuesday. It was EXTREMELY healthy and it helped my 2 family members (I keep saying this just to keep it at least somewhat anonymous) to just talk about it together.

Talking more than anything helps these situations. I am just going to share a quick excerpt from an email we had together "You have helped me name so many elusive feelings and inner conflicts I have been struggling to articulate for years". Only reason I am sharing this is that its personal and this whole situation is really F'd up and the only thing that has helped us is discussing together. Obviously not a fix all for everyone but was very beneficial for a group that have really struggled.

[sixcat]

On 9/5/2021 at 9:04 AM, sixcat said:

As long as UVA doesn’t find something different, my regimen will be 4 Rituximab IV treatments over 4-weeks followed by regular maintenance and check-ups. 

I am three treatments into what will be a five week cycle ending September 30, followed by about a year of by-monthly maintenance treatments. The guru at UVA sent a tissue sample to a colleague at Johns Hopkins. It is confirmed Pediatric Follicular Lymphoma. Those two also seem pretty convinced this is a direct result of my having Lyme Disease in 2012. They are seeing more and more of these oddball forms of lymphoma popping up in people a decade following Lyme diagnosis.

Treatment days and the day after are pretty rough. Nauseated, anemic, and weak with no energy or stamina. Sort of feels like a mild case of the flu. But nothing close to what it would be with a full cycle with a chemo cocktail. The anemia sucks. Jittery feeling most days but it's getting better as the bloodwork begins to regulate a bit as we get further into the process. Beginning to feel better quicker following treatments. I was able to mow my yard on Saturday which felt like an enormous victory. I was completely wiped out afterward but still felt good to be able to accomplish something. 

At this point, I'm just trying to put my head down and plow through it. It's nice to see some light at the end of the tunnel as I begin to feel better. The well wishes are very much appreciated!!!

[sixcat]

My last regularly scheduled treatment is tomorrow morning. My Oncologist released me to play some golf last Thursday, with some explicit instructions. He's an avid golfer so he understands. 

• Play from the senior tees for now.
• No swing over 75%, but would prefer 65% max.
• Limit myself to about 6 holes or less so not to overdo things.
• Drink plenty of fluids.
• Walk, no cart.

He wants me to begin the process of building my strength back up. Walking 6 holes of golf every afternoon is a great place to start. My bloodwork has done a complete one-eighty in the past two weeks. I feel amazing. Don't quite have the strength or stamina I would like but I feel really good.

Based on the rapid turnaround of my bloodwork, he now wants me to have two scheduled "maintenance" treatments. One in November and the last in January with a PET Scan about 6 weeks later to make sure we got everything.

It has been such a blessing to be able to get outside and enjoy myself again these past five days. It has done wonders for my mental stability. Things are really looking good for the moment. 

[GolfSpy_SHARK]

Been pretty quiet past few weeks checking in here and there.

Some family stuff happening I referenced earlier (extended family) and have been pretty mentally drained. Makes you appreciate golf, I have not been out in several weeks and wanted to this week but work took hold. I have said it before, golf is 100% my escape from a lot of things, very much looking forward to getting out soon, its needed.

[bens197]

@LacassemI think you’re spot on with how medicinal golf can be.

I cannot believe I had to hear this news but I was recently diagnosed with mono.  Yes, a 40 year old with mono.  My wife had well, she had questions.  After speaking with my physician she explained that life stress can exacerbate symptoms. So while navigating my wife’s endometriosis and imminent hysterectomy that’ll require an out of state specialist, the stress of a work promotion process and everything else life throws our way, it all makes sense. 

The good news…I am choosing to make the best of my time.  Some putting and a lot of reading.  I start every day with a walk with my dog after I drop off our daughter at school.  Yesterday I stopped by Barnes and Noble to stock back up.  Small gains, incremental growth, keep moving forward no matter the pace.

 

[GolfSpy_SHARK]

14 minutes ago, bens197 said:

@LacassemI think you’re spot on with how medicinal golf can be.

I cannot believe I had to hear this news but I was recently diagnosed with mono.  Yes, a 40 year old with mono.  My wife had well, she had questions.  After speaking with my physician she explained that life stress can exacerbate symptoms. So while navigating my wife’s endometriosis and imminent hysterectomy that’ll require an out of state specialist, the stress of a work promotion process and everything else life throws our way, it all makes sense. 

The good news…I am choosing to make the best of my time.  Some putting and a lot of reading.  I start every day with a walk with my dog after I drop off our daughter at school.  Yesterday I stopped by Barnes and Noble to stock back up.  Small gains, incremental growth, keep moving forward no matter the pace.

 

It really is, great with friends but sometimes that walk alone is all I need.

Good luck with all of this! Damn mono....

[bens197]

10 minutes ago, Lacassem said:

It really is, great with friends but sometimes that walk alone is all I need.

Good luck with all of this! Damn mono....

Thx bro