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Mental health and suicide


bens197
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I've suffered from anxiety and depression all my adult life. While I've never personally considered suicide, I can understand it, especially as I age. You get to a point in life where you realize that there is more behind you than in front. As one who finds himself in “dark places”, I always appreciate it when someone is simply there and patient with me.

 

For you believers, if you remember Job's trials, his 3 friends sat with him for a week. Then they began to question what he had done to to deserve such trials. They did good to show up and sit with him. They failed when they opened their mouths.

 

If you don't understand depression, it's hard to understand what a person who suffers from this is going through. My advice is simply be a friend.

Blessings on your journey Jon and nice analysis on Job.

 

I've fond that the best things to do on pastoral visits are - say hello - sit down, ask what's up - listen - read Scripture - listen - pray, sing a hymn, listen some more, pronounce a blessing, listen, give them my cell number and ask when they'd like me to come back but tell them they can call sooner if they need me.

 

Very few of the words that I speak are mine. It's just better that way. :)

 

 

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Go read the article in Golf Digest about Feherty. He gives a very good account of his battles. When my dark times come, I don't want to do anything save sit in a dark room and watch TV. I'm really not watching it but use it as a distractions.

 

Getting people out of the house, especially if they don't want to always helps me. Take them somewhere for a quiet lunch, to the golf store, putting green, etc... again, they will protest but thank you afterwards.

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Go read the article in Golf Digest about Feherty. He gives a very good account of his battles. When my dark times come, I don't want to do anything save sit in a dark room and watch TV. I'm really not watching it but use it as a distractions.

 

Getting people out of the house, especially if they don't want to always helps me. Take them somewhere for a quiet lunch, to the golf store, putting green, etc... again, they will protest but thank you afterwards.

I am not a psychiatrist by medical standards, but giving someone a sense of purpose; a sense of belonging can serve as incredible medicine.

 

It's nice to see this thread encourage so many to share their experiences and offer to be good humans.

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Suicide is an issue that I take very personally.  If you want to know what suicide does to the surviving family members, just read this...  http://woeckener.blogspot.com/2016/05/in-memory-of-gregory-david-woeckener.html

 

I have two lives lived now.  My life before Gregory, and now after.

 

Those of you who don't think anyone cares about you, put down the computer for a moment and know that someone I am sure gives a damn about you.

 

Unlike almost everything else in life, there is no due over for suicide.  It's permanent and you don't get a 2nd chance to fix it.

 

PM me if you want to talk.  I'll be happy to share my experiences with you.

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Suicide is an issue that I take very personally.  If you want to know what suicide does to the surviving family members, just read this...  http://woeckener.blogspot.com/2016/05/in-memory-of-gregory-david-woeckener.html

 

I have two lives lived now.  My life before Gregory, and now after.

 

Those of you who don't think anyone cares about you, put down the computer for a moment and know that someone I am sure gives a damn about you.

 

Unlike almost everything else in life, there is no due over for suicide.  It's permanent and you don't get a 2nd chance to fix it.

 

PM me if you want to talk.  I'll be happy to share my experiences with you.

 

I can't even imagine.... I have a 14 year old son; thanks for sharing your story....may God bless you and your family.

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Good thread and relevant to everyone.

 

In Life I believe everyone is fighting their own battles. We don't know what they are when we see the facade but a kind word or gesture to even the grumpiest/angriest of people might help them more than you or I will ever know.

 

Hard to follow that advice when an angry motorist shouts or gesticulates abuse at you but worth bearing in mind before reacting.

 

 

I worked with a chap who was (seemed) happy and positive in life. He threw himself in front of a train! no tell tale signs and nothing obvious as we all thought about it for days after, he was least likely to have any problems, we thought.

 

 

At GSWAG...I am so heartbroken for your loss, I clicked the link and when it got to the part about your 15 year old son I couldnt read anymore, sorry. I have a young son and I worry every day.

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  • 2 years later...

The topic of suicide is even an actual topic, and I can say that a very big problem is often found in the 21st century and most often in a number of young people. I work in a rehabilitation center that you can find on the platform iinsight.biz and I work with people who had suicidal intentions and were stopped by their relatives in time before doing something stupid. But they took a lot of pills, but they weren't that dangerous, and they just had intoxication in their system. Most often, people who wanted to commit suicide are very emotionally sensitive, and we have to be very careful with them, because an extra word can lead to consequences.

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  • 5 months later...
On 6/8/2018 at 8:43 AM, bens197 said:

In light of two high profile suicides this week.

 

If you are struggling I want you to know that you matter.

 

It is ok to say that you're not ok.

 

 

 

 

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Thank you for posting this. I see the Veterans Administration for my medical. When I first started going to them, after loosing my job and medical insurance, suicide prevention is extremely high on their agenda. Everytime I call for a prescription refill or to schedule an appointment I am always asked about this and assured I have resources at my disposal through the VA if needed.  I am uncertain what the suicide rate is among the general population, but I do know my brother and sister veterans are at a higher risk.

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1 hour ago, Paul Hedrick said:

Thank you for posting this. I am see the Veterans Administration for my medical. When I first started going to them, after loosing my job and medical insurance, suicide prevention is extremely high on their agenda. Everytime I call for a prescription refill or to schedule an appointment I am always asked about this and assured I have resources at my disposal through the VA if needed.  I am uncertain what the suicide rate is among the general population, but I do know my brother and sister veterans are at a higher risk.

 

I retired 21 years ago from the USAF, I am pretty sure we have a much lower suicide rate than the Marines and the Army. When a Solider or Marine retire or separate. there is very little draw down time, you could be getting shot at in Afghanistan ( before the evacuation) and two months later your a civilian wondering what happened. 

There is also a mentality amongst the military that if you seek help, you have signed your career away, that's the way it used to be when I joined in the 80's, it has not changed much from what I understand. 

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2 hours ago, Paul Hedrick said:

Thank you for posting this. I am see the Veterans Administration for my medical. When I first started going to them, after loosing my job and medical insurance, suicide prevention is extremely high on their agenda. Everytime I call for a prescription refill or to schedule an appointment I am always asked about this and assured I have resources at my disposal through the VA if needed.  I am uncertain what the suicide rate is among the general population, but I do know my brother and sister veterans are at a higher risk.

In my role at work, I am role modeling; I am talking about how I have gone to EAP and that I speak to a therapist.  I want our guys, my crew to see that it's something they should consider if they start feeling the world closing in on them.  

Life is hard and we all can afford to cut each other some slack.  

Depression and anxiety are perfectly normal behaviors to acquire and there are always people who will be willing to listen to you before it manifests itself. 

Keep up the good work Paul!

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🏼
 

I lost a very good friend of mine a while ago, I wish I was closer to him at the time.  The warning signs were plenty, but only talking to him sporadically make it difficult to catch.  Been  lot of it close to my wife and I over the years.  Many good friends are gone, that should have been caught and prevented/helped.

Keep being a role model!  There is absolutely zero shame in asking for help.  Anyone that says otherwise has no idea what they are talking about, I’ve seen it work first hand.

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Can’t believe I missed this. Had a few folks in the military do this. It’s a tragedy and as others have said so difficult to catch in advance.

Several family members from some childhood trauma are always on my watch now, thank you to all those fields that work closely with these issues!

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For what is worth, here is my two pesos after 20 years in the USAF and 21 with DHS (retire AGAIN in 20 days)

I enlisted in 1980, back then ANYTHING related to mental health would give you the proverbial scarlet letter in your records. That meant many would just suck it up or drink their stress and anxiety away, back then it seemed to be OK since alcohol consumption in excessiveness was not frowned upon. This lead to alcohol abuse which meant you were sent to alcohol rehab if you did anything stupid while under the influence, back then , it took ALOT!. This meant you not only did not get any help for your mental disorder or problems, it added to it, which on many occasions took the person to the point of no return, which meant, they took their lives.

Closer to my retirement year (2000), asking for help regarding any mental issues was not looked down as much, but the stigma still prevailed,  asking for any help made you weak or less of a person, therefore many STILL withheld their demons inside rather than expressing them and be seen as weak. 

I speak with men and women who have spent 4-6 years in the military, the one common item I hear, is that Infantry (Marine and Army) takes these young men, strips them down and rebuilds them into a "fighting machine" or "trained killers", which are punished by the slightest infraction ( many times with a dishonorable discharge ) , so now , you have these "trained killers or fighting machines" out in the civilian world along with those who left the service voluntarily, now neither can adapt to a world were they are seen as social outcasts or some kind of mutants, hundreds unable to cope with their new life, take the only path they see to solve their inner demons, suicide. 

 

 

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12 hours ago, MadMex said:

 

I speak with men and women who have spent 4-6 years in the military, the one common item I hear, is that Infantry (Marine and Army) takes these young men, strips them down and rebuilds them into a "fighting machine" or "trained killers", which are punished by the slightest infraction ( many times with a dishonorable discharge ) , so now , you have these "trained killers or fighting machines" out in the civilian world along with those who left the service voluntarily, now neither can adapt to a world were they are seen as social outcasts or some kind of mutants, hundreds unable to cope with their new life, take the only path they see to solve their inner demons, suicide. 

 

 

Since you brought it up, I will share this.

I dug into this part of Military enlistment and employment while presenting a behavioral health program.  Start with where they're from and who they are.

How many 18 year old members of the Military are poor kids from bad circumstances who have never left their tiny pocket of the USA.  You uproot a small-town kid and put them into a fast paced and high action environment where individualism is not only thwarted, its discouraged.  Your identity shifts and you may even combat your own values in an effort to fit in.  

Toss in outside stressors like missing your family, girlfriend, friends and even your dog.  

Now, consider that the adult brain is not completely developed until the age of 25...

...it's no wonder that service member suicide rates are so high. 

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I’m glad this thread came alive again, it’s timely. As a pastor of 26 y ars I can tell you that mental well-being as at an all time low right now and not just among our treasures service men and women.

 

If you have that hopeless feeling please reach out to someone even if it’s me in a PM

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1 hour ago, sixcat said:

I’ve struggled mentally for the past few months. During a routine cleaning in April, my dentist found a jelly-bean sized lump in my neck. After visits to my PCP and a specialist, I received a needle aspiration biopsy. By the time we got to that point, the jelly-bean sized mass was now golf ball sized. The results showed the mass was not cancerous but was lymphatic matter. Which is unusual for adults considering the mass is halfway between my adams apple and chin, right in the center of my neck. Lymph nodes in adults should be more to the sides. 
 

The following weeks, I had a CT Scan, PET Scan, Echo, EKG, and finally, surgical biopsy to remove the lymph nodes. In mid August, I was tentatively diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma while awaiting dissection and pathology of the lymph nodes. A port-a-cath was installed August 27 with Chemo treatments scheduled to begin September 2nd. 
 

When I arrived Thursday for my initial chemo treatment, I learned that pathology had been done, including a second opinion. Further tissue has been sent to a world renowned Lymphoma specialist at UVA for yet another opinion. I also signed paperwork Thursday to have another tissue sample sent to the National Cancer Institute for further study. 
 

While still awaiting the opinion of the guy at UVA, I was tentatively reclassified Thursday as having Pediatric Follicular Lymphoma, which is exceedingly rare in people over the age of 17. I’m 46! Full blown Chemo was shelved and I received a 7-bag regimen of Rituximab. Rituxin is far less harmful to the body. No hair loss, mild nausea, but highly effective for passive forms of cancer. 
 

Working hard to stay positive. As long as UVA doesn’t find something different, my regimen will be 4 Rituximab IV treatments over 4-weeks followed by regular maintenance and check-ups. Prognosis is excellent but still a shock to the system. Plus, I’ve lost my golf season right at the beginning of my favorite time of year. Nothing better than fall golf in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 

Wishing you all the best @sixcat.  I know saying "stay positive" is easy for someone reading about what you're dealing with (I'd be a wreck), but I hope you can do so.  Hopefully time on the forum provides some fun distraction.

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1 hour ago, sixcat said:

I’ve struggled mentally for the past few months. During a routine cleaning in April, my dentist found a jelly-bean sized lump in my neck. After visits to my PCP and a specialist, I received a needle aspiration biopsy. By the time we got to that point, the jelly-bean sized mass was now golf ball sized. The results showed the mass was not cancerous but was lymphatic matter. Which is unusual for adults considering the mass is halfway between my adams apple and chin, right in the center of my neck. Lymph nodes in adults should be more to the sides. 
 

The following weeks, I had a CT Scan, PET Scan, Echo, EKG, and finally, surgical biopsy to remove the lymph nodes. In mid August, I was tentatively diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma while awaiting dissection and pathology of the lymph nodes. A port-a-cath was installed August 27 with Chemo treatments scheduled to begin September 2nd. 
 

When I arrived Thursday for my initial chemo treatment, I learned that pathology had been done, including a second opinion. Further tissue has been sent to a world renowned Lymphoma specialist at UVA for yet another opinion. I also signed paperwork Thursday to have another tissue sample sent to the National Cancer Institute for further study. 
 

While still awaiting the opinion of the guy at UVA, I was tentatively reclassified Thursday as having Pediatric Follicular Lymphoma, which is exceedingly rare in people over the age of 17. I’m 46! Full blown Chemo was shelved and I received a 7-bag regimen of Rituximab. Rituxin is far less harmful to the body. No hair loss, mild nausea, but highly effective for passive forms of cancer. 
 

Working hard to stay positive. As long as UVA doesn’t find something different, my regimen will be 4 Rituximab IV treatments over 4-weeks followed by regular maintenance and check-ups. Prognosis is excellent but still a shock to the system. Plus, I’ve lost my golf season right at the beginning of my favorite time of year. Nothing better than fall golf in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 

This is a bummer to read but it's pretty fantastic to see that you're being evaluated by a top tier Cancer institute.

Best of luck for a healthy and thorough recovery.

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It’s been hard to keep my energy levels up. I get tired often and very quickly. I played golf until I just couldn’t anymore. August 19 was the last time I played. I made it 5 holes and it took a half-hour sitting under a tree to get enough energy up to walk back to the clubhouse. Where it took another half-hour sitting on the front porch to regain enough energy to put my things away and drive home.

Lots of recommendations going forward from some of the leading lymphoma doctors in this region. Eliminate red meat, carbohydrates, carbonation, and concentrated sugars while pushing for a pescatarian diet. Nothing unrealistic but still something of a sacrifice.
 

Glad to finally be getting treatment but anxious to hear what the expert at UVA discovers.

 

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