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Weed & sons


Har in the Hat

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As you guys are probably aware, Cannabis is now legal in Canada. 

Yesterday my wife could smell something from our sons room ( 14 years old) and she went to investigate.  He has been previously been caught with a vape so we do suspect him of doing things. She found a container of weed.

So i had a talk with him last night and of course came the self defence- it's legal , everyone does it , etc. During our conversation he says "C'mon Dad, don't tell me you never smoked marijuana when you where my age"?

Honestly, I didn't know how to answer that. Do I tell him the truth and now I am being a hypocrite and i have no weight behind what i am saying or lie so i have a stronger case for getting him to not smoke?

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First off, sorry you're having to deal with this.  I'm really not sure which is the best path.  One thing that floors me is that whoever was behind the legislation to legalize this drug, they didn't think to make the legal age something other than teenagers.  This wouldn't stop them, but would at least give parents a legal basis to try and discourage.  Good luck.

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Just now, fixyurdivot said:

First off, sorry you're having to deal with this.  I'm really not sure which is the best path.  One thing that floors me is that whoever was behind the legislation to legalize this drug, they didn't think to make the legal age something other than teenagers.  This wouldn't stop them, but would at least give parents an legal basis to try and discourage.  Good luck.

Legal age in Canada is 18 with some provinces going with 21. 

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2 minutes ago, GB13 said:

Legal age in Canada is 18 with some provinces going with 21. 

Good to hear.  

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I sent Har a PM with my opinion. On another note I have glaucoma. Currently my pressure is out of control in the right eye which already has significant damage in it. My ophthalmologist has given me the option of trying cannabis or going for laser surgery. I’m honestly torn.


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2 minutes ago, revkev said:

I sent Har a PM with my opinion. On another note I have glaucoma. Currently my pressure is out of control in the right eye which already has significant damage in it. My ophthalmologist has given me the option of trying cannabis or going for laser surgery. I’m honestly torn.


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If it's the version stripped of the mind blowing agent, it might be worth a try.

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Hey @Har in the Hat, I sent you a PM.

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Here's a shocker...

The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety published a study today that says the frequency of collision claims per insured vehicle year rose 6% following the start of retail sales of recreational marijuana in CO, NV, OR, and WA compared with the controlled states of ID, MT, UT, and WY where it's illegal. The study is based on collision loss data for the period January 2012 to October 2017. 

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What's funny is that  my son loves watching Intervention and he knows the consequences of a drug addiction . I am really not so worried about the weed,  but am more scared of him being at a party and some one  there brings out some meth or coke and he tries it.  That is what really scares me.  And I told him this.  This is where it starts for young people. 

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Hmmm if it was me, I would probably tell them the truth... yes, I smoked a couple of times during high school... 3 times max... just out of curiosity. Never made it a habit, because I cared too much about my academic performance, so didn't want to gimp my brain :D

The more you forbid them to do, the greater their desire to go against you.

So my dad would let me drink a few beers with friends at home, under his supervision. He said better do stupid stuff here where I can see you than getting drunk in a bar and getting stabbed.

My kids are still young (4 and 1), but I think that's how I will raise my daughter, too. I will let her have a drink with me at home, so she knows her limit and doesn't go all drunk and wild in a party.

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Also, I'm all for legalizing all drugs, let natural selection do its stuff. Whatever you do, it's your choice, live with it.

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7 hours ago, Kenny B said:

Here's a shocker...

The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety published a study today that says the frequency of collision claims per insured vehicle year rose 6% following the start of retail sales of recreational marijuana in CO, NV, OR, and WA compared with the controlled states of ID, MT, UT, and WY where it's illegal. The study is based on collision loss data for the period January 2012 to October 2017. 

I saw that headline yesterday, but admittedly did not read the details. Are they claiming legal weed was the cause or just noting the correlation?

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A fourteen year old experimenting with cannabis or a vape wouldn't give me the vapers.

Blowing off his homework, engaging in boorish behavior, or acting in a misogynist manner

toward his female classmates would bother me a lot.

Stay calm.

I'm guessing from your concern that you're doing a good job.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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No doubt starting there can lead to moves to stronger drugs. Our society “poo-poos” marijuana use, and I’m not sure why.

I’m lucky to have made good choices growing-up as I’ve never tried a single drug. Not once. I had an older brother who started by drinking, then smoking dope, and ended-up as a heroin/crack addict. As he said, he was that kid that would try whatever someone was offering that was stronger, different. I have had this conversation with 15 yr old my son already. He knows vaping is unacceptable, same with drinking, and doing drugs.

All I can say is that a child that does these things and uses the “everyone else is doing it” is probably only doing these things to fit-in. As a former teacher, coach, and principal, this is a sign of lower self-esteem and a need to please others. Lots of psychology in-play here. My two cents are he could use a visit to a counselor to see what’s going-on. Look-up the now known issues that vaping are causing to the lungs and young brains. It’s not a small thing to blow-off. If he is like my brother, it does lead to things down the road...

As I used to tell students, “You know your parents care by saying ‘no’, and giving you rules to live-up to.”

Good luck. It’s not easy. But remember who the adult is and you’ve learned lessons. You can teach your son these lessons. Help him. Something is going on there.


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Well, I'm probably one of the few people left on the planet who has never smoked weed, or done cocaine, or heroin, or any other "illegal" substance.  I smelled pot in the hallway in my freshman year of high school, and thought it smelled worse than a fart, and then it was pointed out to my extremely naive self that that was pot, and I responded with, "and people want to do this why?"

Drugs just simply scare me, period.  As for alcohol, my father was a bit more proactive with that.  We were on the golf course when I was 14 and he had Black Label in the cart.  I asked him if I could drink some, and he said, "sure go ahead, but I don't think you're gonna like it."  I took two sips and about threw up.  Granted, my tastes have changed since then, and I drink the occasional beer, but have long since sworn off excessive alcohol consumption.

As to the conflict with your teenager.  There is a sign in a local restaurant that says, "Hire a teenager, while they still know everything."

Comedy aside, I took an authoritarian role to parenting in my house.  It was pretty simple - it was my house, and my kids were living in it.  I was lucky though, because both of my kids inherited my character traits of obedience to authority, and never did anything remotely as troubling as smoking weed or even wanting to try drugs.  For that I guess I was fortunate.

I'll close this by sharing a story from my childhood.  My younger brother had a friend named Steve who was somewhat of a bad influence.  Steve and my brother were caught smoking weed (I can't remember how old he was honestly, but it was maybe middle school years).  To this day I have never seen my father as upset as he was the day my parents found out.  And normally my mother was the source of discipline in the family, as my Dad stayed on the sidelines, except for the most serious offenses.  Heck, most of the time our offenses were minor, and Mom dealt with us accordingly, and we general towed the line but didn't go over.  But in this case, Dad left no stone unturned.  I didn't witness it, but I believe my brother couldn't sit for a week due to the spanking he received from my Dad.  My Dad met with the other father and they both agreed that Steve and my brother were never to see each other again.  I honestly don't remember the rest of the punishment, but to sum it up, whatever my Dad handed down as punishment to my brother solved the problem, as he never did weed or any other drugs ever again.

Look, my parents just simply didn't tolerate even venturing into this territory.  They put a stop to any behavior they considered wrong before it even had a chance to get off of the ground.  If you are having a debate with your teenager about how weed is legal and even entertaining the debate, you've already lost the battle.  I learned this parenting lesson from my parents.  It's not even about the weed, but it's about who is in charge here.  My parents always made it perfectly clear that it was their house, and I was just lucky to be living in it.  Weed, drugs, missing curfew, talking back, piss poor attitude, disrespecting either of my parents, whatever; none of that was tolerated - not even entertained.

So it's about who is in charge.  You can take any issue and insert it where the weed is, it's totally irrelevant to the theme of this problem.  You are the parent, it's your house, and you are in charge.  You can run with that, or continue to allow the 14 year old to know that he owns you right now.

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Hopefully your son understands that there are still laws about age limits. That, and your house rules, are the ultimate factors here. If I were in your shoes I’d handle it like a drinking underage or driving without a license issue. However, you are in your shoes, and I hope you are able to get things squared away.


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1 hour ago, PMookie said:

No doubt starting there can lead to moves to stronger drugs. Our society “poo-poos” marijuana use, and I’m not sure why.

I'm sorry, PMookie, but calling marijuana a "gateway drug" is a patently absurd statement.

It factually isn't.

 

 

 

 

 

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36 minutes ago, NiftyNiblick said:

I'm sorry, PMookie, but calling marijuana a "gateway drug" is a patently absurd statement.

It factually isn't.

 

I'm sorry... I must have missed where that fact is stated.  Can you give me a reference?

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I'm sorry, PMookie, but calling marijuana a "gateway drug" is a patently absurd statement.

It factually isn't.

 

My brother, who barely escaped the grasp of heroin and crack, would definitely disagree with this “thought”. I suggest you stop here......

 

 

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I'm sorry... I must have missed where that fact is stated.  Can you give me a reference?


Did you read my post completely??? My brother went through it and COMPLETELY attributes it to part of his path to heroin and crack. I suggest you stop here.........


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13 minutes ago, PMookie said:

 


Did you read my post completely??? My brother went through it and COMPLETELY attributes it to part of his path to heroin and crack. I suggest you stop here.........


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Yes, I read it completely, and I am truly sorry that your brother and your family had to go though that. 

I was referring to to Nifty's statement, not yours.  The FACT is that marijuana cannot be proven one way or the other to be a  "Gateway Drug".  In your brother's case it did lead to stronger drugs, but there is also evidence that it doesn't lead to stronger drugs.  It depends on the person.  But to say that it "factually isn't" a gateway drug is not supportable.

 

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As a regular user of cannabis that has children I have a few thoughts.

First, ask your son why he is using marijuana. Is it because his friends do it? Is it for an escape from problems he may be having. Really listen to what he has to say, it may be eye opening.

Next, go online with him and research the positive and negative aspects of marijuana use and discuss with him. While cannabis has many wonderful healing properties, it does also impair functions that could prevent your son from finishing chores or schoolwork, and once he has a drivers license, can be dangerous.

Then finally tell him that you don’t think it is good for someone that is still developing to be using a substance that can alter them. There are reasons for age limits and they must be obeyed for his safety. Once he is of a mature age he can then choose what substances to put into his body, but it is your duty to help him make those decisions while he lives at home.


Be open and honest and loving. But most of all, don’t just talk, listen.






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3 hours ago, GSwag said:

Well, I'm probably one of the few people left on the planet who has never smoked weed, or done cocaine, or heroin, or any other "illegal" substance. 

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I will not give an opinion either way, because this post isn’t about my opinion on drugs or the use of them, I just want to let Har know that we appreciate his  openess and wish him the best in the situation with his son. These are difficult things to deal with, and I hope that everything works out for the best. 

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A fourteen year old experimenting with cannabis or a vape wouldn't give me the vapers.
Blowing off his homework, engaging in boorish behavior, or acting in a misogynist manner
toward his female classmates would bother me a lot.
Stay calm.
I'm guessing from your concern that you're doing a good job.
 
 
 
 
 



I see what you did there.


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14 hours ago, Har in the Hat said:

As you guys are probably aware, Cannabis is now legal in Canada. 

Yesterday my wife could smell something from our sons room ( 14 years old) and she went to investigate.  He has been previously been caught with a vape so we do suspect him of doing things. She found a container of weed.

So i had a talk with him last night and of course came the self defence- it's legal , everyone does it , etc. During our conversation he says "C'mon Dad, don't tell me you never smoked marijuana when you where my age"?

Honestly, I didn't know how to answer that. Do I tell him the truth and now I am being a hypocrite and i have no weight behind what i am saying or lie so i have a stronger case for getting him to not smoke?

I teach in Ontario, and we broach this topic with our kids all the time. Many have different attitudes on marijuana brought on by media figures, parents, peers, etc. I try to give them the facts. a) it's illegal at your age (no debating that) and b) tons of research has shown it can have many harmful effects on your mental health, school performance and can increase the risk of psychological disorders. I have had students ask me before if I've done it (I lie to them) but I also tell them it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if everyone else in the room has tried it, it's about you, what matters to you and your pros and cons of the risk factors about that drug. Encourage your son to make his own decisions and not worry if "everyone does it" or who else has done it in the past. 

You're not a hypocrite for encouraging someone to not do something you have done. They are benefiting from your experience. At this point, he is looking for an excuse to continue, so you need to get him to think about why he is doing it, what he wants to get out of it, and do the potential risks outweigh what I want to get out of my life. You need to encourage and empower him to make his own decisions, because if you come down like a hardass he'll probably just sneak around and do it without your knowledge (which is always worse)

I hope that helps, I'd be happy to share any resources with you if you're interested. Good luck

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1 hour ago, Kenny B said:

 Yes, I read it completely, and I am truly sorry that your brother and your family had to go though that. 

I was referring to to Nifty's statement, not yours.  The FACT is that marijuana cannot be proven one way or the other to be a  "Gateway Drug".  In your brother's case it did lead to stronger drugs, but there is also evidence that it doesn't lead to stronger drugs.  It depends on the person.  But to say that it "factually isn't" a gateway drug is not supportable.

 

I firmly believe that marijuana and alcohol are most peoples first introductions to the world of banned/controlled substances and from there, more can be experimented with (this actually has facts to back it up). The non-gateway drug argument means that you are arguing that crack heads likely started with cocaine and never tried another drug before that, which is statistically untrue. It doesn't mean that everyone who uses marijuana will one day use something worse, but people who use something worse often start with marijuana or alcohol.

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-gateway-drug Interesting article to see about the responses to THC in rat brains and how it primes certain parts of the brain for cross-sensitization for other drugs afterwards. 

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5 minutes ago, newballcoach said:

I firmly believe that marijuana and alcohol are most peoples first introductions to the world of banned/controlled substances and from there, more can be experimented with (this actually has facts to back it up). The non-gateway drug argument means that you are arguing that crack heads likely started with cocaine and never tried another drug before that, which is statistically untrue. It doesn't mean that everyone who uses marijuana will one day use something worse, but people who use something worse often start with marijuana or alcohol.

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-gateway-drug Interesting article to see about the responses to THC in rat brains and how it primes certain parts of the brain for cross-sensitization for other drugs afterwards. 

I wish I like that more than once. I had started a response about this but could never word it right. Thank you for a coherently worded response. 

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29 minutes ago, newballcoach said:

I firmly believe that marijuana and alcohol are most peoples first introductions to the world of banned/controlled substances and from there, more can be experimented with (this actually has facts to back it up). The non-gateway drug argument means that you are arguing that crack heads likely started with cocaine and never tried another drug before that, which is statistically untrue. It doesn't mean that everyone who uses marijuana will one day use something worse, but people who use something worse often start with marijuana or alcohol.

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-gateway-drug Interesting article to see about the responses to THC in rat brains and how it primes certain parts of the brain for cross-sensitization for other drugs afterwards. 

Agree totally.  That's my point exactly, and it has been supported by many studies over the years.  And the younger someone starts, the more opportunity exists to try something else.  It really depends on the person and their environment.

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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2 hours ago, newballcoach said:

You're not a hypocrite for encouraging someone to not do something you have done. They are benefiting from your experience.

This... will hopefully help Har more than anything. 

Kudo's to all of us here on the forum for being able to discuss a topic like this without it going completely south.  I've said it in my first MGS post, but it's worth repeating.  MGS rocks and there is something about the mix of members (and our Mods) on this website that just works - better than any others I currently or previously participated on.  

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