Weed & sons

[yungkory]

Treat it the same way you would with alcohol or any other legal "drug." He needs to abide by the law and wait until he is of age to use it. We're curious by nature, tell him the truth that you experimented as well. Be open and honest with him about it and he will take your words to heart. You're a positive role model in his life, you want to be seen as someone he can come to with problems, and being a liar turns you into the opposite.

I've said it in the pain management thread a while back -- Marijuana helps people, and it's scientifically documented. It's just shocking to see people feel so strongly about it, but not have any opinion about other legal drugs, especially alcohol and tobacco. I'm not trying to change anyone's beliefs, but holy moly to have such feelings towards something you have no experience with? Sounds like brainwashing to me.

[srooch2]

I've done almost every drug you can think of, I smoked weed as a youngster as well. I'm not in the group that thinks it's bad but it isn't for kids of that age period. They're brain is still developing.(I read this somewhere, it's a fact but it's been awhile) It's a tough spot to be in but it IS illegal for him at that age. You might tell him that. I attribute none of my previous addictions to smoking when I was young, I was an addict plain and simple. I had a surgery when I was a kid(16) and got over prescribed opiates which led to the bulk of my problems. In my intro I left a lot of details out about my addiction due to this being a golf forum but since we're here.... Addiction is a sensitive subject please treat it with care everyone and understand that everyone is different in how they get there and how they handle it. Brain altering drugs of ANY kind at that age can be dangerous. Even if he doesn't get addicted to other drugs it can have lifelong effects on him. Sounds like your a good dad, my parents never addressed my problems as a kid which could have had the worst effect of all on me, I had to approach them some ten years later to tell them what was going on. Stay involved and communication is always important.

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[Big money]

Not sure how reacting with this one.Personally, I would be more alarmed with underage pregnancies.That is a real epidemic that needs addressed.And would be a great thread topic 

[robertson153]

No one here knows your son better than you. I have two boys and I can’t treat them the same because everyone is different. They react to things differently such as discipline. He may do better with tough/strict rules, or, he may do better with you talking about the long term effects of drugs. Bottom line is you know how he’s going to react to whatever you decide.


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[Har in the Hat]

18 hours ago, Kanoito said:

Hmmm if it was me, I would probably tell them the truth... yes, I smoked a couple of times during high school... 3 times max... just out of curiosity. Never made it a habit, because I cared too much about my academic performance, so didn't want to gimp my brain

The more you forbid them to do, the greater their desire to go against you.

So my dad would let me drink a few beers with friends at home, under his supervision. He said better do stupid stuff here where I can see you than getting drunk in a bar and getting stabbed.

My kids are still young (4 and 1), but I think that's how I will raise my daughter, too. I will let her have a drink with me at home, so she knows her limit and doesn't go all drunk and wild in a party.

***

Also, I'm all for legalizing all drugs, let natural selection do its stuff. Whatever you do, it's your choice, live with it.

thanks

talking the truth and why i stopped makes sense.

14 hours ago, NiftyNiblick said:

A fourteen year old experimenting with cannabis or a vape wouldn't give me the vapers.

Blowing off his homework, engaging in boorish behavior, or acting in a misogynist manner

toward his female classmates would bother me a lot.

Stay calm.

I'm guessing from your concern that you're doing a good job.

 

 

 

 

 

Nifty, 

I have to disagree with you. The  chemicals used in vapes are not known or regulated and i have read that vape is now found to crystallize lungs, release toxic concentrations of metals, etc.  I have talked to my son about this and actually he is really scared now. I have always tried to get him into more physical fitness and i always preach to him that we only have 1 body and if it gets damaged, that's it. 

Thank you for taking the time to respons to my thread. i really appreciate it.

i tol

13 hours ago, PMookie said:

No doubt starting there can lead to moves to stronger drugs. Our society “poo-poos” marijuana use, and I’m not sure why.

I’m lucky to have made good choices growing-up as I’ve never tried a single drug. Not once. I had an older brother who started by drinking, then smoking dope, and ended-up as a heroin/crack addict. As he said, he was that kid that would try whatever someone was offering that was stronger, different. I have had this conversation with 15 yr old my son already. He knows vaping is unacceptable, same with drinking, and doing drugs.

All I can say is that a child that does these things and uses the “everyone else is doing it” is probably only doing these things to fit-in. As a former teacher, coach, and principal, this is a sign of lower self-esteem and a need to please others. Lots of psychology in-play here. My two cents are he could use a visit to a counselor to see what’s going-on. Look-up the now known issues that vaping are causing to the lungs and young brains. It’s not a small thing to blow-off. If he is like my brother, it does lead to things down the road...

As I used to tell students, “You know your parents care by saying ‘no’, and giving you rules to live-up to.”

Good luck. It’s not easy. But remember who the adult is and you’ve learned lessons. You can teach your son these lessons. Help him. Something is going on there.


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I agree with you. I have also sat and watched Intervention with my son numerous times and the common starting point was marijuana. I won't mention the other common thread (some pysical trauma like rape, or beaing beaten up when young) but it has always been for teenagers - at a party and experimenting. I hope your brother is fine?

Thank you PM, I am sincerely touched for you (and the rest of the guys here) to take the time out and respond to my thread.

12 hours ago, GSwag said:

 

 

I'll close this by sharing a story from my childhood.  My younger brother had a friend named Steve who was somewhat of a bad influence.  Steve and my brother were caught smoking weed (I can't remember how old he was honestly, but it was maybe middle school years).  To this day I have never seen my father as upset as he was the day my parents found out.  And normally my mother was the source of discipline in the family, as my Dad stayed on the sidelines, except for the most serious offenses.  Heck, most of the time our offenses were minor, and Mom dealt with us accordingly, and we general towed the line but didn't go over.  But in this case, Dad left no stone unturned.  I didn't witness it, but I believe my brother couldn't sit for a week due to the spanking he received from my Dad.  My Dad met with the other father and they both agreed that Steve and my brother were never to see each other again.  I honestly don't remember the rest of the punishment, but to sum it up, whatever my Dad handed down as punishment to my brother solved the problem, as he never did weed or any other drugs ever again.

 

So it's about who is in charge.  You can take any issue and insert it where the weed is, it's totally irrelevant to the theme of this problem.  You are the parent, it's your house, and you are in charge.  You can run with that, or continue to allow the 14 year old to know that he owns you right now.

 

11 hours ago, russtopherb said:

Hopefully your son understands that there are still laws about age limits. That, and your house rules, are the ultimate factors here. If I were in your shoes I’d handle it like a drinking underage or driving without a license issue. However, you are in your shoes, and I hope you are able to get things squared away.
 

 

GSwag, thanks for the reply.

I listned to my son and let him give the reasons but yes. i did not tolerate it and put my foot down.  And correct. my house, my rules. i just didnt want to blow up right away and make all these ...' my house, my rules" statemetns. I wanted this to proceed as a conversation first and listen to him.

Thank you for sharing the story and replying to my thread. I appreciate the time you took to reveal all you wrote.

 

Rust - yes he does.as i just staed previously to GS

and thank you to you as well for reading my thread and replying to it.

 

 

10 hours ago, deejaid said:

As a regular user of cannabis that has children I have a few thoughts.

First, ask your son why he is using marijuana. Is it because his friends do it? Is it for an escape from problems he may be having. Really listen to what he has to say, it may be eye opening.

Next, go online with him and research the positive and negative aspects of marijuana use and discuss with him. While cannabis has many wonderful healing properties, it does also impair functions that could prevent your son from finishing chores or schoolwork, and once he has a drivers license, can be dangerous.

Then finally tell him that you don’t think it is good for someone that is still developing to be using a substance that can alter them. There are reasons for age limits and they must be obeyed for his safety. Once he is of a mature age he can then choose what substances to put into his body, but it is your duty to help him make those decisions while he lives at home.


Be open and honest and loving. But most of all, don’t just talk, listen.






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I really like your answer deejaid. I never once thought about asking him that question. it's so simple find out the reason why he is doing it.

and as i responded to GS, i wanted it to be a conversation not just a lecture with a lot of angry words.

 

thank you for that reply.

 

[Har in the Hat]

9 hours ago, newballcoach said:

I teach in Ontario, and we broach this topic with our kids all the time. Many have different attitudes on marijuana brought on by media figures, parents, peers, etc. I try to give them the facts. a) it's illegal at your age (no debating that) and b) tons of research has shown it can have many harmful effects on your mental health, school performance and can increase the risk of psychological disorders. I have had students ask me before if I've done it (I lie to them) but I also tell them it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if everyone else in the room has tried it, it's about you, what matters to you and your pros and cons of the risk factors about that drug. Encourage your son to make his own decisions and not worry if "everyone does it" or who else has done it in the past. 

You're not a hypocrite for encouraging someone to not do something you have done. They are benefiting from your experience. At this point, he is looking for an excuse to continue, so you need to get him to think about why he is doing it, what he wants to get out of it, and do the potential risks outweigh what I want to get out of my life. You need to encourage and empower him to make his own decisions, because if you come down like a hardass he'll probably just sneak around and do it without your knowledge (which is always worse)

I hope that helps, I'd be happy to share any resources with you if you're interested. Good luck

Thank you so much newball for this response and replying to my thread.

I enjoyed reading it.

 i did have a conversation with him, cut down his reasons why and then explained to him the effects of it.

When i discussed the ranifications to the body from using vape, he cringed and got scared.

 

 

[Har in the Hat]

 

I really want to give a hearfelt thanks to you guys for taking the time to respond to this thread.

It's not easy to give advice to someone (whom you don't know) about certain topics. But some of you did and i really appreciate that.

It's friday and of course, my son is going out tonight with a friend. I didn't say anythihng, but he started the conversation about he is going to see a friend who has asthma and is not going to do marijuana , vaping anymore. "dad, i care about my body and don't want anything to happen to it".

okay son.

As he was leaving the house, I called him back and grabbed him by the shirt and told him:

" You are the only son i have and i don't want anything to happen to you"

 

 

[Har in the Hat]

1 hour ago, robertson153 said:

No one here knows your son better than you. I have two boys and I can’t treat them the same because everyone is different. They react to things differently such as discipline. He may do better with tough/strict rules, or, he may do better with you talking about the long term effects of drugs. Bottom line is you know how he’s going to react to whatever you decide.


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so true,.

thank you for this and replying to my thread

I grew up in a house where I called my Dad "pops", and boy did i get it.

 

[Har in the Hat]

7 hours ago, fixyurdivot said:

This... will hopefully help Har more than anything. 

Kudo's to all of us here on the forum for being able to discuss a topic like this without it going completely south.  I've said it in my first MGS post, but it's worth repeating.  MGS rocks and there is something about the mix of members (and our Mods) on this website that just works - better than any others I currently or previously participated on.  

You are so correct,

there are so many great people on this website. 

it is amazing. 

and newball coach opened up my eyes on that statement.  

[Har in the Hat]

5 hours ago, Brewmaster said:

I've done almost every drug you can think of, I smoked weed as a youngster as well. I'm not in the group that thinks it's bad but it isn't for kids of that age period. They're brain is still developing.(I read this somewhere, it's a fact but it's been awhile) It's a tough spot to be in but it IS illegal for him at that age. You might tell him that. I attribute none of my previous addictions to smoking when I was young, I was an addict plain and simple. I had a surgery when I was a kid(16) and got over prescribed opiates which led to the bulk of my problems. In my intro I left a lot of details out about my addiction due to this being a golf forum but since we're here.... Addiction is a sensitive subject please treat it with care everyone and understand that everyone is different in how they get there and how they handle it. Brain altering drugs of ANY kind at that age can be dangerous. Even if he doesn't get addicted to other drugs it can have lifelong effects on him. Sounds like your a good dad, my parents never addressed my problems as a kid which could have had the worst effect of all on me, I had to approach them some ten years later to tell them what was going on. Stay involved and communication is always important.

Sent from my VS988 using MyGolfSpy mobile app
 

thank you for sharing that.

i think it is safe to speak on behalf of others here, Brewmaster, that we can lean on each other if need be.

[NiftyNiblick]

On 10/19/2018 at 11:27 AM, PMookie said:

I suggest you stop here......

If I do, I promise you that it won't have been on the strength of your suggestion......Mookie.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 11:27 AM, PMookie said:

 

 

 

[silver & black]

On 10/19/2018 at 12:26 PM, tony@CIC said:

X2

X3....... never even thought about it, and I still don't care about it...lol. 

[Maximina A. Williams]

You need to have a serious talk with him about the consequences of such actions. Or offer to find and read about the effects of marijuana on the human body. I've been in this situation myself and read the blog at https://samplius.com/free-essay-examples/marijuana/. It helped me learn more and change my son's mind about it.