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How to get to the golf course and away from the wife and kids


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Hi all,

Looking to see tips and tricks to get out of the house to golf without the wife giving you evil eyes and making you feel awful for leaving. This has intensified now that I have a 9-month-old son. Not a big deal in the winter here for me in Michigan, but the tension was always intense if I wanted to get out on the weekend for even 9 holes. I probably played a round of 18 on average 2 times per month in the season and about three 9-hole rounds. I feel like a round of 18 once a weekend is reasonable. Going into the spring, how do I make everyone happy? I'm sure there is probably nothing I can do. 😂

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Being in Michigan I know how our season is and how you want to get in as much as possible when the weather is good. My wife always feels like I should be spending time with her instead of "chasing a stupid little white ball". I don't have any kids at home, but I tell her that for me golf is 1,)a better workout than a gym, 9 holes equals a mile and a half walk, plus the workout you get swinging the clubs. and 2,) it's how I decompress form all the crap I deal with at work.

Another way to get course time is to encourage her to have a "girls night" out with her friends while you babysit. Then that in turn gives you golf time.

Good Luck.

Chris

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Hi all,
Looking to see tips and tricks to get out of the house to golf without the wife giving you evil eyes and making you feel awful for leaving. This has intensified now that I have a 9-month-old son. Not a big deal in the winter here for me in Michigan, but the tension was always intense if I wanted to get out on the weekend for even 9 holes. I probably played a round of 18 on average 2 times per month in the season and about three 9-hole rounds. I feel like a round of 18 once a weekend is reasonable. Going into the spring, how do I make everyone happy? I'm sure there is probably nothing I can do. 


I always thought about relationships like a bank account. You need to put lots of deposits in (re: girls night out, her having an aft of lunch
and shopping with her friends) before you make a withdrawal (golf).
Of course your son makes it that much more challenging.

FYI it does get better as your son gets older.


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When my kids were young I didn’t play much, and there were years when I put the clubs away tending to family, etc. However, when I did play when the kids were in the house I never got the guilt trip from the wife. She’s always been very supportive of my golf addiction with or without the kids around.

Every family and every situation is different so you’ll have to create your own rules with your wife. And honestly it sounds like you need to have a sit down with her regarding playing golf. I mean, you make it sound like she gets pissed whenever you leave the house. What is she, your parole officer?

I’d sit down with her and set some guidelines for what she agrees to with regards to golf. Then when you go play within those guidelines she can’t give you crap since she agreed to those terms.

Then again I’ve got a friend who mentioned golf to me in front of his wife and you would have thought I cursed at her or something as she said golf was a dirty word. That’s his deal and not mine. Every wife and family is different.


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Schedule together time.  Set a date night, get a baby sitter and do something fun as a couple.  

 

Agree with your spouse that she should have her alone time.  What she does is up to her.  You are in charge of child care.  

 

Agree with your spouse that you should have your alone time.  What you do is up to you.  She is in charge of child care.  

 

Schedule your golf for times so that playing is as little of a burden on your wife as you can make it.  Get up early and out of the house before your child wakes up or during nap time.

 

When you get back from the course, give her a big kiss and say thank you.  And mean it.

 

Do nice things for her.  For example, next time she's tired and grumpy or feeling overwhelmed, go run a hot bubble bath.  Don't forget the Epsom salts.  Light candles in the bathroom.  Cut a cucumber and put on a plate near the tub (for her to use to rejuvenate her eyes).  Put on some soft music.  Pour her a glass of wine and lead her to the tub.  While she's in the tub, do the laundry.    

 

(I've been happily married for 37 years.  And I play a lot of golf.) 

 

  

Edited by alfriday101
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what I did was get out at 5 am, start around 6 and be back by 11am.  my wife never minded that as it left the rest of the day with the family.

that early, the golf course I played didn't mind me being the first one out as I never held up the regular foursomes.

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Outside of what everyone’s already said I’m the same with Har. I’ll go out and walk and be the first one out at 6 am. If I do 9 I can be back by 730. If I play 18 I’m home by lunch. Or if the girls are napping I’ll go out and walk a few holes.


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So you have a kid together. Do you have a mortgage?

I’ll tell you the secret of marriage. Any free moment you have, don’t sit on your butt watching tv, instead, do something, anything, around the house.

Clean the bathrooms, clean up after dinner, give the kid a bath, Fix an non-working outlet, clean the gutters, paint a room, whatever.


Then you don’t ask to play golf, you tell her. No I’m saying that in an arrogant way, you just say, “I’m planning on playing golf on ____ at ____.” If she complains, you just tell her, “Listen, I’ve been working hard at work and at home and I’m gonna take some time playing golf and recharging.”

That’s it. Don’t beat around the bush, tell her direct and how you feel, your feelings should matter to her.

Now I ask if you have a mortgage, because if you got a kid and a mortgage, neither one of you are going anywhere. You are stuck together for the next 20 years, might as well be honest with each other (I’ve been with my wife since 2000 and this approach works best).




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Great advice given already and I’ll add just a little to what has already been mentioned. Words matter. Many people will tell you effective communication is the key to a lasting relationship but I would argue how you communicate is just as important as effective communication.

 

It’s Wednesday evening and you are sitting on the couch watching TV. You tell your wife, “Saturday I want to play Golf and I want to hang out with you.” “I was thinking I’d could play golf in the morning then come home, take a shower, then we can head out for a nice lunch and maybe hit that festival downtown”. You stated you desires and let her know spending time with her is important to you. You’ve also made a recommendation rather than putting the burden on her to develop a plan. If she agrees then all is well. If she does not agree then let the negotiation begin. Everything in life is a negotiation until it’s not.

 

 

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There has already been good advice thus far but I would just say to invest significantly in your wife for the next 90 days. Communicate your love and appreciation for her in word and deed. Take time to find out how she is feeling or perhaps a better way to say it is find out how you playing golf makes her feel. Talk to her and listen. Find out what the actual problem and solve it and life will be better. I've been married 27 years and through the years golf has at times been a significant source of tension but no more. I will tell you that you are in a season of life that is difficult, wonderful and fleeting - this too shall pass and you will miss it :) If I could go back, I wouldn't play more golf. Hope things work out - enjoy your Thanksgiving!

 

 

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My wife understands my golf addiction because her Dad is a golfer. She also see's that after working 60+ hours a week I don't stop because I have to do stuff around the house, so she doesn't begrudge me going out for 4 or 5 hours on a Saturday or Sunday morning to whack a small white ball around.

I  have to agree with the other guys, make sure she gets time to do her own thing as well and I think you'll be golden.

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another great example of great members helping out another great member.

This forum is the best and it is because of you guys, the members.

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I can remember fantasizing about getting away from the wife and kids.

Now, however, the kids are in their forties and we can't get to see them enough.

 

As for the wife, we have to spend time together whether we like it or not.

If we're together, MAYBE one of us will remember something that has to be remembered.

 

 

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I'm fortunate to have a wife that actually encourages me whenever I want to do something I enjoy, and I did the same for her. It doesn't hurt that I'm part of the SuperSpeed review and I can be like "baby I need to go play today to check my swing speed on the course".

You could always do what my brother did every year before hunting season: buy her jewelry. He used to do it every year like clockwork.

I think it's important for each partner in a relationship to be able to get away from the everyday grind and decompress.

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It’s a struggle. I usually give my wife 6 hours on Saturday to hang out with friends etc, then take Sunday early to play. Also get 9 holes after work here and there. Bottom line, you will never get enough time until the baby can play!


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Luckily my wife understands how important golf is for me and to have my “me time”. Try to play early in the morning so the whole day is not golf and you are home for the rest of the day. Let her have a day for her to do what she likes. Be active in the household that helps a lot. When you come home from playing be in a great mood even if the round was bad, hey golf good or bad is better than doing housework right. When she sees how happy it makes you it gives her a better understanding of your reason for golfing. Doesn’t hurt if you bring home your winnings and take her out for a nice dinner


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You could roll over in the morning and whisper, “golf course, or intercourse”?

my wife always says, wear a sweater!😂

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My wife doesn't mind the golfing, it's the drinking that goes along with it that she hates.  

Lot's of great advice here and I don't have a lot to add in regards to the communication or deposit/withdrawal lines of thought.

 

Here's my one piece of advice.  Join a league.  Find a local course with a set league that plays once a week at a set time.  That way it becomes a commitment and part of the routine instead of randomly trying to get out to play every once in a while.  

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I’m living this right now. What’s worked for me is I haven’t made golf or time to myself a priority.

My time with my daughter, the dog and home life with my wife all come first.

She understands when I say I want to go that it’s not a big deal.

Life is all about balance.


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