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fixyurdivot

Favorite Golf Snarks?

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"Got your putter caught in your skirt?"  I've always enjoyed hearing new ones over the years playing with various folks.  What is your favorite?

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When I bomb one past someone I go with:
“Did you hear about that new Walmart they are building?”

No where is it?

“Between my ball and yours!”

This is a favorite that I’ll never forget the faces on my dad and uncles face when I hit each of them with it


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First time playing in Canada a friend quipped to me after a duffed chip "does your husband also play golf"
I know it's an old one now but it had me in stitches at the time.
Sorry, didn't mean to repeat the same insult. Why is there no delete option?

Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk

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While well intended, I have heard:  You don't play bad for someone your age.

When a bud hits the green but a ways from the pin: You're dancing but its a long song with an ugly woman; or, you're dancing but you might not be able to hear the band.

When a bud is getting frustrated:  Remember its called golf because all the other four letter words were taken.

When a bud can't seem to make a putt from any length:   Hopefully, your wife ain't horney tonight.

 

 

Edited by TheWahoo
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A couple, with explanations.  One of our regular players was ALWAYS positive about every shot, even clearly awful ones.  A ball headed high over the OB fence, Fred is saying "great swing!".  That usually caused some type of angry response, mostly unprintable words.  We now call the compliment for a clearly awful shot "Fredding" the player.  

The other started on a trip to Palm Springs a year or two ago.   My wife and I and two other friends are playing, and Rick's non-golfer wife is along with us for the ride,  which is pretty common for her My friend Rick, a really solid player,  was having a really tough day, hitting a bunch of bunkers and really struggling with the sand shots.  Finally, he hit a nice one, and Lisa says "That was a good shot....for you".  So now we bring that phrase out a couple of times every round, "that was a good shot.....for you".

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And one that got under my skin a bit. Played with a high handicap at my club and I shot -4 67. After the round he told me it was a good round but could have been great, I made way to many routine pars. My response was fantastic 102 that you chucked up there today.

Heck I made 4 birds and 14 pars for a clean card. He started the day with a quad and followed it with a triple from the middle of the fairway with a 9 iron.


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After hitting a putt way short one of my buddies will hit you with “be careful walking to your ball, wouldn’t want you to trip on your tampon string”


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9 hours ago, TBT said:

After hitting a putt way short one of my buddies will hit you with “be careful walking to your ball, wouldn’t want you to trip on your tampon string”


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That's HARSH man.

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There are also some of the classics:

A bud spends excessive amounts of time looking for his ball:    Have you ever thought of bowling, I don't think even you could lose a bowling ball. 

A bud seems to be able to often find the water:   Personally, I think its better to lie in green pastures as opposed to still waters.

After a round in the 19th hole, tell a bud:   My objective is to someday shoot my age, not my weight. 

 

Edited by TheWahoo
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7 minutes ago, TheWahoo said:

There are also some of the classics:

A bud spends excessive amounts of time looking for his ball:    Have you ever thought of bowling, I don't think even you could lose a bowling ball. 

A bud seems to be able to often find the water:   Personally, I think its better to lie in green pastures as opposed to still waters.

After a round in the 19th hole, tell a bud:   My objective is to someday shoot my age, not my weight. 

Or:  Are you Dyslexic, we were play Golf not Flog.

Just for the record, I can and have lost a bowling ball. 

Edited by GB13
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I played with a guy that had a MASSIVE LOW SNAP HOOK on all drives.

Each drive he'd shout "did you see the wind take that..."

 

funny the first 3 times but lost it's appeal after another 5 minutes in the trees looking for it...again🙄

Edited by perseveringgolfer
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