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azstu324

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So I want to get some POV's on a situation that happened on the course yesterday and whether or not my actions were warranted. I have to also tread lightly because I know that this isn't a depiction of all < 30-year-olds in the world but I feel like it's becoming more common in today's society. Part of me feels bad for letting my emotions get the best of me and another part of me feels like I could/should have done more. It's a tricky one. I'm 41. I was raised to say please, thank you, and most definitely "I'm sorry". Look people in the eye when you talk, a firm handshake is a definition of character, and If you make a mistake or do someone wrong, you pull up your big boy/girl britches, swallow your pride and by God, make it right. 

Yesterday I'm at one of my favorite exec's (Rolling Hills) with my daughter Kaylen who's 7. The course is a muni that sits in the middle of Tempe so it's kind of a tight layout on some holes but very challenging and fun and just enough to hold K's attention. Depending on the pairing and the traffic on the course, We have a couple of clubs for her to use when the opportunity presents itself. Yesterday was good because the course was packed and we weren't going anywhere anytime soon, the guys we got paired with were very friendly and encouraging of her to hit the ball as often as she could so it was really fun. She even got to play a couple holes from tee to green and I couldn't have been more proud. 

Well on one of the holes, she was tee'd up and ready to swing when a ball made a thud about 3' from where she was standing. I immediately scanned the layout and could tell who hit the ball. It was a very errant fairway shot that absolutely warranted a "FORE". Nobody in the group heard a thing coming from any direction. I told Kaylen to go sit in the cart and the other 2 to go on. "I've got some business to attend to". I patiently waited for the guy to come to his ball. He drove up, got out, and walked up to his ball like nothing happened (keep in mind he's hitting his approach from an adjacent hole tee box AND I'm standing 2' away from it). So I interrupted his swing practice and said "hold up man", "at what point did you intend to apologize for nearly hitting my kid, and not yelling a damn thing when you hit your ball right at us?".. He glanced at me, shrugged his shoulder, and then went back to trying to hit his shot as if to say "F" off and leave me alone, like I was the one being rude and interrupting his game. It was almost as if I was speaking a foreign language and he had no idea what I was saying. The guy couldn't have been that much younger than me but quite likely the next couple of generations where the aforementioned values have been misplaced. He hit a pretty good approach shot, and this is what set me off even more is that he had the swing mechanics to be more than aware of golf etiquette. So I then continued to try to get his proper attention by saying some other choice words that would have cost me at least $10 at home in the $1 swear jar. I wasn't looking for any physical altercations so much as to just try and force some common decency out of the emotionless turd of a human being. The guy then just turned around and walked back to his cart.. still as if I were just blubbering in a foreign language. He was with another guy who was pretty built but that didn't matter to me in the slightest. I also don't think that I was so intimidating that he was too scared to talk. I then closed my eyes, counted to 10 (seemed like 1000), cooled off and then went back to playing. 

Would anybody have done anything differently? Is this really the new era of human that's coming off of the production line? Keep in mind that my daughter's safety was threatened so my emotions, reactions, and adrenaline were all in Papa Bear mode. I realize that mistakes can happen and everybody deserves the benefit human error. I've hit shots where my depth perception failed me and ended up closer to a group than I anticipated and didn't get a chance to yell something.. but still I made a defined point to approach the group, apologize, and make things right and never once have I left without having a laugh with new friends on the course. 

Thanks as always!

 

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Stu, I know you and your training, so I realize both those guys are lucky they didn't end up down and out for the count.   Kudos for walking away.

Now, in full honesty, you probably should have let it go after you made the first comment and he didn't apologize.  Obviously he didn't give an F!   If he had even if he was intimated by your size, most reasonable people would have offered at least a token "sorry I didn't know anyone was here"  But given his lack of acknowledgement, any further engaging with him would have been pointless and could only have led to something more confrontational and dangerous than it needed to be.  That's something you definitly would not have wanted your daughter to see.    

What's the old saying, "smile and move on"  That's something, I'm having to remind myself to do more of lately as well it seems. 

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From the sounds of it, the guys is a world class turd but would probably scream blue murder if the situation was reversed.

I can't fault what you did and am happy that you said your piece and seeing there was no response or remorse, let it go.

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9 minutes ago, Golfspy_CG2 said:

Stu, I know you and your training, so I realize both those guys are lucky they didn't end up down and out for the count.   Kudos for walking away.

Now, in full honesty, you probably should have let it go after you made the first comment and he didn't apologize.  Obviously he didn't give an F!   If he had even if he was intimated by your size, most reasonable people would have offered at least a token "sorry I didn't know anyone was here"  But given his lack of acknowledgement, any further engaging with him would have been pointless and could only have led to something more confrontational and dangerous than it needed to be.  That's something you definitly would not have wanted your daughter to see.    

What's the old saying, "smile and move on"  That's something, I'm having to remind myself to do more of lately as well it seems. 

I totally agree, you can't argue with stupid. I'm going to be 60 very soon and I'm always amazed at how self centered folks in their 20's and 30"s are. Not to say all of them are, I've met plenty that weren't, but for the minority that are....well... like I said, you can't argue with stupid.

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6 minutes ago, LeftyHawk said:

I totally agree, you can't argue with stupid. I'm going to be 60 very soon and I'm always amazed at how self centered folks in their 20's and 30"s are. Not to say all of them are, I've met plenty that weren't, but for the minority that are....well... like I said, you can't argue with stupid.

Chris

I know this is centered on the guys age in this instance, but I'm the same age as you, and I've met plenty of ignorant A'&*)* that are our age and older.

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For me having been hit by a golf ball and having kids that play the game (7 &5) I understand the reaction.  But like others above have stated rude people are just that.  I tend to error on the side of caution with my FORE's because I would rather be safe than sorry and then still go apologize because it is what you do. Hopefully the rest of the round was enjoyable after that incident as it was before.  

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I made a comment the other day on the golf course in a tournament with the group of strangers that I was paired with who made a comment about the group behind us hitting into us on a par 5 and then driving their carts up to the green while we were still putting.  One of the guys in my group suggested we play faster to get out of their way, even though we were waiting on every shot because of a slow group in front of us.

Quote

I'm not at all worried about that group behind us.  We can't go anywhere so they can go F themselves.  I only get emotional about what I can control, and that is me and my actions and reactions.  If I let what they did on the last hole bother me I should have quit the game years ago.

So with that in mind I would have assessed the situation as follows:

A)  What was their intent in hitting that shot at you?  Was it intentional?  I assume not, so I probably wouldn't have said a word to them and let them be the first to say anything.

B)  It's a (crowded/packed public muni.  I've played enough rounds on a public muni to realize that it takes all kinds to fill a tee sheet there.  You get everything from the seasoned golfer who knows proper etiquette to the jeans wearing red neck who drinks more beers then he hits golf shots and plays loud music from his cart while not giving two flips about anyone around him.

C)  I avoid confrontation at any and all costs.  Maybe it's my age speaking (52), but I've had my share of on course altercations, and I can honestly say that a lot it was self inflicted.  If I am bothered by slow pace of play by others either in my group, or those in the groups in front of me, I can only control my emotions and response to whatever the situation is.  If someone hits into me it's rarely on purpose, and I honestly can't remember a time when I was actually the intentional target of someone else's golf ball, so I have to assume a bad shot is just that and I keep playing and ignore the errant shot and never say a word to the person who hit it.  If they want to offer up some sort of apology then good for them.  Otherwise, I just ignore them and avoid them at all costs.

D)  Nothing good comes from confronting people anymore.  And with the way things are these days, chances are someone is video taping every move you make.  I always assume there is a camera on me no matter where I am, so I act like this will end up on YouTube, or as evidence at a criminal trial.  I don't want to do anything that can be used against me in a court of law.  And if anything, when that video is shown I know that the other party will have some explaining to do and not me by my actions.

E)  Nothing personal, because I honestly don't know you, and I totally get having a 7 year old with you that you are trying to protect, but I think it takes more of a man to just walk away from confrontation, versus inviting it.  And it didn't happen, but would you really want to have to try and explain to a 7 year old why you cursed out some stranger on a golf course for an unintentional wayward shot, and that stranger went Pier 6 on you, and now you've got a profanity laced tirade on that 7 year old's memory bank.  She'll remember your shouting at the strangers more than the golf ball coming close to you honestly.  Also, what would your wife think of all of this?

Just my worthless two cents.

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It sounds like you got your point across.  In today's society, that's all we can ask for.  You just hope that when this situation presents itself in the future, he learns from his mistake and takes the appropriate action.  In my estimation, it's a societal epidemic that has nothing to do with age or generation.  Everybody is a victim.  Nobody is responsible for anything.  Everything is an opportunity for someone to be offended.  

My action would likely have been to wait for the guy to come to his ball.  Without saying anything, see what his reaction would be.  Given his reaction was to do or say nothing, I still wouldn't have said anything.  As a parent, this would be a prefect teachable moment for my child.  I would have made sure to explain to my child in a very frank but friendly way that behavior such as this is something I disapprove of and hope I have taught my children to behave with more etiquette and respect of others.  Little things such as this shape who our kids grow up to be.  

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12 minutes ago, azstu324 said:

I'm just curious if anybody else is noting the same observations that I am. I could very well just be starting to become the spitting image of my old man "who we all swear we'd never be like" when we were younger :P. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I had one of the most enjoyable rounds in along time with my pops, and 2 college aged kids that were nothing short of stellar individuals.

Yes, I've noticed what you've noticed.  I attribute most, if not all of it, to the social media virus that has infected 99% of our culture.  These kids (30 and younger) grew up with the internet and a iphone in their hand since they can remember.  You can have five of them in a room together, and all five would be texting each other, even though they are probably sitting next to each other.  And if doesn't happen online then it doesn't happen.

One thing that stands out to me is the smartphone recording at PGA Tour events.  I mean, maybe it's just me, but why would I record Tiger Woods at a golf tournament when just about every media outlet known to man is already putting enough cameras on Tiger to know whether his pants are ironed on the crease or not and if he shaved this morning or not.  I mean, it's stupid to me and just a waste of memory on my phone to be recording something like that.

But I get it, it's called societal change.  Some of it is good, some of it is not.  And the older I get the more I become a Luddite, and tune out every fad or change in technology.  I just recently converted from cable TV to streaming services, and it's an adjustment.  But honestly, I think in 5 years people will wonder how we ever watched TV with live channels when we can watch everything whenever we want to.  I mean, outside of live sporting events I can't think of one thing that is better live, versus just streaming it without commercials.  And my son was addicted to YouTube.  I guess that works for some people, but unless it's an hour long video, I don't know how you search out Youtube and entertain yourself for hours on end there.  I get more frustrated trying to find things there then I do watching stuff.  And yeah, unless you are looking for something specific you can search it out, but when I turn on the TV I like having a guide in front of me to show me what's available.

Again, it's all change, and you take the good with the bad.  But the lack of manners in particular with the younger generation is hit and miss.  I could say the same about some older folks too.  I can point to one guy at my club who has only been a member for six months, but he's already got a seriously bad reputation with most of the members and ostracized himself away from everyone else.  I suppose he'll find his own group of regulars to play with as a retiree, but the rest of us know to just simply steer clear of the jerk.

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Hearing this automatically made me think of a quote from Frank Martin that I saw recently. 1490638683-1024x735.jpeg
I believe a great course of action there would be to explain the proper etiquette to your daughter. I 100% understand where you're coming from and honestly cannot claim I wouldnt have done the same. Working at a college I can see every day what an uphill battle it is with these young kids but the better examples we set even if it's for one kid itll hopefully make a difference. Also your daughter being a great kid speaks to what you've been doing as a parent so please keep that up!

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I have experienced assholes from every age range. I'm 60, and I think I heve encountered more assholes in my own age range, to be honest...lol. I have two daughters....almost 27 and 23.  Their generation is waaaayyyy different from mine.... and likely, your's. Notice I said different, not worse or better. 

"Most" of the assholes I encounter on the golf course are my age and older. Take that how you will.

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1 hour ago, silver & black said:

I have experienced assholes from every age range. I'm 60, and I think I heve encountered more assholes in my own age range, to be honest...lol. I have two daughters....almost 27 and 23.  Their generation is waaaayyyy different from mine.... and likely, your's. Notice I said different, not worse or better. 

"Most" of the assholes I encounter on the golf course are my age and older. Take that how you will.

To piggy back on this.  We go to Panera alot.   Two different ones.  One is often for dinner during the week and near a higjschool.  when we go it's full of HS kids coming MD going.  Without fail every single time one of them is holding a door open us and saying Maam and Sir while looking us in the eye.  They are never loud or an inconvenience in any way. 

The other one is often on a Saturday morning for breakfast.  It's primary customers are 40 to 70.  Sure some may hold a door now and then.  But it's always with one hand as they are rushing in or out and no genuine communication. 

But most are just plain rude, cutting in line, not saying thank you to the staff, parking in the red no parking zone to "run in" sit at tables for hours knitting or playing board games....I kid you not. 

So yeah.  Count me as one who hasn't lost hope for the younger crowd.  And the less time I spend with the others, is good by me. 

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14 hours ago, silver & black said:

I have experienced assholes from every age range. I'm 60, and I think I heve encountered more assholes in my own age range, to be honest...lol. I have two daughters....almost 27 and 23.  Their generation is waaaayyyy different from mine.... and likely, your's. Notice I said different, not worse or better. 

"Most" of the assholes I encounter on the golf course are my age and older. Take that how you will.

 

12 hours ago, Golfspy_CG2 said:

To piggy back on this.  We go to Panera alot.   Two different ones.  One is often for dinner during the week and near a higjschool.  when we go it's full of HS kids coming MD going.  Without fail every single time one of them is holding a door open us and saying Maam and Sir while looking us in the eye.  They are never loud or an inconvenience in any way. 

The other one is often on a Saturday morning for breakfast.  It's primary customers are 40 to 70.  Sure some may hold a door now and then.  But it's always with one hand as they are rushing in or out and no genuine communication. 

But most are just plain rude, cutting in line, not saying thank you to the staff, parking in the red no parking zone to "run in" sit at tables for hours knitting or playing board games....I kid you not. 

So yeah.  Count me as one who hasn't lost hope for the younger crowd.  And the less time I spend with the others, is good by me. 

I'll simply add some side thoughts to what I am reading here.  Again, I'm 52, and in the "midlife/having regrets about my life sucking and not meeting my 18 year old self's expectations" range.  I'm reading an interesting book called "Lost in the Middle" by Paul David Tripp, who has been counseling people for several decades, and the prevailing theme amongst people my age and older is regrets about life and life experiences that have jaded our memory banks, and have made us much more cautious about trusting other people, and in general we go around very pessimistic about others, and for the most part, the scars of life and relationships and burned bridges, etc, etc, have made most of us who have 4 or 5 decades in the bank a little less happy about life in general.  A lot of it is relationships and how many times I've failed at them.  How many people have I pissed off over the years, and how I can look back at each person and situation and say "I could've done this better" over whatever it was that I screwed up.  And in this book the author says that if we are honest, we'll blame everyone else in the world for our problems and hastles, and ultimately when it comes down to it, if we had done a better job ourselves, and owned the problem and our mistakes, we wouldn't have so many regrets.

This is probably too broad a brush to paint, especially with a million different variables in everyone's lives.  But experience is often not kind in our lives, and the longer you live, the more you get dumped on by others, and you take lessons from every time you get dumped on, and shut the door to others, and become reclusive because you are tired of getting burned.

I'm not making excuses for us mid lifers and seniors, but the scars of life are real for pretty much everyone.  It's how you choose to deal with the scars that separates those who walk around pissed off at the world, versus those who choose to try and make the world a better place for those around us.  But honestly, the older I get, the more I just shut the door, turn on the TV, and tune out the world.  It's safer that way, and you can only stick your hand in the fire so many times before you get burned.  

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19 hours ago, Mr. 82 said:

One thing that stands out to me is the smartphone recording at PGA Tour events.  I mean, maybe it's just me, but why would I record Tiger Woods at a golf tournament when just about every media outlet known to man is already putting enough cameras on Tiger to know whether his pants are ironed on the crease or not and if he shaved this morning or not.  I mean, it's stupid to me and just a waste of memory on my phone to be recording something like that.

I was thinking the same thing last Sunday. I could see someone taking a few pics of players like Tiger. But what are you going to do with all of that video? 

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I don’t blame you for any of your actions. As a father myself I think you reacted appropriately. Some people just don’t get it out on the course. They are just oblivious to their surroundings, I don’t think it’s an age thing so much as a respect thing. He should have been apologizing from the second he saw you there, because that’s what you do when you have respect for other people. He apparently was not taught that growing up. So we need to make sure that we teach our kids that important lesson. It applies to other aspects of life as well, not just on the course. Maybe the guy will remember that situation next time it happens, and will be a little more apologetic to that person. As I said, I don’t blame you at all for your reactions. 

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1 hour ago, Mr. 82 said:

 

I'll simply add some side thoughts to what I am reading here.  Again, I'm 52, and in the "midlife/having regrets about my life sucking and not meeting my 18 year old self's expectations" range.  I'm reading an interesting book called "Lost in the Middle" by Paul David Tripp, who has been counseling people for several decades, and the prevailing theme amongst people my age and older is regrets about life and life experiences that have jaded our memory banks, and have made us much more cautious about trusting other people, and in general we go around very pessimistic about others, and for the most part, the scars of life and relationships and burned bridges, etc, etc, have made most of us who have 4 or 5 decades in the bank a little less happy about life in general.  A lot of it is relationships and how many times I've failed at them.  How many people have I pissed off over the years, and how I can look back at each person and situation and say "I could've done this better" over whatever it was that I screwed up.  And in this book the author says that if we are honest, we'll blame everyone else in the world for our problems and hastles, and ultimately when it comes down to it, if we had done a better job ourselves, and owned the problem and our mistakes, we wouldn't have so many regrets.

This is probably too broad a brush to paint, especially with a million different variables in everyone's lives.  But experience is often not kind in our lives, and the longer you live, the more you get dumped on by others, and you take lessons from every time you get dumped on, and shut the door to others, and become reclusive because you are tired of getting burned.

I'm not making excuses for us mid lifers and seniors, but the scars of life are real for pretty much everyone.  It's how you choose to deal with the scars that separates those who walk around pissed off at the world, versus those who choose to try and make the world a better place for those around us.  But honestly, the older I get, the more I just shut the door, turn on the TV, and tune out the world.  It's safer that way, and you can only stick your hand in the fire so many times before you get burned.  

Wow!  A lot to digest there, but I don't think I could read more than 3 pages of a book that had that negative of slant.

Speaking for myself, I've had a great life.  No, I didn't get any college basketballs scholarships, didn't make it to the major leagues, and didn't invent something that mad me Billions.  But that's ok. I've had countless what I consider successful experiences in life, and the few that weren't successful, I learned from and don't regret.  I don't read a lot of business/life books either ones that are motivational or downers like yours appears to be.   I just go out and make each day and opportunity the best that I can, and very few nights do I go to sleep unsatisfied or upset. 

 

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34 minutes ago, tony@CIC said:

I was thinking the same thing last Sunday. I could see someone taking a few pics of players like Tiger. But what are you going to do with all of that video? 

I still think back to an instance last year or maybe 2018, when Jordan Spieth was off the green in a big crowd getting ready to hit a delicate shot to a short side pin  He very politely asked people to put their phones down.  They all seemed to, he then smiled and as he took his last look, turned and said to the crowd..."You know it's ok to actually just watch golf and not have to video it"   Perfectly made point! 

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15 minutes ago, Golfspy_CG2 said:

Wow!  A lot to digest there, but I don't think I could read more than 3 pages of a book that had that negative of slant.

Speaking for myself, I've had a great life.  No, I didn't get any college basketballs scholarships, didn't make it to the major leagues, and didn't invent something that mad me Billions.  But that's ok. I've had countless what I consider successful experiences in life, and the few that weren't successful, I learned from and don't regret.  I don't read a lot of business/life books either ones that are motivational or downers like yours appears to be.   I just go out and make each day and opportunity the best that I can, and very few nights do I go to sleep unsatisfied or upset. 

 

It's all the way you choose to look at it.  I don't look at the book as depressing so much as the stories he shared from real people were actually relatable to me.  I guess empathy is the word here, as you read about others at your stage of life and the honest thoughts they share about experiences that didn't always turn out as planned, and you go, "yeah, I can relate to that."

For me it helps because when you read about others who have struggled with similar things that you have in your life, you don't feel so bad about your situation.  Sort of perspective on life thing.  Like the two trips I took to Nicaragua and saw people living next to a landfill in housing that didn't have electricity or running water, or plumbing of any kind, and they were actually making a living going through the garbage to sell anything of value they could find, and probably living on $2 a day.  When you see that, then you realize how truly blessed you are here in the United States.

 

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" I was raised to say please, thank you, and most definitely "I'm sorry". Look people in the eye when you talk, a firm handshake is a definition of character, and If you make a mistake or do someone wrong, you pull up your big boy/girl britches, swallow your pride and by God, make it right. "

... This is the way I raised my 2 sons. Especially my youngest that was always big for his age as I felt he had the added responsibility of not using his size against others and protecting weaker kids when it was warranted. I was very proud to watch him earn 1st Team All Conference honors as a DE at 6'3 and 250 in college. Although admittedly he was an animal between the whistles but never trash talked and respected his opponents and ref's. He is now 28 so right in the age range talked about here. I do think parenting has as much to do with it as the 6 foot bubble many of the younger generation exist in. 

... While I understand your frustration and certainly don't blame you for your response, I have always found kindness and or understanding beat being pi$$ed off the vast majority of the time. Had you confronted this individual in a non confrontational manner the results may have been different. "I just wanted to let you know your tee ball almost hit my 7 yr old daughter. It was very scary for both of us. So in the future, please yell FORE when you hit an errant shot and it will at least gives us a chance to either avoid the ball or take cover. In this case I could have just shielded my daughter." I think it is much harder to get mad at another person when they are being respectful. That said, of course they could have responded in the same way and then you know they are a lost cause and you just move on.  

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1 minute ago, Mr. 82 said:

It's all the way you choose to look at it.  I don't look at the book as depressing so much as the stories he shared from real people were actually relatable to me.  I guess empathy is the word here, as you read about others at your stage of life and the honest thoughts they share about experiences that didn't always turn out as planned, and you go, "yeah, I can relate to that."

For me it helps because when you read about others who have struggled with similar things that you have in your life, you don't feel so bad about your situation.  Sort of perspective on life thing.  Like the two trips I took to Nicaragua and saw people living next to a landfill in housing that didn't have electricity or running water, or plumbing of any kind, and they were actually making a living going through the garbage to sell anything of value they could find, and probably living on $2 a day.  When you see that, then you realize how truly blessed you are here in the United States.

 

Spot on. When I start whining about stuff that we would classify as "first world problems', I remind myself of people that are food deprived or have cancer or face addiction, etc. etc. and tell myself there but for the grace of god go I. 

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6 minutes ago, Golfspy_CG2 said:

I still think back to an instance last year or maybe 2018, when Jordan Spieth was off the green in a big crowd getting ready to hit a delicate shot to a short side pin  He very politely asked people to put their phones down.  They all seemed to, he then smiled and as he took his last look, turned and said to the crowd..."You know it's ok to actually just watch golf and not have to video it"   Perfectly made point! 

I think that a lot of this goes back to the point about "if it isn't on social media then it never happened". Most of the people taking video aren't doing it for themselves so much as the opportunity to post it on Facebook, Instagram, etc. "look", "I was here", "I witnessed this event". "Please acknowledge and comment that what I am doing is important, cool, relevant, etc". Which is sad because it's almost as if they're attending the event for every other reason than for themselves. It really is a sad thing that psychologically, people feel like they can't survive without the acknowledgement of the social media world. 

 

 

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On 1/27/2020 at 11:27 AM, azstu324 said:

So I want to get some POV's on a situation that happened on the course yesterday and whether or not my actions were warranted. I have to also tread lightly because I know that this isn't a depiction of all < 30-year-olds in the world but I feel like it's becoming more common in today's society. Part of me feels bad for letting my emotions get the best of me and another part of me feels like I could/should have done more. It's a tricky one. I'm 41. I was raised to say please, thank you, and most definitely "I'm sorry". Look people in the eye when you talk, a firm handshake is a definition of character, and If you make a mistake or do someone wrong, you pull up your big boy/girl britches, swallow your pride and by God, make it right. 

Yesterday I'm at one of my favorite exec's (Rolling Hills) with my daughter Kaylen who's 7. The course is a muni that sits in the middle of Tempe so it's kind of a tight layout on some holes but very challenging and fun and just enough to hold K's attention. Depending on the pairing and the traffic on the course, We have a couple of clubs for her to use when the opportunity presents itself. Yesterday was good because the course was packed and we weren't going anywhere anytime soon, the guys we got paired with were very friendly and encouraging of her to hit the ball as often as she could so it was really fun. She even got to play a couple holes from tee to green and I couldn't have been more proud. 

Well on one of the holes, she was tee'd up and ready to swing when a ball made a thud about 3' from where she was standing. I immediately scanned the layout and could tell who hit the ball. It was a very errant fairway shot that absolutely warranted a "FORE". Nobody in the group heard a thing coming from any direction. I told Kaylen to go sit in the cart and the other 2 to go on. "I've got some business to attend to". I patiently waited for the guy to come to his ball. He drove up, got out, and walked up to his ball like nothing happened (keep in mind he's hitting his approach from an adjacent hole tee box AND I'm standing 2' away from it). So I interrupted his swing practice and said "hold up man", "at what point did you intend to apologize for nearly hitting my kid, and not yelling a damn thing when you hit your ball right at us?".. He glanced at me, shrugged his shoulder, and then went back to trying to hit his shot as if to say "F" off and leave me alone, like I was the one being rude and interrupting his game. It was almost as if I was speaking a foreign language and he had no idea what I was saying. The guy couldn't have been that much younger than me but quite likely the next couple of generations where the aforementioned values have been misplaced. He hit a pretty good approach shot, and this is what set me off even more is that he had the swing mechanics to be more than aware of golf etiquette. So I then continued to try to get his proper attention by saying some other choice words that would have cost me at least $10 at home in the $1 swear jar. I wasn't looking for any physical altercations so much as to just try and force some common decency out of the emotionless turd of a human being. The guy then just turned around and walked back to his cart.. still as if I were just blubbering in a foreign language. He was with another guy who was pretty built but that didn't matter to me in the slightest. I also don't think that I was so intimidating that he was too scared to talk. I then closed my eyes, counted to 10 (seemed like 1000), cooled off and then went back to playing. 

Would anybody have done anything differently? Is this really the new era of human that's coming off of the production line? Keep in mind that my daughter's safety was threatened so my emotions, reactions, and adrenaline were all in Papa Bear mode. I realize that mistakes can happen and everybody deserves the benefit human error. I've hit shots where my depth perception failed me and ended up closer to a group than I anticipated and didn't get a chance to yell something.. but still I made a defined point to approach the group, apologize, and make things right and never once have I left without having a laugh with new friends on the course. 

Thanks as always!

 

One last commentary, especially having 3 children who are now middle age adults whom I'm very proud of and have great values. Children learn more by what we do rather then by what we tell them. Use every opportunity like this as an informal  teaching lesson - it'll stick with them for life. 

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4 minutes ago, azstu324 said:

I think that a lot of this goes back to the point about "if it isn't on social media then it never happened". 

 

... Reminded me of this commercial:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/7VtH/toyota-venza-facebook-friends

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3 minutes ago, chisag said:

 

... Reminded me of this commercial:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/7VtH/toyota-venza-facebook-friends

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31 minutes ago, chisag said:

" I was raised to say please, thank you, and most definitely "I'm sorry". Look people in the eye when you talk, a firm handshake is a definition of character, and If you make a mistake or do someone wrong, you pull up your big boy/girl britches, swallow your pride and by God, make it right. "

... This is the way I raised my 2 sons. Especially my youngest that was always big for his age as I felt he had the added responsibility of not using his size against others and protecting weaker kids when it was warranted. I was very proud to watch him earn 1st Team All Conference honors as a DE at 6'3 and 250 in college. Although admittedly he was an animal between the whistles but never trash talked and respected his opponents and ref's. He is now 28 so right in the age range talked about here. I do think parenting has as much to do with it as the 6 foot bubble many of the younger generation exist in. 

... While I understand your frustration and certainly don't blame you for your response, I have always found kindness and or understanding beat being pi$$ed off the vast majority of the time. Had you confronted this individual in a non confrontational manner the results may have been different. "I just wanted to let you know your tee ball almost hit my 7 yr old daughter. It was very scary for both of us. So in the future, please yell FORE when you hit an errant shot and it will at least gives us a chance to either avoid the ball or take cover. In this case I could have just shielded my daughter." I think it is much harder to get mad at another person when they are being respectful. That said, of course they could have responded in the same way and then you know they are a lost cause and you just move on.  

There really is a lot of hindsight to this one and sometimes hindsight creates foresight right? 🙂. I think that in the moment, I really was expecting to have an educated conversation with the guy when he got to the ball as I've been on both sides of that conversation many many times. Something very similar to your 2nd paragraph suggestion. As I mentioned, I can give anyone the benefit of human error as I'm as guilty as anyone. Expecting him to make the first move though might have been my crucial mistake that lead to overheating. He may have just been trying resolve the situation in the only way he knew how by not talking about it.. I was trying resolve it in the only way I knew how by talking about it.. The world is silly isn't it? 

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1 hour ago, Golfspy_CG2 said:

Wow!  A lot to digest there, but I don't think I could read more than 3 pages of a book that had that negative of slant.

Speaking for myself, I've had a great life.  No, I didn't get any college basketballs scholarships, didn't make it to the major leagues, and didn't invent something that mad me Billions.  But that's ok. I've had countless what I consider successful experiences in life, and the few that weren't successful, I learned from and don't regret.  I don't read a lot of business/life books either ones that are motivational or downers like yours appears to be.   I just go out and make each day and opportunity the best that I can, and very few nights do I go to sleep unsatisfied or upset. 

 

 

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28 minutes ago, azstu324 said:

There really is a lot of hindsight to this one and sometimes hindsight creates foresight right? 🙂. I think that in the moment, I really was expecting to have an educated conversation with the guy when he got to the ball as I've been on both sides of that conversation many many times. Something very similar to your 2nd paragraph suggestion. As I mentioned, I can give anyone the benefit of human error as I'm as guilty as anyone. Expecting him to make the first move though might have been my crucial mistake that lead to overheating. He may have just been trying resolve the situation in the only way he knew how by not talking about it.. I was trying resolve it in the only way I knew how by talking about it.. The world is silly isn't it? 

 

... I will say my opinion comes form experience. When I was younger I had my share of confrontations and even now that I am older and wiser my playing pards have confronted others. In all  instances the other party was clearly in the wrong. What experience taught me is confronting someone without some respect almost always resulted in the situation going in the opposite direction we had hoped. It seems aggression is met with aggression, even when they knew they were in the wrong. On the other hand, respect was met without least some level of respect more often than not. And as I stated earlier, if it was still met with aggression or indifference, I doubt anything we could say would change their minds. 

... I am also reminded of George Carlin's great line "Have you ever noticed anyone driving slower than you is a MORON and anyone driving faster than you is a MANIAC!"  I have certainlyseen this on the golf course where slower groups think we should slow down and enjoy our round and faster groups think we should speed up to enjoy our round. 

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23 hours ago, Golfspy_CG2 said:

Count me as one who hasn't lost hope for the younger crowd.

Put me in that group as well.  Manners and etiquette can be taught.  We drill it into the kids at TFT constantly.  Someone just has to take the time.  We all had someone to show us the way.

I do particularly enjoy it when we make the kids introduce themselves to strangers.  It's fun to push them out of their comfort zones.

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