Tales from the course / War Stories/Funny Stuff

[MadMex]

I looked and looked and could not find something similar, but if it has been done, let a MOD know so they can delete this.

Tell a story which YOU seen or been involved with ( no, I was told by a friend who was told by his third cousin ) that to this day you still think about or re-tell anytime you sit around the 19th hole.

 

Back in 1982, my second year in USAF, I had just arrived at my new assignment at Torrejon AB , 20 miles or so from Madrid Spain. The next day, my sponsor who was also a golfer, invited me to play a round at the base course.

As we were riding down the third hole fairway  which had a 12 foot base perimeter fence with barb wired on top, down the right side of the fairway,  my sponsor, very calmly said as we got within 10 or so yards, "Look behind and to the right of the green", there in a guard tower, was a young Spanish guard following our every move with his eyes AND his machine gun!

My sponsor smiled and said "You'll get used to it", the guard followed us until we got within 20 yards or so of the tower where the tee box for the next hole was located. The guard followed us after we tee'd off and drove down the fairway, I noticed he followed the next group on 3 as they approached the green. 

My sponsor was wrong, in the three years I was there, I never got used to it.

[MadMex]

Back in the late 80's, I had a part time job at The Arizona Golf Resort in Mesa Arizona. 

In one of our outings, the head cook was playing with us, rather large man, MEAN looking but a terrific guy.

 After shanking his drive, he slammed his driver in the ground, head busted off at the hosel, the head flew straight up, hit him in between the eyes, it made a small cut in between his eyes. 

He wiped a small blood drop with his un-gloved hand , licked it off, looked at us and with a smile said " You F'rs can laugh now",,, 

Almost 10 minutes before next in group stopped long enough to be able to hit his drive.

[MadMex]

This relayed by a fellow USAF air traffic controller:

”We were playing on this course, very expensive homes, we came up on this short par 4, we saw a lady sunbathing in a backyard, next to a pool. We noticed she has her top untied so our first player decided to open the club face and hit a hosel rocket towards the home. The ball hit the steel fencing with a loud crack. The lady without even flinching lifted her arm and proceeded to flip him off. We skipped the hole since we could not stop laughing enough  at the clown to hit our tee shots”

[MadMex]

While stationed in Arizona, Williams AFB (Chandler, about 20 miles from ASU)

It was announced that if you volunteered to work crowd control for 2 days, you would get a free round at TPC Scottsdale, plus 4 free tickets to the tournament. Back then (1987-88) the 16th was beginning to be THE hole to party and have fun. 

While standing outside the "Birds nest" a huge tent/nightclub on the golf grounds, couple of us were talking to a police officer from the Scottsdale PD.

The other military guy asked the officer what was one of their biggest problem besides drunks he said:

"It's people sneaking out to the course to have intimate relations, you know, have sex. When  see them, we sort of let it go, unless they go on the greens, that's a big no no".

 

Anyone else have any funny events?

[MadMex]

Had just started playing, took up golf after I saw Caddyshack (yes, in the theater , newly released)I was playing  alone, Williams AFB AZ, brand new PING EYE's, irons and woods, par 3, saw a group on green, they were walking off (again, I had just started and knew SQUAT about golf ) I hit a perfect 5 wood, middle of green,,,,,,, 3 feet from this man,,,, from the hair and facial hair I knew he was not active duty so I felt rather "safe".

When I got to the green, he was waiting for me, I was 19 and he was mid to later 40’s , he asked me if I had seen him, I said yeah, and that I did not think I would be close, he was kind enough to give me a 3 minute golf etiquette lesson , said “nice shot” and drove away,,,,,,

Three weeks later I walk in to see the credit union loan officer about getting a loan to buy my dream car, a Pontiac Firebird, guess who was selling it and WAS the loan officer? Yes, got the loan and bought car. I asked him AFTER I signed for the title and loan if he knew who I was, he said "I knew who you were",,,, about 39 years ago.

[Shapotomous]

Many years ago I was playing with a buddy from work in the fall when the yellow jackets are buzzing around the trash baskets by the tees getting whatever leftovers from soda and beer cans.  They are also in what we call kamikaze mode where they come at you relentlessly until you get them with the fatal swat.  It was warm enough we were both wearing shorts and had sodas in the cart cup holders.   

We pull up to the tee, careful to park away from the trash basket buzzing with activity and hit out tee shots.  Get back in the cart and my buddy takes a swig of his drink and immediately spits it out getting rid of a yellow jacket that had crawled into the can.  Luckily he didn't get stung in the mouth but he did spill some on his shorts and legs.  

A few holes later he hits his tee shot first and waits for me to hit mine.  I get lined up, address the ball and before I start my swing i hear commotion and him getting real excited about something behind me.  I turn around and see him swatting at his legs, "dancing" in circles, and two or three yellow jackets flying around his legs.  He had bad aim with his swats....one apparently flew up his shorts because his next move was trying to take off his shorts while dancing around....which ended up with him on the ground kicking them off in record time and running away in his underwear! 

The yellow jackets stayed with the shorts and we were able to swat them and after a real good inspection to make sure none were hiding in them anywhere he was able to get them back on.  Luckily he didn't get stung.  He was a bit jumpy on the rest of the tee boxes that day!     We both wished we had it on video figuring it would have won the grand prize on Americas funniest videos.  We still laugh about it.

[MadMex]

Again, working part time at the Arizona Golf Resort.

 

Showed up to work and saw a firetruck leaving the grounds, after clocking in I was asked by the head pro to go help the cart mechanic on number 4. As I got ready to leave, one of the marshals  said "You missed it ! ". I asked what had happened, here is the short version.

The #4 is a medium length par 3 over water, a couple was riding together with the wife as a observer. Apparently he hit his shot near the water and as he walked down the shore line, he asked his wife to move the cart to the green

Not wanting to move to the driver's side, she just pressed the accelerator, unfortunately, she jammed her foot between it and the brake pedal unable to take her foot off the accelerator.

She tried but was unable to negotiate a couple of turns, so into the water she went., water would have been about shoulder height had she been standing , but was now over her head. The husband and the three other men jumped in the lake to  get her out. She did inhale some water but besides a bruised ego and ruined clothes, she was OK and was released by the paramedics.

 

[Rickp]

Again, working part time at the Arizona Golf Resort.
 
Showed up to work and saw a firetruck leaving the grounds, after clocking in I was asked by the head pro to go help the cart mechanic on number 4. As I got ready to leave, one of the marshals  said "You missed it ! ". I asked what had happened, here is the short version.
The #4 is a medium length par 3 over water, a couple was riding together with the wife as a observer. Apparently he hit his shot near the water and as he walked down the shore line, he asked his wife to move the cart to the green
Not wanting to move to the driver's side, she just pressed the accelerator, unfortunately, she jammed her foot between it and the brake pedal unable to take her foot off the accelerator.
She tried but was unable to negotiate a couple of turns, so into the water she went., water would have been about shoulder height had she been standing , but was now over her head. The husband and the three other men jumped in the lake to  get her out. She did inhale some water but besides a bruised ego and ruined clothes, she was OK and was released by the paramedics.
 

Actually lucky girl!


Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

[Crowev01]

So I worked at an old air base course when I was younger, and the place was in great condition, but the facilities were well past their prime. There was a groundskeeper named Rodney, who insisted everyone call him "Lightning Rod." 

Lightning Rod never really played much at the course, but drove to this dog track down the road because "his friends played there." No one thought much of it. One year, Rod decided to play in the club championship, and entered his handicap at 25. Again, no one thought much about it. He comes to the tee with his stained tube socks and greasy mullet, ratty old bag on a rusty old pushcart and tops his drive in front of everyone. Again, everyone kind of laughs it off. 

The group makes the turn, and Rod cards a 39 out. The group is fuming, not because he's outright cheating, but he's getting 12 strokes to par per side and he's obviously overestimated his handicap. Rod comes back in with a 38 and now everyone is coming unglued. The pro gets involved and asks for his handicap card, and it's a "legit" 24.8 or something. 

Now because it was an air force course, there was a giant locker room and every employee had a locker. Rod's locker had a crappy little 3 slider wheel lock, and he always used to tell people "dial 911 for emergency" as a joke when he would open it.

After Rod went home, the assistant pro popped his locker and literally bent every one of his irons open and put them back. He had these old Wilson blades that I guess we're pretty soft and opened wide, but I guess not enough for him to notice.

Final round the next day, Rod smokes his drive and the complaining commences immediately. Well, both the first and second hole had OB right, and Rod slams his second shot OB. Hits another OB. He picks another club and rockets it right again, about a foot from the stakes. He ends up taking a 12 on the first hole. The guys playing with him said he hit 4 more balls OB in a row, just going full tin cup. He didn't even finish the second hole and walked off the course. 

No one called him Lightning Rod after that. His nickname became "Professor Sandbag" and everyone called him that until I left the course. 

[MadMex]

Co-Worker told me this one,,,,,,,,

 

He was ready to tee off and this older gentleman, very friendly , pulls up and says he was paired up with him. He says they had a great time, finished the round and went their separate ways.

About two years later, his then girlfriend invites him to have dinner and meet her parents. YUP, you guessed it, it was him. That man has been his father in law for 23 years now.