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I hate that I have to have this moral dilemma but damn my conscious.  So I have been invited to play the following courses next June:  Del Monte, Pebble Beach, Spanish Bay, Spyglass and Pebble Beach again while staying at the Lodge at Pebble Beach for a cost of $3700...not including air fare from BWI and food, side bets and souvenirs.   I am figuring about 5-6k would be a good approximation for this trip.  Now, as many of you may know, I am a teacher so money is a factor in play while almost everyone going on this trip are millionaires to some degree.  For me, this is a bucket list trip, who wouldn't want to do this trip?!  
Here is my dilemma, I have three children and for that kind of money, I can take my ENTIRE FAMILY to the Caribbean and have a fantastic time.  I am having a hard time trying to justify spending that amount of money on myself when I could use it for my entire family.  The golfer in me says, "go, it's a once in a lifetime trip", while the father in me says the kids will only be around for a few more years, make memories with them and don't be selfish.  
What would you all do? 


You can always find another wife and have more kids, but this trip....🤣
Bottom line is will you really enjoy it if you know that you can’t really afford it. Sure you may the money but is it something you can really afford to use the money for.


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On 3/8/2021 at 11:55 AM, ballplayer002003 said:

I hate that I have to have this moral dilemma but damn my conscious.  So I have been invited to play the following courses next June:  Del Monte, Pebble Beach, Spanish Bay, Spyglass and Pebble Beach again while staying at the Lodge at Pebble Beach for a cost of $3700...not including air fare from BWI and food, side bets and souvenirs.   I am figuring about 5-6k would be a good approximation for this trip.  Now, as many of you may know, I am a teacher so money is a factor in play while almost everyone going on this trip are millionaires to some degree.  For me, this is a bucket list trip, who wouldn't want to do this trip?!  

Here is my dilemma, I have three children and for that kind of money, I can take my ENTIRE FAMILY to the Caribbean and have a fantastic time.  I am having a hard time trying to justify spending that amount of money on myself when I could use it for my entire family.  The golfer in me says, "go, it's a once in a lifetime trip", while the father in me says the kids will only be around for a few more years, make memories with them and don't be selfish.  

What would you all do? 

So what did you decide 

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16 hours ago, tony@CIC said:

So what did you decide 

I decided to not go.  I would feel tremendous guilt if I went.  I can use that same money and take my entire family to Jamaica or Disney which will give us all a lifetime memory instead of just myself.  Once the kids are all gone, then I can do this trip.  For now, it will just be my pipe dream.

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Family. You will never get the same opportunity again with the family. In 10 years you could still accomplish the golf trip.

Gotta agree with cnosil, kids will be grown up and gone in a flash.
Plenty of time after that to do your own thing.


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22 minutes ago, ballplayer002003 said:

I decided to not go.  I would feel tremendous guilt if I went.  I can use that same money and take my entire family to Jamaica or Disney which will give us all a lifetime memory instead of just myself.  Once the kids are all gone, then I can do this trip.  For now, it will just be my pipe dream.

+1 on Disney for me.  I know it's not everyone's cup of tea... but my kids LOVE it, I enjoy the rides, and Epcot is a fantastic way to eat/drink around the world.  I've been at Epcot for the foot and wine festival, which is awesome as well as the Festival of Arts.  

The last time we went we stayed on site and had access to the new Skyliner which is basically gondolas that go between several hotels and a few of the parks.  Considering we had strollers and the three kids with us it was awesome to not need to wait for buses for a lot of our trips, plus the kids thought it was awesome.  

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@ballplayer002003if it makes you feel any better you're definitely not the only one facing this dilemma.  Every year I get the same Bandon Dunes invitation from my buddy, who is in his late 40s and married, but never had kids.  Mine are 7, 5, and 3 and have never been to Disney...never been on a plane for that matter.  Can't see splurging like that when there are things I can give the kids instead.

You're doing the right thing.  That's the Dad's job...take care of family first, yourself second. 

And, I figure if I do the Dad thing right maybe my first trip to Bandon can be with my boys when they're teenagers.

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7 hours ago, ballplayer002003 said:

I decided to not go.  I would feel tremendous guilt if I went.  I can use that same money and take my entire family to Jamaica or Disney which will give us all a lifetime memory instead of just myself.  Once the kids are all gone, then I can do this trip.  For now, it will just be my pipe dream.

wise decision and you'll never regret it. 

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Disney has some great golf courses... just saying!  Let the family sleep in one day so you can do a late park arrival and go right into seeing the fireworks at night. While they sleep in or lounge around the pool when they get up you can get a round in.  They have nice rental clubs if you don't want to drag your clubs down there. That's what I did about 10 years ago and it worked out well. Just wait a day or two before you do it because the kids will get warn out. Then the sleep in approach works best.

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Disney has some great golf courses... just saying!  Let the family sleep in one day so you can do a late park arrival and go right into seeing the fireworks at night. While they sleep in or lounge around the pool when they get up you can get a round in.  They have nice rental clubs if you don't want to drag your clubs down there. That's what I did about 10 years ago and it worked out well. Just wait a day or two before you do it because the kids will get warn out. Then the sleep in approach works best.

Great idea!! Timing is right on also.


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Here's your solution. "Honey, how about a family trip to Bend, OR".  "I'll throw the clubs in just in case a chance to play presents itself" 🤣.  

 

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On 3/29/2021 at 7:46 PM, Tom the Golf Nut said:

Disney has some great golf courses... just saying!  Let the family sleep in one day so you can do a late park arrival and go right into seeing the fireworks at night. While they sleep in or lounge around the pool when they get up you can get a round in.  They have nice rental clubs if you don't want to drag your clubs down there. That's what I did about 10 years ago and it worked out well. Just wait a day or two before you do it because the kids will get warn out. Then the sleep in approach works best.

Very true.  I was going to say, sounds like you've done this a time or two.  My kids love to sleep in so that would be a great option.  

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4 Hybrid: image.png.cf6ab25979c6727ff31e6cc6f719636c.png TSi3 Hzdrs Smoke X flex

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1 hour ago, ballplayer002003 said:

Very true.  I was going to say, sounds like you've done this a time or two.  My kids love to sleep in so that would be a great option.  

My nickname is "The Master Manipulator". I can spin anything. I guess that's why my company asked me to move into a sales role.  

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On 4/1/2021 at 12:07 PM, Tom the Golf Nut said:

My nickname is "The Master Manipulator". I can spin anything. I guess that's why my company asked me to move into a sales role.  

The Cerebral Assassin!!!  haha

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Family.


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This is exactly what i was thinking. If the wife says "it's fine", she is definitely not okay with it.

I did Bandon this January. Wasn’t to your extent for cost but was still enough to be able to take the wife and kids or just the wife away for a weekend. She was super supportive leading up and then the 2 months after it was not fun. Every time I would bring up to someone how much fun it was or talk about it she was reliving being alone for 5 days with our two young kids, who didn’t exactly play nice the entire time I was gone. If it’s something that is an either or scenario, chose family every time. That will speak more to your wife than anything else. Also they’re just golf courses at the end of the day and they are not going anywhere.


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2 minutes ago, twyatt700 said:


I did Bandon this January. Wasn’t to your extent for cost but was still enough to be able to take the wife and kids or just the wife away for a weekend. She was super supportive leading up and then the 2 months after it was not fun. Every time I would bring up to someone how much fun it was or talk about it she was reliving being alone for 5 days with our two young kids, who didn’t exactly play nice the entire time I was gone. If it’s something that is an either or scenario, chose family every time. That will speak more to your wife than anything else. Also they’re just golf courses at the end of the day and they are not going anywhere.


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This is exactly how it goes down. Say they are supportive upfront, but don't let you live it down after.

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  • 8 months later...

So I have a crazy update to this story!  After letting my buddy know I was not going to make the trip to Pebble because I was choosing my family over everything else, he politely acknowledged it and said he fully understood.  After a month or two, my wife kept telling me she wishes I would have gone on the trip since she knew it was a bucket list trip for me.  Well...he had someone back out of the trip and asked me again and after a very long extensive talk with my wife, I decided to go.  I called Pebble, put the deposit down and started to get really excited that I was ACTUALLY going to go to Pebble Beach!!!!!!

I had a plan, I would work my second job (at my golf course) longer into the off (season than I usually do) and all the money from that would go towards the trip hoping to still be able to take my family someplace nice this year as well.  It will be tough, but doable.  

This past weekend, my buddy and his wife come over and he hands me a card.  Inside the card is a gift card to Pebble Beach for the amount of our trip.  He tells me he knows how important family is to me and he didn't want me to worry about taking away from them to golf with him.  I told him I could not accept it, and that I could handle it, but he insisted.  He told me how important it was for him that I come on the trip and they really wanted to do this for us.  Now full disclosure, he makes a ton more than I do as a teacher.  Hell, ONE of his bonus checks is more than I make in a year.  That being said, I still didn't know what to say.  I felt awkward, because I fully believe in your work for what you get, if you can't afford to go...then you just don't go.  

I just don't know how to handle such a generous gift.  If I had the money I would do the same thing and not think twice, however when you are on the receiving end I guess it's different.

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Holy cow what a gesture on your buddy's part! Incredible.

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55 minutes ago, russtopherb said:

Holy cow what a gesture on your buddy's part! Incredible.

I know!  I am still in shock.  However I still feel guilty about this somehow.  Don't get me wrong, I am super appreciative about the gift.  I guess I just don't know how to feel since I have never received a gift of this magnitude before.

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4 Hybrid: image.png.cf6ab25979c6727ff31e6cc6f719636c.png TSi3 Hzdrs Smoke X flex

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6 minutes ago, ballplayer002003 said:

I know!  I am still in shock.  However I still feel guilty about this somehow.  Don't get me wrong, I am super appreciative about the gift.  I guess I just don't know how to feel since I have never received a gift of this magnitude before.

I can't answer that for you, because I know I've never had a non-family member do something like that for me either. If he can afford it, and wants to do that for you, I'm sure a lot of thought went into it on his end too. If it were me, I'd be gracious and I'd be sure to try and pick up as many tabs as possible on the trip 🙂 

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2 minutes ago, russtopherb said:

I can't answer that for you, because I know I've never had a non-family member do something like that for me either. If he can afford it, and wants to do that for you, I'm sure a lot of thought went into it on his end too. If it were me, I'd be gracious and I'd be sure to try and pick up as many tabs as possible on the trip 🙂 

Absolutely.  

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3 Wood:  :titelist-small: 917 w/ Diamana Whiteboard stiff

5 Wood : :callaway-small: Epic Flash 18* Hzdrs Smoke stiff

4 Hybrid: image.png.cf6ab25979c6727ff31e6cc6f719636c.png TSi3 Hzdrs Smoke X flex

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Wow that’s an awesome friend!  It sounds like he really wants you to come and that was a super generous gift.

Sometimes the best thing you can do there is find a way to pay it forward in some way.  Maybe take some of what you saved a make a donation to a charity or cause that hits home for one or both of you in his name?  Even something as small as a hand-written thank you note goes a long way with people these days.  

I’m super excited that you get to go on that bucket list trip!  Take lots of pictures so share with us, but also don’t forget to enjoy the round!  I can easily see myself going in with the intention of taking photos of the course and end up with none from being caught up in the moment and round… nothing wrong with that either! 

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I plan on it, we are playing Pebble two times so I'm sure if I forget to take pics the first round I will be able to grab some the second time around.  Might throw in a video of the 7th hole.

   Driver:  :callaway-small: Epic Flash Sub Zero Hzdrs Smoke x flex 70g

3 Wood:  :titelist-small: 917 w/ Diamana Whiteboard stiff

5 Wood : :callaway-small: Epic Flash 18* Hzdrs Smoke stiff

4 Hybrid: image.png.cf6ab25979c6727ff31e6cc6f719636c.png TSi3 Hzdrs Smoke X flex

     Irons:  :callaway-small: 5-7  Apex forged 19 w/ Modus 120 X

                         9-A Apex Pro 19 w/ Modus 120 X

Wedges:  :callaway-small: MD5 52&56 Jaws Dynamic Gold wedge flex

    Putter: :titelist-small: Scotty Cameron Phantom 5.5 34"

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/14/2021 at 9:49 AM, ballplayer002003 said:

I know!  I am still in shock.  However I still feel guilty about this somehow.  Don't get me wrong, I am super appreciative about the gift.  I guess I just don't know how to feel since I have never received a gift of this magnitude before.

What if you agreed that he cover the greens fees and you will pay your own airfare and lodging?  That is still a four-figure gift from him but as he is having someone back out anyway he probably would prefer to play with you rather than get paired with a stranger. 

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