Moral dilemma

[JohnBarry]

As a father of a daughter about to go college and a son entering his second year of high school, the time is flying. I, as well, have a chance at a Bucket List trip to Pebble Beach next summer with my golf trip buddies. 

 

I will tell you what I told them, I can't justify it. Maybe when I am retired, maybe. I would rather go somewhere less expensive and take my family on a trip at another time. So, Myrtle Beach and Pinehurst buddy trip, Florida with the fam!

[azstu324]

To me, this scenario is justifiable. I consider the OPs situation to be a bit different in that he would be forgoing the opportunity to take his family on a really nice vacation because he can only select one or the other due to cost.
For a birthday, I would figure out how to convince my wife that we don't need to celebrate a birthday on the actual date and we could celebrate it the week before or after. 

My wife somehow finds a way to celebrate hers every month leading up to her actual birthday starting at about 6 mo out..

"Oh.. it's my birthday countdown month" " yay it's my birth quarter" "can I get this for my birth month?" "Well I bought it for my birth week" and then finally the damn day arrives.

So whenever she wants something, I just say.. "sure honey, it's your birth year.. you deserve it"

the more I practice, the luckier I seem to get..

[dlow206]

48 minutes ago, azstu324 said:

My wife somehow finds a way to celebrate hers every month leading up to her actual birthday starting at about 6 mo out..

"Oh.. it's my birthday countdown month" " yay it's my birth quarter" "can I get this for my birth month?" "Well I bought it for my birth week" and then finally the damn day arrives.

So whenever she wants something, I just say.. "sure honey, it's your birth year.. you deserve it"

the more I practice, the luckier I seem to get..
 

LOL. My wife is similar except its "birthday week". First she says she doesn't care about birthday celebrations, but come birthday time, she's like "what are we going to do for my birthday week".

[ballplayer002003]

12 hours ago, HardcoreLooper said:

Put me in the family camp as well.

I hope you're getting your kids on the golf course.  Some of my best memories are vacation golf with my kids - both on gorgeous courses and dog tracks.

I wish...my kids are 15, 10 and 3. The 3 year old loves to go with me all the time.  The older ones were in golf a for a bit but are no longer interested in it.  It breaks my heart.  haha

[ballplayer002003]

3 hours ago, JDHolmes said:

I would not take the golf trip. I taught for 17 years and money was always an issue and even when the spouse said,,"I dont mind", thete wss always some resentment built which often festered and came up later in "discussions".

I eould use that for a family trip. It will be a trip everyone rememvers and talks ablut for life. You can probably even get in a round or two on the family vacation too.

While it seems like a once in a lifetime trip, other opportunities will come after the kids are gone and you can take your wife on the golf trip and she can enjoy spa time, vacation time at the resort while you golf and you can make couple memories while you still enjoy golf with friends.

The wife and zi do this a couple of times a year these days when there's much more disposable income.

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You taught for 17 years, what do you do now if you don't mind me asking?  Always looking at "phase 2" since I will be done myself in a few years.  

[ballplayer002003]

So I called my buddy that organized the trip and who has more money than he knows what to do with and told him I had to back out.  He was disappointed that I was saying that since I was the first one he wanted to be there with him.  He even offered to pay, but I could never allow that.  He understood why I made the decision and didn't make me feel any worse than I did.

You guys all made very valid points and that is another reason why I love this site so much, we all kinda think the same way.  We LOVE golf, but we all LOVE our families that much more.  Cheers everyone, I will have to send some pictures from some island of the family and I in the near future (Post Covid).

[LICC]

23 hours ago, ballplayer002003 said:

So you all are reflecting my thoughts exactly.  For the record, my wife says she understands and has no problem with me going.....but GUYS SERIOUSLY, we know that could have two vastly different meanings.  haha

Man does this suck.  

Go for two days, just play Pebble, then come back and take the family to Florida instead of the Caribbean. Pebble Beach is the only real bucket list of those courses. Creative thinking. Problem solved.

PS- Is Pebble Beach worth taking a long flight for just a two-night stay? Absolutely ...

Edited March 9, 2021 by LICC

[MmmmmmBuddy]

On 3/8/2021 at 8:55 AM, ballplayer002003 said:

Del Monte, Pebble Beach, Spanish Bay, Spyglass and Pebble Beach again while staying at the Lodge at Pebble Beach for a cost of $3700...not including air fare from BWI and food, side bets and souvenirs.   I am figuring about 5-6k would be a good approximation for this trip.

Tough one.  I have a daughter in college, and can confirm that they grow up fast.  6k for a trip to Monterey that doesn't include Cypress is a no go for me...

 

For me, I'm playing Bandon Dunes, Pacific Dunes, Sheep Ranch, Bandon Trails and Old Mac. That's 1500 or so in GF, unless you double each day.  Plan on a 4 day trip, Get an AirBnB in Bandon and bring the family.  Looks like flights from BWI to EUG are fairly inexpensive.  Make a week of it and see the Nothwest.. You might want to stay....

[ballplayer002003]

1 hour ago, LICC said:

Go for two days, just play Pebble, then come back and take the family to Florida instead of the Caribbean. Pebble Beach is the only real bucket list of those courses. Creative thinking. Problem solved.

PS- Is Pebble Beach worth taking a long flight for just a two-night stay? Absolutely ...

I was actually looking forward to Spyglass the most.  Don't get me wrong, Pebble is Pebble but I have heard that aside from the views, the course itself is usually in a bit of rough shape just due to it's heavy play.  I still want to play it, just like every other golfer though.  Have you played it?  

[ballplayer002003]

1 hour ago, MmmmmmBuddy said:

Tough one.  I have a daughter in college, and can confirm that they grow up fast.  6k for a trip to Monterey that doesn't include Cypress is a no go for me...

 

For me, I'm playing Bandon Dunes, Pacific Dunes, Sheep Ranch, Bandon Trails and Old Mac. That's 1500 or so in GF, unless you double each day.  Plan on a 4 day trip, Get an AirBnB in Bandon and bring the family.  Looks like flights from BWI to EUG are fairly inexpensive.  Make a week of it and see the Nothwest.. You might want to stay....

Bandon is also on the bucket list.  The guy that set up the Pebble trip goes to Bandon as well and loves it!  Oh to have countless amounts of cash haha.  I have been to Seattle and Tacoma and love it out there, just beautiful scenery.  I do like your plan though!!!

[JDHolmes]

You taught for 17 years, what do you do now if you don't mind me asking?  Always looking at "phase 2" since I will be done myself in a few years.  

Actually, after teaching I moved into construction and construction management. Then moved over to corporare safety. Currently, unemployed thanks to Covid and am not looking. We are preparing for retirement so my wife tells me my job is to sell stuff. She makes a good enough living to support us and we've been frugal for years.

Recommendation...to any, is to get involved with an engineering and construction company. Great living and lots of opportunity regardless of your educational major

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[LICC]

3 hours ago, ballplayer002003 said:

I was actually looking forward to Spyglass the most.  Don't get me wrong, Pebble is Pebble but I have heard that aside from the views, the course itself is usually in a bit of rough shape just due to it's heavy play.  I still want to play it, just like every other golfer though.  Have you played it?  

I have played Pebble. It was absolutely incredible, unlike almost any golf experience you would ever have. The conditioning was excellent when I played. I haven't played Spyglass, but if someone offered for me to play either, I would play Pebble again in a heartbeat. The biggest drawback was the length of time of the round and a lot of waiting, but what a setting to be waiting. Holes 6-10 are unreal, and the holes off the water are still mostly great (with a couple of exceptions).

[azstu324]

We're actually taking a trip to Monterey/Pacific Grove in June to see how much the vibe has changed since COVID and make a decision if we still want to move back out there next year.

We'll be right in the neighborhood but unfortunately I won't be playing any of these courses :( . I will however be playing a round at the "poor man's" pebble aka PG Golf links. I'll also hit up a round at one of my local faves Monterey Pines.

See.. family AND golf can coexist in the same vacation maybe just not bucket list golf..

the more I practice, the luckier I seem to get..

[TBT]

So you all are reflecting my thoughts exactly.  For the record, my wife says she understands and has no problem with me going.....but GUYS SERIOUSLY, we know that could have two vastly different meanings.  haha
Man does this suck.  

Exactly! Go ahead go!.....what do you mean you’re going!, lol

As much as I would want to do it I probably couldn’t let myself do it.




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[HardcoreLooper]

10 hours ago, MmmmmmBuddy said:

Tough one.  I have a daughter in college, and can confirm that they grow up fast.  6k for a trip to Monterey that doesn't include Cypress is a no go for me...

 

For me, I'm playing Bandon Dunes, Pacific Dunes, Sheep Ranch, Bandon Trails and Old Mac. That's 1500 or so in GF, unless you double each day.  Plan on a 4 day trip, Get an AirBnB in Bandon and bring the family.  Looks like flights from BWI to EUG are fairly inexpensive.  Make a week of it and see the Nothwest.. You might want to stay....

How is Bandon for non-golfers?  My wife wants me to do a bucket-list trip for my 50th, but I want to bring the family with me.  My girls will definitely play with me, but my wife is going to need stuff to do.  And if my mom and dad go, mom's another non-golfer to entertain.

We were thinking about going to Cabot, but Canada doesn't seem to be too keen on us Americans right now.  And if I had to choose only one to get to go to, it'd be Bandon.

[JohnBarry]

On 3/9/2021 at 12:29 PM, MmmmmmBuddy said:

Tough one.  I have a daughter in college, and can confirm that they grow up fast.  6k for a trip to Monterey that doesn't include Cypress is a no go for me...

 

For me, I'm playing Bandon Dunes, Pacific Dunes, Sheep Ranch, Bandon Trails and Old Mac. That's 1500 or so in GF, unless you double each day.  Plan on a 4 day trip, Get an AirBnB in Bandon and bring the family.  Looks like flights from BWI to EUG are fairly inexpensive.  Make a week of it and see the Nothwest.. You might want to stay....

This is actually above Pebble for me, because it's actually a lot more possible, especially money wise. Heck, my wife told me to go to Ireland with my friends for my 50th, but I couldn't justify the pricing then. Also, I think I will choose to stay in the country for the foreseeable future. But, Ireland is still calling. Bandon, see you in 3 for the 55th birthday!

[ballplayer002003]

Bandon is another bucket list course, one that I think is more doable than Pebble for me now.  I will take the wife and another pal with his wife as well and I'm figuring while we golf the women can get a massage or something.  As for now, I will continue to go to Pinehurst and Bethpage (OH DARN) and love every bit of it!

[CarlH]

24 minutes ago, ballplayer002003 said:

Bandon is another bucket list course, one that I think is more doable than Pebble for me now.  I will take the wife and another pal with his wife as well and I'm figuring while we golf the women can get a massage or something.  As for now, I will continue to go to Pinehurst and Bethpage (OH DARN) and love every bit of it!

If you're going to Brandon Dunes, you'll have more than one course to take in.  If you play Bandon Dunes, then you'll want to play Pacific Dunes.  And then there is Bandon Trail.  Might as well go for Old McDonald while you're visiting.  Don't forget Sheep Ranch.  Then there's the Punchbowl and Bandon Preserve for those times between rounds.    That's a lot of massages for the wives.

[ballplayer002003]

13 hours ago, CarlH said:

If you're going to Brandon Dunes, you'll have more than one course to take in.  If you play Bandon Dunes, then you'll want to play Pacific Dunes.  And then there is Bandon Trail.  Might as well go for Old McDonald while you're visiting.  Don't forget Sheep Ranch.  Then there's the Punchbowl and Bandon Preserve for those times between rounds.    That's a lot of massages for the wives.

Then I hope there is a winery or two nearby...

[TxRedMan]

People are all that matter, but I would recommend considering if this trip might “recalibrate” you and deliver you back to your family better than when you left.

Find the “win-win”.


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