Tell Us Your Best Golf Story

[GolfSpy SAM]

Alright, so I'm starting a new thread here, because I feel like every time I meet a golfer, they have some crazy, hilarious, bizarro, hard-to-believe-but-it's-really-true story.  That's what this thread is for.  

They don't have to be YOUR stories, though it's probably more fun if they are.  Give us your funniest, saddest, craziest stories, and let's share a little laughter/incredulity about this awesome sport of ours.

[GolfSpy SAM]

I'll start.  My dad told me this story when I was growing up, probably 40 times, and it never got old.

  So my dad and his buddies are playing 18, and - as happens in the middle of a round, in Connecticut (lots of trees), one of the guys (let's call him Buddy) has to go to the bathroom.  My dad tells him the nearest bathroom isn't until they get back to the clubhouse, so just go in the trees.  Buddy seems concerned, but ambles off into the woods.  They're waiting on the tee, when they hear him yell "just go ahead and play and I'll catch up!"  

  They tee off, and sure enough, a few minutes later, Buddy comes running back up the fairway.  "Everything okay back there?" my Dad asks.  Buddy says, "yeah, yeah...totally fine.  Let's just play."  So they finish the hole, and keep on going.

  The next hole, however, as they get to the green (which is on the other side of the woods from where the tee box was on the previous hole), they can CLEARLY see a pair of underpants hanging from a branch in a tree.  

My Dad:  "Buddy - are those your...did you...what the hell happened?" 

Buddy: "What?  I didn't have any toilet paper."

It's so gross, and never fails to make me laugh, at the sheer panic that Buddy must have felt that somehow taking off the underwear to use as TP was his only logical choice.  So gross. 

[chisag]

... I was playing Papago the first year I moved to Phoenix. Didn't know anyone and got paired up with others every tee time. On the first tee the starter says you will be playing with these gentlemen and the first guy about 6'3" and 250lbs of solid muscle says "Hi, my names Desmond ..." and I finished with "Desmond Clark, nice to meet you". He smiled a little sideways and said "You are from Chicago I take it?" I replied I was and he went on the say "No offense Sam, but I prefer not to talk about the Bears and just focus on my golf". Admittedly I was a little disappointed but I of course respected his wishes. 

... Halfway through the front 9 he asked me what I did for a living and when I told him he asked the question most ask "In anything I would know?" So I mentioned a few things and when I said The Dark Knight his eyes lit up and he just about screamed "That's my favorite movie!!!" and then showed me some photos of his movie room with cut outs and posters from the movie. "Oh man I gotta ask, what was it like working with Christopher Nolan and ..." I help up my hand and stopped him right there, smiled saying ""No offense Desmond, but I prefer not to talk about The Dark Knight and just focus on golf". He had a good laugh and said touche'.

... Then I made a deal with him and said if he would just give me the inside scoop on Jay Cutler I would be happy to talk about the movie. So we satiated each other's inquiries and just had a great day. Desmond was new to golf and hit the ball a TON! but rarely straight. Just a super nice guy, his love for the game was obvious and it was one of my favorite rounds on a golf course. 

[GolfSpy SAM]

2 minutes ago, chisag said:

... I was playing Papago the first year I moved to Phoenix. Didn't know anyone and got paired up with others every tee time. On the first tee the starter says you will be playing with these gentlemen and the first guy about 6'3" and 250lbs of solid muscle says "Hi, my names Desmond ..." and I finished with "Desmond Clark, nice to meet you". He smiled a little sideways and said "You are from Chicago I take it?" I replied I was and he went on the say "No offense Sam, but I prefer not to talk about the Bears and just focus on my golf". Admittedly I was a little disappointed but I of course respected his wishes. 

... Halfway through the front 9 he asked me what I did for a living and when I told him he asked the question most ask "In anything I would know?" So I mentioned a few things and when I said The Dark Knight his eyes lit up and he just about screamed "That's my favorite movie!!!" and then showed me some photos of his movie room with cut outs and posters from the movie. "Oh man I gotta ask, what was it like working with Christopher Nolan and ..." I help up my hand and stopped him right there, smiled saying ""No offense Desmond, but I prefer not to talk about The Dark Knight and just focus on golf". He had a good laugh and said touche'.

... Then I made a deal with him and said if he would just give me the inside scoop on Jay Cutler I would be happy to talk about the movie. So we satiated each other's inquiries and just had a great day. Desmond was new to golf and hit the ball a TON! but rarely straight. Just a super nice guy, his love for the game was obvious and it was one of my favorite rounds on golf course. 

HAH! Love this. (FWIW, getting paired up with randos is one of my favorite things about golfing.)

[JohnSmalls]

Calling @BIG STU.  This thread is made for you.

[GolfSpy_APH]

Not the funniest, but we found it funny at the time.

First time playing with this guy and my friend.. Didn't really know what to expect other than my fried said he was decent. 

We get to 17 and it's been raining and the wind is starting to really come down. We are literally the only ones on the course at this time. 

So we tee off on 17 and it's a severely sloped left to right. The hole is essentially on the side of a big hill. He pulls his drive massively and having never played there we ask if it's okay and he says no way. Plays a provisional and goes the other way. Ends up on 13th fairway or something and has to go up about 130 foot slope to get to the green. He makes a 7 or something and is twisted. So we go to 18  a par 3 and it's beside the range. Where we see a couple balls around the green from the tee. 

We all hit and as we walk up there is one very close to the pin. Tap in range but none of us were that close. Figuring it's just a range ball we walk up to kick it away and turns out it was his first tee shot on 17. It had gone about 425. Over the freaking mountain, over the 10th green, somehow missed a little creek and some trees and ended up there. 

We got a good laugh at it and we're amazed at how far it had gone

 

[sixcat]

In 2004, I was playing golf with some guys I didn't know well. They invited me to their club (Great Oaks in Floyd, VA), which was memorable to say the least. Playing #14, a military jet flying just above treetop height passed directly overhead. The plane was in obvious distress. Dark gray/black smoke billowing out of sputtering engines. Shortly after passing overhead, we could see two people eject from the plane and parachutes deploy. A few seconds later, we could hear the crash followed by a huge plume of fire and smoke rising over the tree canopy. 

https://www.hmpgloballearningnetwork.com/site/emsworld/news/10341287/f-15-crashes-virginia-two-pilots-unhurt

Two years later, I was playing my home club for the first time as a guest. The head pro and a couple of longtime members were showing me around as I was prepared to purchase my stock and become a member. Again, a low flying military plane tops over the ridge from behind. That sudden jolt of noise and ground rumbling beneath your feet is off-putting to say the least. A guy in the group ahead of us fell to the ground on the 14th green clutching his chest. The sudden scare had given him a heart attack. He didn't survive. 

In 2017, my daughter and I were just beginning our day together playing the 1st hole of my home club when a helicopter landed on the 1st green as we are standing in the 1st fairway. The EMT's leap from the chopper with backboard in hand, load up a guy on the 2nd tee box, and lift off. He had suffered a heart attack a few weeks prior. Against doctors recommendation, he was back on the golf course, smoking and drinking as if nothing had happened. He didn't survive the second heart attack. Pretty sure I posted a picture of the helicopter landing on here in another thread when it happened.

Hard to say these are the "best" but they are certainly the most memorable. I have an issue with aircraft on the golf course!!!

[GolfSpy SAM]

8 minutes ago, sixcat said:

In 2004, I was playing golf with some guys I didn't know well. They invited me to their club (Great Oaks in Floyd, VA), which was memorable to say the least. Playing #14, a military jet flying just above treetop height passed directly overhead. The plane was in obvious distress. Dark gray/black smoke billowing out of sputtering engines. Shortly after passing overhead, we could see two people eject from the plane and parachutes deploy. A few seconds later, we could hear the crash followed by a huge plume of fire and smoke rising over the tree canopy. 

https://www.hmpgloballearningnetwork.com/site/emsworld/news/10341287/f-15-crashes-virginia-two-pilots-unhurt

Two years later, I was playing my home club for the first time as a guest. The head pro and a couple of longtime members were showing me around as I was prepared to purchase my stock and become a member. Again, a low flying military plane tops over the ridge from behind. That sudden jolt of noise and ground rumbling beneath your feet is off-putting to say the least. A guy in the group ahead of us fell to the ground on the 14th green clutching his chest. The sudden scare had given him a heart attack. He didn't survive. 

In 2017, my daughter and I were just beginning our day together playing the 1st hole of my home club when a helicopter landed on the 1st green as we are standing in the 1st fairway. The EMT's leap from the chopper with backboard in hand, load up a guy on the 2nd tee box, and lift off. He had suffered a heart attack a few weeks prior. Against doctors recommendation, he was back on the golf course, smoking and drinking as if nothing had happened. He didn't survive the second heart attack. 

I have an issue with aircraft on the golf course!!!

Holy hell! You're an action star!

  Also, this quote legit made me laugh out loud, as I've never seen a more stereotypical-Southern thing in print:  "``I looked up at it and, `Shew!' A shiny piece of metal flew off. It looked like the wing. And he just flew straight up, and I saw this big huge fire come off the top of the jet,'' Taylor said."

  "Shew!" is going to be my word of the day. 

[CarlH]

My most bizarre weather story.....I was playing at the Yellowstone Country Club in Billings MT one fall day.  Started out on #1 with a windbreaker.  Temperature was probably somewhere in the upper 50's, slight breeze but quite sunny.  By the 2rd hole, I had stripped off the windbreaker but the wind picked up and the temperatures seemed to begin dropping around the 4th hole.  By the time, we reached the 8th hole, a short par 3 over the pond, the temperature was in the 30s and it started snowing.  By the time the last of our 4some teed off, the green was completely covered by snow.  We started heading back into the clubhouse, requiring a walk up #9, which was a long par 4.  The snow was really coming down now and the wind was driving it sideways.  Halfway up the #9 fairway, my left shoulder and arm had accumulated at least 1/2 inch of snow!  While I don't have the actual temperature drop, I believe it dropped nearly 30 degrees in less than 2 hours and went from sunshine to snow.  

[David Leighton Reid]

My father didn't start playing golf until he retired and we enjoyed several rounds of golf together before he died.  During one round, on a par 3, my father's tee ball went into some trees right of the green and completely out of sight from the green.  His second shot ricocheted off several tree limbs and came to rest just off the green.  Since he couldn't see me, I picked up his ball and placed it right next to the hole and congratulated him on a great shot.  He was so excited, I didn't have the heart to confess what I had done.  For several years, up until his death, he loved telling the story of the impossible shot.   

[GolfSpy SAM]

15 minutes ago, David Leighton Reid said:

My father didn't start playing golf until he retired and we enjoyed several rounds of golf together before he died.  During one round, on a par 3, my father's tee ball went into some trees right of the green and completely out of sight from the green.  His second shot ricocheted off several tree limbs and came to rest just off the green.  Since he couldn't see me, I picked up his ball and placed it right next to the hole and congratulated him on a great shot.  He was so excited, I didn't have the heart to confess what I had done.  For several years, up until his death, he loved telling the story of the impossible shot.   

Oh, I really love this. Thanks for sharing!

[sixcat]

1 hour ago, GolfSpy_SAM said:

Holy hell! You're an action star!

  Also, this quote legit made me laugh out loud, as I've never seen a more stereotypical-Southern thing in print:  "``I looked up at it and, `Shew!' A shiny piece of metal flew off. It looked like the wing. And he just flew straight up, and I saw this big huge fire come off the top of the jet,'' Taylor said."

  "Shew!" is going to be my word of the day. 

I wouldn't say I'm an action star. Maybe an inaction star. I didn't do anything but witness this stuff. The county the plane crashed in is two counties over from where I live and one county over from where I was playing that day. For reference, it's the same county the events leading to the movie "Lawless" came from.

It's common for the military to fly training missions all over the mountains of southwest Virginia. Some of the ridge-lines can be several hundred feet high, as is the case with the beginning section of the back side of my home club. Planes coming over the top of that ridge-line will scare the hell out of you. You cannot hear them coming. They come over the mountain right overhead, and you feel like the world is caving in around you.

[EasyPutter]

My first year playing golf was during the end of my military career at Fort Leavenworth where I was author for the Army Captain Career Course Common Core phase exercises.  I was learning to play golf on the Post's Trails West Golf Course after only a few lessons and doing a fantastic job slicing the ball especially with tee shots, better than a Ginsu can slice butter. 

Fact:  in my 4 months playing Trails West, the only club in my bag that I didn't end up hitting a tree with the ball was my putter.

One afternoon I was playing alone and had just finished playing the 2nd fairway and green.  The grounds crew was following me at a distance and a tractor mower that looked like a combine harvester was trimming the fairway at some distance yet from the 2nd green.

The 2nd and 3rd fairways are parallel with a good stand of mature trees between them and the 3rd tee box is next to the 2nd green.  There was no rush, no golfer following me and I was enjoying life! 

I teed up on the 3rd tee box and took a mighty swing.  It had a rising path that started to curve to the right in an amazing arc up high and over the trees only to head straight for the 2nd fairway.  It landed in the middle of the 2nd fairway, just in front of the mower, took one hop, and disappeared into the whirling blades.  

That moment is etched permanently in my mind thusly; if only the shot was intentional, from a par 3 tee box, and instead of a mower blade it was the flagstick in the cup.  

 

 

[Siamese Moose]

Some years ago I hit a woman. I pushed a shot on a par 3 that hit a tree, and I lost sight of it as it deflected 40 yards sideways, and went into a group that was not even visible from my tee. I felt terrible. Not long after I was playing a solo early morning round, and on the 9th pushed a tee shot that landed behind some trees near the 18th tee. Since there was nobody on the course in front of me I wasn't thinking anything about someone being there. I walk up and there's a woman standing next to her mower holding my ball. My heart absolutely sunk so low in my chest, and I was mortified! To my great relief, she apologizes to me! Apparently my ball landed in front of the mower, and she couldn't stop in time, and went right over it. She told me to check in at the pro shop and they'd replace it, but I was so shook up that I packed up and left after finishing the 9th.

[GolfSpy SAM]

13 minutes ago, Siamese Moose said:

Some years ago I hit a woman. I pushed a shot on a par 3 that hit a tree, and I lost sight of it as it deflected 40 yards sideways, and went into a group that was not even visible from my tee. I felt terrible. Not long after I was playing a solo early morning round, and on the 9th pushed a tee shot that landed behind some trees near the 18th tee. Since there was nobody on the course in front of me I wasn't thinking anything about someone being there. I walk up and there's a woman standing next to her mower holding my ball. My heart absolutely sunk so low in my chest, and I was mortified! To my great relief, she apologizes to me! Apparently my ball landed in front of the mower, and she couldn't stop in time, and went right over it. She told me to check in at the pro shop and they'd replace it, but I was so shook up that I packed up and left after finishing the 9th.

Quick Shyamalan-esque follow-up: was it the SAME woman? Was she dead? Did you got to the pro shop the next time you were there and they told you they didn't HAVE a woman who mows the grounds?!? 

[TylorJudd]

Well,

I have 2 stories! When I was 12 I believe, maybe 11 I was just getting into golf. I had a membership at my local course and id play everyday after school. When you come off 9, there used to be a Petro-Can gas station and we'd stop and get those "sandwiches" you throw in the microwave. So anyway I woof it down with a Slurpee and go to 10. Round the horn onto 18 tee and I have to poop like no other. 18 is a 440ish Par 4 and I'm walking the course, then another 200ish yards to the men's locker room. I played that hole with the speed of flash himself and I got to like 15' from the bathroom and start saying "ok I'm good" all to have my body release mere feet from the toilet. So I went home with no underwear, a brown spot on my shorts which found their way to the garbage, and had to tell my dad I sat in mud hahaha.

Fast forward a couple years and I'm in the practice bunker trying to get better at bunker saves. The practice green/bunker area was beside the 9th green. So here I am getting some shots out with not so much success  and my one buddy suggests I open my face a bit, so I do and I skull a rocket off the sole of the club and man I'd swear Big Pappi hit a line drive at the pitcher. I couldn't see the ball move, but I did see the elderly guy it smoked in the left temple. It dropped him like a sack of bricks, he's bleeding everywhere, and gets rushed to the hospital. I unfortunately tell everyone to clear out in front of my bunker shots to this day hahaha. That practice green is no longer there.....

[GolfSpy SAM]

42 minutes ago, TylorJudd said:

Well,

I have 2 stories! When I was 12 I believe, maybe 11 I was just getting into golf. I had a membership at my local course and id play everyday after school. When you come off 9, there used to be a Petro-Can gas station and we'd stop and get those "sandwiches" you throw in the microwave. So anyway I woof it down with a Slurpee and go to 10. Round the horn onto 18 tee and I have to poop like no other. 18 is a 440ish Par 4 and I'm walking the course, then another 200ish yards to the men's locker room. I played that hole with the speed of flash himself and I got to like 15' from the bathroom and start saying "ok I'm good" all to have my body release mere feet from the toilet. So I went home with no underwear, a brown spot on my shorts which found their way to the garbage, and had to tell my dad I sat in mud hahaha.

Fast forward a couple years and I'm in the practice bunker trying to get better at bunker saves. The practice green/bunker area was beside the 9th green. So here I am getting some shots out with not so much success  and my one buddy suggests I open my face a bit, so I do and I skull a rocket off the sole of the club and man I'd swear Big Pappi hit a line drive at the pitcher. I couldn't see the ball move, but I did see the elderly guy it smoked in the left temple. It dropped him like a sack of bricks, he's bleeding everywhere, and gets rushed to the hospital. I unfortunately tell everyone to clear out in front of my bunker shots to this day hahaha. That practice green is no longer there.....

Good lord. I may not wanna play with you after these two stories, lol, you pants-pooping elder-abuser. 

Awesome stuff - thanks for sharing!

[Tom the Golf Nut]

Playing in a golf tournament put on by a customer. One of my team members was an older gentleman getting ready to retire. He did enjoy his beer, so you know where this is going. Later on in the round while standing on the tee box he had the urge to expel some gas. Unfortunately, there was some other matter coming along for the ride. Within a second or two a brown spot emerged through his white shorts in a perfect circle. But due to the amount of consumption he never knew. So for the last few holes he earned the nickname spot. It started with can you spot you ball on the green and it took off from there. Fast forward to the bar. everyone started calling him spot. Finally, one of his friends from the company noticed and told him. It was funnier than shirt! Once he realized what happened and when he did it and how long before he found out.      

[GolfSpy TCB]

Well, not exactly in the vein of the bodily functions stories above, so I may be out of place... but one of my most memorable experiences on the golf course came back in the early 80's. 

I grew up just down the road from one of two municipal courses (at the time) in my hometown.  I spent as much of my time there as I could and got to know the owner, and the pro very well.  I was in my early teens, and wasn't a great golfer by any means, but I carried myself well on the course.    One afternoon, after using the chipping area and enjoying an order of fries from the club house, I asked if the course was open enough that I could walk on and play.  The pro said... tell you what, there is a twosome in the parking lot bringing their cart around, and if you want to join me, I"m going to play along with them.  Now... I was a little intimidated... two strangers and the pro wasn't my idea of a leisurely round of golf... but I had played enough with the pro to put me at a little ease - though I always felt like I was trying to perform for him when I was that age... I must have hesitated, because he said... "come on... you'll be fine... just play your game and do your best to keep up with us".  He was really a great guy and a mentor to me over the years.  

Anyway - we walk out to the first tee, and around the corner of the clubhouse comes our playing partners... in a custom red, white and blue, star spangled golf cart - and pulls up to the tee box.  My pro said, Tim, I would like you to meet Mr. Evel Knievel.  

I don't remember hardly anything about that round from a shot making or scoring perspective... but I can tell you that Mr. Knievel and his buddy were very patient with me - and very competitive with each other (and the pro).  I wasn't involved (thank goodness... I would still be paying the debt) in the wagers.... but I am sure I had never seen that much green in one place before in my life.  

At the end of 9, they shook my hand, retired to the bar to settle all their bets, and I walked home on a cloud.  

 

[hoppman]

Guys golf trip to Scotland for 150th Open Championship. 2 of us arrived the Saturday before in Edinburgh and attended the Scottish Open, one was in Glasgow, one flew in the Edinburgh on Monday before the Open and joined us on Wednesday for the trip to St. Andrews. The person that didn't make it until Monday had his golf clubs lost, we were expecting to attend 3 days of the Open Championship and play golf at least 6 between Edinburgh and St. Andrews. No clubs available at all in St. Andrews for rental. On Tuesday before the Open 3 of us played a round of golf at Craigmillar Park Golf Club in Edinburgh. My friend that had his clubs lost was able to rent some clubs there and buy some golf shoes as his shoes were in his travel bag. We started talking to the head pro at Craigmillar Park after our round and he called his contacts in St. Andrews to see about a set of rental clubs for my friend and was told none were available. So as we were having a pint, he left and came back with a golf bag that had a 3wd, hybrid, wedge and putter in it and said we could loan enough clubs for our friend to be able to play in St. Andrews, we said no problem, we can make it work. He left again and came back with a set of irons, he had a set of Callaway X18 irons that my friend could use, 4-P and that gave him everything but a driver. He was fine with that.

On Wednesday before the Open we take a bus to St. Andrews, check into our sleeping accomodations and head out to check out St. Andrews. The next 2 days we would be playing golf at Fairmont St Andrews early in the morning, there are 2 courses there, the Torrance and the Kittocks and then watching the Open in the afternoon. Nothing remarkable happened at Torrance other than I sucked bad that day. The next day we get up early, arrived at the Kittocks course in a little rain and head out. On the 3rd hole a short par 3, my friend using the borrowed pitching wedge makes a hole in one, his first ever, It was an exciting day. At the end of the round we told them at the pro shop about the hole in one and the course gave him a flag from the course with his name and hole distance information on it, and a copy of the scorecard and some other swag, we headed to the bar for some drinking.

Two days later on the Friday during the Open we played a course call the Dukes, it was fine seemed more like an America course than a Scottish links course but it was fun. The friend that had made the hole in one hurt his back on the 5 or 6th hole hitting out of a bunker and never played another round the rest of the time there.

On our way back out of Scotland we stayed in Ediburgh, played golf and then met the golf pro that had loaned the clubs to my friend for dinner, then we went out drinking that night. Of course we bought his dinner and drinks as a thank you for loaning our friend the clubs. The Tuesday after the Open everyone was supposed to fly out of Edinburgh back to the states, well 2 of us had flights delayed so I finally got a flight to Heathrow and then a flight back home to the states.  The person with the lost clubs finally got them back almost a month after we got back from the Open. One of the other guys had his clothing bag lost on the flight home and somehow the 2 of us that got delayed going home arrived with our luggage and clubs. Other than the air travel issues it was a very memorable trip.

This si a picture taken at the Edinburgh airport around the time we were leaving maybe a day or two before.

[GolfSpy SAM]

6 hours ago, Golfspy_TCB said:

.My pro said, Tim, I would like you to meet Mr. Evel Knievel.  

...  

At the end of 9, they shook my hand, retired to the bar to settle all their bets, and I walked home on a cloud.  

Love it. Honestly, it could only be bettered by having it end with EK driving his cart off a ramp, jumping it over another cart, crash-landing (but he's fine - don't want any injuries), and then walking away into the sunset. 

With a big brown spot on his pants, obviously. I mean, come on - that's clearly the theme of this thread.

[GolfSpy SAM]

1 hour ago, hoppman said:

Guys golf trip to Scotland for 150th Open Championship.

Amazing trip - thanks for sharing!! (Glad he finally got his crappy, non-hole-in-one-making clubs back...)

[tdroma98]

Couple years ago, we had a Saturday Men's Group, about 30 guys. We had the first tee times starting at 7am to 8am. First group goes out as 4 some, I was in 2nd group. When 1st group gets to 4th tee - a 390 yd par 4 with a hard dogleg to right, things got interesting. Traditional & safe play for 4th hole was straight down fairway near the 150 yd range and wide open shot to green or one could be aggressive & cut corner leaving anywhere from 75 to 120 yd shot.

I'll call the guy Joe.  Joe (man in 50's) is teeing off on 4th hole and decides to be aggressive and cut the corner over woods & houses on right side. Tee box is about 50yds left of OB with houses lining the other side of rough. Backyards provide more of a buffer.  Many of the house don't come into play, at least that's what we've thought for 25 yrs. 
Joe is ready to tee off, with the intent to cut the corner. He's hitting driver, swings, makes contact and the ball goes dead right. Not a fade not a slice, ball goes dead right off the club.  There's a 2 story house in the direction ball traveled, about on a 60 -70 degree angle, from the tee box. Ball goes directly through a second story window.  We are standing on the 3rd green and hear the glass break & look over to the 4th tee box, across the lake, at 4 guys just standing on the tee box facing the houses. We can't really tell. 

The other three of his partners gained their composure & teed off. Then Joe being the gentleman he is, walks down to the yard of the two story. (The other three were laughing too hard to walk with him ) Joe was going to walk around the house to front door. Well he didn't have to, because the owner of the house, a lady in her 70's & in a bathrobe, comes walking out of the house & walks towards Joe (by now my group has driven up - his 2 playing partners are crying from laughing and can't tell us what happened).  The lady is walking towards Joe, holding a golf ball in her hand and is yelling "Who hit this ball".  
Joe: I did maam, are you ok? 
Lady replies: You must be the worst F@(king golfer ever! 
  6 guys behind him are now laughing out loud after she uttered: you must be the worst F@)king golfer ever. 
Joe:  Yes maam, it wasn't a very good shot. 
Lady replies: You woke me up and ball almost hit me in bed! Well you're paying for my F@(king Window & you're not getting the ball back! 
Joe: I planned on paying for the window.
Then without missing a beat Joe goes: Listen I have to finish my round, so I'll be back, here is my business card, my phone number and $50, I'll be back in a couple of hours.
Lady just stares at him, then smiled. You better be back!
We erupted with laughter once again. 

Joe did go back after the round and they had a good laugh. She even made him a cup of coffee . She turned out to be a nice lady and thanked him for having the window replaced.  She knew he didn't have to do that, he did feel bad.  Needless to say Joe didn't win any money that morning either. 

 

[cksurfdude]

Not really a funny story (and no one, as far as I know, sharted during it) but my first encounter with a golf celebrity...

One day during my first season golfing .. actually started out trying to catch waves off the south shore of Long Island .. which turned out to be disappointing, and then the wind switched to make the conditions even worse .. buddy (who got me started golfing) says let's go hit golf balls at the range .. get hung up in traffic trying to get back to the north shore .. finally pull into the parking lot, which is full, find one spot .. open the back to get my clubs out...

.. some tall guy in a hat walks by, see the surfboards and says something like, "hmm that's the wrong equipment for here" .. and I'm all grumpy and grouchy and just kinda grumble not really responding...

.. sometime later reading a golf mag I recognize that tall guy as David Leadbetter....

 

PS: so David if you ever happen to read this, I apologize for being rude!

PPS: the following summer ended up attending a 3 Day Leadbetter clinic

 

 

[GolfSpy_APH]

When we were younger there was a little par 3 course my dad and I went to called Lakers. I'll go into the other story with this sometime later, but I took some friends there for my birthday and had a friend shoot a respectable score while only using a putter. Don't remember what it was, but we got a big laugh about it ... he cleared and landed on the island green and made a par, but sadly he also did hit a house top across a creek. Oh to be young and stupid!

[ltc.dan]

I was a lieutenant at Fort Sill. Golf group played on Saturdays. One of those 'throw $5 in the pot and someone wins a few' kind of groups. Guy pretty much in charge is a colonel bigwig on post. Nicest guy you could meet, but still a colonel.

I'm in a foursome with the colonel, his son, and his GS-14 deputy. I was terrible. I mean really terrible. One this particular tee, there is a tree directly on the right with a bench extending toward the back of the tee box. I take a mighty swing! Ball hits the tree and caroms down the bench. The colonel, the deputy, and the son all hit the ground.

The colonel gets up, brushes himself off, then looks at me and says, "I did two tours in Vietnam and I was never as close to death as I am playing golf with you!"

[rbgntx]

I spent my working life in southern California.  I had a foursome of friends from work and we played regularly all over San Diego and Riverside County.  One of our players was a very self-taught player who maintained his fluidity usually by regular consumption of beer throughout the round.  He hit a wide variety of shots that, surprisingly, often found their way to the target.  One morning we were playing Oak Valley near Beaumont.  My friend steps to the tee on a par 4 and swings away.  I didn't know it was possible to come into the ball that steep with a driver but he did and impact sent the ball straight up in the air, spinning backward.  The ball landed several feet behind him and rolled off into the bushes at the back of the tee.  In the meantime, he is standing on the tee looking down the fairway asking if anybody saw the ball land.  We told him it was going to be a long second shot when we turned him around and pointed out the ball's resting place.  To his credit he also made one of the most unbelievable aces during another round with a tee shot that started 20 yards left of the green, made a big bend back to the right, landed on the back left side of the green and rode the slope all the way down to the hole.

[JeremyD]

On 1/27/2023 at 9:45 AM, TylorJudd said:

Well,

I have 2 stories! When I was 12 I believe, maybe 11 I was just getting into golf. I had a membership at my local course and id play everyday after school. When you come off 9, there used to be a Petro-Can gas station and we'd stop and get those "sandwiches" you throw in the microwave. So anyway I woof it down with a Slurpee and go to 10. Round the horn onto 18 tee and I have to poop like no other. 18 is a 440ish Par 4 and I'm walking the course, then another 200ish yards to the men's locker room. I played that hole with the speed of flash himself and I got to like 15' from the bathroom and start saying "ok I'm good" all to have my body release mere feet from the toilet. So I went home with no underwear, a brown spot on my shorts which found their way to the garbage, and had to tell my dad I sat in mud hahaha.

Fast forward a couple years and I'm in the practice bunker trying to get better at bunker saves. The practice green/bunker area was beside the 9th green. So here I am getting some shots out with not so much success  and my one buddy suggests I open my face a bit, so I do and I skull a rocket off the sole of the club and man I'd swear Big Pappi hit a line drive at the pitcher. I couldn't see the ball move, but I did see the elderly guy it smoked in the left temple. It dropped him like a sack of bricks, he's bleeding everywhere, and gets rushed to the hospital. I unfortunately tell everyone to clear out in front of my bunker shots to this day hahaha. That practice green is no longer there.....

My god. We had a place off the 6th green at the 9th hole crap place I grew up at. I felt the same urge. Dropped in my pants as I entered the store and went to the bathroom to finish. left my underwear there, only to go back in every day like normal that summer and pretend nothing happened, however, they knew.

[JeremyD]

I played at a crap public course as a kid. I worked there and would take my paycheck and go play a couple other local courses when I could. one day I played the 9 hole course of a 27 hole muni then next town over. on the 6th or 7 hole, a twosome said I could join them. It was some guy named Dean and some other dude. I looked at their clubs. Dean was a short guy. Big cigar. Had the early to mid 90's callaways and big black leather golf bag. He looked familiar, but I couldn't place where I had seen him before. They asked if I wanted to play 9 more and broke me said I couldn't. I only.

Bothered me as to why I couldn't place the guy, until I saw him starring in a little TV movie, the Langoliers that was filmed in the town where the muni course was, since some famous horror writer lived there. I always wished I had another 10 bucks to play a few more holes.

[Tom the Golf Nut]

Back in the early days of my golfing experience I went on a boy's trip to Myrtle Beach. We were playing Long Bay. I don't remember what hole it was but I'm on the tee box, line up my intended direction and then take a mighty lash at the ball. The ball goes perfectly straight but only a few feet off the ground. About twenty or thirty yards ahead are the women's tees which were slightly elevated. I hit the tee marker on the lady's tee box straight on. All in an instant my tee lands in my hat. The tee marker goes about 10 feet in the air spinning end over end and lands back on the tee box with the stake sticking back in the ground. Hey where did the ball go, I asked. A second later we hear a thud and the ball landed 5 feet behind me but still in the tee box.  A million to one shot if you include the tee landing in my hat. It was one of those straw type golf hats with a red band around it.  My buddies were laughing pretty hard about that. Of course, the beer consumption added to the humor.