Happy Wife Happy...Golfer?

[Getoffmylawn]

So I'm probably going to take some grief from some of you...fire away...but I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts or "best practices" with regards to balancing your duties as a spouse and father with your desire to improve at golf?

I'm a halfway decent golfer, but I do aspire to continually improve and end up as a plus handicap, and eventually compete in mid-am and senior-am competitions.  However, family comes first of course, and with 3 little kids (9,7, and 5) and the oldest one being highly athletic, many weeknights and weekends are dominated with practices and tournaments.  When I do get a break in this routine, I want to get on the course, but lately SWMBO has taken to see that as golf being more of a priority for me than her!  I can see her perspective, but on the flip side of that, a guy needs a hobby and an outlet, and the Type A personality that I am, I kind of need a mountain to climb if you know what I mean.

I can honestly say I have no other hobbies or vices. However, absent the debut of a 27-hour day, I'm having a hard time keeping the golf dream alive.  I am making VERY concerted efforts to take care of myself so that I'm still physically capable of high level play later in life, but I feel like that will prove pointless if I'm not able to make some skill gains now.  I've got a putting green in the basement and plenty of "dry swing" drills to keep me busy as well, but at some point you have to play to learn to score, no?

Apologies if this is just a massive whine of a thread, and perhaps it's not worthy of it's own thread, at all, but I can't be alone in struggling with this dilemma.  

[cnosil]

I don’t have any solutions or suggestions, but any relationship requires compromises on both sides.  As you mentioned, only 24 hours in a day to split amongst work, family, and hobbies.   

[Lacassem]

Yea man its a tough one.

Being open and honest. I have had conversations with my wife in the past that golf is the thing I need to be my best me (and her of course) but you have to have something....both of you need to have something that you enjoy doing without the other person, its important (IMO). I call it the "Like what you do without them, love what you do with them" mentality.

That being said not everyone would be receptive to that. Prioritizing is important which sounds like you are doing (example I am not going to the spy meetup, as much as I want to there are other things with family taking precedence and in the end I will still play golf it just wont be with some of you folks here).

 

 

[GolfSpy SAM]

It's like we're the same person, only I misplaced my third kid.  (Two is plenty, as attested by the Snip'd thread, lol)

  I'm lucky in that my schedule is Sunday-Thursday, with Fridays being my "me" day that I also fulfill all the shopping/errands that we need done around the house.  But that typically means I have time (at the very least) for a bucket and some putting practice.  

  At this point, Saturdays are our family day - so that's sports practice (which hasn't started in earnest yet - kids are 7 (not very "sporty") and 3 (all he wants is to go golfing with me, so I may be lucky later on), which means if there's ANY golfing event on the schedule, I'm usually a no-show.  Which is fine, because I still have Fridays, but it does make it hard to see my "golf buddies" on a Sat/Sun without making my wife feel like she's a single parent - something I'm VERY aware is a trigger for her, as she was the only child of a single parent.

  For us, communication is the key.  I try to tell her about the things I'm working on and where (if) I'm playing on Friday, and then make an extra effort to ensure that nothing slips through the cracks as far as things that need my attention around the house.  I've taken a few Sundays off to do "boys golf" stuff with my buddies, but those are very few and far between (because I try to keep my vacation days for family stuff, too), but as of yet have not taken a Saturday to do that.   She's said a few times, "you could totally do a Saturday morning - just as long as it's not EVERY Saturday morning," and I know she means it, but I also know that if I can get my "golf-fix" on Friday, no real need to make her feel less-than.

  I feel your pain - it's SO hard to love something the way we love golf without having the people we love feel like it could possibly replace them - even if they know deep-down that's just not an option. 

  I'd just reiterate that talking about it as much as you (and she) can is probably the start of the cure.  Let her know exactly what it does for you - and then see if scheduling one Saturday or one Sunday morning a month (it's a start) for you to get out early would be possible.  With the move to earlier mornings, there are times (back when we were living in NY) that I could get out pre-dawn, tee off first/second tee-time of the day, and be back before 10am - she would always laugh and say "we just woke up!" (with young kids that's never true, but I appreciated the effort ).

  I've also tried, and you may have more success in this than I have so far, given my kids' ages, inviting my wife along - she's yet to take me up on that, but mostly because she works M-F, so our only family day is Saturday, and she's not sure she wants to spend a chunk of that on the golf course, lol - I can't say I blame her, considering we don't have any family nearby to watch the kids, so it'd end up us chasing our kids around a par-3 9-hole course for 2 hours while they yell

  Thanks for taking the time to post this - I think this is something a lot of Dads struggle with (I know for sure I do), so having a space to vent (even if that's all it is) is super valuable.  

 Oh! And on a day where you schedule golf in the morning, maybe plan something you can all do together afterward - picnic, or hike, or something that everyone loves to do, so that they all have that to look forward to when you're back; and if you can, prep for that the night before (pack the cooler, etc.) so that your wife doesn't have to pack up for that while you're gone - those things go a LONG way in my household

[Getoffmylawn]

15 minutes ago, GolfSpy_SAM said:

 Oh! And on a day where you schedule golf in the morning, maybe plan something you can all do together afterward - picnic, or hike, or something that everyone loves to do, so that they all have that to look forward to when you're back; and if you can, prep for that the night before (pack the cooler, etc.) so that your wife doesn't have to pack up for that while you're gone - those things go a LONG way in my household

Thanks for your response.  THIS may be gold...going to have to do that!

[chisag]

... Here is a perspective from the other end. You can play golf forever. You only have kids for a very short period of time. While I thought I did a good job of balancing career, family and golf, if I could go back I would spend more time with my two boys. I coached my youngest baseball teams from the 3rd grade through senior year in high school so that was special. I went to every baseball and football game but 2 when I had to work and couldn't get out of it. I play golf 5 days a week now and love it but I don't look back thinking I wish I could have played more golf. They are in their 30's now and when I look back I wish I could have just spent a little more time with them. 

[GolfSpy SAM]

3 minutes ago, chisag said:

... Here is a perspective from the other end. You can play golf forever. You only have kids for a very short period of time. While I thought I did a good job of balancing career, family and golf, if I could go back I would spend more time with my two boys. I coached my youngest baseball teams from the 3rd grade through senior year in high school so that was special. I went to every baseball and football game but 2 when I had to work and couldn't get out of it. I play golf 5 days a week now and love it but I don't look back thinking I wish I could have played more golf. They are in their 30's now and when I look back I wish I could have just spent a little more time with them. 

Wise man - out of curiosity, were you passionate about golf when the kids were smaller, or did that grow as you they did?  I'm positive I'll have more time for golf, especially as they kids age (and especially if the youngest wants to play), but there's also something to be said for the gains of playing now (both mental and physical) - I'm a way better partner/dad when I've walked outside for a few hours and taken out my frustrations on the ball than when I haven't for a few weeks.  Finding that balance is so critical.  I'm personally REALLY looking forward to coaching/going to games, as that's one of my favorite memories of my Dad being there for me.  

[chisag]

1 minute ago, GolfSpy_SAM said:

Wise man - out of curiosity, were you passionate about golf when the kids were smaller, or did that grow as you they did?  I'm positive I'll have more time for golf, especially as they kids age (and especially if the youngest wants to play), but there's also something to be said for the gains of playing now (both mental and physical) - I'm a way better partner/dad when I've walked outside for a few hours and taken out my frustrations on the ball than when I haven't for a few weeks.  Finding that balance is so critical.  I'm personally REALLY looking forward to coaching/going to games, as that's one of my favorite memories of my Dad being there for me.  

 

... Passionate about the game before they were born. And I hear ya, golf was an essential part of my mental and physical health too so I played/practiced as often as I could. I think I dreamed of playing 5 days a week back then and wished I could have played more. But again, looking back there is a sense of wonder kids provide and it is the little things like a few more trips to the zoo or just watching their unbridled joy at the playground and giving every second my full attention without my career or golf on my mind. Again, I have no real regrets and did a pretty good job of balance in my life but kids are just the most special thing in life, something I think most of us "know" but just don't appreciate as much as we could when we have them, because LIFE has so many demands. 

[Getoffmylawn]

35 minutes ago, chisag said:

... Here is a perspective from the other end. You can play golf forever. You only have kids for a very short period of time. While I thought I did a good job of balancing career, family and golf, if I could go back I would spend more time with my two boys. I coached my youngest baseball teams from the 3rd grade through senior year in high school so that was special. I went to every baseball and football game but 2 when I had to work and couldn't get out of it. I play golf 5 days a week now and love it but I don't look back thinking I wish I could have played more golf. They are in their 30's now and when I look back I wish I could have just spent a little more time with them. 

This is great advice and a great reminder; thank you.  

[EasyPutter]

Have to weigh in with the same appreciation for this as @chisag as my own penchant for golf blossomed in my waning months of military life 12 years ago when kids were 13 and 11.  Played as much as I could when I was separated by 1000 miles from the family which was minimum 18 holes Saturday and Sunday and whenever possible during the weekday evenings after the workday was done.  They came out to see me in the springtime and I took the family out for a round of golf, nothing but fun and kid's first time with clubs in their hands.  When I retired and life returned to family at home, I was thrilled to have time with them and chose a less lucrative position as a trade-off to more family time and my primetime as superdad.  I was soccer dad, dance dad, scout dad, you-name-it dad because I knew time was the bandit and if I missed anything a second chance was not possible.  I already had their years between 6-13 and 4-11 forfeit to military service, them staying home while I was elsewhere as an Army Reservist on unaccompanied time from deployment to last long-term stateside orders.

Golf became when I could get a game in and if I could get out 6 or 7 times a year I was doing well.  Didn't stop me talking about it (to other's annoyance perhaps) as often as I had someone who would listen and talk about it with me.  Years before finding MGS and I wish I had this outlet then.  Only once the last year of high school for the youngest was finished did I look into the possibility of playing more and once I did my wife was all about getting me out of the house and doing something to keep myself occupied.  Her deal: you can play golf all you want as long as you are available at home on weekends.  Done deal!  And in reality it is not just limited to weekdays as no weekend game has been discouraged though I do not push to make it any kind of a regular thing.

[Lacassem]

1 hour ago, GolfSpy_SAM said:

It's like we're the same person, only I misplaced my third kid.  (Two is plenty, as attested by the Snip'd thread, lol)

  I'm lucky in that my schedule is Sunday-Thursday, with Fridays being my "me" day that I also fulfill all the shopping/errands that we need done around the house.  But that typically means I have time (at the very least) for a bucket and some putting practice.  

  At this point, Saturdays are our family day - so that's sports practice (which hasn't started in earnest yet - kids are 7 (not very "sporty") and 3 (all he wants is to go golfing with me, so I may be lucky later on), which means if there's ANY golfing event on the schedule, I'm usually a no-show.  Which is fine, because I still have Fridays, but it does make it hard to see my "golf buddies" on a Sat/Sun without making my wife feel like she's a single parent - something I'm VERY aware is a trigger for her, as she was the only child of a single parent.

  For us, communication is the key.  I try to tell her about the things I'm working on and where (if) I'm playing on Friday, and then make an extra effort to ensure that nothing slips through the cracks as far as things that need my attention around the house.  I've taken a few Sundays off to do "boys golf" stuff with my buddies, but those are very few and far between (because I try to keep my vacation days for family stuff, too), but as of yet have not taken a Saturday to do that.   She's said a few times, "you could totally do a Saturday morning - just as long as it's not EVERY Saturday morning," and I know she means it, but I also know that if I can get my "golf-fix" on Friday, no real need to make her feel less-than.

  I feel your pain - it's SO hard to love something the way we love golf without having the people we love feel like it could possibly replace them - even if they know deep-down that's just not an option. 

  I'd just reiterate that talking about it as much as you (and she) can is probably the start of the cure.  Let her know exactly what it does for you - and then see if scheduling one Saturday or one Sunday morning a month (it's a start) for you to get out early would be possible.  With the move to earlier mornings, there are times (back when we were living in NY) that I could get out pre-dawn, tee off first/second tee-time of the day, and be back before 10am - she would always laugh and say "we just woke up!" (with young kids that's never true, but I appreciated the effort ).

  I've also tried, and you may have more success in this than I have so far, given my kids' ages, inviting my wife along - she's yet to take me up on that, but mostly because she works M-F, so our only family day is Saturday, and she's not sure she wants to spend a chunk of that on the golf course, lol - I can't say I blame her, considering we don't have any family nearby to watch the kids, so it'd end up us chasing our kids around a par-3 9-hole course for 2 hours while they yell

  Thanks for taking the time to post this - I think this is something a lot of Dads struggle with (I know for sure I do), so having a space to vent (even if that's all it is) is super valuable.  

 Oh! And on a day where you schedule golf in the morning, maybe plan something you can all do together afterward - picnic, or hike, or something that everyone loves to do, so that they all have that to look forward to when you're back; and if you can, prep for that the night before (pack the cooler, etc.) so that your wife doesn't have to pack up for that while you're gone - those things go a LONG way in my household

Smart man right here!

I know my wife doesn't love that I do a lot of planning for trips that involve golf. When it comes to vacations I don't do a ton of planning.....but she's so much better than it at me is what I say!

[Tom the Golf Nut]

Having raised three children I know exactly what you are talking about. When my kids were young, I encouraged my wife to continue one of her hobbies. That would be my time to dedicate to the kids100% and give her a break. My wife was a bowler and even had a 200 average and even had a 300 game. She bowled in a league once a week plus some tournaments.  Giving her, her time, gave me a "my time" opportunity to pursue my hobby. I scheduled my rounds for the first tee time every Saturday when I lived in CT and then every Sunday when I moved to TN and now NC. Why Sunday? Because every Saturday is filled with sports that the kids were involved in. I still go to my daughter's track meets in college wherever it is, every Saturday.  At the golf course my nick name was the "dew sweeper" or "The Trail Blazer". I could play 18 and be home by 10:30 /11:00. Everyone was still just getting up and going. It became a habit even to this day. First one off Sunday morning and then back home. Once home it was "ok what do we want to do today". My kids are no longer kids, 19 ,21 and 34. Spend your time with them and get them involved when they are old enough. Time goes by too fast. Two are still at home but my pattern has not changed. I don't mind playing by myself. Actually, enjoy the peace and quiet taking in the nature first thing in the morning. 

Another thing that has helped me get to a lower handicap is building my own practice areas. CT house I put up a net in the yard and built a synthetic golf green for putting and chipping. The family could also partake. I would put up an obstacle course on the green to get the little ones to participate. They were two and three at the time. I had wooden animal cut outs that you could putt through. Someone gave the kids a cheap putting game and I used the parts. In TN where my kids grew up for the most part, I put in another synthetic golf green with a 100-yard tee box and a simulator in the garage. We would all go out and hit balls down to the green. The simulator also doubled as a movie theater. Fast forward to December 2022, now in NC I put my simulator back up and am now trying my hand at a real grass golf green. The youngest is off at college and my wife asks all the time aren't you going golfing it's nice out. 

Give your wife her space and she will give you yours. With all the stuff I did to be able to golf at home it really helped my game even though I was limited to actual play once or twice a week if I was lucky. Now working from home, I can start up the Sim and at lunchtime I can play nine. Eventually when the grass grows in, I'll go outside and chip and putt on real a real green.  I'm not retired so it is usually once a week I get to play 18 but can practice every day. I'm always doing something to help my game. I am now taking an old snow saucer from when the kids were little and adding a platform with a cup recessed and will have it floating in the pool. Nothing like an island green in the yard. 

[Berg Ryman]

So, Hayes, I'll jump in here with my two wheat pennies to share with the group, which is different from some of the other pieces of advice because my wife and I are still young in our marriage and don't have some of the issues with kids that you and yours have right now. From my read of the situation here, the most significant issue isn't allowing time; it appears to be the misalignment of goals and measures to take those goals.

As a 7 handicap, you're already better than around 80% of golfers in the USA, and I think it's great to continue to have something to aspire to. After all, what is golf is not a quest to get better? However, there comes a time when we all need a readjustment in the face of reality and that maybe specific dreams and certain goals aren't the be all end all of things. I understand now that I likely will continue to play 1-2 rounds a week, likely won't have time to practice as much as I did in my youth, and will continue not to see rapid gains and improvements like I would if I had those opportunities, and as kids and other obligations enter the picture, it becomes more difficult to maintain. I've made my peace with that for the most part. I find enjoyment in being with my wife, us doing things together, and trying new things. I do have other hobbies, some just for me, and others we do as a couple and I'm fortunate that my wife allows me to do them to my heart's content and I allow her her time to her things. There is no secret sauce, there is no major cure, it's a give and a take but the paths need to be somewhat aligned if at all possible. 

I think if you guys sit down and are willing to discuss these issues it'll do a long way, either personally or as @Golfspy_Lukes mentioned, perhaps with the help of a professional. There's nothing wrong with it but the fact that there's these issues it's always better the talk it out and communicate your concerns and problems than let them fester under the surface.

[Jnoble89]

I feel pretty lucky in the sense that my wife likes to go golfing with me on occasion. She does not take it seriously and doesn't keep score when we play, but I don't mind that at all. Our 5 year old also loves golf right now, so getting to take him out on the course is a big positive for me getting extra time in as well. My wife went as far as to surprise me with a membership to our local club for this year since we bought a house on the course. A large part in her buying the membership, which she told me and didn't upset me at all, was that she knows how much our oldest likes playing and it made more sense to have a full membership for me because he can play for free with me. She told me that if he didn't love golf, she probably wouldn't have done it, which again I totally understood. I'm a high handicapper and definitely want to improve, but I would be happy getting to the mid teens and staying there, as I know I realistically cannot, and don't want, to dedicate the amount of time it would take to get to a near scratch. Our youngest, who just turned 3 in December, is also showing interest in golf, largely due to big brother loving it. So I have a feeling that as the boys continue to get older, it'll be something that we all get to do together as a family. To this point, golf for me was sporadic at best, and I was happy to play maybe 10-15 rounds, 9 or 18 holes, every summer. Similar to what others have posted, I am realizing just how fast time is flying by with my kids. We already have so much going on that I want to make sure I prioritize as much time with them as I can while still getting to golf. If that means really only golfing with my 5 year old all summer, where my focus isn't laser sharp, so be it. 

I also just realized re-reading this that I just rambled on about my situation and didn't offer up any real help, lol. Communication is the biggest thing that makes it work for my wife and I. And not just with golf, but anything that I would like to do or plan to do myself, I ALWAYS put myself into her perspective. How would I feel if she was always wanting to be gone doing something without me and the kids? Even if I KNEW that she wasn't putting something before our relationship, could I see how it would feel that way at times? And the answer is usually yes. I have two main hobbies in archery and golf, both of which I have leagues I am involved in, which take me out of the house on two evenings a week sometimes. The compromise was that if I wanted to join a golf league, I would only attend the archery league every other week, at most, and shoot at our house so that I can be with her and our boys. I also make sure that she gets time to get together with her girlfriends weekly, which she typically does for dinner nights on Thursdays. I also never say no when she asks if I mind if she does something with a friend that is kind of spur of the moment, because she just does not get a lot of time to do things like that (the reason I never say no is because she never cancels plans with us to drop everything and go do something with friends. I'm pretty certain my wife is an actual saint). Long story short, and I'll repeat it again, I feel very lucky to have the relationship that I have with my wife, but we definitely had to work on it and there were bumps along the way to get where we are now. 

[Getoffmylawn]

Really appreciate everyone's inputs here.  To be clear on a few things, I'm confident this is not a case of me not having my priorities in order...I've missed many outings and club championships already so as to not have to miss a kids recital or a game.  Not asking for father of the year awards, just saying, that part I do get, and I wouldn't trade watching junior get a hit and looking for me in the stands from second base for anything.  (He's my son after all...he's got that Getoffmylawn extra base power.) @chisag, great reminder sir.

If anything, I'm openly venting some frustration at knowing I can be better at this game if I only had the time, and that can sometimes be a tough pill to swallow for a Type A like most of us are.  Much of the feedback and ideas you all are sharing is therapeutic and very helpful.  @Tom the Golf Nut, love the backyard turf idea...gonna have to do that.  And a GC3-based simulator is definitely on the wish list, believe me.

And I should add, my wife is a rockstar...as much as we've moved being on Active Duty for 22 years, she's had to be.  This is just one of those things of trying to balance responsibilities with personal aspirations I guess.

I appreciate having this community to vent to and get some feedback.

[THEZIPR23]

3 hours ago, chisag said:

... Here is a perspective from the other end. You can play golf forever. You only have kids for a very short period of time. While I thought I did a good job of balancing career, family and golf, if I could go back I would spend more time with my two boys. I coached my youngest baseball teams from the 3rd grade through senior year in high school so that was special. I went to every baseball and football game but 2 when I had to work and couldn't get out of it. I play golf 5 days a week now and love it but I don't look back thinking I wish I could have played more golf. They are in their 30's now and when I look back I wish I could have just spent a little more time with them. 

I will second this one, I took two complete breaks from golf that combined more than 5 years before I got back into it full bore as my kids have gotten older. They are now 20 and 17 and we just spent 10 days in Ireland as a family and traveled around the country based on the golf courses I wanted to play. It was great for everyone but no way would it have happened in their younger years.  

[Kevin Fleury]

7 hours ago, Getoffmylawn said:

So I'm probably going to take some grief from some of you...fire away...but I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts or "best practices" with regards to balancing your duties as a spouse and father with your desire to improve at golf?

I'm a halfway decent golfer, but I do aspire to continually improve and end up as a plus handicap, and eventually compete in mid-am and senior-am competitions.  However, family comes first of course, and with 3 little kids (9,7, and 5) and the oldest one being highly athletic, many weeknights and weekends are dominated with practices and tournaments.  When I do get a break in this routine, I want to get on the course, but lately SWMBO has taken to see that as golf being more of a priority for me than her!  I can see her perspective, but on the flip side of that, a guy needs a hobby and an outlet, and the Type A personality that I am, I kind of need a mountain to climb if you know what I mean.

I can honestly say I have no other hobbies or vices. However, absent the debut of a 27-hour day, I'm having a hard time keeping the golf dream alive.  I am making VERY concerted efforts to take care of myself so that I'm still physically capable of high level play later in life, but I feel like that will prove pointless if I'm not able to make some skill gains now.  I've got a putting green in the basement and plenty of "dry swing" drills to keep me busy as well, but at some point you have to play to learn to score, no?

Apologies if this is just a massive whine of a thread, and perhaps it's not worthy of it's own thread, at all, but I can't be alone in struggling with this dilemma.  

The issue arises when you pigeon hole yourself into playing 18 or going to the range/practice area for a few hours!  Assuming that you have or have the ability to have a membership somewhere,  you can go and practice after the kids go to bed.  You can also take your kids and wife out on the front 9 after the last tee time to play a few holes.  During you can work on any aspect of your game other than driver. Hit wedges chip and put, so on as long as you are not going past your family and waiting.  Find something to do as you are going towards the green.

[Dweed]

On 3/28/2023 at 4:47 PM, Getoffmylawn said:

And I should add, my wife is a rockstar...as much as we've moved being on Active Duty for 22 years, she's had to be.  This is just one of those things of trying to balance responsibilities with personal aspirations I guess.

 

First off, thank you AND your wife for your service. As a senior officer at the War College, I know you realize that future assignments will only become more difficult on your time. That's the job that you appear to have signed up for. Enjoy the time now for sure with the family.  OK, that being said I know you must maintain a fairly strenuous daily PT schedule before or after classes. While doing your five mile jaunts, try to run around a golf course, hole by hole and in your mind ID areas where you would and would not want to hit into, based on where the flag is sitting today. I'm not talking about the obvious water hazard, but the actual layout. I know you only have a few seconds at each hole but that strategizing may help on your mental shot application workout.  Don't forget about your gym workouts on specific golf aspects that might prove beneficial. The backyard net is a great idea, takes minute to set up and in between flipping burgers you can knock out 3 or 4 shots. Easy to set up in a garage. You might not be able to do full shots, but chipping is always a possibility. Best of luck sir.

[BH18]

Been there, done that, and I'm sorry I have to tell you that there's no easy answer and that unless you're an incredible natural athlete, you're just not going to be a scratch golfer when you have three young kids.  

My best advice and what worked for me:

- embrace 9 hole rounds and squeeze one in when you can

- hitting balls into a net at home or doing some chipping in the backyard saves a lot of time over going to the driving range

- get your kids (and maybe your wife) into golf

- snag that early tee time on the weekend.  I was in a group that was first off the tee every Sunday and I was usually back home by 11:30 AM and nobody missed me too much

- when you get a chance to golf, make sure you give your wife a chance to go shopping or go out with her friends

Now one of my kids has moved out of town and the other is off at college, and last year I played more golf than ever.  Now if I could just do something about this darn job that requires me to work 40 hours a week!

 

[snykei]

On 3/28/2023 at 3:07 PM, Tom the Golf Nut said:

Having raised three children I know exactly what you are talking about. When my kids were young, I encouraged my wife to continue one of her hobbies. That would be my time to dedicate to the kids100% and give her a break. My wife was a bowler and even had a 200 average and even had a 300 game. She bowled in a league once a week plus some tournaments.  Giving her, her time, gave me a "my time" opportunity to pursue my hobby. I scheduled my rounds for the first tee time every Saturday when I lived in CT and then every Sunday when I moved to TN and now NC. Why Sunday? Because every Saturday is filled with sports that the kids were involved in. I still go to my daughter's track meets in college wherever it is, every Saturday.  At the golf course my nick name was the "dew sweeper" or "The Trail Blazer". I could play 18 and be home by 10:30 /11:00. Everyone was still just getting up and going. It became a habit even to this day. First one off Sunday morning and then back home. Once home it was "ok what do we want to do today". My kids are no longer kids, 19 ,21 and 34. Spend your time with them and get them involved when they are old enough. Time goes by too fast. Two are still at home but my pattern has not changed. I don't mind playing by myself. Actually, enjoy the peace and quiet taking in the nature first thing in the morning. 

Another thing that has helped me get to a lower handicap is building my own practice areas. CT house I put up a net in the yard and built a synthetic golf green for putting and chipping. The family could also partake. I would put up an obstacle course on the green to get the little ones to participate. They were two and three at the time. I had wooden animal cut outs that you could putt through. Someone gave the kids a cheap putting game and I used the parts. In TN where my kids grew up for the most part, I put in another synthetic golf green with a 100-yard tee box and a simulator in the garage. We would all go out and hit balls down to the green. The simulator also doubled as a movie theater. Fast forward to December 2022, now in NC I put my simulator back up and am now trying my hand at a real grass golf green. The youngest is off at college and my wife asks all the time aren't you going golfing it's nice out. 

Give your wife her space and she will give you yours. With all the stuff I did to be able to golf at home it really helped my game even though I was limited to actual play once or twice a week if I was lucky. Now working from home, I can start up the Sim and at lunchtime I can play nine. Eventually when the grass grows in, I'll go outside and chip and putt on real a real green.  I'm not retired so it is usually once a week I get to play 18 but can practice every day. I'm always doing something to help my game. I am now taking an old snow saucer from when the kids were little and adding a platform with a cup recessed and will have it floating in the pool. Nothing like an island green in the yard. 

The "play early" idea is the answer. I have two kids (2.5 and 1) and will be able to get out at 5:30-45 am every 2-3 weeks, home by 10 am, just in time for morning snack. My wife will either get the other morning/evening to herself that weekend or the next weekend. My co-worker does this nearly every weekend in the summer with kids 7 and 5, his wife will run on the other morning. I'll also take my oldest to the range and we alternate 5 balls each until the bucket is done.

Getting your kids involved in golf can add to your time on course/range/practice, especially when they're old enough to practice/play without your full attention. This can really help during the week so you can chip and putt while they're putting. You could also ask for one night a week to go to the range/short game after dinner, if you're decently close to a course/range. Putting the kids to sleep may not be as difficult as feeding everyone, so helping with the heavier lifts might free your time up.

Putting matt in basement or office, hitting net and matt out back, chipping targets all add to the at home practice times. 

Talk to wife about balance and ensure she's getting to do what she wants, whether that alone time for her interests or family time or time with only 1 kid. As long as you're open in your communication and allow for changes if things aren't going well or if someone's sick then you should have time to play/practice.