I don't care .... and neither should you

[StrokerAce]

Interesting title, I know. Maybe I should write headlines? lol

Going through the four foundations of golf online course and I also recently had an experience playing with a twosome I didn't know.

I joined them on the 12th and one of the first things that one of the guys said is "we're not playing well today" and my response was "I don't care how you play"
I'm not sure if it came across as rude or not (it wasn't) but I really don't.

Don't get me wrong; I'm always rooting for you and complimenting good shots but whether you get an 8 or a 2 makes no difference to me.
I'm not sure if I should state this up front when I join a group but I used to be SUPER nervous when playing with good golfers. (I'm not "good" per se, but my hc is single digit and some people get worried for some reason)
I always thought they'd judge me and was worried about 'holding them up' - like if they're on the green in regulation and it takes me extra time to get there - but honestly, truly honestly, I don't care 1) how good you are or 2) how bad you are.

We're all out here to have fun and enjoy ourselves, not to be judged. 
I'm having fun. I'm being myself. I'm doing what I love. That's all that matters.

[Lacassem]

I have found myself, most recently the past 2 years because I have been just going out on whims and am typically paired up with folks I have never met during the week. When getting paired up this year the handful of times I have been paired up I usually say "I am playing from X tees, where are you playing? You do not need to play on the same tee box if you typically play something else". Have also had a few folks say "this is my first time playing this course" which I usually respond "if you want some suggestions of course layout I can explain but if you dont that is fine too". These quick conversations in my eyes lets them know I dont care how they play. Never rush and compliment good shots.

Have had alot of folks apologize to if they are losing balls. I just tell them to drop another and work it out if they want, doesnt bother me. I play my ball not paying attention to the folks I pair up with. My most recent round the guy was great. he probably went through 2 dozen balls but he was the type you could tell does not play often and does not have a ton of expectations and did not care what folks thought (which for me I do not like you)

[Jnoble89]

This is something that I struggle with and a reason I try to avoid getting paired up with people I don't know. Not because I think they will care if I am worse or judge me or whatnot, but that I don't want to hinder their round or negatively impact their enjoyment of the course. I don't know that I would say I get embarrassed because I know where my game is currently and it's just not consistent, but I don't want to hold someone up or make them play slower than they are used to because I'm not as skilled. I would venture to guess that most folks truly do not care at all, but it's my own self perception that causes me to feel that way. 

I have had experiences in the past when I was just starting out and was truly awful, that I was with an older guy who had played forever. He asked me if I minded if he joined me and I said no and told him I was not good, and after like 3-4 holes he just went ahead and played on. Wasn't rude about it but also didn't say anything about it, just kind of finished up that hole before I was to the green and kept going. I can't say that I enjoyed that because it gave the feeling of "wow, I must really be bad" lol. 

[Lacassem]

3 minutes ago, Jnoble89 said:

This is something that I struggle with and a reason I try to avoid getting paired up with people I don't know. Not because I think they will care if I am worse or judge me or whatnot, but that I don't want to hinder their round or negatively impact their enjoyment of the course. I don't know that I would say I get embarrassed because I know where my game is currently and it's just not consistent, but I don't want to hold someone up or make them play slower than they are used to because I'm not as skilled. I would venture to guess that most folks truly do not care at all, but it's my own self perception that causes me to feel that way. 

I have had experiences in the past when I was just starting out and was truly awful, that I was with an older guy who had played forever. He asked me if I minded if he joined me and I said no and told him I was not good, and after like 3-4 holes he just went ahead and played on. Wasn't rude about it but also didn't say anything about it, just kind of finished up that hole before I was to the green and kept going. I can't say that I enjoyed that because it gave the feeling of "wow, I must really be bad" lol. 

I think coming out upfront at the beginning of the round and saying "my game is not where I want it to be and if it is effecting your round dont be shy on going ahead and playing through. Either way is fine", not saying "bad" because the term is relative IMO. We all have our bad rounds but golf is a b*tch of a sport so no one should feel that being on the course is hindering other folks.

Walking ahead and not saying anything is kind of a d*ck move IMO. Screw that guy.

 

[Tom the Golf Nut]

16 minutes ago, Jnoble89 said:

This is something that I struggle with and a reason I try to avoid getting paired up with people I don't know. Not because I think they will care if I am worse or judge me or whatnot, but that I don't want to hinder their round or negatively impact their enjoyment of the course. I don't know that I would say I get embarrassed because I know where my game is currently and it's just not consistent, but I don't want to hold someone up or make them play slower than they are used to because I'm not as skilled. I would venture to guess that most folks truly do not care at all, but it's my own self perception that causes me to feel that way. 

 

This reminds me of a round. True story! @sirchunksalot and I decided to meet up at a golf course halfway between our homes. I'm not going to get into all the details of the day, but at the end of the round he came out and said what a great time he had. Then followed it up by stating how nervous he was to play golf with me before we started. I'm guessing he went through all the same thoughts you have. He can chime in on this if he wants to. 

Golf is supposed to be fun. You can be supportive by acknowledging their good shots. You can keep quiet. You can even rip on your buddies if that's how the group is. The truth is everyone was there at one point in time when they were learning and finally getting out on the big course. All I'm looking for when I play with others is to enjoy the day and their company.  The score doesn't matter. Don't turn something you enjoy into something you don't just because others are around. 

Jason and I played another round together last season as well. So, I guess he did enjoy our round together.  

[Jnoble89]

3 minutes ago, Tom the Golf Nut said:

This reminds me of a round. True story! @sirchunksalot and I decided to meet up at a golf course halfway between our homes. I'm not going to get into all the details of the day, but at the end of the round he came out and said what a great time he had. Then followed it up by stating how nervous he was to play golf with me before we started. I'm guessing he went through all the same thoughts you have. He can chime in on this if he wants to. 

Golf is supposed to be fun. You can be supportive by acknowledging their good shots. You can keep quiet. You can even rip on your buddies if that's how the group is. The truth is everyone was there at one point in time when they were learning and finally getting out on the big course. All I'm looking for when I play with others is to enjoy the day and their company.  The score doesn't matter. Don't turn something you enjoy into something you don't just because others are around. 

Jason and I played another round together last season as well. So, I guess he did enjoy our round together.  

And I know these experiences are out there too and probably far more likely to happen than a negative one. I would love to get to play a round with a good handful of members here on the forum. I need to step out of my comfort zone and join groups if I am ever playing solo at my club this year. I would venture to guess I would be pleasantly surprised, given the reaction and interaction my 6 year old gets from a lot of older members at the club when they see us on the course.

[StrokerAce]

1 minute ago, Jnoble89 said:

And I know these experiences are out there too and probably far more likely to happen than a negative one. I would love to get to play a round with a good handful of members here on the forum. I need to step out of my comfort zone and join groups if I am ever playing solo at my club this year. I would venture to guess I would be pleasantly surprised, given the reaction and interaction my 6 year old gets from a lot of older members at the club when they see us on the course.

the good thing about this is you'll know right away who you will want to play with or not. keep on keepin on and enjoy yourself out there.

[Will_Mac]

I sure remember the feeling when I was relatively new to the game. And then recently, when I struggled for an extended period of time. Although I don't let myself get caught up in the insecurities anymore, I understand how people might.

When I've had apparently new to the game or less skilled players say similar to me, "I'm really struggling today," or the like. I'll maybe say something like, "I was once very self-conscious around others when struggling. If you're anything like that with others, please don't be with me. I understand, I get it, and I judge no one. I like to meet people, not their golf games."

[sirchunksalot]

24 minutes ago, Tom the Golf Nut said:

This reminds me of a round. True story! @sirchunksalot and I decided to meet up at a golf course halfway between our homes. I'm not going to get into all the details of the day, but at the end of the round he came out and said what a great time he had. Then followed it up by stating how nervous he was to play golf with me before we started. I'm guessing he went through all the same thoughts you have. He can chime in on this if he wants to. 

Golf is supposed to be fun. You can be supportive by acknowledging their good shots. You can keep quiet. You can even rip on your buddies if that's how the group is. The truth is everyone was there at one point in time when they were learning and finally getting out on the big course. All I'm looking for when I play with others is to enjoy the day and their company.  The score doesn't matter. Don't turn something you enjoy into something you don't just because others are around. 

Jason and I played another round together last season as well. So, I guess he did enjoy our round together.  

I can attest to Tom's story. I had put a lot of pressure on myself because not only is Tom a fantastic golfer, but I let the thought get in my head of playing with someone from the forum. I think it's easy to fall into the thoughts that "I'm a hack and going to get exposed in the forum for being terrible at a game I passionately live and talk about A LOT". Of course it doesn't help that I'm also introverted by nature. I found out, though, that by playing with someone else who loves the game it's just easy to have fun. Not only is Tom a great golfer, but he's a great person. I've always had a fun time when we've played together.

Now, I honestly get more nervous on the course if someone is behind me and I feel like I'm being rushed than getting paired with someone. I get pretty neurotic when I feel I need to hurry.

Here's the thing, most people aren't worried about your game. I think they are just out there competing against the course. 

[tdroma98]

1 hour ago, Tom the Golf Nut said:

This reminds me of a round. True story! @sirchunksalot and I decided to meet up at a golf course halfway between our homes. I'm not going to get into all the details of the day, but at the end of the round he came out and said what a great time he had. Then followed it up by stating how nervous he was to play golf with me before we started. I'm guessing he went through all the same thoughts you have. He can chime in on this if he wants to. 

Golf is supposed to be fun. You can be supportive by acknowledging their good shots. You can keep quiet. You can even rip on your buddies if that's how the group is. The truth is everyone was there at one point in time when they were learning and finally getting out on the big course. All I'm looking for when I play with others is to enjoy the day and their company.  The score doesn't matter. Don't turn something you enjoy into something you don't just because others are around. 

Jason and I played another round together last season as well. So, I guess he did enjoy our round together.  

Well stated Tom! Golf is supposed to be fun! 
 @Jnoble89 absolutely not cool by the man to simply take off and not say word.  That was bush league! As Tom stated we all were at one point in time learning. Don't let that one jerk jade you! I do believe the majority of people would not do simply walk away without saying anything!  

[ParFore74x]

Sometimes I also struggle when playing with people that I do not know because I get in my own head. I’ve been playing 9 holes on Wednesdays after work with a buddy of mine from back in high school. The first couple times were a bit nerve racking because he seems to be much more relaxed and played better than me.  I got passed this feeling and now we have a ton of fun. I actually think that playing with him has helped to calm my nerves a bit when I get around other players that I do not know.

There are times when I think that playing with better players helps me to play a little better. Getting the occasional compliment definitely helps to feel better about my game and seems to bring out a few more good shots than normal. It also has helped me realize that others really do not care about my game. For the most part, I’m the only one who really cares how I play. 

[Ben Joest]

Over the years, I’ve met some interesting people, playing as a single. Some good, some not so good. That goes for their personalities as much as their golf games. I’ve also grown into wanting to play with golfers that are better than me. It took me a little while to figure out, but a round played with a better golfer is an opportunity to observe how they approach the game and make mental notes about aspects of their games that I may want to adapt into my own. Plus, my competitive nature drives me to play a little better. I’ll focus on the little things better than when I’m out for a round with my usual buddies. 
 

As to playing with other spies, I joined the forum a bit too late to make this years outing, but I hope to attend in 2024!

[cksurfdude]

8 hours ago, StrokerAce said:

We're all out here to have fun and enjoy ourselves, not to be judged. 
I'm having fun. I'm being myself. I'm doing what I love. That's all that matters.

I'm social when with others but honestly - I'm usually so wrapped up in my own game that on most holes I literally could not tell you what the other players' scores were or even where their shots went most of the time... 

Maybe that sounds selfish..? I'm just focused on trying to improve.

The exception, of course, is when I'm out there with my wife and we try to track each other's shots to help locate those wayward ones.

Doesn't really bother me if others we get paired with are better or not than me .. as long as they play at a reasonable pace and observe decent golf etiquette.

[edingc]

Timely topic. I filled in for a league last night and my partner (~12-14 handicap) and myself were paired with another twosome consisting of a 34 and 46 handicap (league handicaps adjust to 18 holes - non-official). We had a blast playing with them as neither took the game too seriously at all. As the one said, they play for the one or two shots per round where they do something special, and both of them hit a handful of great shots throughout the nine.

As I've gotten older (wiser, perhaps?) it's been easier to avoid getting so wrapped up into a score. I obviously like to play well, but realistically golf is a brutal sport with so many highs and lows. That being said, it's also one sport where the playing field in a casual round is vast. Everyone is at a different level so I don't take offense to the low handicapper who is frustrated with his game because I get it (and I've been that person before). I just hope they are not obnoxious about it.

[StrokerAce]

16 minutes ago, edingc said:

As I've gotten older (wiser, perhaps?) it's been easier to avoid getting so wrapped up into a score. 

This is a great point and something that Jon Sherman discusses a lot. You should never show up to a golf course expecting to shoot a certain score; you hope to play well and take what comes but as soon as you decide on that particular score before you even swing a club you could be dooming yourself.

[JeremyD]

Interesting topic. Other than a tournament, I can't remember being nervous about playing with people I don't know. I think the 3 bullet points about having fun need to be followed by me more. I used to despise playing with people as a kid. I was the lone one from sun up until sun down playing as a solo at our dog track public course. I actually enjoyed when some guys I'd see on occasion would ask me to join them. if it's a league setting I get more upset when not doing well as I think, however, I may try to get paired up at some local courses and just play, with no worries how i do.

[Charles Lechair]

This is good advice not just for golf, but life in general.

I skew introverted/shy and caring what people think about me, so I often have to remind myself that literally nobody besides my family and very close friends probably even thinks about me at all, and thats a good thing! 

I don't remember some random guy topping his driver while i was waiting at tee box. I'm sure it's happened plenty, but after it's out my sight, it's pretty much gone from my brain. And that goes for anyone watching me tee off. Literally nobody cares, but we create this whole ordeal in our head. We humans are dumb 

[Rygolf32]

This topic comes up quite frequently with my wife who is starting to play more golf finally since our daughter will be in college soon. She used to just play once or twice a year at work events and now is playing several times per month with me at our club. She is always worried about people thinking she's a bad golfer, should she be out at our club on the weekends, etc. I tell her the same thing every time - we've all been there, starting out or our game isn't where we'd like it to be but NOBODY can get mad at you if you keep your pace of play up with the group and are an enjoyable partner.

Just don't be the jerk yelling constantly in frustration, taking 400 practice swings to hit it 3 yards, waiting for the group in front to clear on your 2nd shot that is further than you've ever hit your drive, don't play ready golf, etc.

Short of my regular group, I play with a lot of random members at our club, most of which are a higher handicap than me. I can count on one hand the number of times I legitimately did not enjoy myself playing with someone new no matter how they played and it's for the reasons mentioned above...

[StrokerAce]

my brother in law - who's a banker and a runner and not a golfer - pulled me aside this weekend and I could see the anxiety on his face.

he's been asked to play in a charity best ball tournament and is *extremely* nervous. He's worried about slowing everyone down, esp the people behind him.

I looked him in the eyes and told him that nobody cares what you shoot. Nobody will care if you shoot 150 or 70. Just be ready to go when it's your turn and do your best. They know you're not a golfer and they're not expecting a miracle. Golf. Is. Hard.

He's still petrified. Asked me to meet him at the range for a couple tips, tells me that he wants to drive it well. I told him that's the hardest club to hit and focus on the short shots and putting.

1. it's a best ball tournament so he can hit it OB every time and it won't matter.

2. the tournament is over a month away and he's already panicking...

[Goober]

In all my years of playing. I’ve had only one person decide to leave our foursome during a round. Due to our abilities not matching his. He came up with some excuse that he had an emergency call. And we watched him jump ahead after he left us to the back 9 and join another group. He was really striking the ball well for the time he did join us as a random. Personally I would never leave a group mid round if people weren’t playing up to their level. But I guess whatever makes one happy