One O

I am a soon to be 68 year old retiree who plays golf nearly everyday.  My lowest USGA handicap is a 5.  My current handicap is a 10, reflecting my having to take of golf for several months due to two partial tears in my rotator cuff.  Upon coming back to golf, I realized that it is just like riding a bike .. you are going to fall off the danged thing and it hurts your ego every time you fail.  I play in a regular group made up of Dicks,  Their names are Big, Little, Tiny and Nat (none-a-tal).  They are all good guys who love to take money from the unsuspecting.  By the time you have played with them enough to suspect that your initial suspicions were correct it is too late, you cannot get out.  

I play and live in the absolute best gated golfing community in the world.  I judge this by the $1.25 extra cold draft beer served on the porch of our 19th hole .. the only hole I can reliably birdie on any given day.  We are surrounded by a beautiful East Texas lake full of fish. My favorite variety is the vaunted Bikini Bass.  we are in the part of East Texas which has rolling hill and mixed forest (which is far superior than the mixed up forests you now find out west .. you know the ones .. where the Sequias are now identifying as pansy’s and the redwoods are now considered racist.) Our Pine, Oak and Pecans (the elms are .. well .. they are elms .. so.. really .. who cares what they think!) are all Texas proud and stand tall, stout, proud and sure in their identities.  It is refreshing, to say the least.  

I have had the good fortune to play golf all over the world.  To celebrate that I now hit the golf ball all over the universe.  But, I am, with practice and forbearance, narrowing the range of my misses and will continue to do so, so long as the Mrs. allows me to continue to do so.  She is a former redhead, evil to her core and the best woman ever to stalk the earth. Yep, better even than Eve.  While Eve just plucked and ate the apple, which God strictly forbade, my stunningly beautiful wife would simply have worn God out with questions and demands to such an extent that He would have just finally capitulated and said, “just eat the danged thing .. make a pie .. throw it Adam .. feed it to a unicorn .. just leave me the Hell alone!” “Speaking of Hell, where is Lucifer .. this woman has given me an idea .. “. And that my dear fellow golfers is how the world would have been if my girl had been the first girl.