Having first kid. How to keep my golf game going?

[Chubbs1991]

 

Seeking valuable insights from the community. As a dedicated school teacher, I currently devote a significant portion of my time to playing golf, typically enjoying 4-5 rounds per week in the summer. However, with the imminent arrival of my first child this spring, I anticipate my schedule shifting dramatically. I'm reaching out for advice on how to effectively maintain my passion for golf amidst the demands of parenthood, possibly being limited to just 1 or 2 rounds per week. Any strategies or tips from fellow golfers who have navigated similar transitions would be greatly appreciated.

[GolfSpy_APH]

In my case if was just having the discussion with my wife and us scheduling in the time. This meant if I took say Monday morning round to golf I made sure to get her Tuesday mornings off to do her thing. 

It's a team effort and your partner has to be equally onboard.

Talk about it, schedule it and make it part a routine. That's the best way I found and we do the same even now with 2 kids (son is coming up in 2.5 and daughter is 10 months). 

Both parents need the mental break and making that time I think is crucial for both.

[Stuka44]

Not much else to say.  GolfSpy_APH is dead on the money.  The two of you will soon realize that while raising children is the greatest thing ever, it is also one of the greatest stress producers EVER.    However the duties are agreed to with work schedules, or whatever, the bottom line is that on some regular period of your free time, this needs to become the 4-5 hours when you take over the duties completely and allow your spouse to go do whatever, to have complete freedom from crying, and pooping. This will likely garner you one round a week.

  Additional play will come from very similar give and take, to get additional rounds when possible.

Edited April 5 by Stuka44

[JSki_Golf]

I am in the same boat with my 7-month-old daughter. I will try to find times to putt when she's sleeping at night, but when it comes to playing rounds of golf, I will have to pre-plan that. 

[Chubbs1991]

Thanks everyone for the comments. 

[revkev]

Hey first off and most importantly congratulations on your first child!  It is an incredible blessing.  Enjoy him or her. 

 

It's been a long time for me - my oldest biological child is turning 37 in a few months.  I definitely played less after his birth.  For me the key was finding time to practice - that kept my game moving forward.  I also went back to school when he was only 2 so that was a double whammy - fortunately I had high quality day care at Seminary and also an executive course to play on so that rounds took less than 3 hours - that let me play some until he got old enough to start taking him to the course - we had foster children once I got to my first church two of whom we ended up adopting - I would just take them to play golf with me and we had a family foursome - I was able to maintain a 3-5 handicap throughout but it took a lot of planning and a reasonable, wife - for example once we had the three she didn't mind if I took them with me to play and the rural Midwest had courses that were reasonably priced and family friendly.  I honestly don't think that I could have kept playing as well had I stayed in Connecticut where golf was expensive and the pace of life much faster.  

Thanks for being in new parent and also a teacher - two of the greatest possible vocations.  

[Chubbs1991]

13 hours ago, revkev said:

Hey first off and most importantly congratulations on your first child!  It is an incredible blessing.  Enjoy him or her. 

 

It's been a long time for me - my oldest biological child is turning 37 in a few months.  I definitely played less after his birth.  For me the key was finding time to practice - that kept my game moving forward.  I also went back to school when he was only 2 so that was a double whammy - fortunately I had high quality day care at Seminary and also an executive course to play on so that rounds took less than 3 hours - that let me play some until he got old enough to start taking him to the course - we had foster children once I got to my first church two of whom we ended up adopting - I would just take them to play golf with me and we had a family foursome - I was able to maintain a 3-5 handicap throughout but it took a lot of planning and a reasonable, wife - for example once we had the three she didn't mind if I took them with me to play and the rural Midwest had courses that were reasonably priced and family friendly.  I honestly don't think that I could have kept playing as well had I stayed in Connecticut where golf was expensive and the pace of life much faster.  

Thanks for being in new parent and also a teacher - two of the greatest possible vocations.  

Thanks so much for the wonderful words of wisdom. My wife and I are planning things but once the baby is here, we will see if our planning happens or we’re flying by the seat of our pants.

 

[pbclub]

Forget golf for the time being. If you get to play then fine, but the focus should be on the family for a while. You will figure it out. The world will not stop, and you will find some time but not much, which is what its all about. Enjoy your little family, playing games comes in a very distant second.

[Jeffers]

My kids are 36 and 34. So I basically took 25 years off from golf. Lack of totally free time, lack of money, and generally no interest as being involved in the kids lives was much more rewarding. If I could go back I'd do the same. Life is great now, kids are married with their own kids. Me and the wife hit the course today, I'm going with friends tomorrow. Granddaughter is visiting tomorrow for five days. Did I mention that life is great?

[Swood1994]

First off congratulations! I had my first child January of last year so I had a couple months to decide what the season would look like. I don’t really have any to add that hasn’t already been said. 

What I can say though is it is one of the hardest most incredible things in life. Those first 2 months are a whirlwind and my biggest piece of advice is to enjoy that time. I’ve come to find Even though it’s hard all of those thing I thought were hard eventually pass and you are in to the next thing. That first year has so many ups and downs and milestones it’s crazy. You learn so much about yourself and your partner that you didn’t know existed and you grow just as much as the baby does. 

Now about golf. I would bluntly say the first month or 2 would be best spent helping your partner and getting acclimated to your new ever changing schedule. If golf is truly a priority and an outlet you need (it was for me too) then have that conversation, like @GolfSpy_APH said. But, I would suggest evening that “you time” with offering to stay home with the baby and letting your partner do the same. It’s a team effort. Once the baby is old enough you may be able to sneak out with them for 9 holes or however many they let you get through. I did this with my daughter and walked her stroller with my bag on my back. She loved it! Plus it gave my wife so time to decompress and relax. The other way I fit golf in was taking care of everything in the morning and playing 9 around 5:45am so I was back by 7 to help with the morning feed. That’s how our schedule worked with her sleep but yours may be different.

All in all I would try and level your expectations knowing you’re about to make a big but amazing transition in your life and when you can play just enjoy it!

[Chubbs1991]

44 minutes ago, Swood1994 said:

First off congratulations! I had my first child January of last year so I had a couple months to decide what the season would look like. I don’t really have any to add that hasn’t already been said. 

What I can say though is it is one of the hardest most incredible things in life. Those first 2 months are a whirlwind and my biggest piece of advice is to enjoy that time. I’ve come to find Even though it’s hard all of those thing I thought were hard eventually pass and you are in to the next thing. That first year has so many ups and downs and milestones it’s crazy. You learn so much about yourself and your partner that you didn’t know existed and you grow just as much as the baby does. 

Now about golf. I would bluntly say the first month or 2 would be best spent helping your partner and getting acclimated to your new ever changing schedule. If golf is truly a priority and an outlet you need (it was for me too) then have that conversation, like @GolfSpy_APH said. But, I would suggest evening that “you time” with offering to stay home with the baby and letting your partner do the same. It’s a team effort. Once the baby is old enough you may be able to sneak out with them for 9 holes or however many they let you get through. I did this with my daughter and walked her stroller with my bag on my back. She loved it! Plus it gave my wife so time to decompress and relax. The other way I fit golf in was taking care of everything in the morning and playing 9 around 5:45am so I was back by 7 to help with the morning feed. That’s how our schedule worked with her sleep but yours may be different.

All in all I would try and level your expectations knowing you’re about to make a big but amazing transition in your life and when you can play just enjoy it!

 

I appreciate your invaluable advice. Golf serves as a shared passion for both of us, allowing us to participate in mixed tournaments together. Even on the day after our wedding, despite feeling a bit worse for wear, we managed to hit the course for our husband-and-wife. Looking ahead, my wife and I have discussed the possibility of dedicating one round per week to golf, while ensuring she has a few days a week during the summer to pursue her interests like yoga or anything else she desires. Undoubtedly, our plans may evolve once our son arrives.

[pbclub]

On 4/9/2024 at 6:05 PM, Jeffers said:

My kids are 36 and 34. So I basically took 25 years off from golf. Lack of totally free time, lack of money, and generally no interest as being involved in the kids lives was much more rewarding. If I could go back I'd do the same. Life is great now, kids are married with their own kids. Me and the wife hit the course today, I'm going with friends tomorrow. Granddaughter is visiting tomorrow for five days. Did I mention that life is great?

Sounds like life well done sir!

[JMan_921]

Communication is key. Many replies have nailed it on all ends. As someone that just had a second kiddo, both parents need time to themselves and do things they enjoy. Just needs to be scheduled to fit all parties as best as it can. Keep swinging! 

[Hamviper]

Since most everyone else hit the communication, I will hit the other part, budget for it. Having a pot of money dedicated to play keeps a lot of self inflicted guilt or stress out of it. I didn't play for about 8 years after my first child was born, some of it was I was really into fly fishing (still am just a little less these days), some of it was the budget just didn't allow for much of it. I wish I had been better at budgeting back then, maybe I would have played a bit more. I have learned to put things like this in a 50-80/month type pot, so on the off season I build a good amount to use during the season. Kids are down right expensive and they always come first. There are wonderful amazing experiences coming and I wouldn't trade a second of it for any round of golf though. Congrats and good luck.

[NotScratchYet]

As many have said, congrats!  Like you, I played a lot before my first was born.  Your whole life changes when you hold them for the first time.  For the first while you're just in survival mode and shocked that they let you take this little human home, no instructions, no manual, nothing!  Don't worry, you will do fine.  Be team-focused and keep going.  It gets easier(ish).

For golf, I tried to keep my short game sharp by hitting some pitches in the yard when there was a free moment.  A balance was established to allow Mom some free time and then I took a turn.   After the first few months passed we got a handle on things.  I may only have got to play nine holes now and then but it was good to recharge the batteries.  I walked more when I played 9 which helped the pocket financially and provided some exercise. 

As he grew, what I did was keep my passion was to pass it on as fast as I could.  I remember walking into the house after work to a plastic ball smacking around the living room.  I included my son as soon as I could.  I took him to practice putting, and range time when I went.  This also gave his mom some time to relax.  It wasn't for me as much then as it was to introduce him to the game.  I have many memories of my father and me playing, which I am now experiencing with him.  I think that helps keep my love for the game going.  I attached a pic of the first time I took him to practice putting.  I didn't have a good session, but I couldn't stop smiling the whole time.  You have some amazing times ahead of you.  Congrats again!

[No3PuttLaLa]

I have a now 15 month old. Is my one and only. The first year was sporadic at best for golf, but had a great understanding with the Mrs that we both needed our own time for the health of the family.

My advice, find what works best for you and your partner. There is no one size fits all approach. Each relationship dynamic is different. For me, my wife sees golf as my outlet a few times a month and encourages me to get out and play. Best of luck and it really is the best thing ever, sacrificing some rounds of golf will be nothing when you see the blessing of your own child.

[yungkory]

My game went straight in the toilet since my son was born in 2021. One "hi daddy" when he comes home from grandma's house makes me forget all about how much I suck now. I took a 10-ish year break from golf and came back better than I was in high school -- I can do it again. I probably won't have to wait until he's 10 to start being a golf degenerate again, but even if I did, I know it'll be worth it. Watching them grow and learn is fascinating. Congrats dude, and I hope you are caught up on your sleep.

[GolfSpy_APH]

Loved seeing the responses so far and seeing many passing along their experience. Hopefully it will help many more going through similar situations!

[Kevin W]

Each person's experience is different. I played little golf when my child was born and I love the game. Funny thing though, I just immersed myself in my child and my wife and enjoyed new things especially going outdoors with them both quite frequently, lots of sunshine and fresh air. You'll both figure it out. Congrats, it's the neatest experience you'll ever have in your life. Hard and very rewarding. By the way, my golf playing increased again when my child was maybe 2 yrs old.

[Julius]

On 4/5/2024 at 2:50 PM, Chubbs1991 said:

 

Seeking valuable insights from the community. As a dedicated school teacher, I currently devote a significant portion of my time to playing golf, typically enjoying 4-5 rounds per week in the summer. However, with the imminent arrival of my first child this spring, I anticipate my schedule shifting dramatically. I'm reaching out for advice on how to effectively maintain my passion for golf amidst the demands of parenthood, possibly being limited to just 1 or 2 rounds per week. Any strategies or tips from fellow golfers who have navigated similar transitions would be greatly appreciated.

of course discuss with your partner first.  I don't know your playing habits, but I always tried to go early (730-830 tee time) so I can get home by lunch (at 1) or just after and would be home the rest of the day (this is for weekends of course).  Also, you might be able to get another round in if you live in an area with golf leagues and you can get in one evening a week or something like that.  Overall when my kids arrived (and I have 4) I felt as if I wanted to be with them more, and eventually as they got older their activities started to take up more of our time anyway so there was a natural drift away from golf.  As my kids are all out of the house now I have gone back to it a few years ago.   It still takes communications at home but is way easier with the kids out of the house now. 

[Dave Tutelman]

26 minutes ago, Kevin W said:

Each person's experience is different. I played little golf when my child was born and I love the game. Funny thing though, I just immersed myself in my child and my wife and enjoyed new things especially going outdoors with them both quite frequently, lots of sunshine and fresh air. You'll both figure it out. Congrats, it's the neatest experience you'll ever have in your life. Hard and very rewarding. By the way, my golf playing increased again when my child was maybe 2 yrs old.

Well said. My experience was similar but more so than that. Until my youngest was in high school, I immersed myself in the family. That was much to the detriment of my other activities, including golf, and worth every minute of it. I was part of my children's lives for their formative years. If that meant I was their soccer coach, monitored their piano practice, was there if they needed homework help, then so much the better. Even if that meant I didn't even play golf once a year. I got back into golf seriously when they got to high school.

Think about it. Think about your situation. Teaching is a full-time job. If you're a teacher, you know that parenting is very important -- and also time-consuming. If you have time for regular golf, then either your work or your family is being short-changed.

[Chubbs1991]

6 minutes ago, Dave Tutelman said:

Well said. My experience was similar but more so than that. Until my youngest was in high school, I immersed myself in the family. That was much to the detriment of my other activities, including golf, and worth every minute of it. I was part of my children's lives for their formative years. If that meant I was their soccer coach, monitored their piano practice, was there if they needed homework help, then so much the better. Even if that meant I didn't even play golf once a year. I got back into golf seriously when they got to high school.

Think about it. Think about your situation. Teaching is a full-time job. If you're a teacher, you know that parenting is very important -- and also time-consuming. If you have time for regular golf, then either your work or your family is being short-changed.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have been grateful for everyone sharing and explaining how they handle this crazy thing called life and parenthood.  

[Shinnman]

Congrats….and good luck keeping your game together.  Unless you get a live-in nanny, your golf game is going to suffer. 

[MN_Hacker]

Your golf game may suffer from a score standpoint, but, if your parenting game is on-point you'll end up with a golfing buddy when they grow up.  

My son's birth cut back my hockey and golf a lot.  As a goalie I could play for free almost every night if I wanted, and that wasn't gonna work with being a parent.  I don't regret cutting "me" time for family time one bit, but I also made sure my wife and I still had "me" time, just not as much as BC (before child).

[JAYER38]

On 4/5/2024 at 8:50 AM, Chubbs1991 said:

 

Seeking valuable insights from the community. As a dedicated school teacher, I currently devote a significant portion of my time to playing golf, typically enjoying 4-5 rounds per week in the summer. However, with the imminent arrival of my first child this spring, I anticipate my schedule shifting dramatically. I'm reaching out for advice on how to effectively maintain my passion for golf amidst the demands of parenthood, possibly being limited to just 1 or 2 rounds per week. Any strategies or tips from fellow golfers who have navigated similar transitions would be greatly appreciated.

 First off congrats! Very happy to hear it and wishing you and the family the best!

@GolfSpy_APH hit it on the money!

My boy is 2.5 months now and its been a whole adventure but I love it. A sim is honestly the best things I've invested in to keep me playing and I can stop at the drop of a dime to do whatever it is I need to do. The kid loves the noise while I'm playing in the garage so that is also a plus!

I will say my wife and I are very easy going so ill get in 9 holes after work and usually schedule in a full 18 on the weekends. I do my best to play at times I wouldn't be home anyway because of work or something.

Also 1 of the biggest things I can say is please don't be scared to take your baby places, people have loved seeing my kid at the course with me. The wife and I use it as a chance to get outside and she sits in the cart or the course even lets her have her own or we just walk and she pushed the stroller. 

[JRCorb]

Been there, done that!  We have 2 sons.  When the first was born, my wife stayed home (total of 16 yrs) to raise him and the second one.  Not only did we have to budget our time, we had to budget our money!  With less disposable cash, I cut back to 3-4 rounds per month, if lucky, as the priority is all about family.  To scratch the golf itch, I was fortunate enough that I really enjoy chipping and putting.   I would find an hour or so to do that, and on occasion, a golfer might leave half a bucket of balls on the driving range...score!!  My oldest son developed a love for the game, so he would chip and putt as well.  Turns out, we both have very good short games. My last game in Phoenix, I was able to chip and one putt 8 times to salvage a 79.  All that chipping and putting paid off!  As the kids became independent and my wife went back to work, my number of games per week increased.  I'm now retired and play 4-5 times a week.  Life is good, accept and enjoy all chapters of it!

[Chubbs1991]

3 minutes ago, JAYER38 said:

Also 1 of the biggest things I can say is please don't be scared to take your baby places, people have loved seeing my kid at the course with me. The wife and I use it as a chance to get outside and she sits in the cart or the course even lets her have her own or we just walk and she pushed the stroller. 

That's amazing advice. I wish my home could house a sim. But my wife and I are already talking about taking the baby to the range with us and walking and playing during his nap times. 

Cannot wait to see how this adventure turns out. 

[Ed the FD]

Having children is one of life's greatest gifts. Like everyone else has said, planning and communication is the best. When my oldest (11) was born, I thought my golf game was over, but my wife understood how it was a stress release for me. My work schedule is chaotic (Monday - Sunday 8 to 5 and nights on call) and there are times that I work 21 days straight. Add that to a screaming bundle of joy and I think  without golf I would have gone insane.  When I couldn't get out to the course or driving range, I would practice my chipping in the back yard or a co-worker and I would bring our putters to work and see who could drain the long hallway putt. Improvise and adapt. Don't be against playing a quick 9 on your own. It might be half (get it) of what you normally play, but being there to help and support your wife will hopefully keep her from getting mad at you for playing golf. My boys are old enough now for me to leave at home to go play if my wife is working, but if I can bring them along they get a chance to play and it helps to set up the next generation of golfers. Good luck, don't get down on yourself for not being able to play every week and welcome to fatherhood. It's the best club you can join! 

[Beakbryce]

Never, ever, come home pissed about your game that day. Don't worry about score, treasure the good shots.

As a teacher you already understand this. Feed them and read to them. 

I am in agreement that taking the kid(s) with you can be everything. Give the wife her time. Pick some home chores and just do them . Often.

Show up for as much of whatever sport or interest they develop as that is way more important then your golf. 

Get 30 minutes of exercise everyday even if it means no golf. They want to feel like you will be around forever.

[Cannon Safe]

Congrats. I have a 3.5 year old that I'm planning on getting to the course with me this season. I'm also expecting our 2nd within the next few weeks. I have this plan, whether or not it works, only time will tell. I have this jogging stroller that the infant car seat snaps into. I plan on building this hanging system that pretty much turns the stroller into a push cart.  The plan is on nice days to take the baby, a few bottles, and the clubs and walk the course with her. They sleep a lot during the first few months and if the weather is nice, I don't mind sitting on a bench giving her a bottle or changing a diaper. I get to play golf and my wife will get a break or be able to spend some alone time with our son. There is a company that sells this, I think it's called kid caddy,  I'm going to try to make it myself with things around the garage. 

Best of luck, it truly is the most amazing and difficult experience ever. Be flexible, sometimes you might have to cancel a tee time short notice but it'll be worth it