Share your golf jokes

[markb]

I needed a new golf joke to tell today, so I searched the MGS forums and to my surprise, I couldn't find a golf joke thread.   So I thought I'd start one.   Here's one to get started.   Hopefully the majority haven't heard it.

 

Joke 1:

 

A threesome of buddies is playing the front nine of their local course when they catch up to a slow group on about hole 5.   This group is really slow and also oblivious to those behind them, so at the turn the threesome decides to take a break and have lunch.   Wouldn't you know it, but the slow group in front of them is also in the restaurant doing the same thing.  The guys start cursing and complaining about the slow play of the other group when the waitress comes over and says, "Didn't you know?   Those guys are a bunch of blind golfers."

 

The first buddy is chagrined and says, "Gee, I'm sorry I didn't know.  Now I feel awful.   Tell you what, I'll pick up the tab for their drinks."

 

Second buddy says, "Me too.   I'll pay for their meals."   Then they turn to look at the third buddy in unison.

 

After few seconds, the third buddy looks up.  "Screw 'em, they should have teed off last night."

 

[Dhuck Whooker]

Stanley and his wife of 22 years are golfing together one day, Stanley hits a tee shot way right, he and the Mrs. go off the find the ball, ends up behind a huge pole barn that is blocking his approach shot to the green

 

His wife tells him to punch it back in play, but Stanley sees that barn doors are open and he has a clear line through the barn.  "Nope, honey, I'm going to hit a low one right through the barn."

 

Stanley grabs a mid-iron, lines up his shot through the barn doors and swings away, the ball ricochets off the side of the barn, comes screaming backwards at his wife, she can't duck in time, the ball hits her right between the eyes.  She drops like a rock.  Suffers a cracked skull, broken nose, severe concussion, loss of motor skills, and will be afflicted with blurred vision and headaches indefinitely.

 

Months later, Stanley is back on the course with a friend, playing the hole where the accident occurred, and again he flares his tee shot right, and is in practically the same spot behind the same barn.  Stanley mutters to his friend that he is going to take his medicine and punch the ball sideways back into the fairway.  His friend then interrupts "Hey, you got a shot, hit a low screamer through the barn, run it up on the green"

 

Stanley stops for a moment then says, "Nah, last time I tried that I double-bogeyed this hole."