Crazy Strange Golf S*hit

[B_R_A_D_Y]

What are the strangest things you’ve seen or done while working at a golf course?
I originally wanted to be a club pro when I was 20, back in the late 70s. Here r the top incidents I experienced. 

1:   Right before the start of the first tournament I worked as an assistant pro, a farmer’s cow got thru the fence at the back of the course. Pro handed me a shotgun, said it was loaded with rock salt, and told me to go shoot the damn thing in the ass, before it destroyed a green. All I could think of the entire time was the scene from Animal House where the horse has a heart attack. The cow lived. 

2.   I had to wake up / run off vagrants sleeping on the golf course.

3.  When I was 17, first golf job, the owner took me out to teach me how to ranger. After a while he pulled into a bunch of trees behind a tee & we just sat there watching. When the next group came by he asked them for a beer out of their cooler! He drank the beer, then closed his eyes & fell asleep. Later, when I told the pro, he said, “I better never catch u doing that.”

4.  At that same public course, Pro was giving his weekly lesson to a female member. We didn’t have a range, but we did have an area where staff could go to shag balls. I happened to see him drive back from that lesson, but instead of the woman sitting beside him in the cart, she was on his lap steering. And instead of him driving to the pro shop they drove back to the cart shed. I was 17. It was none of my business. Later that day I mentioned what I saw to the assistant pro & he broke out laughing. He said that had he seen them driving back, he would have loved to have gone back there. Seems while the pro was “giving” her a lesson, the zipper in his pants got stuck in the zipper in her skirt & they couldn’t get separated. I still have no idea why she rode back on his lap … I can imagine … but it seems to me that it would have been easier for one of them to remove their pants or skirt. Now that I think abt it … is this the moment I decided that I wanted to be a club pro?

[Dweed]

After I retired, I volunteered as a ranger at a Metro Park between Detroit and Lansing.  Fun gig, ran across a fair share of tipsy golfers etc.  The incident I remember the most was a pair of young ladies, late teens, maybe early 20's sneaking around backside of green surrounded by deep woods. Started to shag them off the course and they started to give me a ration of  S%^$ stating this was their park too and they could walk around and pick flowers as they felt. They gave me a snooty look as they walked back into the woods with an arm load of fresh greens.  I didn't have the heart to tell them they were carrying around poison ivy.