Situation/ Advice requested for a competitive golfer

[mbrodeur86]

Good morning everyone!

I haven't been on this forum for quite some time and am going to try to pop up and be more active here from now on. 

Here is my situation.

In 2019, I finished 2nd in my local club championship. I was playing Cobra King Forged Tours (I guess more of a players' distance/ cavity back iron. After this, I needed to step away from the game for financial reasons. In this time, I was sitting around the 5-6 handicap. Fast forward to last year and between the time off and the next club championship I decided to sell my irons because I had convinced myself that in order to get to a 3 handicap (that is my goal) that I would need irons to play to get to that level. I ended up buying my dream irons, the Mizuno JPX 919 Tours. I had wanted those babies since they were first released. I get to my first club championship in 2 years and shoot an 82 and a 77 and finished 5th. I'm like ok not bad after 2 years of not playing. This year I shoot 85 and 82 and finish before last! 

For those who don't know. I suffer from chronic anxiety. I get nervous for the most ridiculous things so you can imagine what a pressure event like a cc does to me. This summer I started off great! I literally spent the summer shoot below 80 all season long. Last time I had shot 80 or above was the 20th of May. I was on that much of a roll. Of course I was not playing under pressure so I was fine. I've watched tonnes of videos on how to control my anxiety/ nerves. Breathing exercises, trying not to worry 2 much, not overthinking etc... I tried everything. I am completely ashamed of myself. 

I'm in a unique position since my father is the all-time cc winner with 9 victories so I have his legacy to live to and a family (uncles and brothers) who keep pushing me to play in the event since "I am good enough". I don't feel like I am. My confidence has gone by the way side. A week before the cc I appeared to have lost my putting/ short game. I could not drive well to save my life all season but my short game/ putter always saved me. I get to the even and drive better than I ever have but couldn't putt/ chip/ pitch to save a par. 

Truth is I am tired. 16 years (minus 2) I have been playing in club championships. I am tired of failing. I've been seeing a psychologist for years to fight my anxiety issues. Right now I feel like the last 2 years might be because of my irons. I play them great for regular, non-stressful play but under pressure I seem to struggle with them. My struggles with my wedges are the same as when I sold my irons I also sold my score wedges (that I had had for quite a long time). My putter is fitted for me. I'm wondering if I should go with a more forgiving setup or keep what I've got and keep going? What should I do? I am lost. I feel like my whole summer (I got to a 3.6 at 1 point but climbed back to 3.9 this month) has been wasted. 

[cnosil]

My personal opinion.   Clubs aren’t going to make you better; and the clubs you had previously don’t reach a plateau and prevent you from getting better.   Sounds like you need to figure out the metal/emotional side if the game.  No reason to be ashamed of you anxiety, it is what it is but that is what the primary issue seems to be.   Sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself because of your fathers successes.   Have you tried a system; like DECADE, for course management to remove the emotional side of the game?  I would also say that if you personally don’t want to play in the club championship then don’t,  winning or losing that event does not define you as a person. 

[mbrodeur86]

Thank you for replying. 

I have never heard of DECADE so you've peaked my curiosity. I also don't like making equipment changes (I know weird from a golfer). This year I tried to so hard to NOT care that I think sub-consciously I made things worse! I did a lot of video watching on YouTube trying different mental approaches but none seemed to click with me. It's the only competitive tourney I play in solo as other than that I play 2 or 3 person scrambles with my brothers and some people said that I don't play enough tourneys. I would like to but they're just not many in my area or I hear about them last minute. 

 

I'm going to go check out DECADE. Thanks for this

[Shapotomous]

There is nothing wrong with nerves or anxiety, its the management that counts. 

The way i approach it may sound simple but in a two round event its not worth getting nervous until the back 9 of the 2nd round.  Just play like any other round for 27 holes then decide if your score is worth getting anxious about!

Then play one shot at a time and set 3 hole scoring targets for the last 9.  Practice doing these things over a couple rounds whenever you play to get better at it.  It helps to not keep score while playing and then go back in your mind and write them down when finished.

It may help manage your anxiety by trying to remember who came in first & second in the last 3 years superbowls or world cups or world series whichever is your preference.  If those are tough to remember then it helps put perspective on the tourneys we are playing in.

Most important... have fun!

[RickyBobby_PR]

Agree with @cnosil on the clubs not that got a golfer to a certain level will prevent them from getting better. Once a golfer reaches single digits and especially in the 5 hdcp range it’s harder to lower the cap without playing more. And what lowers the cap is the small stuff. Making more putts, not making small mistakes around the green and making or rather than bogey.

Now irons can make a golfer worse if they aren’t a fit or the golfer can’t control distance or where they go.

Getting over the nerves, dealing with anxiety are all going to be constant battles. Therapy is best option for dealing with the anxiety issues. What’s going to make playing under pressure less stressful is being in more stressful situations more often. Play more competitive rounds where something is on the line, whether that’s money with friends/family, local competitions, etc. the club championship cant be your only competition all year. 

[mbrodeur86]

All Good advice guys! I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I talked to my wife about letting me go play in more competitive events next season. It's something I've heard from others around here. The guys I generally compete against all veterans compared to me when it comes to competitive experience. A lot of these guys have been playing 20-30 years or more. I've got 16 and have never had anyone but YouTube to teach me. I just have so much shame right now. I know it's not normal or ok but I feel like I let everyone (including myself) down. Probably have to live with this feeling throughout the winter. It drives me to want to work harder on my mistakes.  

[cnosil]

21 minutes ago, mbrodeur86 said:

 I just have so much shame right now. I know it's not normal or ok but I feel like I let everyone (including myself) down. Probably have to live with this feeling throughout the winter. It drives me to want to work harder on my mistakes.  

I’ll be honest, I don’t understand this perspective, but I am not you.   You are playing amateur events that have no real bearing on you, your family, or your friends.  If you were not going to work and playing golf instead which resulted in your family not being able to eat or have a home then you let people down.   I hope you get yourself to a good place and can appreciate that even a club championship is more about the enjoyment of playing a game than trying to meet someone’s expectations 

[mbrodeur86]

10 minutes ago, cnosil said:

I’ll be honest, I don’t understand this perspective, but I am not you.   You are playing amateur events that have no real bearing on you, your family, or your friends.  If you were not going to work and playing golf instead which resulted in your family not being able to eat or have a home then you let people down.   I hope you get yourself to a good place and can appreciate that even a club championship is more about the enjoyment of playing a game than trying to meet someone’s expectations 

The shame and humiliation of finishing in almost last place. The shame and humiliation of knowing I'm a better golfer than how I played. I was the only one in the first division who shot over 80. It's just embarrassing for me so I'm ashamed of how I played and am humiliated by the results 

[TylorJudd]

4 hours ago, mbrodeur86 said:

Good morning everyone!

I haven't been on this forum for quite some time and am going to try to pop up and be more active here from now on. 

Here is my situation.

In 2019, I finished 2nd in my local club championship. I was playing Cobra King Forged Tours (I guess more of a players' distance/ cavity back iron. After this, I needed to step away from the game for financial reasons. In this time, I was sitting around the 5-6 handicap. Fast forward to last year and between the time off and the next club championship I decided to sell my irons because I had convinced myself that in order to get to a 3 handicap (that is my goal) that I would need irons to play to get to that level. I ended up buying my dream irons, the Mizuno JPX 919 Tours. I had wanted those babies since they were first released. I get to my first club championship in 2 years and shoot an 82 and a 77 and finished 5th. I'm like ok not bad after 2 years of not playing. This year I shoot 85 and 82 and finish before last! 

For those who don't know. I suffer from chronic anxiety. I get nervous for the most ridiculous things so you can imagine what a pressure event like a cc does to me. This summer I started off great! I literally spent the summer shoot below 80 all season long. Last time I had shot 80 or above was the 20th of May. I was on that much of a roll. Of course I was not playing under pressure so I was fine. I've watched tonnes of videos on how to control my anxiety/ nerves. Breathing exercises, trying not to worry 2 much, not overthinking etc... I tried everything. I am completely ashamed of myself. 

I'm in a unique position since my father is the all-time cc winner with 9 victories so I have his legacy to live to and a family (uncles and brothers) who keep pushing me to play in the event since "I am good enough". I don't feel like I am. My confidence has gone by the way side. A week before the cc I appeared to have lost my putting/ short game. I could not drive well to save my life all season but my short game/ putter always saved me. I get to the even and drive better than I ever have but couldn't putt/ chip/ pitch to save a par. 

Truth is I am tired. 16 years (minus 2) I have been playing in club championships. I am tired of failing. I've been seeing a psychologist for years to fight my anxiety issues. Right now I feel like the last 2 years might be because of my irons. I play them great for regular, non-stressful play but under pressure I seem to struggle with them. My struggles with my wedges are the same as when I sold my irons I also sold my score wedges (that I had had for quite a long time). My putter is fitted for me. I'm wondering if I should go with a more forgiving setup or keep what I've got and keep going? What should I do? I am lost. I feel like my whole summer (I got to a 3.6 at 1 point but climbed back to 3.9 this month) has been wasted. 

I can chime in here a bit as my partner is a clinical therapist. I don't know what the states has in regards to certifications or who you need to see. In Canada, a psychologist is researched based, not therapy based so there may be some language disconnect here.

Look for a specialist trained and certified* (key word there) in EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, golf and anything golf related are not your issue. Performance anxiety is widespread across many facets of our lives. Your brain, like everyone's brain, is lazy. It will always believe that different clubs will change your game. Welcome to consumerism, and our general marketing strategy as a society. If you haven't seen anything about me, I tried to commit suicide to many same reasons like performance anxiety but in parts of my personal life. Your stress, and cortisol, are going to feed your anxiety and make an endless loop. A) your diet feeds into this big time. Take a deep dive into what we're told is "healthy". B) general mindset and outlooks should be addressed. 

Also, if you're not seeing results with your professional of choice, get another opinion. Mental health is just like golf. Nobody plays the same and every swing is unique. Just as every mental health professional differs in their approach and techniques/training.

Either way, just my opinion and not to be used as doctrine, and please consult with a health care professional about this as I am just an avid golfer who knows what mental health can do to your life and golf game. I wish you the best of luck going forward

[mbrodeur86]

3 minutes ago, TylorJudd said:

I can chime in here a bit as my partner is a clinical therapist. I don't know what the states has in regards to certifications or who you need to see. In Canada, a psychologist is researched based, not therapy based so there may be some language disconnect here.

Look for a specialist trained and certified* (key word there) in EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, golf and anything golf related are not your issue. Performance anxiety is widespread across many facets of our lives. Your brain, like everyone's brain, is lazy. It will always believe that different clubs will change your game. Welcome to consumerism, and our general marketing strategy as a society. If you haven't seen anything about me, I tried to commit suicide to many same reasons like performance anxiety but in parts of my personal life. Your stress, and cortisol, are going to feed your anxiety and make an endless loop. A) your diet feeds into this big time. Take a deep dive into what we're told is "healthy". B) general mindset and outlooks should be addressed. 

Also, if you're not seeing results with your professional of choice, get another opinion. Mental health is just like golf. Nobody plays the same and every swing is unique. Just as every mental health professional differs in their approach and techniques/training.

Either way, just my opinion and not to be used as doctrine, and please consult with a health care professional about this as I am just an avid golfer who knows what mental health can do to your life and golf game. I wish you the best of luck going forward

I agree with you 100%. Thank you for taking the time to post. I will look into this. It's been something I've been dealing with for ages and it needs to go!

[jaskanski]

If competitive golf is getting you down - give up competitive golf. For me, the pleasure of golf as a sport, or receational hobby or whatever lies in the enjoyment of the game - period. If you're struggling to enjoy it, then take a step back and figure out why you first took up golf in the first place. If it was purely for the winning, then you've probably missed the point. For me, everytime I step out on to a golf course, or even to casually hit balls at the range - is a win. Golf is it's own reward and it belongs to everyone who wants to make it that way. That's just my opinion - I hope you find your mojo in one form or another in the near future.

Edited August 21, 2023 by jaskanski

[THEZIPR23]

Take a step back, regroup and examine your expectations. You seem to be expecting a lot and when those expectations are not met you get down on yourself. Sometimes we just have to let it happen and if it doesn't as long as we did the best we could, understand that it just wasn't your time. I am not going to pretend to be in your shoes and try to understand the pressures you are under. IMO what makes golf the hardest and the greatest game is the fact that hard work does not always equal results. Yes you can improve, yes your results can get better but there are still times that this game serves humble pie and it could come at any time. I won my first CC in 1998 and didn't win another until 2021. In the 2022 championship I failed to break 80 in 2 of 3 rounds as defending champ. Obvisouly I didn't win but I came back on the 3rd day and shot the low round of the day by 4 shots. I didn't feel any different on any of the rounds, it's just the golf is at times. I have only won at my current club once despite being one of if not the best golfer at my club for over 5 years. It is not easy. I do not expect to win another one, I may, I may not, but I do know that I will give my best on that day and that is good enough for me. I hope you find joy in the game again and competing. Golf is first and foremost supposed to be a fun experience and helpful in removing the daily stressors we all have. If you are not finding this joy, like the above poster said stop doing it. Mental health is extremely important and if golf is contributing in unhealthy ways it is not worth it. 

[mbrodeur86]

I love golf! Almost 2 much if I'm being honest. I'm always trying to figure out better ways to chip, to putt, to drive etc... I love to try different things. This year I could feel my game slipping once August came around. I completely lost my short game and putting. My putting stroke average was 30.8 and now it's 32.2. It's such a humbling game. When I started playing golf I wanted to win that cc and get my name on a trophy my Dad had his name on so it's always been my ultimate goal. I feel it will happen at some point. 

[fixyurdivot]

5 hours ago, mbrodeur86 said:

The shame and humiliation of finishing in almost last place. The shame and humiliation of knowing I'm a better golfer than how I played. I was the only one in the first division who shot over 80. It's just embarrassing for me so I'm ashamed of how I played and am humiliated by the results 

It's really unfortunate to hear someone feels this way about the game we play.  Words like "shame and humiliation" are not typically what we hear from folks having a bad round, or going through a protracted period where the scoring is worse than normal.  It sounds to me like you are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself and that is only compounding your nervousness.  

I too get nervous when playing and in a competitive, close game.  Usually, I fold like a cheap patio chair and give myself a barely audible butt chewing.  Each time things go south, I just remind myself this is just a game... a really dumb one according to tens of millions .  Look, you obviously have a great game.  There are damn few players sporting a 3.9 index.  Also keep in mind that when you get that good, you run into the "asymtotic improvement curve"; increasingly difficult to shave off another point and the margin for error is small. 

So forget what others expect or think and just play your game.

I'm not a medical professional, I did not stay at a Holiday Inn last night, and this is worth exactly what you paid for it .  Good luck.

[Blueberry_Squishie]

I would recommend reading Nick O'Hern's book - Tour Mentaility: Inside the mind of a Tour Pro. Goes through a lot of general sports mental strategies, but with a golfing focus. Nick's probably best known for the being the only person to beat Tiger Woods twice in the matchplay championship and is quite an unremarkable player to watch (no real power or classic swing or anything you would typically associate with a high-quality player) so his mental game credentials are second to none.

 

I had the opportunity to attend a live lesson session with him. One specific thing I took away from that was having a signifier that helps you switch off between shots. I release the velcro on my glove after a shot to signify that it's not thinking about golf time, and once I get to my ball I re-secure the glove and it's golf thinking time from there. I'm sure you'll be able to get actions that work for you from that book.

[mbrodeur86]

I will definitely look into all suggestions. 

I had a bit of an epiphany of sorts while I was mowing my lawn this afternoon. Some people do that kind of thinking on the flush, me it's when I mow my lawn lol.

Anyways, I think I finally get the point! It's not anyone's fault but my own. I did all of this my. I always have and when I messed up everyone was to blame but me. Why? Why would I put so much pressure on myself? Why would anything my family say matter when I'm swinging the club? I think I'm finally ready to admit that I messed up. I think I'm finally ready to make that turn. I'm still going to learn and study what I can about controlling my anxiety on and off the course though. That's the missing link in my game. 

[SteveGH7]

I'm sorry you're going through this.  I tend to get anxiety in club tournaments as well, and end up not applying on what I've been working on and letting my thoughts mess up my swing or strategy.  I've found that there are several really good mental game podcasts out there that focus on these things, including The Par Train, which helps in areas beyond the game as well.  

[mbrodeur86]

I am listening to mental golf type right now. It is fantastic! They have you answer a few questions and determine what type of mental golfer you are and from there it's explaining things I need to do to get out of my funk. Just about every video I've watched is explaining some form of thought I've had during competitive golf. I'm going to keep going through it and see what else there is to offer.

[BCases]

On 8/21/2023 at 9:56 AM, mbrodeur86 said:

Good morning everyone!

I haven't been on this forum for quite some time and am going to try to pop up and be more active here from now on. 

Here is my situation.

In 2019, I finished 2nd in my local club championship. I was playing Cobra King Forged Tours (I guess more of a players' distance/ cavity back iron. After this, I needed to step away from the game for financial reasons. In this time, I was sitting around the 5-6 handicap. Fast forward to last year and between the time off and the next club championship I decided to sell my irons because I had convinced myself that in order to get to a 3 handicap (that is my goal) that I would need irons to play to get to that level. I ended up buying my dream irons, the Mizuno JPX 919 Tours. I had wanted those babies since they were first released. I get to my first club championship in 2 years and shoot an 82 and a 77 and finished 5th. I'm like ok not bad after 2 years of not playing. This year I shoot 85 and 82 and finish before last! 

For those who don't know. I suffer from chronic anxiety. I get nervous for the most ridiculous things so you can imagine what a pressure event like a cc does to me. This summer I started off great! I literally spent the summer shoot below 80 all season long. Last time I had shot 80 or above was the 20th of May. I was on that much of a roll. Of course I was not playing under pressure so I was fine. I've watched tonnes of videos on how to control my anxiety/ nerves. Breathing exercises, trying not to worry 2 much, not overthinking etc... I tried everything. I am completely ashamed of myself. 

I'm in a unique position since my father is the all-time cc winner with 9 victories so I have his legacy to live to and a family (uncles and brothers) who keep pushing me to play in the event since "I am good enough". I don't feel like I am. My confidence has gone by the way side. A week before the cc I appeared to have lost my putting/ short game. I could not drive well to save my life all season but my short game/ putter always saved me. I get to the even and drive better than I ever have but couldn't putt/ chip/ pitch to save a par. 

Truth is I am tired. 16 years (minus 2) I have been playing in club championships. I am tired of failing. I've been seeing a psychologist for years to fight my anxiety issues. Right now I feel like the last 2 years might be because of my irons. I play them great for regular, non-stressful play but under pressure I seem to struggle with them. My struggles with my wedges are the same as when I sold my irons I also sold my score wedges (that I had had for quite a long time). My putter is fitted for me. I'm wondering if I should go with a more forgiving setup or keep what I've got and keep going? What should I do? I am lost. I feel like my whole summer (I got to a 3.6 at 1 point but climbed back to 3.9 this month) has been wasted. 

We all get nervous under pressure. Yes , even Tiger. That's what makes it fun. It is also a sign you are in contention. Trust your swing and learn to play with the nerves/anxiety. If you embrace the feeling and stay in your pre shot routine, you will be amazed at what you can do.

[mbrodeur86]

3 hours ago, BCases said:

We all get nervous under pressure. Yes , even Tiger. That's what makes it fun. It is also a sign you are in contention. Trust your swing and learn to play with the nerves/anxiety. If you embrace the feeling and stay in your pre shot routine, you will be amazed at what you can do.

Dude I get nervous 6 months BEFORE it starts lol. I'm literally THAT bad! But I'm understanding more about myself. I'm realizing that no one but me is to blame for my failures. I do it to myself. Now I'm working on focus and concentration. Routine and discipline. If my mental game gets to my playing level I'm positive I'll not only be a better player but also a better person. 

[Dweed]

All I can say dude is I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Be the best you can be and try not to listen too hard what others might say. Especially family. They can be the least friendly sometimes and understand nothing.  Best of luck to you and never give up your dream and pursuits.

[theballdontliegolf67]

First of all, I think it is cool how you were so honest and open with your problem regarding your golf game, personal life, and your equipment. I wish you all the best in everything and know that you will overcome it. I have anxiety myself and the good news is that you shouldn't feel bad for having anxiety because everyone has anxiety. You are a human and so anxiety is something you are going to expierence a lot. Especially if you are doing something positive like competing and challenging yourself. If you weren't anxious when playing a golf tournament or in life, then I would say that you are probably some kind of psychopath and I wouldn't want to meet the person that doesn't get nervous once in a while. We all have anxiety, and we all face obstacles in our life. It's how we deal with those obstacles that matters. You don't want to live a life where you never feel anxious because that means you aren't growing as a person and you also won't ever experience anything new. I would never want to go through like that anymore than I already have. There are many times when I would not talk to people, and I would isolate myself because of anxiety issues that I had. What helped me was knowing that it is normal to be anxious and it isn't anything to be ashamed of. The only thing to be ashamed of would be if you let it defeat you which I don't see that being the case with you at all. The fact you had anxiety issues, and still played in the tournament says a lot about your charachter and I have no doubt that you can get past the anxiety.

As far as the golf aspect goes, there is tournament golf and there is regular golf. Tournament golf is a completely different game than regular golf. The best advice I ever got was when my pro told me when I first started playing golf to play in as many tournaments as I could. This helped me play better in tournaments because the only way you can prepare for a tournament is to play in as many tournaments as you can. I also don't think you have anything to feel ashamed about and everyone who has played golf as played in a tournament and then played far worse than they are capable of. It's what happens when people play tournament golf for the first time. It took me years to develop enough experience to where a tournament doesn't cause me to shoot a terrible round. I remember the day before my club championship, I shot 67. Then the next day when it counted, I shot 82. I also have played in the State Stroke play tournament and the first round is 36 holes. The morning round, I shot 86 and was in last place. The second round, I shot 74, which was 1st place for the 2nd round. Once I relaxed and just played golf and stopped worrying about my score and my acceptance speech lol, I played like I was capable of playing. 

Good luck to you and please don't feel bad about yourself and be proud that you competed and tried your best (As much as this might sound like an after school special haha, that's all that really matters) 

[mbrodeur86]

48 minutes ago, theballdontliegolf67 said:

First of all, I think it is cool how you were so honest and open with your problem regarding your golf game, personal life, and your equipment. I wish you all the best in everything and know that you will overcome it. I have anxiety myself and the good news is that you shouldn't feel bad for having anxiety because everyone has anxiety. You are a human and so anxiety is something you are going to expierence a lot. Especially if you are doing something positive like competing and challenging yourself. If you weren't anxious when playing a golf tournament or in life, then I would say that you are probably some kind of psychopath and I wouldn't want to meet the person that doesn't get nervous once in a while. We all have anxiety, and we all face obstacles in our life. It's how we deal with those obstacles that matters. You don't want to live a life where you never feel anxious because that means you aren't growing as a person and you also won't ever experience anything new. I would never want to go through like that anymore than I already have. There are many times when I would not talk to people, and I would isolate myself because of anxiety issues that I had. What helped me was knowing that it is normal to be anxious and it isn't anything to be ashamed of. The only thing to be ashamed of would be if you let it defeat you which I don't see that being the case with you at all. The fact you had anxiety issues, and still played in the tournament says a lot about your charachter and I have no doubt that you can get past the anxiety.

As far as the golf aspect goes, there is tournament golf and there is regular golf. Tournament golf is a completely different game than regular golf. The best advice I ever got was when my pro told me when I first started playing golf to play in as many tournaments as I could. This helped me play better in tournaments because the only way you can prepare for a tournament is to play in as many tournaments as you can. I also don't think you have anything to feel ashamed about and everyone who has played golf as played in a tournament and then played far worse than they are capable of. It's what happens when people play tournament golf for the first time. It took me years to develop enough experience to where a tournament doesn't cause me to shoot a terrible round. I remember the day before my club championship, I shot 67. Then the next day when it counted, I shot 82. I also have played in the State Stroke play tournament and the first round is 36 holes. The morning round, I shot 86 and was in last place. The second round, I shot 74, which was 1st place for the 2nd round. Once I relaxed and just played golf and stopped worrying about my score and my acceptance speech lol, I played like I was capable of playing. 

Good luck to you and please don't feel bad about yourself and be proud that you competed and tried your best (As much as this might sound like an after school special haha, that's all that really matters) 

Thank you for sharing this. Yes I've been told before that I do not play enough tournaments. Truth is in my neck of the woods there aren't many to begin with. I did speak to my wife about paying for my official golf handicap and going to more tournaments. I use Golf Frontier as my app and it has a handicap tracking. Before they started charging us for a handicap I had both and Golf frontier's index was the same as the official one so when they started charging us I just stopped paying. I wasn't playing in any tournaments besides the club championship so it didn't matter. It will moving forward.

I'm also messing around with different mental apps for golf. Right now I'm trying out Mental Golf Type. It appears to be really good (at least the free part of it). It's normally $200 but I can get it right now for $100. I just don't have the $100 yet. 

My anxiety issues have been there for a long time. It's weird to be honest. If I go to a club to see a friend play live and I'm in a room where I know everyone my anxiety goes through the roof! I immediately start thinking everyone there hates me and I have to leave BUT if I go to a concert where I don't know anyone and there's a hell of a lot more people - I'm fine. It's definitely something I need to fix. I've let it control my life for 2 long now.

I have since completely messed up my short game. I am constantly trying to fix or tinker with my swing because when I would play in cc's I assumed it was my swing or my equipment that wasn't good enough. Yes I knew I had anxiety but I figured my equipment wasn't forgiving enough to play under pressure or that my swing had 2 many faults to play under pressure. Now I know it's between the ears and always has been. I've got to rebuild my short game which really sucks because it was the best part of my game. 

[KB13]

There is no shame in having anxiety and feeling pressure, everyone goes through some form of that or another. 

We had a mental coach in college and finding a routine is huge. So much so, the team would write them down, then speak them outloud, then we would practice them. The other piece that has always stuck with me is to focus on something small (like a chip, or dot on your club shaft), and take a deep breath. 

Secondly, what the coach taught our team was "putting it out there" with affirmations. If you say something about yourself long enough, it will become true. Just like you have focused so much on your nerves and anxiety that it has caused you to sell clubs, probably lose sleep, and feel like you don't want to play golf - what if you flipped that around and affirmed yourself - Could be anything - "I am great" - "I am bigger than failure" 

I hope that you find something that helps buddy and wish you the best.

[mbrodeur86]

2 hours ago, KB13 said:

There is no shame in having anxiety and feeling pressure, everyone goes through some form of that or another. 

We had a mental coach in college and finding a routine is huge. So much so, the team would write them down, then speak them outloud, then we would practice them. The other piece that has always stuck with me is to focus on something small (like a chip, or dot on your club shaft), and take a deep breath. 

Secondly, what the coach taught our team was "putting it out there" with affirmations. If you say something about yourself long enough, it will become true. Just like you have focused so much on your nerves and anxiety that it has caused you to sell clubs, probably lose sleep, and feel like you don't want to play golf - what if you flipped that around and affirmed yourself - Could be anything - "I am great" - "I am bigger than failure" 

I hope that you find something that helps buddy and wish you the best.

All great suggestions. I tend to lose my routine. I am building a newer, shorter routine as I think my current routine is 2 long and than I feel like I'm killing the pace of our group so I move away from my routine and start focusing on trying not to take to much time and not making the groups behind me wait. See how I lose focus? Me in a nutshell right there 

[benb1989]

I suffered badly with anxiety, to the point where I would get migraines and sickness which would leave me bed bound, this would happen on a weekly basis and would cause issues with every aspect of my life, cost me jobs, relationships and I had to stop playing sport. I tried everything, therapists, medication, diet change, you name it I tried it. I haven't had an episode since September 2019, an my anxiety is largely under control, I have times when I feel anxious but I am able to get past this fairly quickly. What helped me and changed my life was Hypnotherapy. I honestly did not think it would work, thought it was rubbish and a bit of a con. I only went because a family member kept telling me to try it. I can honestly say it has changed my life, I had 6 sessions and haven't looked back. I have recommend it to friends who have had positive results as well. I know it will not work for everyone, but I will say it is worth a go 100%. 

[mbrodeur86]

35 minutes ago, benb1989 said:

I suffered badly with anxiety, to the point where I would get migraines and sickness which would leave me bed bound, this would happen on a weekly basis and would cause issues with every aspect of my life, cost me jobs, relationships and I had to stop playing sport. I tried everything, therapists, medication, diet change, you name it I tried it. I haven't had an episode since September 2019, an my anxiety is largely under control, I have times when I feel anxious but I am able to get past this fairly quickly. What helped me and changed my life was Hypnotherapy. I honestly did not think it would work, thought it was rubbish and a bit of a con. I only went because a family member kept telling me to try it. I can honestly say it has changed my life, I had 6 sessions and haven't looked back. I have recommend it to friends who have had positive results as well. I know it will not work for everyone, but I will say it is worth a go 100%. 

This I have not heard of. Very interesting. I'll look into it. I don't think there are any hypnotherapists in my area though. At least I've not heard anything. 

[ottawap]

Even the pros might win a major then not even make the cut the next week week. Golf is just golf. Enjoy the ride and realize we’re not as good as our best game but not nearly as bad as our worst. It’s about the journey, not a destination. 

 

Edited August 25, 2023 by ottawap

[srooch2]

I just left my job, a good job, due to anxiety. Just know you are not going through these things alone, many people deal with this. I’m the opposite and the golf course erases it. I would get to accounts for my job, get ready to go in and not be able to physically move. Anxiety is very hard and I’ve never dealt with it before so it’s a whole new experience for me. I do emdr therapy, I just started so I can’t say it will work or not but I’m excited for it. Best of luck, if you never need anyone to chat with just message me. 

[mbrodeur86]

37 minutes ago, srooch2 said:

I just left my job, a good job, due to anxiety. Just know you are not going through these things alone, many people deal with this. I’m the opposite and the golf course erases it. I would get to accounts for my job, get ready to go in and not be able to physically move. Anxiety is very hard and I’ve never dealt with it before so it’s a whole new experience for me. I do emdr therapy, I just started so I can’t say it will work or not but I’m excited for it. Best of luck, if you never need anyone to chat with just message me. 

Thank you for your reply. It's good to know lots of people have my back - and I yours. If any of you need to talk let me know please.