Lost Hole in One Ball

[jmwils81]

This Gem of an Email came in from my buddy Dave (no relation to the guilty party in the story) to our group of guys that have a yearly competition (mancation). Enjoy,

 

"Ok, I've got a story for everyone... For the sake of protection of the guilty, I'll say this story is about a guy named David Israel Hertz from Portage, MI. It all started at our favorite course, Binder Park in Battle Creek, MI. It was a normal day for us, we loaded up our golf bags with about 12 beers each and a fifth of Cuervo. What surprised me about this day is the David took a hit of the Cuervo on the second tee...David never drinks liquor, let alone Cuervo. He said, "I just got laid off and I'm going to get F-ed up." (Don't feel bad for him, he has a nice trust fund from his Daddy who is a Vagina Doctor - no joke.)

 

Anyway, after taking his shot of Cuervo he stepped up on the Par 3 second hole and knocked it right into the hole on the fly! I was in disbelief, considering David is a pathetic excuse for a golfer, however I was happy for him. We celebrated all the way up to the green and he kissed the ball as he pulled it out of the hole. What happened next triggered a course of events I will never forget. David stepped up with his honor on number 3, a relatively long par 4 with water left, right and a forced carry. As usual, David dropped one in the drink. However, the look on his face after the shot told the story...he had

hit his hole in one ball in the water. Knowing that he lost the only trophy ball he will ever have in his life, he lost his mind. Within two holes the fifth of Cuervo only had about 3 shots left and through the course of the next 10 holes (yes that's only as far as we made it) here is what happened in summary.

 

* 6 Broken Clubs

* Public Urination 9 times

* Public Urination on himself, twice, while clothed

* 5 lost balls

* 1 broken finger

* 1 shoe thrown into the woods

* Crying on two different holes

* Picking a fight with a man in his 60's and getting pushed to the ground by this elderly man

* Vomit on two tee boxes and one fairway

* At least a dozen cases of ridiculous profanity

* Falling out of the cart, rolling into a bunker and crapping his pants (no joke, it happened all within a 5 second time frame)

* Showing his penis (very small penis) to our threesome, asking us to touch it

* Kicked his foot through the windshield of the cart

* Made a birdie on his last hole (#15 was our last)

* Got kicked off the course (so did I)

* Was charged $145 for the replacement of

the windshield

* Was asked never to come back to the course

* Threw up in my car on the way home The moral of the story...David Hertz is an *******! But he is still my friend...somehow."

[hckymeyer]

Ha ha ha, what a round!!

 

Thanks for sharing

[fozcycle]

Now that's one for the record books....BUT He is still your friend.

[Dhuck Whooker]

Wow!!  Isn't booze wonderful?  Love that eject, roll, and crap move.  And shoe into the woods, classic. 

 

There are the logistics of getting that guy home with the soiled grundgies that has me baffled.  Friends maybe friends, but unless that guy got a complete hose down, he's not getting my car.   

 

Sounds like a distinguished WMU alum.    We do have that special way of carrying ourselves.

[Aotearoa_Brad]

hahaha - now a lot of that behavior I can't condone on the golf course (or in public in general to be honest) - but it is one heck of a story, and one that definitely needs to be replayed at any social occasion where Mr David Hertz is the guest of honor...