Funniest (Good Natured) Golf Digs After a Bad Shot?

[Middler]

Inspired by the comment thread, there were a few good ones there, I thought a separate thread on good golf quips might be entertaining - we probably all need some new material. Stuff like the old “you hit the big ball first,” “you’re still away” and my Dad’s favorite “you’re standing too close to the ball - after you hit it.”

Let’s hear your best stuff?

[JohnSmalls]

10 minutes ago, Middler said:

Inspired by the comment thread, there were a few good ones there, I thought a separate thread on good golf quips might be entertaining - we probably all need some new material. Stuff like the old “you hit the big ball first,” “you’re still away” and my Dad’s favorite “you’re standing too close to the ball - after you hit it.”

Let’s hear your best stuff?

The ones I always hear first have to do with standing on "the wrong side of the ball" or holding the club "the wrong way", the usual lefty barbs.  So I'll chuckle, approach my ball, and sarcastically notice that I am actually on the right side of the ball.  Not a funny nor a great one, but it generally moves the discussion on to more lively and original topics.

[THEZIPR23]

After drive "are you closer to green or tee?"

First time wearing shorts after winter "you know you're standing OB"

 

[GolfSpy_SHARK]

I always like the "Did you call digsafe for that one?" on a good old chunky.

[Siamese Moose]

My personal favorite, on putts left short, either "Nice lay up, or, "I don't think I would have layed that one up."

[Buffly]

"short putts only go in 85% of the time"

"I can't hear you over that outfit"

"You're not good enough to be that upset"

[JY56]

I like the one when the putt goes a mile offline from a mis-read, or way short and somebody quips "I don't know how that didn't go in" 

[Siamese Moose]

1 hour ago, JY56 said:

I like the one when the putt goes a mile offline from a mis-read, or way short and somebody quips "I don't know how that didn't go in" 

A similar take on a really bad putt, "Well, your speed was off, but at least your line was bad."

[Buffly]

When a guy totally crushes a tee shot, "what did that ball ever do to you?"

[Shankopotomous]

For those really bad off line putts in our group you'll often hear....

You seemed to have played that putt into a dogleg!

[StrawberryShortCake]

My favorite is "are you having fun yet?" That dig safe comment is amazing i'm stealing that. 

[tony@CIC]

Golf is a four letter word


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[LeftyHawk]

This one I heard from a guy in his 80's during league play. His partner crushed one off the tee...waaaay off line, so much so it went to an adjoining fairway. As the guy was silently cussing himself out Fred said "That was one seriously F*ed up shot........ executed perfectly!" We all hit the ground laughing, it really lightened the moment.

Chris

[Chip Strokes]

my brother in law has a bad habit of leaving putts short. 

 every so often i’ll remind him that he dropped his lipstick as he walks towards the hole. 

[Buffly]

6 hours ago, Chip Strokes said:

my brother in law has a bad habit of leaving putts short. 

 every so often i’ll remind him that he dropped his lipstick as he walks towards the hole. 

These comments about hitting like a girl and implicating they don't hit very far is a pet peeve of mine. 

I want to encourage more women to play the game and, stuff like this does not help. 

If women overhear comments like this then it is very discouraging. 

I'm all for throwing shade but, not at the point of discouraging an entire gender. 

"Muscles shrinking since we all can't go to the gym anymore?" 

"Is that putter too heavy for you?"

"That ball must have lead weights in it?"

"Did you calculate that in Meters instead of Yards again?"

[Chip Strokes]

1 hour ago, Buffly said:

These comments about hitting like a girl and implicating they don't hit very far is a pet peeve of mine. 

I want to encourage more women to play the game and, stuff like this does not help. 

If women overhear comments like this then it is very discouraging. 

I'm all for throwing shade but, not at the point of discouraging an entire gender. 

"Muscles shrinking since we all can't go to the gym anymore?" 

"Is that putter too heavy for you?"

"That ball must have lead weights in it?"

"Did you calculate that in Meters instead of Yards again?"

i don’t really think it’s all that serious, not every chirp has overarching societal implications 

[Hook DeLoft]

“That’s one lazy golf ball”

[JFish350]

"That ball is far right/left the dog won't find it". 

Short putt "weight room". 

Ball in water "Scuba Steve on the course".

Ball in bunker " I don't think Pamela Anderson is on that beach". 

[Kenny B]

I use this one quite a bit when one of our buddies hits his drive into the adjacent fairway...

 

[cksurfdude]

You know after you hit a tee shot OB .. and re-tee .. and then absolutely nail  the next one..?

Well in this case the saying is...

"Golf is eeeasy .. just hit your second shot, first."

[MmmmmmBuddy]

My standard for any shot that is obviously short, and I mean REALLY short.

“Let it develop”.


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[Kenny B]

A beautiful shot that comes up short of the green, usually in water or bunker...

"Looked good... 'til it wasn't."

[Shankster]

My boss made a point to say nice Shank after every shot once... I mean he ain’t lying, I do “Shanks” the ball every time I hit it.  
 

my favorite that I came up with for myself that has gained some traction is:

“There. it. isn’t...!”

[ballhawk]

When you hit a good drive and the next guy hits and somebody shouts "That's a Linda Rhonstadt"........ you turn and say a what? and they say it blew by you (" blue bayou you") 

[Chip Strokes]

any time someone in our group asks “did you see where that went” the stock answer is “yeah you’re definitely in the water” even if there’s not a puddle around for miles 

[Hook DeLoft]

On 9/4/2020 at 5:17 AM, Buffly said:

These comments about hitting like a girl and implicating they don't hit very far is a pet peeve of mine. 

I want to encourage more women to play the game and, stuff like this does not help. 

If women overhear comments like this then it is very discouraging. 

I'm all for throwing shade but, not at the point of discouraging an entire gender. 

"Muscles shrinking since we all can't go to the gym anymore?" 

"Is that putter too heavy for you?"

"That ball must have lead weights in it?"

"Did you calculate that in Meters instead of Yards again?"

I understand that “hit it Alice” started as “hit it Alliss” after Peter Alliss left one short in a big match. Either Ryder Cup or Walker Cup. 

[Jackal]

When my Son hits a weak shot, I always say "Next time, hit it with your purse, Stella!"

[pulledabill]

Buddy tells me when I leave putts short "pull your skirt up Martha". 

[braincramp]

Partner having a bad day: I just don't know what my problem is. 

Me: Loft is your problem my friend. Lack Of F'ing Talent!

[Ath219]

Threw my buddy a ball with a women's name on it and told him I thought he lost it after he left a put short