Popular Post DarthGolfer Posted November 17, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted November 17, 2015 Doesn't even have to be golf related! After a round of golf......a guy heads back to the club house. There, he sees a beautiful, blonde, big breasted woman, and naturally, he heads over to flirt with her. They hit it off, and decide to play a round together.He is doing his best to impress, but she cleans his clock, winning by 9 strokes. Embarrassed, his manhood in question, she can tell he is hurt. But, she thinks he's sexy, so she suggests they go to the parking lot for a good ol' hummer in the backseat of his car. Needless to say, he enjoys himself and asks her to play golf tomorrow! She accepts, and every day that week, they play, she wins by a large amount, and afterwords he gets a BJ in his car. Though quite happy with the way things are going, he decides that he wants to seal the deal, and he invites her to his place for a romantic Saturday night dinner.She shows up dressed to the 9s, the candles are lit, the steak is ready. They sit down to eat and a moment before his first bite she abruptly drops her silverware and exclaims, "I can't do this anymore! I have to tell you something!"Trying to comfort her, he says "Of course, you can tell me anything! I'm sure it will be ok!" To which she replies, "I'm actually a MAN!"His anger burns hotter than the sun, and he screams back, "God damn you! You've been hitting off the women's tee all week!" Brian A, ddryan, ehilburn11 and 26 others 24 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hckymeyer Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 This thread was just golf jokes, but some pretty good ones in there... http://forum.mygolfspy.com/topic/13045-best-golf-jokes/?hl=joke A couple of my favs that aren't golf related. - What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A Stick - What do you call a fish with no eye's? Fshhhhhhhh - Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead iLikeGolf, Kwoodfield, Skipp and 4 others 6 1 Quote Driver: SLDR w/ Fujikura Ventus Black 3w: '16 M2 hl w/ Diamana D+ 82 5w: Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Yellow Hybrid: 22 deg. Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Black Irons: 5i - gap Launcher CBX w/ Nippon Modus 3 125 Wedges: 54 CBX & 58 Zipcore w/ Nippon Modus 3 125 Putter: Red 7s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HighFade Posted November 18, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted November 18, 2015 Did you hear about the guy with 5 legs? He walks a little funny, but his pants fit him like a glove. iLikeGolf, Golfspy_CG2, cksurfdude and 8 others 10 1 Quote There is no spoon. WITB TaylorMade M3 Callaway Diablo 15° Callaway Diablo 18° Callaway Steelhead XR Pro 4-W Mizuno TP-4 50, 54, 58 TaylorMade Rossa Monza Spyder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattF Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 All mine involve foul language so I'll refrain. Har in the Hat, BenjaminButtonz, Reesedw and 1 other 4 Quote In the bag: Driver: TSR2 Project X HZRDUS Black 5.5 Fairway: Apex UW 19° & 21° Project X HZRDUS Smoke RDX Black 5.5 Irons: JPX 923 HMP 5-PW UST Mamiya Recoil 95 F4 Wedges: T-22 Denim Copper 48°, 52° & 56° UST Mamiya Recoil 95 F4 Putter Sycamore 005 Wide Blade Bag: Alpha Convoy 514 Balls: Chrome Soft X Cart: CaddyLite ONE Ver. 8 God Bless America, God save the King, God defend New Zealand and thank Christ for Australia! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iLikeGolf Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Did you hear about the guy with 5 legs? He walks a little funny, but his pants fit him like a glove. You sir, just made my morning. That is fantastic lol. HighFade, BenjaminButtonz, Jdavis0910 and 5 others 8 Quote WIMB: Covert Driver set at 10.5 RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW 52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge 60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge Golfmate Putter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iLikeGolf Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a ditch? Phil What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean? Screwed JonathanWJones and Micah T 2 Quote WIMB: Covert Driver set at 10.5 RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW 52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge 60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge Golfmate Putter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iLikeGolf Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I really like this one. I'm a fan of anti-jokes. What do you call a deaf and blind dog? Doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway. sglj3, viking, mysterygolfguy and 3 others 5 1 Quote WIMB: Covert Driver set at 10.5 RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW 52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge 60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge Golfmate Putter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthGolfer Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 A Horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation. Keep the anti-jokes coming! iLikeGolf 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenny B Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 An Irishman walked out of a bar. [Hey! It could happen!] Brian A, fixyurdivot, fozcycle and 5 others 8 Quote “We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jmikecpa Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 An Irishman walked out of a bar. [Hey! It could happen!] I resemble that joke..... Brian A and cksurfdude 2 Quote WITB 2024 Qi10 LS 9* HZRDUS RDX Smoke Blue 60g 6.5 M5 15* Evenflow Black 75g 6.5 Sim Ti 22* HZRDUS Red 75g 6.5 Sim2 Rescue 22* Diamana Thump 100x X Forged CB 5 - PW MMT 105 TX Jaws Raw 50*, 54* & 58* TTDG "OG" Spinner Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34.75" Z Star Diamond Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iLikeGolf Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender. A duck walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What're you having?" The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck. Bigbear, viking and CamDeen 3 Quote WIMB: Covert Driver set at 10.5 RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW 52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge 60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge Golfmate Putter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcavoy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Q: What did the zen buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? A: Make me one...........with everything viking, grad2004cca, BenjaminButtonz and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NiftyNiblick Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Does my putting game count? JonathanWJones, viking, asingleton and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Kenny B Posted December 2, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted December 2, 2015 Very slow day today. It almost warmed up to freezing, but dropping to low 20's tonight. Thought I'd check out your posts, but not many people around tonight. Where is everyone?? Sooooo, Four engineers get in a car. The car won't start. The Mechanical Engineer says: "It's a broken starter." The Electrical Engineer says: "Dead battery." The Chemical Engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline." The IT Engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we all get out of the car and get back in." viking, Bags, Har in the Hat and 8 others 8 3 Quote “We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post NiftyNiblick Posted December 2, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted December 2, 2015 This is more of a true story than a joke, but people have thought it funny.My forty-two year old son never married, and my wife blames it on something that I told him when he was a kid.I said, "Son, no other woman will ever treat you the way your mother treats you. More likely, she'll treat you the way your mother treats me."Still, I wasn't lying. Bluegoose13, jaxbeachpackerfan, Canucklehead and 17 others 16 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post McaseyM Posted December 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted December 3, 2015 A husband and his pregnant wife are at a group doctor's appointment for women who are in their 1st and 2nd trimesters. Throughout the session, the doctor is dispensing advice about sleep, nutrition and taking care of themselves. Toward the end of the appointment, the doctor says says,"ladies, it's very important for you and your growing baby for you to be active. Don't just sit and rest, you need to get your blood pumping a little bit, not too much, but get up on your feet. In fact most women are most comfortable walking, and I'd recommend about 3 miles per day. Any questions? The husband raises his hand, "Would it too much of a strain if she carried my clubs too??" SuperDave, Golfspy_CG2, hckymeyer and 14 others 14 3 Quote What's in my bag: Driver : F9 10.5, Fujikura Speeder 757 TR Fairway F9 15.5° Aldila Rogue White 80X Hybrid: King F7 18° KBS Tour PROTO Hybrid 95 S+ Irons: z585 4i - 6i, z785 7i-PW, Nippon Modus 120X Wedges: CBX 50.11, 55.11, 60.10 TT DG S400 Black Putter: Honey Badger 34" Ball: Q-Star Tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dhuck Whooker Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 The Lions are leading the Packers 23-20 with 23 seconds left.... Mike Z and rem14916 2 Quote Respectfully,DHUCK WHOOKER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Kenny B Posted December 4, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted December 4, 2015 WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T DRINK The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up & cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, & I told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said,- "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said,-"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and f@rted. Skipp, Bluegoose13, Pharm Boy and 18 others 17 4 Quote “We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dhuck Whooker Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I really like this one. I'm a fan of anti-jokes. What do you call a deaf and blind dog? Doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway. Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can. Skipp, viking and iLikeGolf 2 1 Quote Respectfully,DHUCK WHOOKER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silver & black Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic suffering from dyslexia? A man that stays awake at night wondering if there is a dog. CFrazier, ddryan, gaussman1 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kor.A.Door Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 The Lions are leading the Packers 23-20 with 23 seconds left.... It was actually 23-21 Quote Lefties are always in their Right Mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dhuck Whooker Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 It was actually 23-21 Sorry, it was a bad night. Quote Respectfully,DHUCK WHOOKER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kor.A.Door Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 Sorry, it was a bad night. I agree, it was a bad night Quote Lefties are always in their Right Mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Z Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 The Lions are leading the Packers 23-20 with 23 seconds left.... And that turned-out to be a cruel, cruel joke. Quote WITB:Driver Ping Anser 8.5 deg Diamana 'ahina X3 Wood Adams LS Stock S or TM 14 deg MiniDriver stock SIrons Ben Hogan FW 15 KBS Tour V SWedges Ben Hogan TK 15 KBS Tour V SPutter Nike Method ConceptLaunch Monitor: SkyTrak Play Right-handed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthanSterlingPrice Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 University of Texas Football Kansas King 1 Quote Right Handed 4.5 handicap Driver: Nike Vapor Flex with Mitsubishi Rayon Fubuki ZT60x5ct S-flex shaft and stock grip. 3-Metal: Nike VRS 15 degree with Mitsubishi Rayon tour issue Diamana S73x5ct X-flex shaft and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grip. Irons: Ben Hogan PTx 22, 26, 30, 34, 38, 42, 46 degrees standard length and lie with KBS Tour-V stiff shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips. Wedges: Ben Hogan TK15 54, 58 degrees with KBS Tour-V X-flex shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips. Putter: Nike Method Converge B1|01 with Superstroke Flatso 2.0 grip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthanSterlingPrice Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 GIGEM AGGIES!!! Low Country Golfer 1 Quote Right Handed 4.5 handicap Driver: Nike Vapor Flex with Mitsubishi Rayon Fubuki ZT60x5ct S-flex shaft and stock grip. 3-Metal: Nike VRS 15 degree with Mitsubishi Rayon tour issue Diamana S73x5ct X-flex shaft and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grip. Irons: Ben Hogan PTx 22, 26, 30, 34, 38, 42, 46 degrees standard length and lie with KBS Tour-V stiff shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips. Wedges: Ben Hogan TK15 54, 58 degrees with KBS Tour-V X-flex shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips. Putter: Nike Method Converge B1|01 with Superstroke Flatso 2.0 grip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hckymeyer Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 A husband and wife both love to golf, but are not playing very well and decide to take private lessons with the local pro. The husband goes to his lesson first and takes a swing. The pro watches and says "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way to hard!" The man asks "What can I do?" The pro replies "Hold the club gently, like you would your wife's breast" The mans hits another one and BOOM, it flies 250yds right down the middle. The man then goes back to his wife and talks about how great the lesson was and how well he's hitting the ball now. The wife can't wait for her lesson and goes the next day. She takes a swing in front of the pro and he says "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way to hard!" "What can I do?" the wife asks. "Hold the club gently" he replied "Just like you would your husbands penis" She lines up and takes another shot. THUMP, right down the middle....15 feet. The pro yells at her "Take that club out of your mouth and hit it like you're supposed to!" viking, HighFade, Eagle12# and 4 others 7 Quote Driver: SLDR w/ Fujikura Ventus Black 3w: '16 M2 hl w/ Diamana D+ 82 5w: Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Yellow Hybrid: 22 deg. Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Black Irons: 5i - gap Launcher CBX w/ Nippon Modus 3 125 Wedges: 54 CBX & 58 Zipcore w/ Nippon Modus 3 125 Putter: Red 7s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxbeachpackerfan Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 This is Doug's joke, but it works every time with the new cart girls. Doug: "Oh, did you hear about the actress that was stabbed last night?" Cart girl: "OMG, no! Who?" Doug: "It was Reese, um, um, Reese, um..." Cart girl: "Witherspoon?" Doug: "Actually, no. With a knife." Drum roll ddryan and viking 2 Quote Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.In my Ogio Ozone XX Cart Stand Bag:Ping G400 10.5 Deg Driver, stock Stiff shaftTM Rocketballz 19 Deg 5 Wood, stock Matrix Osik Stiff shaftTM Rocketballz Stage 2 21 Deg Tour 4 Hybrid, Rocketfuel 80h Stiff shaft Callaway Apex CF 16 Irons, 4-P, Stiff Shafts Scor 48 and 55 degree wedges. Renegar 60 Deg Steel Shaft Lob WedgeTM Ghost Spider Si 38" Counterbalanced Putter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DawgDaddy Posted December 8, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted December 8, 2016 Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terriblythis morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."Immediately, the husband drove down town to confront the chemist, and demand an apology.Before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him,"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarmfailed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.""Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, whenI was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire." "When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing."He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cashregister drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. Ihad to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.""Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finallygot back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.""And believe me Mr., as God is my witness, all I did was tell her." jahren01, rem14916, cksurfdude and 7 others 9 1 Quote Driver - Rogue ST Max Woods - Rogue ST MaxRogue ST Max 3, 5 & 7 Wooda Irons - Rogue ST MAX OS 5 - AW Wedges - Zipcore RTX 6 50° CBX2 54* & 58* Putter - ER2 Rangefinder - NX9 Slope Ball - Vice Pro Soft Drip Bag - Xtreme Cart 7.0 Bag Heather/Red/White Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DawgDaddy Posted December 9, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2016 A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor! The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells: "You stay out of this! ......I'm talking to that little %$^& on your lap." cksurfdude, viking, downlowkey and 7 others 9 1 Quote Driver - Rogue ST Max Woods - Rogue ST MaxRogue ST Max 3, 5 & 7 Wooda Irons - Rogue ST MAX OS 5 - AW Wedges - Zipcore RTX 6 50° CBX2 54* & 58* Putter - ER2 Rangefinder - NX9 Slope Ball - Vice Pro Soft Drip Bag - Xtreme Cart 7.0 Bag Heather/Red/White Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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