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Whats your best joke?


DarthGolfer

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Did you get the shirt? Might be too late to add it to my Christmas list.

Yep! A gift from some old friends and their kids :-)

 

(They know me very well!)

  • Like 1

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..Callaway Epic Speed 4W (Project X Cypher)
..Tour Edge Exotics EXS 7W (Tensei CK Blue)
..Callaway Super Hybrid 23 (PX Catalyst) and Big Bertha 19 5H (Recoil ZTR)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT) 
..Cleveland CBX2 54 and CBX 60 (both Rotex graphite)
..Evnroll ER5 (33", 385g, P2 Reflex Tour)
..all in a Datrek bag on a Bag Boy Quad XL push an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator

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Not sure if this belongs in the joke thread or Christmas present thread - you can decide [emoji41]

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvT_gqs5ETk

  • Like 3

Left Hand orientation

:ping-small: G410 SFT driver 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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Not sure if this belongs in the joke thread or Christmas present thread - you can decide B)

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvT_gqs5ETk

Hilarious!!! Good find!

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..Callaway Epic Speed 4W (Project X Cypher)
..Tour Edge Exotics EXS 7W (Tensei CK Blue)
..Callaway Super Hybrid 23 (PX Catalyst) and Big Bertha 19 5H (Recoil ZTR)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT) 
..Cleveland CBX2 54 and CBX 60 (both Rotex graphite)
..Evnroll ER5 (33", 385g, P2 Reflex Tour)
..all in a Datrek bag on a Bag Boy Quad XL push an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator

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Skeleton walks up to a bar, orders a beer and a mop...

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 1

Right Handed

4.5 handicap

Driver: Nike Vapor Flex with Mitsubishi Rayon Fubuki ZT60x5ct S-flex shaft and stock grip.

3-Metal: Nike VRS 15 degree with Mitsubishi Rayon tour issue Diamana S73x5ct X-flex shaft and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grip.

Irons: Ben Hogan PTx 22, 26, 30, 34, 38, 42, 46 degrees standard length and lie with KBS Tour-V stiff shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Wedges: Ben Hogan TK15 54, 58 degrees with KBS Tour-V X-flex shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Putter: Nike Method Converge B1|01 with Superstroke Flatso 2.0 grip.

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There was a senior group that walked the mall before the stores opened.  A couple of ladies noticed an old gentleman sitting in the middle of the mall and his genitals were exposed.  One lady said to the other, I wonder if that old coot knows he is exposed.  They agreed to tell him when they returned to his location.  At such time, they said to him, sir, did you know that your genitals are exposed.  He replied:  yes, I know, it died yesterday and today is the viewing.

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Went to a zoo the other day and the only animal they had was one dog.

 

 

It was a Shih Tzu

 

B)

[emoji33]

 

 

Sent from my iPad using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 1

Left Hand orientation

:ping-small: G410 SFT driver 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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Slow Clap ::

[emoji122]

[emoji122]

[emoji122]

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 1

In my ATumSBM.jpg Pisa, riding on a hXf3ptG.jpg 3.5+

:ping-small: G410+
:755178188_TourEdge: EXS 5W
:cobra-small: King F7 Hy

:ping-small: i500 5-GW
wxW5hk4.jpg Equalizer 56/60
:ping-small: Heppler Ketsch

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  • 2 weeks later...

OK, it's New Year's Day and here's a new one to start off the year.

 

 

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

 

80% held up their hands.

 

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

            

"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf.  It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

 

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

 

"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

 

"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

 

"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

 

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,  "I outlived all the Sons of @#s."

  • Like 4

We don’t stop playing the game because we get old; we get old because we stop playing the game.”

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Stress!

 

 

You pick up a hitchhiker...

A young, sexy, beautiful girl.

Suddenly, she faints inside your truck and

you take her to the hospital.

 

Now that's stressful.

 

 

 

But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and

congratulate you that you're going to be a father.

You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.

This is getting very stressful!

 

 

You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.

 

 

After the tests are completed,

The doctor says the test shows you're infertile,

And probably have been since birth.

You're extremely stressed but relieved.

 

 

 

On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home...

 

 

Now that's stress!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 5

Left Hand orientation

:ping-small: G410 SFT driver 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

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It's not a Golf joke, but my 9 year old came up with this joke 7 years ago.

 

Why didn't the Pirate go to the movies?

 

Because, he pooped his pants

 

It was just the way she told it too, she forgot the punchline and ad libbed the last part

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 4

Titleist 917D2 10.5

Ben Hogan GS53 3 Wood

Cobra Fly-Z Hybrid 18.5

Titleist 816 H1 23

PING G30 5-PW

Cleveland RTX 3.0 50/10 V-MG

Cleveland RTX 3.0 54/14  V-FG

Cleveland RTX 3.0 58/12 V -FG

EVNROLL ER-3

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  • 2 weeks later...

Happy Madison redux

 

If you're a fan of the original .. and laughed during the scene where Happy throws down with Bob Barker .. then watch....

 

https://business.facebook.com/ItsCjBobbleton/videos/1295105107209711/?platform=hootsuite

  • Like 1

WITB of an "aspiring"  😉 play-ah ...
..Callaway Epic Speed 4W (Project X Cypher)
..Tour Edge Exotics EXS 7W (Tensei CK Blue)
..Callaway Super Hybrid 23 (PX Catalyst) and Big Bertha 19 5H (Recoil ZTR)
..PXG 0211 6i-GW (Mitsubishi MMT) 
..Cleveland CBX2 54 and CBX 60 (both Rotex graphite)
..Evnroll ER5 (33", 385g, P2 Reflex Tour)
..all in a Datrek bag on a Bag Boy Quad XL push an MGI Zip Navigator electric cart.

Forum Member tester for the ExPutt Putting Simulator

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man is trying to cross the border on a bicycle with two bags containing sand.

 

Guy gets to the border, border agent says, “We have to check to see if your smuggling anything”. Agents open the bags, full of sand and let the guy cross.

 

The guy shows up every day that week, on a bicycle with two bags of sand. Each day the agents open up the bags and find sand.

 

At the end of the week, one of the agents is on break in a cafe, sees the same guy on a bicycle with the bags of sand.

 

The agent stops and confronts the guy. “Hey mister, I've been watching you all week, crossing the border and I know your smuggling something, i won't tell a soul, it's been driving me crazy, what are you smuggling”?

 

The guy says, “Bicycles”.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 7

WITB 2021
Driver: Cleveland Launcher HB Turbo 9* w/ C.Kua Stiff

FW: Cleveland Launcher HB Turbo 15* w/ C.Kua Stiff

HY: Cleveland Launcher Halo 19* w/ C.Kua Stiff 

Irons: Titleist 716 AP1 4-PW w/ KBS 90 Stiff

Wedges: Cleveland RTX 2.0 50*, 54*,60*

Putter: Never Compromise MIlled #4 OR Huntington Beach #2

Ball: :titelist-small: ProV1/V1x OR TP5 

Bag: Sun Mountain 2019 4.5 14way carry

Clothes: Nike OR Under Armour 

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Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

 

Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly

this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

 

Immediately, the husband drove down town to confront the chemist, and demand an apology.

 

Before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him,

"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm

failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast

and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."

 

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when

I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

 

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing."

 

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash

register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I

had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

 

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally

got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer."

 

"And believe me Mr., as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

very good lol

 

 

Bags

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A guy goes to a popular street corner and finds a prostitute known in the area.   He asks her, what do you charge for a hand job.  She responds--$20, would you like one.   He say--no, I'm just trying to figure out how much money I'm saving by doing it for myself.

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A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male dog separated. But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

 

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. 

 

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

 

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

 

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.

 

I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

 

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

 

"Just worked on me," he replied.

  • Like 8

Driver -  :callaway-small:  Epic Flash with Mitsubishi C6 Red 50 R-flex  shaft
Woods - :callaway-small:   Mavrik 3 Wood & Epic Flash  Heavenwood
Hybrid - :callaway-small:   Epic Flash 4H
Irons - :callaway-small:   Rogue X 5 - AW
Wedges -  :cleveland-small:  CBX2 54* & 58*
Putter -   :EVNROLL: ER2
Rangefinder - Bushnell Pro XE
Ball - :Snell: MTB-X

Bag -  2020 Bag Boy Chiller Cart Bag

 

 

 

 

 

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I just came across this post. As a whole, it's pure gold and totally worth a look. Lots of great jokes (mostly clean) but fair warning it's mixed with a bit of NSFW material as well.

 

 

Therefore here's the link for you brave ones to check out:

https://imgur.com/gallery/b0JWF

 

Should only take about 5 minutes to read through.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 2

In my ATumSBM.jpg Pisa, riding on a hXf3ptG.jpg 3.5+

:ping-small: G410+
:755178188_TourEdge: EXS 5W
:cobra-small: King F7 Hy

:ping-small: i500 5-GW
wxW5hk4.jpg Equalizer 56/60
:ping-small: Heppler Ketsch

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  • 2 weeks later...

I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they're flashing behind you.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using MyGolfSpy

  • Like 9

Left Hand orientation

:ping-small: G410 SFT driver 

Cobra King F-9  5 wood
:ping-small:  410  Hybrids 22*, 26*

Cobra Speed Zone 6-GP/Recoil ESX 460 F3 Shafts 

:titelist-small: SM7 54* Wedge

:ping-small: Glide 3.0  60* Wedge

:odyssey-small: O Works putter
:918457628_PrecisionPro:NX9-HD

:CaddyTek: - 4 Wheel 
:footjoy-small: - too many shoes to list and so many to buy

:1590477705_SunMountain: And  BAG Boy

Golf Balls: Snell MTB-X 

2020 Official Tester :SuperSpeed: Beginning Driver Speed  - 78

2019 Official Tester :ping-small:  410 Driver

2018 Official Tester :wilson-small: C300

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they're flashing behind you.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using MyGolfSpy

From personal experience, I suggest that when a female officers pulls you over and she asks - do you know why I pulled you - its not a good idea to say - Sorry, but I'm married.   

 

If I may quote Skynyrd:  I'm just red, white and blue.   My neck is still red, my hair (what's left of it) is turning white, and my collar is still blue.

  • Like 3
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