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Whats your best joke?


DarthGolfer

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This thread was just golf jokes, but some pretty good ones in there...

 

http://forum.mygolfspy.com/topic/13045-best-golf-jokes/?hl=joke

 

A couple of my favs that aren't golf related.

 

- What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?  A Stick

 

- What do you call a fish with no eye's?  Fshhhhhhhh

 

- Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?  He was dead

Driver: :taylormade-small: SLDR w/ Fujikura Ventus Black

3w: :taylormade-small:'16 M2 hl w/ Diamana D+ 82

5w: :cleveland-small: Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Yellow

Hybrid: :cleveland-small: 22 deg. Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Black

Irons: :cleveland-small: 5i - gap Launcher CBX w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Wedges: :cleveland-small: 54 CBX & 58 Zipcore w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Putter: :odyssey-small: Red 7s

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All mine involve foul language so I'll refrain.

In the bag:
Driver: :titelist-small: TSR2 Project X HZRDUS Black 5.5
Fairway: :callaway-small: Apex UW 19° & 21° Project X HZRDUS Smoke RDX Black 5.5

Irons: :mizuno-small: JPX 923 HMP 5-PW UST Mamiya Recoil 95 F4
Wedges: :mizuno-small: T-22 Denim Copper 48°, 52° & 56° UST Mamiya Recoil 95 F4
Putter :Sub70: Sycamore 005 Wide Blade
Bag: 
:Ogio: Alpha Convoy 514
Balls: :callaway-small: Chrome Soft X

Cart: :CaddyTek: CaddyLite ONE Ver. 8


God Bless America🇺🇸, God save the King🇬🇧, God defend New Zealand🇳🇿 and thank Christ for Australia🇦🇺!

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Did you hear about the guy with 5 legs?

 

He walks a little funny, but his pants fit him like a glove.

You sir, just made my morning. That is fantastic lol.

WIMB:

:nike-small: Covert Driver set at 10.5

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid

:nike-small: Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW

52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge

60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge

Golfmate Putter

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?

 

Matt

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a ditch?

 

Phil

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?

 

Screwed

WIMB:

:nike-small: Covert Driver set at 10.5

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid

:nike-small: Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW

52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge

60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge

Golfmate Putter

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I really like this one. I'm a fan of anti-jokes.

 

What do you call a deaf and blind dog? Doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway.

WIMB:

:nike-small: Covert Driver set at 10.5

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid

:nike-small: Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW

52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge

60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge

Golfmate Putter

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An Irishman walked out of a bar.   [Hey!  It could happen!]

I resemble that joke.....

WITB 2024

   Qi10 LS 9* HZRDUS RDX Smoke Blue 60g 6.5

   M5 15* Evenflow Black 75g 6.5

   Sim Ti 22* HZRDUS Red 75g 6.5

   Sim2 Rescue 22* Diamana Thump 100x

   X Forged CB 5 - PW MMT 105 TX 

   Jaws Raw 50*, 54* & 58* TTDG "OG" Spinner

   Toulon Madison BGT Fire 34.75"

   Z Star Diamond

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Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was a registered six offender.

 

A duck walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What're you having?"

 

The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck.

WIMB:

:nike-small: Covert Driver set at 10.5

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 15 Degree 3 wood

:taylormade-small: RBZ Stage 2 19 Degree Hybrid

:nike-small: Cover 2.0 Irons 4-PW, AW

52 Degree Shakespeare Wedge

60 Degree Giga Golf Wedge

Golfmate Putter

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Lions are leading the Packers 23-20 with 23 seconds left.... :blink:

And that turned-out to be a cruel, cruel joke.

WITB:
Driver Ping Anser 8.5 deg Diamana 'ahina X
3 Wood Adams LS Stock S or TM 14 deg MiniDriver stock S
Irons Ben Hogan FW 15 KBS Tour V S
Wedges Ben Hogan TK 15 KBS Tour V S
Putter Nike Method Concept
Launch Monitor: SkyTrak

 

Play Right-handed

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University of Texas Football

Right Handed

4.5 handicap

Driver: Nike Vapor Flex with Mitsubishi Rayon Fubuki ZT60x5ct S-flex shaft and stock grip.

3-Metal: Nike VRS 15 degree with Mitsubishi Rayon tour issue Diamana S73x5ct X-flex shaft and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grip.

Irons: Ben Hogan PTx 22, 26, 30, 34, 38, 42, 46 degrees standard length and lie with KBS Tour-V stiff shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Wedges: Ben Hogan TK15 54, 58 degrees with KBS Tour-V X-flex shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Putter: Nike Method Converge B1|01 with Superstroke Flatso 2.0 grip.

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GIGEM AGGIES!!!

Right Handed

4.5 handicap

Driver: Nike Vapor Flex with Mitsubishi Rayon Fubuki ZT60x5ct S-flex shaft and stock grip.

3-Metal: Nike VRS 15 degree with Mitsubishi Rayon tour issue Diamana S73x5ct X-flex shaft and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grip.

Irons: Ben Hogan PTx 22, 26, 30, 34, 38, 42, 46 degrees standard length and lie with KBS Tour-V stiff shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Wedges: Ben Hogan TK15 54, 58 degrees with KBS Tour-V X-flex shafts and GolfPride MCC midsize Black/White grips.

Putter: Nike Method Converge B1|01 with Superstroke Flatso 2.0 grip.

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  • 2 weeks later...

A husband and wife both love to golf, but are not playing very well and decide to take private lessons with the local pro.

 

The husband goes to his lesson first and takes a swing.  The pro watches and says "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way to hard!"

 

The man asks  "What can I do?"

 

The pro replies "Hold the club gently, like you would your wife's breast"

 

The mans hits another one and BOOM, it flies 250yds right down the middle.

 

The man then goes back to his wife and talks about how great the lesson was and how well he's hitting the ball now.  The wife can't wait for her lesson and goes the next day.

 

She takes a swing in front of the pro and he says "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way to hard!"

 

"What can I do?" the wife asks.

 

"Hold the club gently" he replied "Just like you would your husbands penis"

 

She lines up and takes another shot.  THUMP, right down the middle....15 feet.

 

The pro yells at her "Take that club out of your mouth and hit it like you're supposed to!"

Driver: :taylormade-small: SLDR w/ Fujikura Ventus Black

3w: :taylormade-small:'16 M2 hl w/ Diamana D+ 82

5w: :cleveland-small: Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Yellow

Hybrid: :cleveland-small: 22 deg. Launcher HB w/ HZRDUS Black

Irons: :cleveland-small: 5i - gap Launcher CBX w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Wedges: :cleveland-small: 54 CBX & 58 Zipcore w/ Nippon Modus 3 125

Putter: :odyssey-small: Red 7s

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This is Doug's joke, but it works every time with the new cart girls.

 

Doug:

 

"Oh, did you hear about the actress that was stabbed last night?"

 

Cart girl:

 

"OMG, no!  Who?"

 

Doug:

 

"It was Reese, um, um, Reese, um..."

 

Cart girl:

 

"Witherspoon?"

 

Doug:

 

"Actually, no.  With a knife."

 

Drum roll

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

In my Ogio Ozone XX Cart Stand Bag:

Ping G400 10.5 Deg Driver, stock Stiff shaft
TM Rocketballz 19 Deg 5 Wood, stock Matrix Osik Stiff shaft
TM Rocketballz Stage 2 21 Deg Tour 4 Hybrid, Rocketfuel 80h Stiff shaft 

Callaway Apex CF 16 Irons, 4-P, Stiff Shafts
 
Scor 48 and 55 degree wedges.  
Renegar 60 Deg Steel Shaft Lob Wedge

TM Ghost Spider Si 38" Counterbalanced Putter

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  • 11 months later...

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