A theology of the golf gods

[GolfSpy MPR]

As a pastor, good theology is really important to me.

 

But the golf course is a bit of an exception. While my confession says that I believe in one true God, I also kinda believe in the golf gods. (Don't tell my congregation.)

 

So I thought it would be good here to compile the doctrine of the golf gods. What are things that we know about them?

 

With any luck, we'll have some substantive disagreements about the doctrine of the golf gods, forcing us to form golf denominations :-)

 

I'll start.

 

1. The most fundamental truth of the golf gods is this: they will always punish hubris. Any comment about having solved this game, or any aspect of this game, will be punished, often severely. There are lots of subpoints to this point, but this is foundational.

 

2. The golf gods will always permit the golfer having an abysmal round one fantastic shot. This keeps golfers coming back, allowing the golf gods to torment them more later.

 

OK, add yours! What do know about the golf gods and their activities?

[palvord]

The golf gods will ensure that the course will equally be vindictive and forgiving commensurate with the treatment and respect given to the course.

 

 

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[tony@CIC]

The golf gods will always provide a magnetic force that will attract your NEW golf ball to the water hazard.

 

 

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[GolfSpy MPR]

The golf gods will always provide a magnetic force that will always attract your NEW golf ball to the water hazard.

 

 

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While a Rock Flite is virtually impossible to lose.

 

Which creates a paradox: if you can't lose a Rock Flite, how are the woods full of them? :-)

[cksurfdude]

Hah! Both of those are unquestionably "the most fundamental truth(s)"!

 

Kinda the flip side of hubris ... I believe the golf gods also desire us to continuously question our own self-worth and the right to even occupy a space on a golf course. They seem to thrive on the inner conflict and turmoil of we puny humans.

[STUDque]

Much like the commandment:

Thou shalt not covet

 

 

Anytime you start heavily searching for a new club, the current one in your bag will start hitting perfect shots....until you stop searching.

 

 

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[Shankster]

The gave us guys like this guy to content with.

 

 

Also, hitting the flagstick and bounding off the green?

 

Or losing a ball in the middle of the freaking fairway? Haha

 

Getting a hole in one with a witness that was “too young”... really?

 

The list on this thread could be long.

[JTexGolfer]

As a pastor, good theology is really important to me.

 

But the golf course is a bit of an exception. While my confession says that I believe in one true God, I also kinda believe in the golf gods. (Don't tell my congregation.)

 

So I thought it would be good here to compile the doctrine of the golf gods. What are things that we know about them?

 

With any luck, we'll have some substantive disagreements about the doctrine of the golf gods, forcing us to form golf denominations :-)

 

I'll start.

 

1. The most fundamental truth of the golf gods is this: they will always punish hubris. Any comment about having solved this game, or any aspect of this game, will be punished, often severely. There are lots of subpoints to this point, but this is foundational.

 

2. The golf gods will always permit the golfer having an abysmal round one fantastic shot. This keeps golfers coming back, allowing the golf gods to torment them more later.

 

OK, add yours! What do know about the golf gods and their activities?

Love this thread and even more so since a pastor started it! (Born again believer here but the golf gods are hard to deny)

 

The golf gods have a sick, demented sense of “humor”. Your all time best shots are often during your all time worst rounds.

[ole gray]

Just when you think you have golf figured out, the golf gods will throw a case of shanks on ya.  Those always bring you back down to earth. 

[Shankster]

Just when you think you have golf figured out, the golf gods will throw a case of shanks on ya. Those always bring you back down to earth.

Every day OG. Every day I have to write that word down.

[ole gray]

Every day OG. Every day I have to write that word down.

 

And that is why you are the Shankster 

[bens197]

As an atheist, I've really never bought into the golf gods theory but to each their own

 

 

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[GolfSpy MPR]

Love this thread and even more so since a pastor started it! (Born again believer here but the golf gods are hard to deny)

 

The golf gods have a sick, demented sense of “humor”. Your all time best shots are often during your all time worst rounds.

This is precisely what compelled me to start this thread. Over in the "shot of the day" thread, I wrote about the hole out I had today from 140, in the midst of a round when I could barely hit the ball at all.

 

https://forum.mygolfspy.com/index.php?/topic/21462-What-was-your-“Shot-of-the-Day”?#entry428049

[alfriday101]

Golf: the ultimate concern.  

[kingcscott]

The golf gods will ensure that the course will equally be vindictive and forgiving commensurate with the treatment and respect given to the course.

 

 

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unless setup by the USGA.

 

Too early?

 

 

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[kingcscott]

Just when you think you have golf figured out, the golf gods will throw a case of shanks on ya. Those always bring you back down to earth.

i think a case of the thins is just before the shanks for me. Oh Gods how I hate a thin bullet.

 

 

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[Peaksy68]

As a pastor, good theology is really important to me.

 

But the golf course is a bit of an exception. While my confession says that I believe in one true God, I also kinda believe in the golf gods. (Don't tell my congregation.)

 

So I thought it would be good here to compile the doctrine of the golf gods. What are things that we know about them?

 

With any luck, we'll have some substantive disagreements about the doctrine of the golf gods, forcing us to form golf denominations :-)

 

I'll start.

 

1. The most fundamental truth of the golf gods is this: they will always punish hubris. Any comment about having solved this game, or any aspect of this game, will be punished, often severely. There are lots of subpoints to this point, but this is foundational.

 

2. The golf gods will always permit the golfer having an abysmal round one fantastic shot. This keeps golfers coming back, allowing the golf gods to torment them more later.

 

OK, add yours! What do know about the golf gods and their activities?

 

With the timing of this thread, relative to the G700 Review announcement you must be on good terms with both of the above mentioned God's! 

 

Number 2 is almost an absolute truth.

 

The golf Gods allow an amazing piece of luck (eg. bounce off a bunker rake handle to 3 feet) only when you are no chance of winning.

[revkev]

Golf: the ultimate concern.

Charles Ives, a turn of the century insurance salesman and church organist, wrote a remarkable piece of music called the Unanswered Question.

 

It calls for a trumpet to sneak up into the upper reaches of the Hall and then state the question with a beautiful sound in different keys each time. The answer is stated by groups of instruments playing in dissonant Keys.

 

Those are the golf gods.

 

 

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[Charli]

Laughing at your buddies chunked iron shot or horrible drive... usually the golf gods get their revenge

[ole gray]

i think a case of the thins is just before the shanks for me. Oh Gods how I hate a thin bullet.

 

 

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Me too buddy, me too.     I'm having some hip pain these days and it affects my staying steady over the ball.  When the pain shoots up my hip I raise up quicker than a skinny hound in a ham bone eating contest. 

[Brian A]

When you're playing partner is ball scrounger and picks up every ball he sees, (even though you try to stop him) inevitably someone steals your ball instead of his. 

 

The "members bounce"  Two people can hit the same spot, the first one always gets the good bounce.

 

If you play a new ball off the first tee, it will shank in to somewhere lost.

 

The best shot is the one you stop watching

[PlaidJacket]

Why is it after buying new custom fit clubs do the golf Gods go and ruin them?

[tony@CIC]

The golf gods proclamation: You will whiff the ball off of the 1st tee only when there are two foursomes waiting behind you. 

[GolfJunkie302]

The golf gods deceive you into playing the tips only to allow you to chunk it in front of everyone and proceed to shoot well over 100.

 

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[HardcoreLooper]

All provisional balls are stripe shows.

 

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[GolfJunkie302]

All provisional balls are stripe shows.

 

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This is so true!

 

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[GolfSpy MPR]

The golf gods deceive you into playing the tips only to allow you to chunk it in front of everyone and proceed to shoot well over 100.

 

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Related: if you wait for the green to clear, you'll chunk the ensuing shot. If you don't, you'll hit the shot of your life into the group ahead of you.

[silver & black]

No good round shall ever be followed by another good round.

[GolfSpy MPR]

Now, here's the broader question, based on the responses so far: are the golf gods actively malicious, inflicting pain for their own enjoyment? Or are they moderately benevolent, teaching us character through hardship?

[GolfJunkie302]

Related: if you wait for the green to clear, you'll chunk the ensuing shot. If you don't, you'll hit the shot of your life into the group ahead of you.

Yes, yes, yes, this happens every time!

 

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